If An Unmarried Couple Is Expecting, Should They Be Required to Marry?

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If An Unmarried Couple Is Expecting, Should They Be Required to Marry?

  • Yes. Any couple that has sex is required to marry.

    Votes: 6 18.2%
  • Yes. If a baby is involved, they should definitely marry.

    Votes: 6 18.2%
  • No. A child is not a reason to have to marry.

    Votes: 7 21.2%
  • No. If they will go back to living celibate lives, they should not have to marry.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • The couple should marry only if they want to.

    Votes: 9 27.3%
  • It really depends on the situation--I will explain my answser in my post.

    Votes: 5 15.2%

  • Total voters
    33
U

Ugly

Guest
#41
Do not conflate 'stable' with 'happy'. Of course, happiness helps, but this is really about responsibility and doing the right thing even if you don't really want to. Most of us can buckle down and do jobs we don't really like out of a need to pay the bills, so we ought to be more than willing to buckle down and do the 'job' of raising our children, which are obviously a much higher priority.

If it ends in divorce? Well, I can't see how that is any worse than not marrying at all. The only difference is the length of time one was willing to accept one's responsibilities. And besides, many 'happy' marriages also end in divorce.

And abuse? Really? Assuming that the couple are both basically decent people, I think this one's a stretch.
You can still be responsible to your children without having to marry. And comparing jobs to marriage? Now who's the one stretching?
And yes, abuse. Ok, you're right, its a stretch, despite the fact that this is what i said i've seen first hand. but ok, sure my experiences are 'a stretch'.
 
M

Maddog

Guest
#42
You can still be responsible to your children without having to marry.
I'm sure this is possible, albeit in less than desirable way. I'm sure there are extenuating circumstances which would make marriage the wrong choice. However, simply not wanting to marry is not one of those.

And comparing jobs to marriage? Now who's the one stretching?
All analogies are by their very nature deficient. But you'll have to be more specific with regards to your objection to this comparison.

And yes, abuse. Ok, you're right, its a stretch, despite the fact that this is what i said i've seen first hand. but ok, sure my experiences are 'a stretch'.
In a word, yes. I still contend that basically decent people with a sense of responsibility and moral conscience about them do not abuse each other. I believe your experiences to be examples of the few bad eggs and not indicative of a realistic risk.
 

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
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#43
It is amazing how many people here are so quick to answer a question like this. How many of you have been in this situation?
It is easy to point fingers, and judge others but how can anyone on here determine what is best for a couple and their child?

Premarrital sex happens. Bad, I know but it happens. Getting married doesn't change the fact a baby was created by an unmarried couple. To me that is tryng to "cover it up".

I personally think that unless you are in that situation then people should not be so quick to judge. A baby is not a good reason to marry. A couple should be in love. Not marry because they think it is the right thing to do.
 
M

Maddog

Guest
#44
A baby is not a good reason to marry. A couple should be in love. Not marry because they think it is the right thing to do.
On the contrary, marrying for the sake of your child, even if you didn't plan to marry, is one of the most loving things one could do. It's an example of selflessness, which is the epitome of love.

Ordinarily, it's helpful if a couple are 'in love' when they marry, but it's certainly not an essential prerequisite, and nor is it a cast iron gurantee that such feelings of love shall last. What happens when the love runs out? Should they separate?
 

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#45
Unless you are in this position, be careful how you answer.

Having sex is one thing. Getting married and devoting your life to this person without loving them is another.

It's not selfish to not marry. To me that is a potential huge mistake, especially if you are against divorce.
 
May 6, 2011
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#46
Yeah i mean back when i was younger there were lots of girls i engaged in activities with that i would never for an instant have considered marrying, child or not. So to say everyone should do is a bit harsh.
 

Kimber321

Senior Member
Jan 31, 2011
119
7
18
#48
Two wrongs do not make a right. If you're expecting a baby out of wedlock you've already done something outside of God's will. If you marry outside of God's will you are only confounding the problem of being outside of His will. Get back into His will and He will show you the right way to go forward. Marrying just because you, "think," it is the right thing to do doesn't mean it is the right thing.
 

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#49
I was reluctant to even post here, but after reading all the posts in this thread I think I should speak up a little more.

As wonderful as it would be for EVERYONE to abstain from sex til marriage that just isnt how things are. Sad, but true. The best think you can do is properly educate young boys and girls on sex. The risks of it, and what the bible says about it.

Instead of looking at a pregnant lady who is unmarried and automatically judging her as possibly a tramp, or sleaze or just irresponible try to put yourself in her shoes for just a moment.

She is probably scared, embarrassed, confused, and angry. She is carrying this child, and now suddenly people point fingers at her. Talk bout her. She is a good girl, but make a bad choice, and now she is about to be responsible for another life. While the father may be a good guy and will accept fell responsibility for his child he helped create not all are that way. Many guys run off. Many deny paternity.

It really isn;t that easy to say JUST GET MARRIED AND ALL WILL BE FINE. It doesn't work that way. Let's say a couple does marry just because of pregnancy. They are still teenagers and certainly not mature enough to raise a child on their own...well what are you gonna do then? Daddy ges scared and runs off then the baby arrives...adultery could come in to play.

The only thing ANY outside party should ever do is help, and encourage this young couple. Let them know that their child will be loved no matter how it got here.

Just because a child is born out of wedlock does not mean the kid will end up dysfunctional, ill behaved or less loved.

Sometimes, not marrying is best for the child. Especially if the parents are not responsible. Obviously they werent responsible enough to abstain so why play house even more?

So stop judging people and their "mistakes"....i am sure many young mothers, and fathers are already feeling bad enough!
 
