D
Ok... so this post is at least a BIT different than the usual! Usually, all I see is "God will find me my husband/wife, I have faith, I have been waiting forever, how do I attract the opposite sex, blah blah blah". I don't really have that problem, insomuch as I have a problem with being content with who I have now.
Let me explain, because it wasn't always like this. I think I'm just jaded. I've dated way too many girls/women, and... all of my relationships have ended, obviously. Not all of them ended on bad notes, but a lot of them did. That's usually what happens when you break up. Someone's feelings get hurt, and bad things follow.
Anyway, my last relationship probably messed with my head more than the rest of them. I've dated, and almost married, a few girls by now. None of them worked though. I lived with a girl for close to a year before, and almost married her, but she ended up being unfaithful. That was my lone experience with cheating, but it's whatever. I'm far past that, and that really didn't affect me so much. I kind of assumed it would happen to me at least once in my life, and well... it did. (edited content)
Anyway, that was the past. My last relationship just really messed with my head. I think it was because the girl was bipolar (lol not kidding). I didn't even know that til the end of it, but it explained a lot of stuff. She was hot and cold all the time, and one day I was the best person in the world, and the next I was the worst! I think... overall... that relationship was the biggest bunch of mindgames/relationship games I've ever dealt with. I know HOW to play them, I'm pretty good at them... but I also hate them. I hate how all relationships usually turn into a big relationship push/pull game. If you give too much of yourself, the other person pulls away. If you pull away, they will get closer and closer, giving too much of themselves. I think it's the old "want what you can't have" type of thing, and it always seems to hold true.
Well, needless to say, my last relationship ended badly. I'm not sure how many times I've truly been in love, but she was one of them, and I think that really made me second guess getting into another relationship now. Physically, she was gorgeous... heads turned when she walked into a room. Emotionally, she was a train wreck. It didn't help that she was in the military, and so she had this Army girl hardcore bad-mindset. It was attractive, but not exactly good for a relationship. It was like a constant hassle *(edited), because I think she was a feminist as well. Anything I could do, she either tried, did, or at least wanted to do better.
This is my problem with feminism I guess. A man needs to know that he is good at being a man, and when a woman tries to upstage him, especially one he cares about, problems happen. Women should act like women, and men should act like men. Don't yell at me if I want to open a door for you, or if I want to pay for your dinner. Don't act like anything I do, you could do better, simply because you are a woman and hear you roar! Blahhhh. It's SO unattractive. I guess... I like the girly girl. It's great when a girl loves sports and things like that, but... you really aren't one of the guys no matter how hard you try, and if you are... you aren't someone I want to date. I have my guy friends and my girl friends for a reason. If I want to hear about someone's relationship or talk about mine, or if I want to hear or speak about emotional issues, I have a girl friend (chick friend, not GF) for that. If I want to talk about sports, women, alcohol, and who has a faster car, I have my guy friends for that. My actual girlfriend... I want to be intimate and close to... speaking about emotions and life and everything in between... I don't wanna talk about how fast your car is, how many pushups you can do, or how you are the greatest thing on earth next to sliced bread (or pop tarts)!
That being said, basically, my last relationship sucked. It started great, I loved the girl, but it just wasn't going to work, and it didn't. That's the long story short. My point of this whole post is, that I feel jaded now. I want to be in love with a girl, and yet I'm not so sure I'm able to at this point. I kind of want a girl that is gorgeous, and yet amazing at everything else too. I can't handle another emotional train wreck girl, and I'm not really into dating a girl that I'm not attracted to physically. I just can't help not liking some girls. There are plenty of girls that don't like me too, and they don't apologize for it. I just feel like some girls chase me simply because I don't show interest in them, but I don't exactly want to break their hearts either. Most girls know that I'm interested in them, because I am completely straight up and honest. I will tell them. Some girls however... they just simply don't get the hint.
Anyway, my point is, I feel so jaded that I don't have the same.... willingness and wanting to get into another relationship now. I'm far past my old ex... it's been almost 4 months? now, and I'm not stuck on her, but I feel like she sort of ruined me in terms of being the hopeless romantic type that I used to be. I used to crave being in love... I would look for it, or at least hope for it... but now... I just feel like I'm biding my time for nothing. I have all these girls chasing me, but I don't really find any of them attractive, or up to standards I may have set for myself now. There are a few that I'm interested in (no I won't name who lol), but... I just don't seem to have the same drive as I used to.
