Do People Try to Use Your Faith Against You?

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
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#1
Hi Everyone,

Please allow me to vent!!! Has anyone else experienced these kinds of things? I am so tired of people trying to manipulate things from me "in the name of the Lord."

Let me give you some examples: people who try to coerce you into doing something (lend or give them money, buy something for them, do something for them, babysit, give them your phone number, go out on a date with them, whatever), and if you decline or hesitate, suddenly, they'll say something like, "Wow. I thought you were a REAL Christian. I guess I was wrong."

And, even when I try to explain, it doesn't help. For example, I've had guys online ask for my phone number within the first four sentences of their contact (they say they don't like typing or chat, which I understand, but...) I try to explain to them that I only give my number out when I feel like I know someone, and that it takes some time, because I've had some bad experiences, and then I get replies such as, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a TRUE, mature Christian woman, but obviously, you blame any guy for some loser from the past--guess what, I'm not him!" or, "You know what? You really need help! I'll pray that you get the help you need," and, my personal favorite, "Don't worry, GOD CAN CHANGE YOU and HEAL YOU OF ALL YOUR ISSUES, LIKE FEAR!"

Now granted, we ALL have issues, and I'd never want to deceive myself into trying to claim I don't have them!!! But, where do you draw the line and how do you, as a Christian, respond? I've heard these things from both Christians and non-Christians alike, and frankly, I'm really sick of these kinds of mind games. I've heard even worse stories, such as Christian lawyers who are constantly solicited for free services because they're told, "God will surely bless you for doing this!"

Please don't think I'm speaking against doing good for other people or taking their requests to heart... but c'mon, enough is enough.

The sarcastic part of me really wants to take a verbal swing as an answer... but my spirit says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath" (Proverbs 15:1).

It's just that... I'm not so sure what the gentle answer should be. Maybe some of you have encountered the same things and have a much better idea of how to respond than I do!!
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#2
You can say...

1. Well I'd rather be a fake Christian than a real manipulator like you're presently trying to do.............

2. If you're so familiar with my faith, and you seem to want to follow it, why don't you start by following the part that says don't judge and don't cast the first stone.

3. Even the devil quoted scripture and told Jesus to go dive off a cliff. It's obvious you're playin the part of the devil here. So go dive off a cliff.

:p
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#3
You can say...

1. Well I'd rather be a fake Christian than a real manipulator like you're presently trying to do.............

2. If you're so familiar with my faith, and you seem to want to follow it, why don't you start by following the part that says don't judge and don't cast the first stone.

3. Even the devil quoted scripture and told Jesus to go dive off a cliff. It's obvious you're playin the part of the devil here. So go dive off a cliff.

:p
LOL!!! *Busily taking notes and memorizing slick lines!* *Will start selecting individuals with which to practice them on.*

Thanks, Still... we can always count on you for answers!! ;)
 
Oct 28, 2009
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#4
I havent exerianced anything like this before but i imagine it happens all over the place. Any1 who does use this when they dont get what they want has missed the point. AbUSE is when you use someone to meet your needs.

Its good to have boundaries, especially in our close relationships. Surround yourself with people who are intentional about how they live and their faith where this kind of abuse doesnt take place.
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#5
i would tell them the blunt and honest truth:

You are using the Lord's name in vain and trying to manipulate me based on what you perceive as my weakness: my religion and faith in God. Which is based on a gross misunderstanding on your part because God is my strength. I do not fear you and will not be twisted by words from a person who would even misuse God and my faith to get his/her selfish way. If I were not a Christain I would have anger and some choice words for you. However, God has taught me to rise above that and turn the other cheek. So would you like to tell me more lies or should we just take a few moments and pray for your soul now?

after a few words they kind of just walk away from me. :) lol i try not to laugh in their face when they say stuff like that or try and use my faith or my beliefs in God against me. Or if they say God would want you to do this.... I return with.

Oh your a God fearing person, excellent I'm visiting the nursing home this weekend would you like to join me? or food bank or Habitat for humanity or whatever else you are interested in.

lol but still waters sounds snapper lol
 
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T

thimsrebma

Guest
#6
This is what you say, it works everytime.

I'm rubber, you're glue. Everything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!
 