M

Maddog

Guest
#50
Of course there are all sorts of ifs and buts (what if they divorce, what if they're not happy etc.) but all of these same ifs and buts apply just as much to any marriage. Sometimes we simply have to grow up and take responsibility because life requires us to. God knows that if circumstances didn't compell me I'd never grow up. If God brings forth a new life, we should be willing to step up to the plate and say 'okay, this woman and child is now my family'.

It may not be easy (but again, what marriage is easy?) but this is now primarily about the child who has a right to be born legitimately. I'm not blind to the practical difficulties of such a calling, but I'm simply answering the question in terms of what ought to be.
 
M

Maddog

Guest
#51
Yeah i mean back when i was younger there were lots of girls i engaged in activities with that i would never for an instant have considered marrying, child or not. So to say everyone should do is a bit harsh.
You know, marriage isn't a death sentence. This isn't about 'punishing' fornicators, it's just about people accepting their responsibilities and saying 'Okay God, I messed up, but in spite of that you have blessed us with a child so I'll try to right by him and give him the family he deserves'.
 
A

allforfun

Guest
#52
Elizabeth, I think it is nice of you to try to talk reason, but people like to stick their fingers in their ears and hear only what they want to hear. Looking at life from a different perspective would mean they couldn't be judgmental. Or right.

And we always like to say I am right and you are doing it wrong.
 
M

Maddog

Guest
#53
Elizabeth, I think it is nice of you to try to talk reason, but people like to stick their fingers in their ears and hear only what they want to hear. Looking at life from a different perspective would mean they couldn't be judgmental. Or right.

And we always like to say I am right and you are doing it wrong.
Indeed. Just as you're doing here.
 

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#54
Elizabeth, I think it is nice of you to try to talk reason, but people like to stick their fingers in their ears and hear only what they want to hear. Looking at life from a different perspective would mean they couldn't be judgmental. Or right.

And we always like to say I am right and you are doing it wrong.
You are so so right there!

So sad how so many people can sit behinf their computer screen and think they have it all figured out.

This thread tickles me to be honest.

pssst. just wait til I "bite". ;)

I will be respectful though.
 

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
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#56
I wonder what a single mother would think if she read some of the posts in this thread...
 
M

Maddog

Guest
#57
No. She isn't judging.
I'm afraid she is. In her judgement, those of us who think an expecting couple ought to marry are wrong. Moreover, she states that your (and presumably her) view is one from a position of reason, with the implication that her opponents' is one lacking in reason. She suggests that others are simply willfully refusing to hear opposing views and that we cannot see life from any other perspective.

And then to really stick the knife in, she says we're being judgemental.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with making moral judgements. She disagrees, fine, but surely we can at least refrain from derogatory and condescending remarks just because someone else arrives at a different conclusion, because she should know that, from where I'm sitting, all of her remarks appear to fit her just as much as they do anyone else here. She hit the nail on the head when she said 'And we always like to say I am right and you are doing it wrong' because that's what her post was all about.

She is probably one of the few that actually see what I am saying.
For what it's worth, I believe I see what you're saying. But maybe you're conflating understanding with agreement?
 
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Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#58
I'm afraid she is. In her judgement, those of us who think an expecting couple ought to marry are wrong. Moreover, she states that your (and presumably her) view is one from a position of reason, with the implication that her opponents' is one lacking in reason. She suggests that others are simply willfully refusing to hear opposing views.

And then to really stick the knife in, she says we're being judgemental.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with making moral judgements. She disagrees, fine, but surely we can at least refrain from derogatory and condescending remarks just because someone else arrives at a different conclusion.


For what it's worth, I believe I see what you're saying. But maybe you're conflating understanding with agreement?

I just think that people should put theirselves in this particular position before they make a decision on the lives of others.

Sex is the sin. Creating a life is not.

I just think that people dont look in to depth of this situation. Marrying is not an easy or quick fix in a situation like that, All circumstances are different of course.

Now if two can marry and live happily ever after then great! But that does not always happen.

People need to be careful what they say is all.
 
A

allforfun

Guest
#59
Actually, let us review what I have said, before you assume and make an idiot of yourself. I believe that marriage is sacred. If entering that covenant, the two people need to know what they are getting into. If they want to get married because there is a baby on the way? Great. But if they are forced to, and this goes beyond a baby and to any reason? It is wrong. Marriage should be entered because both parties are willing not because of obligation.

I hold no judgement for any one who gets married or stays separate in either case. In fact, I'm probably the most liberal person in regards to situations because I acknowledge I don't have to live the situation, I don't have be in the situation nor can I pretend to see the situation. I also refuse to give God a day off and judge other people on how they live their lives. So if they divorce in two years? I am there for them just as I would be if they didn't marry at all.

Now we know how I really feel and you don't have to presume. I don't think either side is "right".
 

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#60
Actually, let us review what I have said, before you assume and make an idiot of yourself. I believe that marriage is sacred. If entering that covenant, the two people need to know what they are getting into. If they want to get married because there is a baby on the way? Great. But if they are forced to, and this goes beyond a baby and to any reason? It is wrong. Marriage should be entered because both parties are willing not because of obligation.

I hold no judgement for any one who gets married or stays separate in either case. In fact, I'm probably the most liberal person in regards to situations because I acknowledge I don't have to live the situation, I don't have be in the situation nor can I pretend to see the situation. I also refuse to give God a day off and judge other people on how they live their lives. So if they divorce in two years? I am there for them just as I would be if they didn't marry at all.

Now we know how I really feel and you don't have to presume. I don't think either side is "right".
Oh....you're good!