Question for guys about guys

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bigkcola_03

Guest
#1
#1
So i was recently informed that one of the reasons that if a guy likes a girl, he wont go talk to her, or even subtly hint that he likes her, or anything of the sort, is because he is intimidated by her. i never thought abt guys being intimidated by girls.

so my question is, are guys easily intimidated by girls? and if yes, why? what makes them intimidated?
BESIDES the fact that she might be out of his league, that answer doesnt count. but what other things make a girl intimidating to a guy?

serious answers please, this is a good chance for girls to learn something abt guys, and maybe vice versa too.
 
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rkmonkey

Guest
#2
#2
I think this is simple enough. We are afraid of girls we like because they have the power to reject us. This really doesn't apply to all guys, but it does apply to myself. Really though, I think if a guy is actually intimidated by a girl he likes then he doesn'tt know her well enough to ask her out anyway. He should already be comfortable with her if he is willing to ask her out.
 
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bigkcola_03

Guest
#3
#3
rkmonkey said:
I think this is simple enough. We are afraid of girls we like because they have the power to reject us. This really doesn't apply to all guys, but it does apply to myself. Really though, I think if a guy is actually intimidated by a girl he likes then he doesn'tt know her well enough to ask her out anyway. He should already be comfortable with her if he is willing to ask her out.
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i like that answer. i agree that you should be comfortable with someone before asking them out. cuz im not the kind of girl that's gonna go on a date with someone i dont reallly know, because im a very nervous and shy person, unless im comfortable, then im pretty out going. i like that answer :)

rejection is always good for keeping you rooted in place. but what abt if you arent afraid of rejection? what are other things that intimidate guys? (im not directly asking you, this is to anyone who can answer)
 
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rkmonkey

Guest
#4
#4
bigkcola_03 said:
i like that answer. i agree that you should be comfortable with someone before asking them out. cuz im not the kind of girl that's gonna go on a date with someone i dont reallly know, because im a very nervous and shy person, unless im comfortable, then im pretty out going. i like that answer :)

rejection is always good for keeping you rooted in place. but what abt if you arent afraid of rejection? what are other things that intimidate guys? (im not directly asking you, this is to anyone who can answer)
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Just to add regarding the rejection thing.. the thing that gets me about being rejected is that rejection, to me, often would also mean the end of a budding friendship. Or it seems that way. I don't really know for sure how a girl would react if I approached her about a date and she rejected me. (this is a rhetorical question) Would she stop talking to me? Play it off like nothing happened? Be a little awkward for a while and forget about it? I know it depends on the girl and on how important my friendship is to her. Personally, I really value my friendships and the thought of losing one because I opened my mouth about a silly crush or something seems rather terrifying, especially when I'm actually faced with the idea of asking her out. Like, what if it isn't the potential for a good relationship I'm seeing in her, but rather the potential for a close friend and sister in Christ?

It also doesn't help that I'm completely oblivious when it comes to the idea of someone liking me.
 
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lil-rush

Guest
#5
#5
rkmonkey said:
Just to add regarding the rejection thing.. the thing that gets me about being rejected is that rejection, to me, often would also mean the end of a budding friendship. Or it seems that way. I don't really know for sure how a girl would react if I approached her about a date and she rejected me. (this is a rhetorical question) Would she stop talking to me? Play it off like nothing happened? Be a little awkward for a while and forget about it? I know it depends on the girl and on how important my friendship is to her. Personally, I really value my friendships and the thought of losing one because I opened my mouth about a silly crush or something seems rather terrifying, especially when I'm actually faced with the idea of asking her out. Like, what if it isn't the potential for a good relationship I'm seeing in her, but rather the potential for a close friend and sister in Christ?

It also doesn't help that I'm completely oblivious when it comes to the idea of someone liking me.
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It depends on the friendship. If I had just met the guy, it would definitely be more likely to kill any budding relationship, because I would feel like he never wanted a friendship, but only wanted to date me. If it was a friend who told me he liked me, it would be awkward for a minute or two, but I'd shrug it off. I'd be flattered, but I wouldn't let it ruin our friendship.
 
