R
All of us has those days where you tend to ask "Why me Lord?". Well I had one of those days yesterday. We all our trials and tribulations that we go through. I've went through some too, one in particular that's left it's scar in more ways than one. It's like that quote "Some days we beat the past, some days it beats us". I have anxiety disorder and panic attacks from one of those scars. I can't even begin to explain what its like. I've noticed they come on usually whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed and have a lot on me. My car was dropped off at the dealership yesterday so we were going to go and pick it up that afternoon. So as we got in the car I was feeling a little anxious but I was just going to make myself do it because sometimes that's just what you've got to do. We have a stop sign at the end of our road. My mother, father and grandmother were riding along with me. When I came to the stop sign. I just knew I was about to have a panic attack. I don't know what triggers them, all I know is they are horrible. So when I pulled the car to a stop I just said "Yall I don't know if I can do this today" My Daddy looked to the front seat and saw my face and he said "Just roll the window down and take deep breathes" And so I did but I couldn't help the feeling of overwhelming fear that comes on. And I just started losing my breath and I put my face in my hands and started to sob and I said "I can't do this, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" and I just cried and sobbed. I couldn't help it. I just was terrified of going into town and I knew it was going to be crowded with traffic, what if something happened, or someone hurt me and I just felt trapped. And I knew that they had errands to run and it was an inconvenience to everyone (they would never say that though). And I had to turn around and go back home. I cried and prayed over and over. "Lord please help me, I don't know what to do, please help me God. I hate being like this, please give me strength, what do I do Lord?" I know that logically God is with me always and nothing is going to happen. But in that instant I'm so terrified I'm just not thinking logically. I pray everyday that God will give me the strength to overcome this. Honestly I hate being like this. I almost feel handicapped, I just wish some days I could be normal and stress over normal things -Not a crowded restaurant or letting someone else drive, running to town things that people do easily and take for granted everyday. The only way I can explain is imagine your biggest fear (spiders, snakes) being right next to you or even on you everyday. I know that there is a reason I'm going through this and I chose getting a degree in Psychology because I wanted to help others with Anxiety Disorders. How can I do that when I can't even help myself? I get so down and discouraged sometimes. I know that it's just the devil though. He knows our fears and weaknesses and he uses them against us. He likes for us to be fearful and for us to feel like we're alone. But we're not, God is always with us and His Angels are watching over us. I don't like talking about my issues with everybody because people who don't understand can be very hurtful about things about this and I usually don't have a good tolerance for people like that. I just wanted to put this on here so if anyone has any other issues like this or if they ever feel like this, your not alone. And we can overcome anything with God. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" So whenever I saw this quote above "If life gets too hard to stand, kneel" I just knew that it was from the Lord, he wanted me to see it and I wanted to share it
I know that I am going to overcome this it may not be today or tomorrow but I'm going to get better, I can do this. And whatever you are going through you are going to overcome it to. God made us in His image and sometimes we go through terrible things (drug addicts, alcoholics, rape victims) so that we can serve Him better. Maybe we go though things so that whenever we come across someone who is struggling just like we were we can pick them up because we went through it and we know exactly how they feel, God Bless