Feb 24, 2011
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#7
I'm from the South lol. All people do is talk about religion and politics. But we try to keep it classy haha and I've never been "coerced" into something because of my faith.
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#8
They were obviously sent by the devil so just block them and say, "Thank you God for showing me right up front what a jerk that guy was."
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#9
Don't worry Kim your not alone.

I saw the title of your post before I even read the thread and I thought 'Yup I so know what shes talking about.'

I deal with this with people all the time especially my brother who considers himself agnostic, which in my opinion is a total cop out. He has a steady girlfriend who is the most angry femiinist athiest Ive ever met (not to mention exhausting to be around). I love my brother, but there are many days I can't stand being in the same room as him. He has a tendency to be very manipulative and emotionally and mentally abusive towards me and only me. I am not the only christian in my family, my mother and grandmother both love Jesus, but my brother seems to ignore this and at every chance mock, insult, twist everything I say. He especially loves to pick things in the bible and try and use them against me as well as pulling out random scripture (completely out of context) and use it for his own gain while exclaiming that all spiritual practices and philosophies lead to the same result (some kind of universal utopia in his opinion).

It is exhausting. No matter how much I read my bible or study commentaries by CS Lewis/Josh McDowell on backing up scripture. No amount of debate ever convinces him to be open minded to my side of thinking and it distresses me that he really only does it to work me up and upset me. My fiance and mother tell me to just ignore him, but how do you ignore someone who goes out of his way to insult you and everything you believe and love.

As far as guys and other randoms are concerned if they try to pull out the "If you were a christian you'd do this for me.." I am not afraid to call them a hypocrite and manipulator, as the best way of loving a stranger who talks like that, is to bring them down a notch or two.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
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#10
Don't worry Kim your not alone.

I saw the title of your post before I even read the thread and I thought 'Yup I so know what shes talking about.'

I deal with this with people all the time especially my brother who considers himself agnostic, which in my opinion is a total cop out. He has a steady girlfriend who is the most angry femiinist athiest Ive ever met (not to mention exhausting to be around). I love my brother, but there are many days I can't stand being in the same room as him. He has a tendency to be very manipulative and emotionally and mentally abusive towards me and only me. I am not the only christian in my family, my mother and grandmother both love Jesus, but my brother seems to ignore this and at every chance mock, insult, twist everything I say. He especially loves to pick things in the bible and try and use them against me as well as pulling out random scripture (completely out of context) and use it for his own gain while exclaiming that all spiritual practices and philosophies lead to the same result (some kind of universal utopia in his opinion).

It is exhausting. No matter how much I read my bible or study commentaries by CS Lewis/Josh McDowell on backing up scripture. No amount of debate ever convinces him to be open minded to my side of thinking and it distresses me that he really only does it to work me up and upset me. My fiance and mother tell me to just ignore him, but how do you ignore someone who goes out of his way to insult you and everything you believe and love.

As far as guys and other randoms are concerned if they try to pull out the "If you were a christian you'd do this for me.." I am not afraid to call them a hypocrite and manipulator, as the best way of loving a stranger who talks like that, is to bring them down a notch or two.
I'm really sorry about your brother, but if you want to know what I think, there is a reason why he is continuing his assault on you. Its because you are satisfying his need to see you angry and frustrated. If you just ignore his attacks or show that it doesn't affect you he will stop. You can just say "yea, whatever. I really don't feel like arguing with you now." or something like that when he challenges you. And when he tries to use a scripture for his own gain just smile and say "nice try."
 
K

kiwi_OT

Guest
#11
I'm really sorry about your brother, but if you want to know what I think, there is a reason why he is continuing his assault on you. Its because you are satisfying his need to see you angry and frustrated. If you just ignore his attacks or show that it doesn't affect you he will stop. You can just say "yea, whatever. I really don't feel like arguing with you now." or something like that when he challenges you. And when he tries to use a scripture for his own gain just smile and say "nice try."
Yeah lol, I actually have tried the silent ignoring treatment and it makes it worse. When no one contradicts him he believes he is right.
My brother and I were both severely abused by the same man who used the same tactics. When no one disagree's with them they feel validated and powerful and take their abuse up another notch. Have you ever tried telling a woman to just ignore her husbands abuse? It doesn't work like that. I developed post traumatic stress disorder as a teen because I kept everything inside and could never be honest or stand up for myself lest I get a beating.
The hard thing is that I can't run away or divorce my brother. He is in my life and all I can do is pray for him and pull out my sword every now and then.
I can't ignore a person when they sit there and say out aloud things like
"Your fat Melody, go stick a finger down your throat or even better pray to God to make you skinny"
"Only uneducated closed minded people believe in an invisible deity"
etc etc
 
