Wishing/Waiting

F8Th · #1 (**permalink**) May 24th, 2011

I have a guy ive been friends with for 8 months now and we've gotten really close. We have said before to each other that we like each other. And things seemed to be happening between us (he would say things that gave me the impression he wanted a relationship)

But recently we discussed where we were going with this friendship/relationship and he said he wasnt sure if he wanted to take the next step cus he's afraid of losing our friendship if someting goes wrong.

Yet im confused because he says he still really likes me, and i guess you'd call it flirting cus we are always teasing each other in some way. He said he might change his mind someday and we could 'take the next step' but for now he wants to stay friends. What am i supposed to think of this? Ive gotten hurt over and over again...cus i have such strong feelings for him i can't help but keep holding on, waiting to see if and when he'll change his mind. And he'll say cute things to me every now and then like "i wanted to hug you" etc..things that to me seem obvious that he has feelings for me

I really do care about him and want him to be a part of my life. Im willing to take the risk with our friendship but he's not.And so here i am still holding on...cus in my heart i feel he's worth it. If only he'd feel the same.

wolfywolfs · #2 (**permalink**) May 24th, 2011

maybe he doesnt like u in the same way but doesnt want to hurt you by letting you down so hes put himself in the middle by giveing you attention you want but will not date you. tbh its hard to say with this type of thing i guess to really find out convice that if u did date and it didnt work out u will remain friends if he goes for it i guess he was just nervous of losing something if he doesnt he really just wants to be friends and nothing more

Meridoc · #3 (**permalink**) May 26th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by F8Th

I have a guy ive been friends with for 8 months now and we've gotten really close. We have said before to each other that we like each other. And things seemed to be happening between us (he would say things that gave me the impression he wanted a relationship)

But recently we discussed where we were going with this friendship/relationship and he said he wasnt sure if he wanted to take the next step cus he's afraid of losing our friendship if someting goes wrong.

Yet im confused because he says he still really likes me, and i guess you'd call it flirting cus we are always teasing each other in some way. He said he might change his mind someday and we could 'take the next step' but for now he wants to stay friends. What am i supposed to think of this? Ive gotten hurt over and over again...cus i have such strong feelings for him i can't help but keep holding on, waiting to see if and when he'll change his mind. And he'll say cute things to me every now and then like "i wanted to hug you" etc..things that to me seem obvious that he has feelings for me

I really do care about him and want him to be a part of my life. Im willing to take the risk with our friendship but he's not.And so here i am still holding on...cus in my heart i feel he's worth it. If only he'd feel the same.

I hate to say this but you need to give him an ultimatum and if he doesn't accept then move on. I have been in a situation like this before and it took me 3 YEARS of heartache after heartache before I finally called the girl (and girl she was, this is a huge sign of immaturity) on it and got my answer and was able to move on. DO NOT take a maybe or in a little while as an answer, he is stringing you along, he wants to see if he can get something better before deciding to settle. DON'T let him treat you as 2nd best, you are a daughter of God and deserve better than that.

Rissa77 · #4 (**permalink**) May 26th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meridoc

I hate to say this but you need to give him an ultimatum and if he doesn't accept then move on. I have been in a situation like this before and it took me 3 YEARS of heartache after heartache before I finally called the girl (and girl she was, this is a huge sign of immaturity) on it and got my answer and was able to move on. DO NOT take a maybe or in a little while as an answer, he is stringing you along, he wants to see if he can get something better before deciding to settle. DON'T let him treat you as 2nd best, you are a daughter of God and deserve better than that.

I can't agree with you, Steve. From what she says about him, he doesn't seem to be that kind of guy to take advantage of her. He seems more cautious.

I'm the one giving a guy the "maybe.. wait.. let's be friends for longer" answer in my situation. I'm not stringing him along, I'm not playing games with him, and I'm not trying to see if I can get anything better. I'm trying to get to know his character and praying for God's will in all this. If the guy I'm talking to gave me an ultimatum, I would say no on the spot. He's doing his best to be patient with me, and in doing so showing respect towards me.

Yes, she is a daughter of God, and doesn't deserve second best, but she's also not brat who gets what she wants when she asks for it. God's timing is what matters. And if God's timing is now, He'll nudge the guy along.

grace · #5 (**permalink**) May 26th, 2011

I'm sorry....but the title of your thread has this song going through my head...its the first thing I thought of. (normally I am much more serious with such threads.....but I will respond with a *serious* comment next.)

YouTube - ‪wishing and hoping‬&rlm;

grace · #6 (**permalink**) May 26th, 2011

Now, onto a more serious response.... I fall somewhere between Steven and Rissa. A good man will help a woman guard her heard. Sooooo, if this guy has stated that he is not sure he wants to go to the next step...yet is still flirting etc. I have to give that a thumbs down.

I guess when I have been faced with something like that where the guy has a clear enough sign from me for things to progress etc...yet he does nothing....I start to build a wall around my heart instinctively. Then he has to work twice as hard to get that wall down....and more than likely will lose interest. *shrugs* Seems lousy either way....but that is why honesty is the BEST policy. Just be open, but do not play with anyones emotions. He may not be doing that intentionally....but he really is doing it.

I think you need to talk to him. Its either give it a shot, or just back-peddle to the friendship with NO flirting etc involved.

Rissa77 · #7 (**permalink**) May 26th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by grace

Now, onto a more serious response.... I fall somewhere between Steven and Rissa. A good man will help a woman guard her heard. Sooooo, if this guy has stated that he is not sure he wants to go to the next step...yet is still flirting etc. I have to give that a thumbs down.

Yea, the flirting isn't a good thing. It's confusing and distracting. Though, he may not consider it as flirting. Our emotions tend to make casual conversation seem flirty sometimes. So, either he's doing it without realizing it, it's real and he contradicts himself, or she's reading into his conversation as flirty when he intends it in no way like that. Either way it leans, it does need to stop.

F8Th · #8 (**permalink**) May 28th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meridoc

I hate to say this but you need to give him an ultimatum and if he doesn't accept then move on. I have been in a situation like this before and it took me 3 YEARS of heartache after heartache before I finally called the girl (and girl she was, this is a huge sign of immaturity) on it and got my answer and was able to move on. DO NOT take a maybe or in a little while as an answer, he is stringing you along, he wants to see if he can get something better before deciding to settle. DON'T let him treat you as 2nd best, you are a daughter of God and deserve better than that.

I dont think he's trying to get anything from me at all. He's a cautious sensitive kind of guy and he's said before how he's not sure cus he's scared. It bothers me sometimes,but at the same time, he's teaching me patience and i believe God is trying to teach me that too..cus im not too patient, im used to getting wat i want if i push hard enough for it.

He cant give me an 'ultimatum' because he's not sure. And i dont want to give up on something just because im impatient or too stubborn and insist on an answer right when it pleases me.