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DABEARS85

Guest
#6
#6
lil-rush said:
It depends on the friendship. If I had just met the guy, it would definitely be more likely to kill any budding relationship, because I would feel like he never wanted a friendship, but only wanted to date me. If it was a friend who told me he liked me, it would be awkward for a minute or two, but I'd shrug it off. I'd be flattered, but I wouldn't let it ruin our friendship.
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They way you worded this sounds like this:

If a random guy comes up to you asking for a number: You shut him down, because you aren't friends.

If a friend asked said he liked you: You shut him down, because you are friends.

Is it just me, or is there an ironic situation somewhere in this whole thing? ahahaha

bigkcola_03 said:
so my question is, are guys easily intimidated by girls? and if yes, why? what makes them intimidated?
BESIDES the fact that she might be out of his league, that answer doesnt count. but what other things make a girl intimidating to a guy?
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I'm not sure of any other reason for a guy to be intimidated by a girl whatsoever, to be honest. There isn't one. If a guy thinks a girl is out of his league... aka... too pretty for him... then he is intimidated. That is about it. The only reason a guy gets the fear of rejection is when he is faced with confronting a girl he likes that he views as out of his league. The two correlate with one another.

I know you said that isn't the answer that you want, but I don't know of any other reason to be intimidated whatsoever.

Beyond that, the only other reason a guy wouldn't tell a girl he likes her is to play hard to get. That doesn't factor intimidation in there whatsoever. A girl has all the power in rejection if he straight up gives himself up on a platter and says "I like you". If he gets you to chase him a little by not directly saying it, but implying it through flirting, then he isn't getting hurt and the point gets across through hints. This makes the eventual task of telling her he is into her a lot easier.

Other than being out of his league, there isn't any reason whatsoever that any normal guy is intimidated. I'm not sure why you let that part as not a reason, because that is the ONLY reason. Fear of rejection only stems through placing a girl on a pedestal. If a guy gets rejected from a girl that he views as just average, he isn't very heartbroken by it. He moves on and says "your loss, not mine" and that's that. A girl that he places on a pedestal has more power over his heart at that point, and so he gets intimidated and nervous. That's about it.

So, plainly put, intimidation only stems from placing a girl on a pedestal and thinking she is out of his league.
 
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bigkcola_03

Guest
#7
#7
DABEARS85 said:
I'm not sure of any other reason for a guy to be intimidated by a girl whatsoever, to be honest. There isn't one. If a guy thinks a girl is out of his league... aka... too pretty for him... then he is intimidated. That is about it. The only reason a guy gets the fear of rejection is when he is faced with confronting a girl he likes that he views as out of his league. The two correlate with one another.

I know you said that isn't the answer that you want, but I don't know of any other reason to be intimidated whatsoever.

Beyond that, the only other reason a guy wouldn't tell a girl he likes her is to play hard to get. That doesn't factor intimidation in there whatsoever. A girl has all the power in rejection if he straight up gives himself up on a platter and says "I like you". If he gets you to chase him a little by not directly saying it, but implying it through flirting, then he isn't getting hurt and the point gets across through hints. This makes the eventual task of telling her he is into her a lot easier.

Other than being out of his league, there isn't any reason whatsoever that any normal guy is intimidated. I'm not sure why you let that part as not a reason, because that is the ONLY reason. Fear of rejection only stems through placing a girl on a pedestal. If a guy gets rejected from a girl that he views as just average, he isn't very heartbroken by it. He moves on and says "your loss, not mine" and that's that. A girl that he places on a pedestal has more power over his heart at that point, and so he gets intimidated and nervous. That's about it.

So, plainly put, intimidation only stems from placing a girl on a pedestal and thinking she is out of his league.
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ok, i can see how they go hand in hand. so let me slightly rephrase my question. (if this makes any sense that is, lol)

a girl is considered "out of his league" based on?? what?? looks, of course. but what else? is it solely looks? im sure popularity has to do with it too. does talent come in to play anywhere? or how about personality? is it because she's a well rounded person? does she appear to have no flaws? are any of these incorrect? lol, or are they all true at one time or another?

sorry that im rather naive on this stuff.lol. i appreciate your taking the time to answer btw. and being patient with me. :)
 
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lil-rush

Guest
#8
#8
DABEARS85 said:
They way you worded this sounds like this:

If a random guy comes up to you asking for a number: You shut him down, because you aren't friends.

If a friend asked said he liked you: You shut him down, because you are friends.

