sex b4 marriage???

we live in a world were we cant escape this topic.
we are in relationships were we are pressured to have sex to show your affection towards your mate.

sex complicates things in a relationship which is out of wed lock,
what do you think?

no sex before marriage thats my stand.

[sara99]

i dont think that it is that bad to have sex before marriage or at least i didnt. But now that i am a christain,i take a second look at all sistuataions that are not right. you see i wasnt married and i have two kids and i honestly didnt see anything wrong with it. It is a normal reaction to ppls emotions and feelings. after everything you go through i think that now it is better for you to wait till you are married to be that intamte with someone.

[worldlover]

i do agree that marriage first before sex because marriage is sacred and holy betwwen two people:]

[become_the_generation]

well it says right in the Word that we arent supposed to have sex outside of marriage, so yes, it is wrong. like i have said in previous posts, its not our opinion that counts when it comes to what God is going to judge us on, but His Word and His commandments. And it clearly states many times that it is wrong and that it is adultry. i dont see how we can debate this topic.

[bananaboo4]

Sex before marriage = wrong. 2 people marry and have sex to commit theirself to one another, and make a covet to God. They make theirself as one. If you just go and have sex with anyone. then you wouldn't be committed anymore, and your promise to your spouse and God would be broken.

[Abing]

ABSOLUTELY WRONG!

[carpetmanswife]

if you love em enough to have sex with em you love em enough to marry them....if not ...dont.

I definetly think that you should wait until you get married. Its between a husband and a wife to do that and I am DEFINETLY waiting until I get married even though one of my friends thinks I'm stupid for waiting. She keeps saying everybody is doing it you don't have to wait until your married..etc. I am sticking to my belief I am waiting until I get married and thats it.

Originally Posted by Girl_22

I definetly think that you should wait until you get married. Its between a husband and a wife to do that and I am DEFINETLY waiting until I get married even though one of my friends thinks I'm stupid for waiting. She keeps saying everybody is doing it you don't have to wait until your married..etc. I am sticking to my belief I am waiting until I get married and thats it.

I think this is a beautiful stance on your part; and I will tell you that I'm not one of those people who believe that sex is restricted only to marriage. I don't. But I am a person who is fully aware that having sex before marriage is a very dangerous thing to do; not just physically and health-wise, but dangerous to your emotional well-being. If you are not emotionally prepared for this act and mature enough to handle the consequences for doing it outside of marriage, and you start having sex because "everyone is doing it," it will cause you so much grief the likes of which you cannot imagine.

Sex always has a way of 'binding' you to another person, even when you engage in it casually, and when you do not have the emotional maturity to handle casual encounters, it hurts when you separate from that person and are not able to commune with them that way again. Sex is simply designed to do that, to bond two people, that is why the Bible says you should wait until marriage so that you can become 'one flesh' with your partner and have that person available to you for this type of communion. That is a beautiful thing. Sex can be special, loving, and holy while performed within the bonds of marriage.

So, don't let anyone tell you you are being stupid for waiting. That is a personal choice that should be respected, because that is what you feel is right for yourself, and when others are pressuring you to follow the crowd, remember yourself and what you feel is the right thing for you.

So many people HURRY to have sex like that's going to go out of style, or they're going to miss out, or marriage isn't an option. LOL!!!! It's ridiculous. Waiting is perfectly ok. Good Luck!

I hope it's okay for me to post here because I haven't been single for 15 years (but I still remember when I was!).

The sex outside of marriage question is a very difficult thing to handle for a Christian. We know it is a sin and what God says about it in His word. That should be enough but look around, it's not. Just in my church there are three Christian single girls that are pregnant. I wonder how many more are there that are playing with fire that we don't know about. I wish it was enough just to say, God says no. I think we need to go further and explain some of the psycological and physical problems that sex before marriage causes.

No matter how fun the moment is - you will regret it afterwards every time. You will lose a special part of you that can never be regained. There are more diseases than you can count due to sleeping around. If you are found out (and you will be), you lose trust, respect, and you lose your testimony. If you get pregnant you bring a child into the world with a unfair strike against him or her and your life (and your family's) is forever changed...and not for the better.

It's a pretty good sign that if everybody is doing it - it's probably not right. You CAN wait until marriage. Ask God to help you and He will. Don't think just because you may WANT to have sex that you HAVE to have sex. It is a fun, wonderful, beautiful expression of love that God created within the marriage covenant but it is an ugly, dirty, unfulfilling sinful act that displeases God outside of marriage.

...I wish I'd talked to me 25 years ago!