F

FirstToTestify

Guest
#12
I definitely know what you're talking about. I agree. It's really irritating when people try to guilt you into doing good things because you believe in God. And what you said is true. There's a line between doing the right thing for God and being manipulated into doing something that might not truly be of God, even if it is a "kind" thing. I really liked the sarcastic quotes that 1_stillwaters posted. Maybe it's just because I'm a naturally sarcastic person too. :)
But, these people are obviously of the devil. Don't let them affect your heart. If you're not sure what to do about something, go to God in prayer.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#13
Hmm...I don't think I've ever had that happen. I'd just stop talking to a guy if he did that because I'd wonder in what way he would try to emotionally blackmail me next...
Sounds like the sort of guy who would resort to the old, "If you loved me, you would" line at some point, you know?

I wouldn't say anything ugly, I would just stop talking.
 
X

xJoe

Guest
#14
All the time people do this to me.
People think that since I'm a Christian I am obligated to do every little thing they ask me for. I'm required to help them with every little task and waste my time money and effort to make there lifes easier. What do I say?
Galatians 6:5
5 For each one shall bear his own load.
Yes I will help out people and I will give them support if they need me but I am NO BABY SITTER. Did Jesus baby sit people? Did Jesus go around doing every little odd job someone needed? Or did he minister to peoples needs!
Hey Joe can I get a ride? What would Jesus do? I won't be able to go if you don't.
You are a grown man/woman. You are responsible for yourself. Am I your baby sitter?
If we let people nudge us into every little thing they ask then were push overs. More then that we are pleasers of men! Be a pleaser of God. Which means learn to say no. You actually do someone a lot more harm then good by baby sitting them. Encourage RESPONSIBILITY.
And also God doesn't encourage being a idiot. Giving your number out randomly online is quite stupid. People say things to guilt you into there will. I just say whatever. There's no winning those conversations. Who cares what they think? What if they end up being a stalker or creepish? Be responsible and avoid immature people.
my opinion
 
Last edited:
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
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#15
Yeah lol, I actually have tried the silent ignoring treatment and it makes it worse. When no one contradicts him he believes he is right.
My brother and I were both severely abused by the same man who used the same tactics. When no one disagree's with them they feel validated and powerful and take their abuse up another notch. Have you ever tried telling a woman to just ignore her husbands abuse? It doesn't work like that. I developed post traumatic stress disorder as a teen because I kept everything inside and could never be honest or stand up for myself lest I get a beating.
The hard thing is that I can't run away or divorce my brother. He is in my life and all I can do is pray for him and pull out my sword every now and then.
I can't ignore a person when they sit there and say out aloud things like
"Your fat Melody, go stick a finger down your throat or even better pray to God to make you skinny"
"Only uneducated closed minded people believe in an invisible deity"
etc etc
Wow. Thats really horrible. :( I think I may have a suggestion for you but I'd like to PM it to you if that's ok.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#16
All the time people do this to me.
People think that since I'm a Christian I am obligated to do every little thing they ask me for. I'm required to help them with every little task and waste my time money and effort to make there lifes easier. What do I say?
Galatians 6:5
5 For each one shall bear his own load.
Yes I will help out people and I will give them support if they need me but I am NO BABY SITTER. Did Jesus baby sit people? Did Jesus go around doing every little odd job someone needed? Or did he minister to peoples needs!
Hey Joe can I get a ride? What would Jesus do? I won't be able to go if you don't.
You are a grown man/woman. You are responsible for yourself. Am I your baby sitter?
If we let people nudge us into every little thing they ask then were push overs. More then that we are pleasers of men! Be a pleaser of God. Which means learn to say no. You actually do someone a lot more harm then good by baby sitting them. Encourage RESPONSIBILITY.
And also God doesn't encourage being a idiot. Giving your number out randomly online is quite stupid. People say things to guilt you into there will. I just say whatever. There's no winning those conversations. Who cares what they think? What if they end up being a stalker or creepish? Be responsible and avoid immature people.
my opinion
Thats awesome!
 