Is it just me, or is there an ironic situation somewhere in this whole thing? ahahaha
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Hmm. Actually, I have shut down a random guy that asked for my number before. In my defense, I did not know what "hey girl, can I whisper in your ear?" meant at the time. I just thought he was some freaky guy wanting to literally whisper in my ear. I gave him an awkward "what the heck?" chuckle, and kept walking.

That isn't what I was trying to say, though. If a random guy asked me out, I probably wouldn't end up becoming a friend with him. If a friend asked me out, I would continue being a friend with him. I wouldn't let it make things weird between us. I was mentioning the friend element, because rkmonkey had expressed concern over ruining friendships by asking girls out.

Yes, I would reject their requests to date, but that's because I don't date. Basically, it sucks to be a guy that asks me out.
 
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Rissa77

Guest
#9
#9
I'll put some of what I put on the OP's original thread on the woman's forum.

I've been told I am intimidating because of my confidence. They say it's not a bad thing, but it's a turn-off.

I've also been told it's because I don't come across as approachable, which is true. I don't like getting hit on or flirted with, so I disengage when they try. Eventually, the guys I'm around a lot stop trying and the others get the hint quickly. And I don't return glances at guys that try to check me out.

I agree with lil-rush. I'm just not at that place to date right now.

These two things are turn-offs maybe, but are they intimidating?
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#10
Aug 2, 2009
24,577
4,268
113
#10
bigkcola_03 said:
So i was recently informed that one of the reasons that if a guy likes a girl, he wont go talk to her, or even subtly hint that he likes her, or anything of the sort, is because he is intimidated by her. i never thought abt guys being intimidated by girls.

so my question is, are guys easily intimidated by girls? and if yes, why? what makes them intimidated?
BESIDES the fact that she might be out of his league, that answer doesnt count. but what other things make a girl intimidating to a guy?

serious answers please, this is a good chance for girls to learn something abt guys, and maybe vice versa too.
Click to expand...
Its not really intimidation. Its more like they become spellbound little puppies. Ever try to get close to a lost little puppy? It suddenly pulls away in fright because its afraid it might get hurt. The guy is afraid of getting hurt so he keeps his distance. He knows that you have to either accept him or reject him and its a gamble that a lot of guys dread because both the humiliation and death of the dream of her liking him back are very hard to take.
 
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rkmonkey

Guest
#11
#11
I have a question for the girls who see this topic that I don't think really merits its own topic.

Why do girls play hard to get? I do not really see the point, and I think that it is in poor taste personally. I don't think I've ever liked a girl who was doing that, but maybe I just give up too easily. I'm not sure.
 
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kiwi_OT

Guest
#12
#12
DABEARS85 said:
They way you worded this sounds like this:

If a random guy comes up to you asking for a number: You shut him down, because you aren't friends.

If a friend asked said he liked you: You shut him down, because you are friends.

Is it just me, or is there an ironic situation somewhere in this whole thing? ahahaha
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I agree with Dabears, thats pretty twisted logic to treat a guy like that, if girls are going around doing that then no wonder their frustrated enough to not bother!!
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#13
#13
rkmonkey said:
I have a question for the girls who see this topic that I don't think really merits its own topic.

Why do girls play hard to get? I do not really see the point, and I think that it is in poor taste personally. I don't think I've ever liked a girl who was doing that, but maybe I just give up too easily. I'm not sure.
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Stay away from girls who do this. They are manipulating while torturing you at the same time. That said I dont think theres anything wrong but a bit of teasing but only if you know what they can handle and its in good fun and they know that. I say keep teasing in a relationship.

If a girl flirts and teases with you then you affirm those feelings and subtly hint you'd like a date (or more lol), and she returns by running away with a demure smile on her face, stay away STAY FAR AWAY... I feel ashamed that their are little (I will call them little) girls who abuse a mans trust in women and in himself, to abuse the courage it takes for a man to pursue someone.
 
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LoverofGod79

Guest
#14
#14
i think girls play hard to get sometimes cause they wanna know how serious is this guy. does he REALLY like me and will pursue me? or is he just out to have some fun
 
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Mulehide

Guest
#15
#15
kiwi_OT said:
Stay away from girls who do this. They are manipulating while torturing you at the same time. That said I dont think theres anything wrong but a bit of teasing but only if you know what they can handle and its in good fun and they know that. I say keep teasing in a relationship.