[Thaddaeus]

This is new testaments scriptures:
1co 7:8I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.1co 7:9But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

[christiancollegegirl]

As I told my boyfriend/best friend, "The only man I'm having sex with, it the man I married. We're not married, so no." If we ever do get married, then of course I will, but until then, absolutely not. It hasn't stopped him from trying.

Brothers and sisters,

As several people have posted, and as I clearly see it, the bible says without a doubt that sex before marriage is not a christian thing to do. It is not our role as christians to just decide to go against god's word when our emotions and desires want us to do so. Yes, most of us will be tempted through our lifetime to engage in sex before marriage. The sad reality is that many of us will give into this temptation.. You will lose a vital part of yourself. Sex is the final physical bonding of a couple when they are married. You are depriving yourself of an integral part of the marriage experience by engaging in sex before marriage, and you ARE cheating on your future spouse, there is no doubt in that. Your husband or wife should be the only person to ever experience you in that way.

Modern society has portrayed to us a "try before you buy" approach to happiness, sex and marriage. Television tells us that sex before marriage is not only acceptable, but desirable and preferable. We are led to believe without sex we cannot be happy! Is there a surer sign of satan at work in this modern age? Such thinking is unholy at best. The lord has provided us with all, he cherishes us and loves us. To even think that we need to have sex with multiple people throughout our lifetimes without committing our lives to them in holy marriage to experience what is best for us is a mockery of the lord and the holy act of marriage that has has provided for our spiritual health.

So what I am saying is, as most of the people in this thread surely agrees on is, regardless of what any of us desire or think, clearly, sex before marriage is wrong for us as followers of christ.

God bless.

Originally Posted by 88keys

I hope it's okay for me to post here because I haven't been single for 15 years (but I still remember when I was!).

The sex outside of marriage question is a very difficult thing to handle for a Christian. We know it is a sin and what God says about it in His word. That should be enough but look around, it's not. Just in my church there are three Christian single girls that are pregnant. I wonder how many more are there that are playing with fire that we don't know about. I wish it was enough just to say, God says no. I think we need to go further and explain some of the psycological and physical problems that sex before marriage causes.

No matter how fun the moment is - you will regret it afterwards every time. You will lose a special part of you that can never be regained. There are more diseases than you can count due to sleeping around. If you are found out (and you will be), you lose trust, respect, and you lose your testimony. If you get pregnant you bring a child into the world with a unfair strike against him or her and your life (and your family's) is forever changed...and not for the better.

It's a pretty good sign that if everybody is doing it - it's probably not right. You CAN wait until marriage. Ask God to help you and He will. Don't think just because you may WANT to have sex that you HAVE to have sex. It is a fun, wonderful, beautiful expression of love that God created within the marriage covenant but it is an ugly, dirty, unfulfilling sinful act that displeases God outside of marriage.

...I wish I'd talked to me 25 years ago!

I think the above poster is off the mark, more research and thought should be put into the advice before you help anyone down the guilt path unfairly....Perhaps some actual historical perspective is in order?...

The worst feature of the Christian religion, however, is its attitude toward sex - an attitude so morbid and so unnatural that it can be understood only when taken in relation to the sickness of the civilized world at the time the Roman Empire was decaying. We sometimes hear talk to the effect that Christianity improved the status of women. This is one of the grossest perversions of history that it is possible to make. Women cannot enjoy a tolerable position in society where it is considered of the utmost importance that they should not infringe a very rigid moral code. Monks have always regarded Woman primarily as the temptress; they have thought of her mainly as the inspirer of impure lusts. The teaching of the church has been, and still is, that virginity is best, but that for those who find this impossible marriage is permissible. "It is better to marry than to burn," as St. Paul puts it. By making marriage indissoluble, and by stamping out all knowledge of the ars amandi, the church did what it could to secure that the only form of sex which it permitted should involve very little pleasure and a great deal of pain. The opposition to birth control has, in fact, the same motive: if a woman has a child a year until she dies worn out, it is not to be supposed that she will derive much pleasure from her married life; therefore birth control must be discouraged.
The conception of Sin which is bound up with Christian ethics is one that does an extraordinary amount of harm, since it affords people an outlet for their sadism which they believe to be legitimate, and even noble. Take, for example, the question of the prevention of syphilis. It is known that, by precautions taken in advance, the danger of contracting this disease can be made negligible. Christians, however, object to the dissemination of knowledge of this fact, since they hold it good that sinners should be punished. They hold this so good that they are even willing that punishment should extend to the wives and children of sinners. There are in the world at the present moment many thousands of children suffering from congenital syphilis who would never have been born but for the desire of Christians to see sinners punished. I cannot understand how doctrines leading us to this fiendish cruelty can be considered to have any good effects upon morals.