Oct 31, 2009
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#17
Those peeps r desperate. If they were christians they wont make comments such as those they made. U can just ignore them. Or tell them THIS IS ME! IF U CANT DEAL WITH ME, THEN DONT TALK TO ME! :p
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#18
Hi everyone,

Thanks for the great answers and please keep sharing your experiences and ideas... Joe, I LOVED the Scripture reference you gave--I wrote it down, plan to study it a bit, and will commit it to memory--thank you!!

Several years ago, an older co-worker of mine was in a terrible car accident. She then refused to attempt driving at all and started asking myself and a friend of mine for rides... She also insisted on having her poor neighbors cart her everywhere, including to all her doctor's appointments. But the kicker was, the reason she was in the car accident is because she had blatantly, and very publicly, made choices to neglect her health and go against her doctor's orders. And, her neighbors had even been kind enough to find her a car, but she refused to set foot in it.

After a few weeks of giving her rides, it was wearing me down and I felt very uneasy about it, but how could I tell her no? Here she was, a woman in her 70's, living alone, no family in the area... I was very torn. But the thing is, when I prayed about it, I felt very strongly that God was saying she simply refused to do the right things (take care of herself, take steps to be responsible), was living off the attention her bad choices had gotten her into, and to stop giving her rides. I really hate situations like this but have experienced this a few times in dire situations (such as those involving kids, etc.) I also asked a few friends to pray with me in case I was wrong, and they all believed the same thing... So, it was hard, but I finally told her, I can help you out for the rest of this week, but that's it.

One of the most powerful sermons I ever heard was about the fact that God carried Israel through the desert on the way to the Promised Land (the Bible says He carried them as a man carries his son). Their clothes did not wear out, and He provided food and water wherever they went. BUT, once that got to where they were going, they had to buckle down, plow and toil over the land, plant and harvest, and start doing their part to provide for themselves through the things God had given them.

I am learning, through sometimes tough experiences, that sometimes we make the mistake of "carrying" people for far too long... and if God is calling them to step out in faith and live their own independent life, we become disobedient ourselves, because we are making ourselves slaves to man instead of ultimately following what God says.

I am trying to learn the balance between learning to serve others while refusing to enable them.
 
X

xJoe

Guest
#20
Proverbs 6:1-5
1 My son, if you become surety (Security) for your friend,
If you have shaken hands in pledge for a stranger,
2 You are snared by the words of your mouth;
You are taken by the words of your mouth.
3 So do this, my son, and deliver yourself;
For you have come into the hand of your friend:
Go and humble yourself;
Plead with your friend.
4 Give no sleep to your eyes,
Nor slumber to your eyelids.
5 Deliver yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter,
And like a bird from the hand of the fowler.[a]

Have you made a promise to meet someones daily needs? Have you promised to be responsible for someone else's daily needs? Are you trapped by the words of, "ill do that" or "You can count on me" then free yourself. I believe this verse has relevance to these matter. It talks about being responsible for someone as if you were legally responsible for someone in this day and age. The Bible doesn't say if your are responsible for someone do your best job to take care and babysit them. It tells you to free yourself!!!

I know the feeling. It really is difficult to have the right balance between the two. My rule is though if someone has the means and can do something by there self then they should. There's a girl i sometimes pick up if she does not have a ride to my church program that lives about 30-40 minutes away. She needs the program, and also she has no means to get there by herself so I pick her up. I offer to pick her up, its what she needs and she can't do it by herself.
Then there was this other person who lived 15-20 minutes away that always asked me for rides and at first i always gave him rides but eventually i got fed up. He tried to guilt me, force me and every little thing you can think of to get me to do it. Then I said I have things I want to do today and I can't do them if I pick you up. Me leaving for church is 6:50. Me picking him up for church I leave at 6 or sometimes earlier because of traffic and what not. I have to waste a hour of my time picking up someone whose to lazy to take a bus. So i stopped. He is responsible for himself. It's actually wrong for him to treat me as he did. Am I acting Christian? Yes. Responsibly.
Does my church need help with something? Does someone have a hard task they need help with? Then call me and ill help. Maybe even if someone needed a ride because they left late, ill do that. Does someone want me to obligate myself to there responsibility's on a daily basis? I will not do that. Does someone want me to do things that they should be responsible enough to do? I will not do there job for them.