I'm not sure what it is. I guess... I need to find someone that really sweeps ME off MY feet now. I feel like I just don't care to do that for another girl anymore. I don't want to be that guy anymore. I've done it to probably every girl I've dated, and yet... they've always ended up badly. I usually put everything I could into it, and yet they end based on the female's mistakes. Not once has a relationship really ended because I cheated or was abusive or wrong on some level. I always feel let down by the girls I date (which is probably my problem, none of them were really great Christians, yeah yeah, I know), and it just makes me feel less than excited to get into another relationship now. I'm jaded, plain and simple.
Also, it seems... every one of my exes that actually were important... every one that lasted longer than a month or two... they have ALL wanted to marry me. I mean like... go straight to Vegas or the courthouse and get married immediately type of thing. Every single one of them has attempted that with me. Even the last ex tried it. I always tell them I have a rule. I need to date a girl at least a year, and I want an actual real wedding. I don't want to get married 3 months into a relationship and then be divorced after 5 months. Divorce scares me more than anything, and so I'm careful. I just don't understand how all these girls want to marry me at some point. I also don't understand how they all want to marry me, and yet... eventually... they want to break up! lol! Also, almost every ex, beyond the last one, has tried to get me back after the break up. At least, all the girls that break up with me want to. I'm not sure what it is, but everyone seems to realize what they had AFTER things end. It's so annoying, and I refuse to re date any girl that breaks up with me. They all do it for selfish reasons, thinking maybe there is someone better (because I'm too nice, or I'm too this or that, or maybe I'm not "too much" of something lol), and yet they then realize maybe I was better than they thought. I don't know. It's all flattering to have these girls want to marry me, or want me back, but it's also completely depressing at the same time.
Anyway... so after all of these experiences.. I find myself jaded. I find myself unable to want to sweep a girl off their feet. I find all these women, who I once found amazingly attractive, and would count my lucky stars to date them... I find them less than what I want now. Sure, some of these girls are gorgeous... very attractive... and yet they are emotional train wrecks. Some of the girls are average looking, but amazing personalities... and then I just think... this girl is chasing me to the point of being a stalker... and it's a turnoff. Also, none of them really make ME chase THEM now. I don't know why, because I really think that's how it should be. A girl that chases me harder than I chase her just seems less attractive. I don't know...
I don't even know what I'm getting at with this post. I just feel jaded, and it sucks. I wish I wouldn't be. I miss being innocent with all my hopes and dreams about a wife in front of my face. I miss viewing women in a better light, instead of just remembering all these bad experiences I've had with them. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE women, but I've been disappointed by every single one. No matter how much I do for them, they always find ways to not appreciate me until it's too late. I can name a thousand stories where I've done something really special, and yet it never get's appreciated until AFTER we break up. When the girl comes chasing me after things are over, she tells me how great I was and how special I was. The thing is... no one seems to appreciate things when they HAVE it. It's always after it's too late. I just can't respect that...
I just don't feel like I need to be mr white knight in shining armor anymore. All you women can thank other girls for ruining that spirit in me I guess. I just feel like it's going to take a GIRL to sweep ME off my feet now. I know the stereotype is for the guy to do that for women... but I think women have ruined it for us men now, at least me anyway. All you women take everything so much for granted, and then you wonder where all the nice guys are. The problem is, you ruin all of the attractive nice guys before you even start. You all go for the bad boy types, and then when you WANT the nice guy to settle down with, they aren't there anymore. That's the main problem in and of itself. I can be both, and I admit I have been both, but I have never found an attractive "nice" girl that actually could live up to it. They always do something scandalous in the end. I think one problem is I've never dated a real "christian" girl in the fullest sense. Everyone "claims" to be a christian, but they couldn't quote very much, let alone live up to the values, to save their lives. Also, I'm not exactly into trying to meet a girl from a church lol. I go to church to worship, not to find a date. I'm too old for a youth group as well, and I would probably be uncomfortable there anyway. I'm not exactly the perfect christian myself, but I at least keep those values pretty deeply instilled in myself. I guess it's just impossible to find another girl that has that as well... at least not one close to me or one that is attractive in any sense of the word. Girls that are pretty... they know it... and they flaunt it... and use it... and it seems ALL of them are scandalous and bad in a lot of ways because of it. I feel like... if I am going to marry a real christian girl, I'm going to have to marry an unattractive borefest of a girl. I'm fine with not having sex until after marriage, because sex always complicates and ruins things somehow (not to mention is a sin outside of marriage), but all these "christian" girls close to me all seem to be weirdos in some way. I don't know.
