poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

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I believe he can actually become my boyfriend if...

  • he professed his love to me

    Votes: 1 11.1%
  • if only I was attracted to him (but I'm not)

    Votes: 2 22.2%
  • he showered me with sweet gifts

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • he made more money

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • other (please explain)

    Votes: 6 66.7%

  • Total voters
    9

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#1
This is a poll for the women here to see how they feel about "boy friends" eventually becoming "boyfriends". Please give your best answer.

I believe that when I like a guy only as a friend, that guy might have a chance at actually becoming my boyfriend:
 
L

lightbliss

Guest
#2
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

I believe that when I like a guy only as a friend, that guy might have a chance at actually becoming my boyfriend: NEVER!!!


















I kid.


For me, a guy would have to be my friend for quite some time (10+ months) before becoming by boyfriend.


So he'd be my boyfriend because I like him (among other things) and since we were friends, I'd actually know him/about him.


Then only when he's my boyfriend, we'd date to break up the monotony.

I want to add that before becoming my bf, we'd both have to have mutual feelings about the other and wanting to be in a relationship.
 
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EllaD

Guest
#3
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

As far as the poll goes, material things do nothing for me. Don't get me wrong, romance is nice (flowers etc) but buying things are NOT what would ever win my heart. Yea being friends first is really important. The thing that stinks is, if it doesnt work out on a romantic level, sometimes its hard to go back to being "just friends" but that is always a chance you take.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#4
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

Um, Zero... you mean there isn't an option for "all of the above"????!!!! :D I would have chosen that AND the "other" box as well. :p You know I love your threads and had to check this latest one out!

I've never had a guy friend I've fallen in love with... Well... (thinks back, it's been a LLOOONNNNGGG time)--I did have a friend who was a guy whom I had a crush on for a short time, until someone said to him, in front of me, "Why don't you two date?" and he answered, "Sure, if you believe in a little thing called incest." OUCH. (He has two Korean adopted sisters and said because of that, Asian women, to him, are sisters, NOT dates.)

Aside from that, any guy I've ever been around has somehow been categorized in my mind as "friend" or "Wow, I think I like him."

For some reason, and this is probably just me, the lines have never crossed--I never dated a guy I saw as a just a friend. And I never stayed friends with a guy I dated.

Yes, I know... we women are complicated...
 

grace

Senior Member
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
11
0
51
#5
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

It seems that it is touchy when you know the boy friend wants to become the *boyfriend*, but your just not feeling the attractioin.

I have had guy friends accuse the girl then of *leading them on* because he held out hope because they were spending time together etc...and he thought it was just taking her some time to come around etc. (I know the same arguement can go both ways...but this poll was made for women ABOUT men so I am stating this with that in mind.)

The worst part of it though is when you like being friends with the guy, but then when he is not getting the romantic response back from you that he was/is hoping for, he pulls away and the friendship fizzles. :( I don't want to speak for other women, but it sort of makes me feel like that is all he was hanging around me for was to get to another level of the relationship. (sort of a compliment I guess...but a downer at the same time that he did not like what he saw enough to preserve the friendship.)

Hope that all made sense lol
 
S

sportygirl

Guest
#6
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

With the poll most I would go with if I was attracted to him like that. It really depends on the guy friend Ihave some guy friends i would NEVER date, but theres some that I have either liked in the past or like now but we are just friends. Frienship is important, without that first there is nothing. BUt I learned from my last relationship I want to have a crush on a person before dating them.
 

Cori26

Junior Member
Sep 6, 2007
26
0
1
42
#7
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

The way I see it is there are times when a guy has a chance of becoming more than just a friend with me and there are times when he doesn't! My best friend happens to be a guy, but I just do not see him as more than a friend and I am quite certain I won't ever see him as more than a friend he is too much like a brother to me. On the other hand I think as far as romantic relationships are concerned it is best to start out as friends and if it becomes more great if not that's ok too. So yeah it just depends! Now if I point blank tell a guy I see him ONLY as a friend and nothing more then he has absolutely NO chance of being more. I am a very direct person and try to not lead anyone on, so yeah only time a guy has a chance of being more than friends with me is when I haven't made it quite clear that he is JUST a friend.
 
J

Jennifleur

Guest
#8
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

For me, it comes down to a few things. I definitely have to develop a friendship with a guy first. I want to know a guy well before I even consider dating him. I need to know that we have things in common, that we'll get along. I'm shy, so I struggle even being friends with someone. If I were to just start dating a guy, I'd struggle to find things to talk about, and probably come across as maybe a bit stand off-ish. If we don't have anything in common, it's not going to go far.

Secondly, there has to be some sort of attraction there. That mostly comes from having things in common with a guy, getting to know who they are. Looks do count, but they're not the most important. A guy who obviously takes care of himself, even the basics such as showering and brushing teeth, is important to me. But I'm not hugely picky about looks. Everyone has things that they're attracted to, and things that they're not.

Gifts are nice, and appreciated, but not that important. Gifts are an indication that a guy is interested, but I'd rather a guy not shower me with gifts hoping to date me. I feel like he'd be trying to buy my affection, and that doesn't work. Gifts, while I enjoy receiving them, are not my love language. And, a guy giving me gifts would make me feel obligated, not to mention uncomfortable, even if I was interested. I'd prefer only receiving gifts from someone I was already dating, unless it was made quite obvious that it was just a friendly gesture. For instance, buying something benign, like a book, would be okay (I love books, but friends can give me books and I wouldn't think anything of it). But flowers and jewelry would definitely make me uncomfortable if we weren't dating.