If a girl flirts and teases with you then you affirm those feelings and subtly hint you'd like a date (or more lol), and she returns by running away with a demure smile on her face, stay away STAY FAR AWAY... I feel ashamed that their are little (I will call them little) girls who abuse a mans trust in women and in himself, to abuse the courage it takes for a man to pursue someone.
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I completely agree!
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#16
Aug 2, 2009
24,577
4,268
113
#16
Rissa77 said:
I'll put some of what I put on the OP's original thread on the woman's forum.

I've been told I am intimidating because of my confidence. They say it's not a bad thing, but it's a turn-off.

I've also been told it's because I don't come across as approachable, which is true. I don't like getting hit on or flirted with, so I disengage when they try. Eventually, the guys I'm around a lot stop trying and the others get the hint quickly. And I don't return glances at guys that try to check me out.

I agree with lil-rush. I'm just not at that place to date right now.

These two things are turn-offs maybe, but are they intimidating?
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Yea too much confidence can turn a guy off because its like being bossy. As far as how much confidence is enough, I think most guys just want a woman who seems content, easy to get along with, and not too shy. If a woman is too bold or forceful in her opinions it can turn a lot of guys off because its just not lady-like.
 
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jangel

Senior Member
#17
May 12, 2010
487
2
0
#17
rkmonkey said:
I have a question for the girls who see this topic that I don't think really merits its own topic.

Why do girls play hard to get? I do not really see the point, and I think that it is in poor taste personally. I don't think I've ever liked a girl who was doing that, but maybe I just give up too easily. I'm not sure.
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There are guys who think that girls are playing hard to get...maybe for some girls to test the guy for his sincerity but for me I'm not doing that, I just don't like the guy plain and simple ,but some guys just can't get the hint right away.


I don’t know also why guys should be intimidated with girls. Guys should get over it, you just making things difficult for us girls. Guys who won’t afraid of rejection are really admirable.

My experienced with Christian guys (not just in our local church since we have youth conference where youth from different localities gathered), they are too shy to approach, two guys uses the same brother that is close to me to tell that they like me, ok, I’m flattered but they simply won’t fit in hehe, I was wishing, that brother that they use is the one who’s interested in me …well he did 2 years ago but he did not let me recognize him, I have to asked a lot of sisters n Christ just to find out, that was him..duh...! I think he knew it already that I knew that it was him, so he told me he’ll pick me up to go to this place but too bad… I’m not attracted to him anymore even if he’s more good looking now than before…hehe. Kinda awkward when we see each other but I think I’m just good in handling situation , so I can still smile at him and approach him like nothing happened, it takes someone to do it,…still friendship is what matters most.
 
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Mulehide

Guest
#18
#18
jangel said:
There are guys who think that girls are playing hard to get...maybe for some girls to test the guy for his sincerity but for me I'm not doing that, I just don't like the guy plain and simple ,but some guys just can't get the hint right away.


I don’t know also why guys should be intimidated with girls. Guys should get over it, you just making things difficult for us girls. Guys who won’t afraid of rejection are really admirable.
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That's being a little harsh on the guys. Sure, it's not easy waiting as a girl dropping hints or hoping. But, I sure wouldn't wanna be the guy approaching some girl. I think it takes guts and thus means more because he put himself out there for her.
 
Shard

Shard

Banned
#19
Jul 8, 2010
309
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#19
I dont like people, so I dont approach people. And except for a select chosen few I chase off those that approach me. So very few girls ever get close enough for me to really care about. So for the occasional few they know what they are getting into. And I have know problem asking the out.
 
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oopsies

Guest
#20
#20
bigkcola_03 said:
So i was recently informed that one of the reasons that if a guy likes a girl, he wont go talk to her, or even subtly hint that he likes her, or anything of the sort, is because he is intimidated by her. i never thought abt guys being intimidated by girls.

so my question is, are guys easily intimidated by girls? and if yes, why? what makes them intimidated?
BESIDES the fact that she might be out of his league, that answer doesnt count. but what other things make a girl intimidating to a guy?

serious answers please, this is a good chance for girls to learn something abt guys, and maybe vice versa too.
Click to expand...
I take the "why date if you can't marry her" approach. I will not be unequally yoked so if I see a nice girl, I won't approach her unless I know she's a Christian.
 
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