Fustrated, can't get a girlfriend

[Necris]

To start with I'm in college and I never had a girlfriend or any other relationship with a girl my entire life. I will have to say I'm a very shy and introverted person so this probably has alot to do with it. I really want to experience a relationship with a woman (not sexual as that would be fornication, but a christian boyfriend/girlfriend relationship), but it just seems like that's probably not going to happen. Unfortunately for years my mind has been bothering me and I keep thinking about it all the time non-stop, which make me feel desperate and sad. How do I get my mind off getting a girlfriend? (I'm trying to give up thinking about it but I have very very weak thought control). Also any advice/tips?

I probably should give a little information about myself to help out. I should probably start with my physical characteristics first as that is what people see about me first. I'm 6 foot 3 inches tall, 230 pounds, and I'm moderately in shape as I can bench 300lbs. I rate my physical appearance as average, and I try to dress presentable if I'm leaving the house like any other person. I do have some flaws about myself such as a crooked spine (scoliosis) it high in the neck so its not too noticeable, left hand that will not stretch open without an outside force acting on it this is not very noticeable, extremely dry skin (people have shook my hand and said it felt like sandpaper and my skin cracks open but this problem is easily fixed with lotions and oils everyday before I go outside), I can be very clumsy at times and I have absolutely no dance skills whatsoever, and I find myself being sick constantly and my allergies and asthma do not help at all.

I'm also a christian that tries to follow and apply God's word in my life to the best of my abilities. Most people also describe me as an extremely nice and funny person to be around, but make no mistake I'm always ready to defend my self and my values. I also think of myself as pretty intelligent as most people around me including my teachers think of me as highly gifted intellectually, my psych teacher eventually gave me an IQ test in which I scored a 160. This didn't really help my social skills as most of my life I was isolated from my peers/classmates as they would betray me, mock me and sometimes even attack me for whatever reason, eventually I was able to stop the bullying when I got to highschool and later on actually make friends. Most of my interests involve computers such as video gaming, and surfing the web, but I also enjoy things like hiking and go-kart racing.

I actually try to approach girls but I always fail in some way. I will admit I probably don't approach as many girls as I should mainly due to the fear of rejection which is what I always receive. First I normally find a girl I would like to get know better, then I approach her and initiate small talk with her, then I continue to be friendly with her so I won't seem like a total stranger, and then I finally dig up the courage to ask her out. Everytime I try I fail or I become her friend but not boyfriend, she usually will either say she has a boyfriend already, she's not interested, or she will get scared, not speak to me again, and avoid me. I usually feel sad afterwards, unless I'm already super-happy and I'm feeling confident then I will just feel like "oh well" and go back to doing whatever. I'm also not very good at picking relate able subjects to talk about but when I do find a good subject I can keep the conversation going and interesting.

[Adrianv125]

hmm, bro. I'll give you in summary the best advice you can ever have about this.

First off. Check this verse out.

Ephesians 2:10 (New King James Version)

10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.


So, if you truly believe in Jesus and know for sure that the Holy Spirit is living in you then you must know this and remind this to yourself every single day.
Just like the verse clearly points out, God knows our life in every sense; past,present and future. The verse also says that He prepared GOOD WORKS, that means actions in which He will be glorified. We are CALLED and CREATED to glorify Jesus with everything we do. Now to the topic of your problem. Ask yourself, do all my worries about not getting a girlfriend glorify Christ? Even if I got a girlfriend, will that glorify Christ? You see, as Christians we don't want to step out of our Father's will simply because we are called to do exactly that, HIS will. I firmly believe that upon prayer and patience and faith (If God has willed it to happen) He will give you the woman that He has in His heart for you. After all He created you, He bought you with His blood, and He knows everything that will happen in your life. You must have faith in this, because you can't even begin to understand the immensity of the God we serve. I mean, He created the universe with the words of His mouth. Now, if this is the God you believe in and if you really believe that He is more than able to do abundantly more than you could ever imagine, and if you know that He loves you so much that He died for you and wants to be glorified in your life, then I suggest you lay your worries down NOW. Because God's will is better than ours, His wisdom is better than ours, and His plans are better than ours. If God has planned it for you to have a wife, you can trust in Him that He will give her to you. In the mean time, place your heart,soul,body and mind to do the will of God.

God Bless you!

[Liamson]

ANYWAYS...

What kind of women are you interested in?

[yessie]

you are too young!!!! dont worry, God will place you the right woman at the right time...in His time

The best advice I can give you is to be yourself, and accept that YOU as a person are interesting, special, and women will find you interesting because of that.

Also, CONFIDENCE is the only thing you need. You say you are shy and introverted, but that doesn't matter. Everyone is shy and introverted at times, even the most extroverted people. Human psychology dictates that we constantly struggle in our own heads between being introverted and extroverted, so you cant use that as an excuse.

What you need is just some experience talking to women. Just put yourself out there. What are you losing? The fear of rejection is a huge fear to have, but it only lasts until you face it and learn it isn't that big of a deal. What are you losing if you put yourself out there? You say you haven't ever had a girlfriend anyway, so why even worry about being shy? Are you scared of being humiliated? Why? What are you losing again? Self-esteem is based entirely on action, not personal perception.

Let me put it to you this way. EVERYONE has their own idea of what is attractive in the opposite sex. Everyone is different. You may not be attractive to every single girl in the world, just like me, but you are also insanely attractive to others. You have plenty to offer them in your own ways, and everyone needs different things. Everyone is compatible with different people, as are you.

All I'm trying to tell you is that you will continue to feel shy and lonely until you decide to do something about it. You need action, not reflection.

Every Biblical figure that the Lord called to do something was AFRAID to do it. Moses argued with the Lord about not being able to speak well. He was afraid of public speaking. He was afraid of what the Lord called him to do. The Lord told him to trust in Him, and JUST DO IT. That's what you have to do. Trust in God and JUST DO IT.

Stop being afraid, get confidence in knowing you are special, the Lord is by your side, and humiliation and rejection are the silliest things anyone can be afraid of. They are a product of your own mind, rather than a product of actual results. You make it worse in your own head. Trust me, I know what you are going through, and all it takes is being proactive. Put yourself out there, and be yourself.

[marissamilkshake]

Hey Man,
I know where you're coming from I'm 17 years old (almost 18) and have always been single, but Its because I'm waiting for God to provide the right one for me. Phillippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, in thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"

Just tell the Lord what you want, and lay it down at his feet. He knows how big your desire is and he knows your true intentions. This is not something that will bother you the rest of your life, the LORD will take care of you because you are his beloved child. Ask and you will receive!

-Marissa

Seek first the kingdom, and all these things will be added unto you. Just seek God fervently and He will add in His timing. His ways are not ours.

[FireWire]

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

[Meridoc]

Originally Posted by Necris

To start with I'm in college and I never had a girlfriend or any other relationship with a girl my entire life. I will have to say I'm a very shy and introverted person so this probably has alot to do with it.

Relax you are 19. I have a friend that was very much the same way. He decided instead of worrying about it he would wait for God's timing. God's timing came and man was it amazing, he is now married with 2 kids to a woman that complements his personality and ministry in every way. Rather than focus on wanting a girl, spend the time with God, learn his purpose for your life, his timing will come and you will be astounded.

[Jullianna]

What's the rush? Why not just enjoy being 19 and single? There's an amazing world out there. Explore it. Somewhere along the way you'll bump into someone very special and then you'll have a lot to talk about.