Should I be married to two women?

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May 21, 2018
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#1
Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this. I signed up for this forum hoping to get some unbiased, biblical Christian advice on a really odd situation that I'm faced with.

When I was 22 I got married to a wonderful Christian woman. We were married for 5 years, and she and her friends took a trip to a country in central Asia (this was in 2011). A few days into her trip I stopped hearing from her, and no one had heard from her friends either. Long story short, they just kind of disappeared, the foreign country's government couldn't find her, and she was legally declared dead (I was shown her US-issued death certificate).

5 years later (2015) I got married to another great Christian woman. We've been married almost 3 years now and are getting along well.

So now the difficult situation; my first wife has come back. Apparently she and her friends were being held by the government of that central Asian country, suspected of being spies. They recently released her, she made it back home, and I was amazed and so happy to see her again.

Right now we (me, my wife, and...my wife?) are talking about having a three-person marriage. We just sort of mentioned it, at this point we haven't really settled on anything.

So my question is this; would it be biblically acceptable for me to be married to both of them? And if not, which one takes precedence? I truly do love them both, but I need to be right with God first and foremost.
I'm feeling very conflicted, as I made a lifelong vow to both of them. Advice/insight would be very much appreciated.

Tl;Dr My first wife disappeared and was declared dead, years later I remarried, now my first wife has come back.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,860
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#3
Hmmmm...

Well, bigamy is illegal, so you can't be married to both of them at the same time. This is a sticky situation, but since wife 1 was declared legally dead, your marriage to her is not still valid. I would talk to her at length about it all and come to some sort of conclusion between you..
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#4
You'd be much better off asking mormons about this...

I can already sum up all the answers you're going to get here in one word....

 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,247
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#5
Bigamy in the United States has been illegal since the mid-1800s (both in federal and all state/territory laws). There is no possible way to be considered legally married to more than one spouse while being a resident or citizen of the USA, under American law.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
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#6
I could be wrong, but if this is a real situation, your first wife was declared dead, which would legally end the marriage, meaning, you are no longer married to her and she is no longer your wife.

Your commitment is now toward your second wife, and your former wife, tragic as it is, will have to find a life (and husband) of her own.

And I do have to say--I've heard some... interesting tales that try to justify polygamy before, but this one truly takes the cake.

*SS tips her hat to ScottOfftheLine.*
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
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#8
Have them fight for you. The winner will be worthy of your essence. The loser shall be shunned.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
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#9
I'm curious though.

Does government authority make a marriage, or does God's authority make a marriage?

All arguments to him not being able to do this, point to earthly laws. We do know God has allowed polygamy in certain situations. I wonder if these circumstances presented by the OP, would allow for it. I know the situation is fake, but it is a good what if.

I think blue ladybug needs to have this moved to the BDF.
 
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NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
2,916
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#10
"Tryin' to love two women
Is like a ball and chain
Tryin' to love two women
Is like a ball and chain
Sometimes the pleasure ain't worth the strain
It's a long old grind
And it tires your mind".

-Oak Ridge Boys

:D
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
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#11
This is true. Sometimes even trolls can post good questions. It will be quite interesting to see how this plays out.
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
2,916
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#12
I'm curious though.

Does government authority make a marriage, or does God's authority make a marriage?

All arguments to him not being able to do this, point to earthly laws. We do know God has allowed polygamy in certain situations. I wonder if these circumstances presented by the OP, would allow for it. I know the situation is fake, but it is a good what if.

I think blue ladybug needs to have this moved to the BDF.
Hmmmm, would be interesting...........
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,247
25,714
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#13
I'm curious though.

Does government authority make a marriage, or does God's authority make a marriage?

All arguments to him not being able to do this, point to earthly laws. We do know God has allowed polygamy in certain situations. I wonder if these circumstances presented by the OP, would allow for it. I know the situation is fake, but it is a good what if.
Christians are to follow the laws of the land. The laws of the land forbid polygamy.
 

craigb9876

Junior Member
Sep 4, 2016
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#14
Well i have to disagree with some people in here marrige is a spiritual matter so just be cause the goverment cannot decide who you are married to. But as you can see im the bible many holy men were married to multiple women so it is perfectly fine.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,247
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#15
We do know God has allowed polygamy in certain situations.
Abraham took Hagar to wife in order to bear a child (Ishmael, the forefather of Islam) and look how that turned out :rolleyes:
 
May 21, 2018
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#16
I'm curious though.

Does government authority make a marriage, or does God's authority make a marriage?

All arguments to him not being able to do this, point to earthly laws. We do know God has allowed polygamy in certain situations. I wonder if these circumstances presented by the OP, would allow for it. I know the situation is fake, but it is a good what if.

I think blue ladybug needs to have this moved to the BDF.
Thanks Tommy, this was my thought on it as well. Of course legally I am married to Becca but I am more concerned with the spiritual implications.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
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#17
Christians are to follow the laws of the land. The laws of the land forbid polygamy.
You know that's one supreme court ruling away from changing too, so I like the what if. I have no real good knowledge of the subject. I have heard Alabama is going to stop licensing of marriages, so he may want to investigate living there. Virginia just got rid of it's lewd and lascivious cohabitation law, so he may be able to get away with it here.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,860
9,579
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#18
That was in olden times. Today we have to abide by the laws of our governments.. It is NOT "perfectly fine" to be married to multiple women at once..


Well i have to disagree with some people in here marrige is a spiritual matter so just be cause the goverment cannot decide who you are married to. But as you can see im the bible many holy men were married to multiple women so it is perfectly fine.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,247
25,714
113
#19
Well i have yo disagree with some people in here marrige is a spiritual matter so just be cause the goverment cannot decide who you are married to. But as you can see im the bible many holy men were married to multiple women so it is perfectly fine.
God told the wisest man in the world not to marry the women he did, but did he listen? Nooooooo, and what happened? Exactly what God had said would happen: Solomon turned from God, and became an idolater.

He shall not multiply wives for himself, or else his heart will turn
away; nor shall he greatly increase silver and gold for himself.
 

Ezekiel8

Senior Member
Oct 26, 2017
403
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#20
Wow this is quite an interesting situation really just from an intellectual and moral point of view. Biblically I would say yes, you could be married to both and it would not be a sin due to these extraordinary circumstances. However the problem here is of the Law of the Land which is that you may not be married to multiple people. Now your first wife was declared dead, but does this mean your marriage to her is in fact voided in the eyes of God? Well no, for marriage is a bond unto death, real death that is. So then one must ask; is your second marriage therefore invalidated by reason that your bond of marriage to your first wife is still in place? I would have to say no to this as well for you did not put away your wife, but you rather had a legitimate cause to believe your first wife had passed away. I would conclude then that you should ask the wives to be honest and let them decide. If one of the wives wishes to depart then let her depart, but if both wish to remain with you then let that be so and do not prefer one above the other.