What was the point of this post? I don't know. I guess I'm venting. I'll take constructive criticism or advice with an open mind, just don't be too harsh
Let me explain, because it wasn't always like this. I think I'm just jaded. I've dated way too many girls/women, and... all of my relationships have ended, obviously. Not all of them ended on bad notes, but a lot of them did. That's usually what happens when you break up. Someone's feelings get hurt, and bad things follow.
Anyway, my last relationship probably messed with my head more than the rest of them. I've dated, and almost married, a few girls by now. None of them worked though. I lived with a girl for close to a year before, and almost married her, but she ended up being unfaithful. That was my lone experience with cheating, but it's whatever. I'm far past that, and that really didn't affect me so much. I kind of assumed it would happen to me at least once in my life, and well... it did. (edited content)
Anyway, that was the past. My last relationship just really messed with my head. I think it was because the girl was bipolar (lol not kidding). I didn't even know that til the end of it, but it explained a lot of stuff. She was hot and cold all the time, and one day I was the best person in the world, and the next I was the worst! I think... overall... that relationship was the biggest bunch of mindgames/relationship games I've ever dealt with. I know HOW to play them, I'm pretty good at them... but I also hate them. I hate how all relationships usually turn into a big relationship push/pull game. If you give too much of yourself, the other person pulls away. If you pull away, they will get closer and closer, giving too much of themselves. I think it's the old "want what you can't have" type of thing, and it always seems to hold true.
Well, needless to say, my last relationship ended badly. I'm not sure how many times I've truly been in love, but she was one of them, and I think that really made me second guess getting into another relationship now. Physically, she was gorgeous... heads turned when she walked into a room. Emotionally, she was a train wreck. It didn't help that she was in the military, and so she had this Army girl hardcore bad-mindset. It was attractive, but not exactly good for a relationship. It was like a constant hassle *(edited), because I think she was a feminist as well. Anything I could do, she either tried, did, or at least wanted to do better.
This is my problem with feminism I guess. A man needs to know that he is good at being a man, and when a woman tries to upstage him, especially one he cares about, problems happen. Women should act like women, and men should act like men. Don't yell at me if I want to open a door for you, or if I want to pay for your dinner. Don't act like anything I do, you could do better, simply because you are a woman and hear you roar! Blahhhh. It's SO unattractive. I guess... I like the girly girl. It's great when a girl loves sports and things like that, but... you really aren't one of the guys no matter how hard you try, and if you are... you aren't someone I want to date. I have my guy friends and my girl friends for a reason. If I want to hear about someone's relationship or talk about mine, or if I want to hear or speak about emotional issues, I have a girl friend (chick friend, not GF) for that. If I want to talk about sports, women, alcohol, and who has a faster car, I have my guy friends for that. My actual girlfriend... I want to be intimate and close to... speaking about emotions and life and everything in between... I don't wanna talk about how fast your car is, how many pushups you can do, or how you are the greatest thing on earth next to sliced bread (or pop tarts)!
That being said, basically, my last relationship sucked. It started great, I loved the girl, but it just wasn't going to work, and it didn't. That's the long story short. My point of this whole post is, that I feel jaded now. I want to be in love with a girl, and yet I'm not so sure I'm able to at this point. I kind of want a girl that is gorgeous, and yet amazing at everything else too. I can't handle another emotional train wreck girl, and I'm not really into dating a girl that I'm not attracted to physically. I just can't help not liking some girls. There are plenty of girls that don't like me too, and they don't apologize for it. I just feel like some girls chase me simply because I don't show interest in them, but I don't exactly want to break their hearts either. Most girls know that I'm interested in them, because I am completely straight up and honest. I will tell them. Some girls however... they just simply don't get the hint.
Anyway, my point is, I feel so jaded that I don't have the same.... willingness and wanting to get into another relationship now. I'm far past my old ex... it's been almost 4 months? now, and I'm not stuck on her, but I feel like she sort of ruined me in terms of being the hopeless romantic type that I used to be. I used to crave being in love... I would look for it, or at least hope for it... but now... I just feel like I'm biding my time for nothing. I have all these girls chasing me, but I don't really find any of them attractive, or up to standards I may have set for myself now. There are a few that I'm interested in (no I won't name who lol), but... I just don't seem to have the same drive as I used to.