It is not only in regard to sexual behaviour but also in regard to knowledge on sex subjects that the attitude of Christians is dangerous to human welfare. Every person who has taken the trouble to study the question in an unbiased spirit knows that the artificial ignorance on sex subjects which orthodox Christians attempt to enforce upon the young is extremely dangerous to mental and physical health, and causes in those who pick up their knowledge by the way of "improper" talk, as most children do, an attitude that sex is in itself indecent and ridiculous. I do not think there can be any defense for the view that knowledge is ever undesirable. I should not put barriers in the way of the acquisition of knowledge by anybody at any age. But in the particular case of sex knowledge there are much weightier arguments in its favor than in the case of most other knowledge. A person is much less likely to act wisely when he is ignorant than when he is instructed, and it is ridiculous to give young people a sense of sin because they have a natural curiosity about an important matter.



Every boy is interested in trains. Suppose we told him that an interest in trains is wicked; suppose we kept his eyes bandaged whenever he was in a train or on a railway station; suppose we never allowed the word "train" to be mentioned in his presence and preserved an impenetrable mystery as to the means by which he is transported from one place to another. The result would not be that he would cease to be interested in trains; on the contrary, he would become more interested than ever but would have a morbid sense of sin, because this interest had been represented to him as improper. Every boy of active intelligence could by this means be rendered in a greater or less degree neurasthenic. This is precisely what is done in the matter of sex; but, as sex is more interesting than trains, the results are worse. Almost every adult in a Christian community is more or less diseased nervously as a result of the taboo on sex knowledge when he or she was young. And the sense of sin which is thus artificially implanted is one of the causes of cruelty, timidity, and stupidity in later life. There is no rational ground of any sort or kind in keeping a child ignorant of anything that he may wish to know, whether on sex or on any other matter. And we shall never get a sane population until this fact is recognized in early education, which is impossible so long as the churches are able to control educational politics.



Leaving these comparatively detailed objections on one side, it is clear that the fundamental doctrines of Christianity demand a great deal of ethical perversion before they can be accepted. The world, we are told, was created by a God who is both good and omnipotent. Before He created the world He foresaw all the pain and misery that it would contain; He is therefore responsible for all of it. It is useless to argue that the pain in the world is due to sin. In the first place, this is not true; it is not sin that causes rivers to overflow their banks or volcanoes to erupt. But even if it were true, it would make no difference. If I were going to beget a child knowing that the child was going to be a homicidal maniac, I should be responsible for his crimes. If God knew in advance the sins of which man would be guilty, He was clearly responsible for all the consequences of those sins when He decided to create man. The usual Christian argument is that the suffering in the world is a purification for sin and is therefore a good thing. This argument is, of course, only a rationalization of sadism; but in any case it is a very poor argument. I would invite any Christian to accompany me to the children's ward of a hospital, to watch the suffering that is there being endured, and then to persist in the assertion that those children are so morally abandoned as to deserve what they are suffering. In order to bring himself to say this, a man must destroy in himself all feelings of mercy and compassion. He must, in short, make himself as cruel as the God in whom he believes. No man who believes that all is for the best in this suffering world can keep his ethical values unimpaired, since he is always having to find excuses for pain and misery.

The pope recently condemned condoms in Africa, which is much like pointing a machine gun at a crowd and murdering people, AIDS is out of hand in that region, anyone who thinks this condemnation of sex moral, is a sadist, and is beyond contempt....

Sex outside of marriage is wrong. I don't know why any person who lives by the word of God would see it in any other way. We are not to add to God's word or take away from it. There is no compromising His word. That's why there are all these diseases. I am not perfect and I had sex before marriage. I accepted Christ as child and begin to stray as a teenager. God was still in my heart or I would not be where I am today. Before I married my husband we were having sex. Well I decided to stop playing games, because it was ridiculous, my life was ridiculous. I knew I needed God and I wanted to live for him. I told my husband I did not want to have sex anymore until we were married. We had already talked about marriage, I think he had already proposed, I can't remember. Anyways, I was firm in my decision because I was tired of the chaos in my life of sin. Thankfully he accepted it and we did not have sex for probably about 4-6 months before we got married. If he had not been okay with it, we wouldn't have gotten married and it would have been just fine. Well sex before marriage caused so many problems in my life. I had horrible relationships. I believe it causes problems in everyone's lives whether they admit it or not, because it was meant for mairriage. If you think about it why do we want do that to ourselves. It's not complicated to explain that it is not God's will foranyone to have premarital sex bottom line. I didn't even read other posts because there is no question in my mind that it should not be done. I'm going to raise my daughter and any other children I have to know this and to know why. God gives us these ways of living for a reason. My mother told me it was wrong, but did not explain why, not that she should of had to as I was supposed to obey my mother and father as a child regardless. My daughter will not just know that it is wrong, but it is because of God's love for us that He tells us to live this way.