But, most importantly, I think I would wait for a guy to profess his interest first. For one thing, I think it is a guy's place to pursue. Secondly, I've had enough rejection of all forms to last me a lifetime, and I really do have a palpable fear of expressing interest first. I've been burned and hurt so many times, that even though in most cases it's been years, it still hurts and the rejection for me is paralyzing. I know I'll have to get over that at some point, and I know that everyone experiences rejection at some point. But Christ is still working on me, and remolding me, healing past hurts. I've torn down most of the walls I'd built around myself, but I know I still have some bricks to remove. God has continuously been taking me out of my comfort zone more and more, and I know He's restoring and renewing me. But I haven't overcome this particular fear yet, at least not in the romantic relationship department.

To some extent, I guess it would be all of the above, except maybe gifts. Gifts are nice, and really make me feel special, but aren't that important in the long run. Often, when I get gifts, I honestly don't know what I'll do with them.
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#9
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

I've never had a guy friend I've fallen in love with... Well... (thinks back, it's been a LLOOONNNNGGG time)--I did have a friend who was a guy whom I had a crush on for a short time, until someone said to him, in front of me, "Why don't you two date?" and he answered, "Sure, if you believe in a little thing called incest." OUCH. (He has two Korean adopted sisters and said because of that, Asian women, to him, are sisters, NOT dates.)

Yes, I know... we women are complicated...
You women are complicated? What about a guy who won't date someone because she happens to be the same race/ethnicity as his sister?...I don't have a sister, but I can't for one minute believe that having a sister means I wouldn't be interested in dating any Caucasian women... Wait a minute...most women are human, my two brothers are also human (I'm 98% sure)...so that means I can't ever date anyone because they all remind me of my brothers. Grrr.
 

jangel

Senior Member
May 12, 2010
487
2
0
#10
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

Boy friend to boyfriend is close to impossible to me, but potential boyfriend to boy friend is a must.

For me, attraction level on guy friends is different to boyfriends.
I have a lot of guy friends, and I have circle of friends with guys too in high school, and I’m still seeing them once in a while, but if I were to think of it , it’s impossible for me to be attracted to them.

Another thing is, a feeling of too much closeness, since you get used to be with together as friends, that it would be kind of awkward already for any romantic feelings.
I experienced that once , we became close with this guy already, and his family to my family, but there’s no attraction anymore than just by simply being friends, when he tried to make his move, though I got a crush on him from the start … but still it depends, it may work to some…

Attraction can be develop to some, but not in my case. I need to feel attraction the first time I see you, if not, you just simply belong to my guy friends, and forever will remain as my guy friend.
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#11
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

Meh. I think women hold good looks too high on a pedestal. When I met my fiance (here online in CC), I didnt think much of him. I certainly liked him but I wasnt thinking yowza! That feeling took a month to develop because I was open to him and I listened to his values. The yowza moment came when I told him how much I loved Jane Austen and he told me he owned her books and yesterday found a regency wedding dress for me. Man I love him :D
 

J0Y

Senior Member
Mar 7, 2009
509
6
18
#12
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

Boyfriends HAVE to be boy friends first, period.
The foundation of a good relationship is a solid friendship.
Infatuation doesn't last, neither do butterflies, your heart skipping a beat and all that....emotions are fickle.
When its all boiled down the attraction won't sustain a relationship, but good communication and knowing each other by heart WILL.
Going out with and marrying your BEST FRIEND is imperative....
cos lets face it, spending your whole life with someone who isn't would be like a prison sentence!!
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#13
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

You women are complicated? What about a guy who won't date someone because she happens to be the same race/ethnicity as his sister?...I don't have a sister, but I can't for one minute believe that having a sister means I wouldn't be interested in dating any Caucasian women... Wait a minute...most women are human, my two brothers are also human (I'm 98% sure)...so that means I can't ever date anyone because they all remind me of my brothers. Grrr.

Ha, I can see you point, NP.

But I have to admit I can relate to the guy's reasoning. I'm Asian and adopted into a Caucasian family. Race isn't an issue with me--the guys I've been in relationships with include one Asian, two white guys, and one who guy who was black, so I'd like to say I keep an open mind.

HOWEVER, when it come to age or how old the guy looks, I can admit extreme sensitivity to this issue.

Most people here have already read my complaints about this--my whole life, and even now, because my Dad and Grandpa are white, people think I am my father's much-younger mistress or my Grandpa's mail-order bride. This isn't even close to a joke--we've actually had people admit this to us.

Because of that, I am not, in any way, shape, or form, attracted to guy who could be perceived as my father. Unfortunately, I find as I get older, even guys 5-8 years older than me often look like a "dad" to me--HUGE, HUGE TURNOFF I can't get over. I've also found that because I'm short and supposedly on the young-looking side, older guys "talk down" to me anyway, which is, putting it kindly, annoying.

Now, what's going to happen when I start looking like a 50-year-old myself? Hmm. Only time will tell.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#14
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

I've never, ever had a meaningful relationship with a guy who was not a friend first. It gave me time to see who that person really was before letting him farther into my life. When you know what's real about a person and what's not, it's so much easier to let them in. This whole "can I have your number and take you out" thing has never worked for me and never will.
It's never about what a guy has or doesn't have. It's about WHO he is, period.
 
J

JMans1187

Guest
#15
Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"

I chose other because I belive a guy friend is a great way to start out a relationship! When I meet the right man, I want him to be my best friend! The person I am connected to and closest with! When somebody tells you they love you, it wonderful, but for me i like to see it too! With respect and tenderness! when it comes to finding a boyfriend/girlfriend keep in mind you are looking for a life partner! Somebody who will stand beside you through thick and thin! This is something I am still working on myself!