I'm not sure what it is. I guess... I need to find someone that really sweeps ME off MY feet now. I feel like I just don't care to do that for another girl anymore. I don't want to be that guy anymore. I've done it to probably every girl I've dated, and yet... they've always ended up badly. I usually put everything I could into it, and yet they end based on the female's mistakes. Not once has a relationship really ended because I cheated or was abusive or wrong on some level. I always feel let down by the girls I date (which is probably my problem, none of them were really great Christians, yeah yeah, I know), and it just makes me feel less than excited to get into another relationship now. I'm jaded, plain and simple.
Also, it seems... every one of my exes that actually were important... every one that lasted longer than a month or two... they have ALL wanted to marry me. I mean like... go straight to Vegas or the courthouse and get married immediately type of thing. Every single one of them has attempted that with me. Even the last ex tried it. I always tell them I have a rule. I need to date a girl at least a year, and I want an actual real wedding. I don't want to get married 3 months into a relationship and then be divorced after 5 months. Divorce scares me more than anything, and so I'm careful. I just don't understand how all these girls want to marry me at some point. I also don't understand how they all want to marry me, and yet... eventually... they want to break up! lol! Also, almost every ex, beyond the last one, has tried to get me back after the break up. At least, all the girls that break up with me want to. I'm not sure what it is, but everyone seems to realize what they had AFTER things end. It's so annoying, and I refuse to re date any girl that breaks up with me. They all do it for selfish reasons, thinking maybe there is someone better (because I'm too nice, or I'm too this or that, or maybe I'm not "too much" of something lol), and yet they then realize maybe I was better than they thought. I don't know. It's all flattering to have these girls want to marry me, or want me back, but it's also completely depressing at the same time.
Anyway... so after all of these experiences.. I find myself jaded. I find myself unable to want to sweep a girl off their feet. I find all these women, who I once found amazingly attractive, and would count my lucky stars to date them... I find them less than what I want now. Sure, some of these girls are gorgeous... very attractive... and yet they are emotional train wrecks. Some of the girls are average looking, but amazing personalities... and then I just think... this girl is chasing me to the point of being a stalker... and it's a turnoff. Also, none of them really make ME chase THEM now. I don't know why, because I really think that's how it should be. A girl that chases me harder than I chase her just seems less attractive. I don't know...
I don't even know what I'm getting at with this post. I just feel jaded, and it sucks. I wish I wouldn't be. I miss being innocent with all my hopes and dreams about a wife in front of my face. I miss viewing women in a better light, instead of just remembering all these bad experiences I've had with them. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE women, but I've been disappointed by every single one. No matter how much I do for them, they always find ways to not appreciate me until it's too late. I can name a thousand stories where I've done something really special, and yet it never get's appreciated until AFTER we break up. When the girl comes chasing me after things are over, she tells me how great I was and how special I was. The thing is... no one seems to appreciate things when they HAVE it. It's always after it's too late. I just can't respect that...
I just don't feel like I need to be mr white knight in shining armor anymore. All you women can thank other girls for ruining that spirit in me I guess. I just feel like it's going to take a GIRL to sweep ME off my feet now. I know the stereotype is for the guy to do that for women... but I think women have ruined it for us men now, at least me anyway. All you women take everything so much for granted, and then you wonder where all the nice guys are. The problem is, you ruin all of the attractive nice guys before you even start. You all go for the bad boy types, and then when you WANT the nice guy to settle down with, they aren't there anymore. That's the main problem in and of itself. I can be both, and I admit I have been both, but I have never found an attractive "nice" girl that actually could live up to it. They always do something scandalous in the end. I think one problem is I've never dated a real "christian" girl in the fullest sense. Everyone "claims" to be a christian, but they couldn't quote very much, let alone live up to the values, to save their lives. Also, I'm not exactly into trying to meet a girl from a church lol. I go to church to worship, not to find a date. I'm too old for a youth group as well, and I would probably be uncomfortable there anyway. I'm not exactly the perfect christian myself, but I at least keep those values pretty deeply instilled in myself. I guess it's just impossible to find another girl that has that as well... at least not one close to me or one that is attractive in any sense of the word. Girls that are pretty... they know it... and they flaunt it... and use it... and it seems ALL of them are scandalous and bad in a lot of ways because of it. I feel like... if I am going to marry a real christian girl, I'm going to have to marry an unattractive borefest of a girl. I'm fine with not having sex until after marriage, because sex always complicates and ruins things somehow (not to mention is a sin outside of marriage), but all these "christian" girls close to me all seem to be weirdos in some way. I don't know.
What was the point of this post? I don't know. I guess I'm venting. I'll take constructive criticism or advice with an open mind, just don't be too harsh
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