Originally Posted by joesmith

I think the above poster is off the mark, more research and thought should be put into the advice before you help anyone down the guilt path unfairly....Perhaps some actual historical perspective is in order?...

The worst feature of the Christian religion, however, is its attitude toward sex - an attitude so morbid and so unnatural that it can be understood only when taken in relation to the sickness of the civilized world at the time the Roman Empire was decaying. We sometimes hear talk to the effect that Christianity improved the status of women. This is one of the grossest perversions of history that it is possible to make. Women cannot enjoy a tolerable position in society where it is considered of the utmost importance that they should not infringe a very rigid moral code. Monks have always regarded Woman primarily as the temptress; they have thought of her mainly as the inspirer of impure lusts. The teaching of the church has been, and still is, that virginity is best, but that for those who find this impossible marriage is permissible. "It is better to marry than to burn," as St. Paul puts it. By making marriage indissoluble, and by stamping out all knowledge of the ars amandi, the church did what it could to secure that the only form of sex which it permitted should involve very little pleasure and a great deal of pain. The opposition to birth control has, in fact, the same motive: if a woman has a child a year until she dies worn out, it is not to be supposed that she will derive much pleasure from her married life; therefore birth control must be discouraged.
The conception of Sin which is bound up with Christian ethics is one that does an extraordinary amount of harm, since it affords people an outlet for their sadism which they believe to be legitimate, and even noble. Take, for example, the question of the prevention of syphilis. It is known that, by precautions taken in advance, the danger of contracting this disease can be made negligible. Christians, however, object to the dissemination of knowledge of this fact, since they hold it good that sinners should be punished. They hold this so good that they are even willing that punishment should extend to the wives and children of sinners. There are in the world at the present moment many thousands of children suffering from congenital syphilis who would never have been born but for the desire of Christians to see sinners punished. I cannot understand how doctrines leading us to this fiendish cruelty can be considered to have any good effects upon morals.



It is not only in regard to sexual behaviour but also in regard to knowledge on sex subjects that the attitude of Christians is dangerous to human welfare. Every person who has taken the trouble to study the question in an unbiased spirit knows that the artificial ignorance on sex subjects which orthodox Christians attempt to enforce upon the young is extremely dangerous to mental and physical health, and causes in those who pick up their knowledge by the way of "improper" talk, as most children do, an attitude that sex is in itself indecent and ridiculous. I do not think there can be any defense for the view that knowledge is ever undesirable. I should not put barriers in the way of the acquisition of knowledge by anybody at any age. But in the particular case of sex knowledge there are much weightier arguments in its favor than in the case of most other knowledge. A person is much less likely to act wisely when he is ignorant than when he is instructed, and it is ridiculous to give young people a sense of sin because they have a natural curiosity about an important matter.



Every boy is interested in trains. Suppose we told him that an interest in trains is wicked; suppose we kept his eyes bandaged whenever he was in a train or on a railway station; suppose we never allowed the word "train" to be mentioned in his presence and preserved an impenetrable mystery as to the means by which he is transported from one place to another. The result would not be that he would cease to be interested in trains; on the contrary, he would become more interested than ever but would have a morbid sense of sin, because this interest had been represented to him as improper. Every boy of active intelligence could by this means be rendered in a greater or less degree neurasthenic. This is precisely what is done in the matter of sex; but, as sex is more interesting than trains, the results are worse. Almost every adult in a Christian community is more or less diseased nervously as a result of the taboo on sex knowledge when he or she was young. And the sense of sin which is thus artificially implanted is one of the causes of cruelty, timidity, and stupidity in later life. There is no rational ground of any sort or kind in keeping a child ignorant of anything that he may wish to know, whether on sex or on any other matter. And we shall never get a sane population until this fact is recognized in early education, which is impossible so long as the churches are able to control educational politics.



