Hey Zero,
I'm not sure how to answer your post without sounding like I'm stereotyping men, which is something I don't want to do. I wish I could find a nice guy like my Dad, Grandpa, or two brothers--now granted, they have things about them that drive me nuts, but they're good, solid guys--hard workers who provide for their families, are faithful to their wives. and devoted family men.
What I keep finding in reality (and maybe it's just me) are ones like this:
Category 1: The Sex Crazed Guys--those who are either up front about the fact or try to be a little more subtle that they very much want to have sex with you. And yes, many of the ones I've met also claim to be Christians, are on worship teams, have served in ministry, etc.
Category 2: Guys Who Need a Spare--these are the ones who keep you around because they're looking to either 1. leave their current girlfriend or spouse for you or 2. feel they need an "extra" female in their life "just in case" they should find themselves alone--henceforth, telling themselves, "Thank goodness I have 'The Spare'"!!!
Category 3: Men Who Prey On Younger Women. I'm sorry, there's no other way I can put it. I know some women like older men (and by older, we're talking 25-40 or more years older and more) but it's just not for me. The Bible says we are to respect older men and speak to them as if they were fathers... This is just my own opinion, but I find it stomach-turning that men see women half their age or younger as potential intimate partners--what must they be thinking when their daughters bring home their friends? A mind that knows no boundaries is not something I want to be around. And again, these experiences have been with Christian men as well.
Category 4: The Nice Guy You See As a Brother--I know, I know!!! You guys will hate this category but it's true and I'm sorry!! If it's any consolation, I've had my share of crushes on guys who only saw me as a sister as well!!
Category 5--Guys Who Have Issues. By "issues", we're talking addictions (alcohol, drugs, porn), compulsiveness (lying, stealing, spending huge amounts of money, etc.), lack of anger management, extreme co-dependency (stalkers, those who threaten your well-being, and tell you if they can't have you, no one else can), abuse issues (meaning that they abuse other people, whether or not they've been abused themselves), a mother that still insists on keeping the umbilical cord between herself and her son intact, etc.
Category 6--Guys Who Claim to be Reformed, But Are Not. I find this a lot in my age category--guys who lived the party lifestyle, slept around, did drugs... and now it's like, "Oh no, I'm going to be 40!!! I need a nice girl to settle down with." I am NOT trying to say that God can't change someone and that someone who's made bad choices isn't worthy of love, but what I am saying is that we need to make good choices for who we are and what our lifestyles have been and will continue to be.
In the past, I let people's criticism sink into my heart when they told me I was stuck-up and should "give so-and-so a chance." That's how I wound up allowing years of my life to be sucked away by guys who had various addictions... and it was pure hell. I thought, "Oh, well I don't want to be judgmental... everyone can be forgiven and deserves a second chance..." I am trying very hard to balance keeping an open mind while still being true to myself and who God made me to be.
For anyone who feels I AM being too judgmental, let me say that OF COURSE I know women can fit into ANY AND ALL of these categories as well. I myself fit into the "Women Whose Moods Change Every Five Minutes" category and I am working hard to let God change that. We ALL have issues to work on, of course... and I am NOT trying to point all the fingers at the guys because I've always been fortunate enough to have guy friends who tell me about all their frustrations with women as well!!! I have a good guy friend who told me once, "I used to think there were only two kinds of women--those with serious issues, and those who only want money."
What category am I hoping for?
Category... "So Far, Only in My Dreams"... I can't describe everything that this category includes... I guess I'll have to wait until I meet him and get back to you.