Leaving these comparatively detailed objections on one side, it is clear that the fundamental doctrines of Christianity demand a great deal of ethical perversion before they can be accepted. The world, we are told, was created by a God who is both good and omnipotent. Before He created the world He foresaw all the pain and misery that it would contain; He is therefore responsible for all of it. It is useless to argue that the pain in the world is due to sin. In the first place, this is not true; it is not sin that causes rivers to overflow their banks or volcanoes to erupt. But even if it were true, it would make no difference. If I were going to beget a child knowing that the child was going to be a homicidal maniac, I should be responsible for his crimes. If God knew in advance the sins of which man would be guilty, He was clearly responsible for all the consequences of those sins when He decided to create man. The usual Christian argument is that the suffering in the world is a purification for sin and is therefore a good thing. This argument is, of course, only a rationalization of sadism; but in any case it is a very poor argument. I would invite any Christian to accompany me to the children's ward of a hospital, to watch the suffering that is there being endured, and then to persist in the assertion that those children are so morally abandoned as to deserve what they are suffering. In order to bring himself to say this, a man must destroy in himself all feelings of mercy and compassion. He must, in short, make himself as cruel as the God in whom he believes. No man who believes that all is for the best in this suffering world can keep his ethical values unimpaired, since he is always having to find excuses for pain and misery.

The pope recently condemned condoms in Africa, which is much like pointing a machine gun at a crowd and murdering people, AIDS is out of hand in that region, anyone who thinks this condemnation of sex moral, is a sadist, and is beyond contempt....

I didn't read the whole thing, but I'm a Christian and I don't hold that sinners should be punished. I hold God's word. It says no sex before marriage and how about not having sex before marriage and you don't have to worry about catching a sexually transmitted disease? That's a sure fire way not to get one!! If you get any other way as in sitting on a toilet or whatever, I'm not sure of any other ways reported other than sexual contact, then you could not have prevented it unless maybe you were more cautious to where you sat. I have not heard of a case where abstinence has caused a problem. What is so cruel about waiting until marriage? Are you saying it's the popes fault that AIDS is out of hand in Africa? I'm sorry did he point a gun to someones head and forced them to have sex? Normally I don't even respond to stuff like this because I feel it's a ploy from the devil through that person to start an argument. But I don't need to argue. The truth is still the truth even if someone does not believe it. Our sefishness and ignorance has caused us so many problems it is so very very sad. All that God has said to do is what is right and good. We make it into being something bad. What does it hurt to not have premarital sex? What does it hurt to be kind to one another? I often think of how if we just lived as God intended us to live we would not have all these problems. We cause them ourselves. I mean again, what harm does it do to not have sex before marriage? Please somebody name one even if it makes no sense at all. We make things so complicated. I do it too and I have to remind myself that I am being a fool. If there was a poisonous fruit tree with berries that tasted so good you felt you could not resist, would you still eat the berries just cause they taste really good, even though there was the possibility you could die. And there was this other fruit tree that had not bloomed yet with berries, but it would eventually and you could eat of it and not die and they were known to be very wonderful berries. Would you not just wait until the other berries bloomed instead of risking death with the other one.
Same thing with premarital sex. But not everyone will understand this. Hearts will be hardened so I expect that and therefore will have no reason to argue, but to speak the truth.

[Loloy]

Well.... Joesmith has a point...
But for me... it is very clear in the bible... that it is a sin...
It is better to obey than to sacrifice....

from a worldy persepctive its normal to have sex whenever-and i think it would be fair to say its borderline abuse-to use some1 to meet ure needs though most would say its love
As followers of christ we called to a different road, to live differently to the rest of the world and we have been comanded to do stuff.sex is just a three letter to most people but god created it for something so much more than a one nite stand, passionate affair or relationship outside of marriage-marriage is a gift and somethings should be just for marriage-for if one is having sex outside of marriage it effects them spiriturally and physically-just consequences to going against god.
i say leave it for marriage-though if you have had it outside of marriage and u r a christian-take it to god.peace out

JoeSmith - you have got to be kidding me!!! You may be an expert on sex and the history thereof but obviously you are not qualified to speak within the Christian perspective. I can appreciate your opinion only because I know it is coming from a non-christian point of view; I would expect no different.

It would be a waste of time to debate the issue with you.

Let it be understood I believe YOUR post is off the mark and advice like yours is one reason for the moral decay of this country.

You know, I have looked all through the Bible but I have no clue where we are told that premarital sex between consenting adults is a sin--adultery (post-marital affairs) yes, homosexuality yes, leading someone down a bad path (prostitution and probably minors) yes, but premarital sex I just don't see it. Can someone enlighten me on that? No rhetoric, no anger, just precision in the bible? I really just don't get it.