If An Unmarried Couple Is Expecting, Should They Be Required to Marry?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

If An Unmarried Couple Is Expecting, Should They Be Required to Marry?

  • Yes. Any couple that has sex is required to marry.

    Votes: 6 18.2%

  • Yes. If a baby is involved, they should definitely marry.

    Votes: 6 18.2%

  • No. A child is not a reason to have to marry.

    Votes: 7 21.2%

  • No. If they will go back to living celibate lives, they should not have to marry.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • The couple should marry only if they want to.

    Votes: 9 27.3%

  • It really depends on the situation--I will explain my answser in my post.

    Votes: 5 15.2%
  • Total voters
    33
acesneverwin

acesneverwin

Senior Member
#81
Jun 8, 2011
186
12
18
#81
No way. After my brothers marriage, I am so totally against any kind of forced marriage. Wow... I would seriously pay for their divorce... and I never thought I'd say that. The sooner she leaves, the better. Reap what you so, yes... but no one deserves THAT. And yeah they were kind of forced to marry after my parents found out they were sleeping together and moved in together. While they were acting foolishly and stupid getting together in the first place, it was a situation my brother could have easily left and turned his life around from. With marriage... there's all the legal work and stuff in there now.

Fortunately for my brothers case, they've lost both their babies (miscarriages... no surprise since they're always on drugs) so in the event he does get a divorce (which I pray he wises up and does divorce her sooner than later), he can permanently stay away from her forever. A kid would complicate things. While I know this is a terrible thing to say, it's a total blessing in this situation. They are both meth-heads, constantly stoned, lying, thieves who screw over anyone who tries to help them and just take take take. She is the master mind and he is her puppet... she LITERALLY talks for him on the phone. You ask a question, he pauses while she tells him what to say, and then he replies back to you. And they get in nasty fights (he has scratch marks from her all over his face).

Forced marriage that our whole family just can't wait till she's out of the picture. And it's not fair to everyone else. For your stupidity, not everyone should suffer. I would never talk to either one ever again and just leave it at that. But my parents aren't like that and this spills over into them which spills over to me cause I have to deal with my parents and EVERYONE is affected. Its funny how my parents were never for divorce and always thought that if you sleep with someone, you should marry them... oh how their tunes have changed.
 
Jesusprincess

Jesusprincess

Junior Member
#82
May 5, 2013
22
1
3
#82
In our Era people do not care if two people are sexually active even if they are not married. The people in our era see unmarried as a normal thing and they do not see it as sin. I personally know that God was the same yesterday ,today and will be the same tomorrow. He does not change and never will. They call it open minded. In God's eyes is not good but people are so blind that is doing what ever their flesh ask for. That is my thinking toward that issue.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#83
Apr 18, 2013
9,337
2,426
113
#83
Jullianna said:
My parents married because my mom was expecting. They weren't planning to. They were not in love. Two years later, they were divorced. I don't remember a thing about my biological dad. As I said in another thread in the family forum, I was never allowed to talk about him growing up or ask questions about him. That's how much they hated one another. If they hadn't married, who knows....maybe they wouldn't have hated one another and I would have had an opportunity to know my dad. Yes, I would have been illegimate, but, hey, I was adopted by my stepdad anyway, so....

I'm gonna have to go with the two wrongs don't make a right thing here. If the couple was planning to marry anyway, marry. Maybe they should wait a bit and see how things go between them first. It could turn into a happy ending, who knows?

Whether they marry or whether they don't, the most important thing they should do is take loving responsibility for their child. When you become a parent, what's convenient for you no longer counts.
Click to expand...
I can't think of any place in scripture where you make some terrible mistake,
then you're asked to correct it by making a 2nd terrible mistake.

If you have a daughter that gets pregnant by some lunkhead, that doesn't even want to marry her...
then making her marry the guy is like sentencing her and the child both to to jail.

Ideally they would love each other, and WANT to be married...
but real life isn't always pretty.
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#84
Apr 18, 2013
9,337
2,426
113
#84
Let me add a few more things.

In times past, we lived in a world where a woman often had no way to support herself or a child.
Clearly, even if the father was a total jerk, it would be better for the woman and child to be provided for, rather than starve.

Also, in the very recent past, and still in some cultures, being an unwed mother, or being a child without a father carried an enormous stigma. This stigma could be so bad that the life of the mother, and the future of the child, could be in very bad shape if the mother was unwed. It could be far worse to remain unwed, than to be married to a terrible husband.

I think decisions should always be made on a case by case basis,
with prayer and counsel. But in our current culture and economy,
I would not recommend a pregnant daughter marry some terrible man.

But all in all...
there is no "perfect way" to handle a bad situation.
 
R

Relena7

Guest
#85
#85
Elizabeth619 said:
It is amazing how many people here are so quick to answer a question like this. How many of you have been in this situation?
It is easy to point fingers, and judge others but how can anyone on here determine what is best for a couple and their child?

Premarrital sex happens. Bad, I know but it happens. Getting married doesn't change the fact a baby was created by an unmarried couple. To me that is tryng to "cover it up".

I personally think that unless you are in that situation then people should not be so quick to judge. A baby is not a good reason to marry. A couple should be in love. Not marry because they think it is the right thing to do.
Click to expand...
I know this post is 2 years old, but I agree with all this. You can't judge what is best for every individual couple and every child with such limited information. Unless it is happening to you it's none of your business.
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#86
#86
I'm just curious as to how one would require two parties to marry? I mean, are we talking legislation here? If not, how would you even enforce that? I don't know about other countries, but I would consider it to be a severe encroachment on a person's civil liberties if the the government decided to tell me who I was going to marry.
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#87
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#87
maxwel said:
Let me add a few more things.

In times past, we lived in a world where a woman often had no way to support herself or a child.
Clearly, even if the father was a total jerk, it would be better for the woman and child to be provided for, rather than starve.

Also, in the very recent past, and still in some cultures, being an unwed mother, or being a child without a father carried an enormous stigma. This stigma could be so bad that the life of the mother, and the future of the child, could be in very bad shape if the mother was unwed. It could be far worse to remain unwed, than to be married to a terrible husband.

I think decisions should always be made on a case by case basis,
with prayer and counsel. But in our current culture and economy,
I would not recommend a pregnant daughter marry some terrible man.

But all in all...
there is no "perfect way" to handle a bad situation.
Click to expand...


There is the psychological aspect to consider as well. Let's say a couple gets married because she's pregnant. He comes to resent her and the child, she feels unloved, unwanted, and alone. The emotional ickiness grows for... let's say 5 years. Now there's a 4 year old in the picture and most likely another child. Because what do most unhealthy people do in this situation? They have sex. It makes you feel better.


So we've got Mom, Dad, Junior, and Junior Junior. The marriage is eroded because the only thing that was there was sexual tension and a shotgun, the kids don't get the love and acceptance they truly need because their parents are emotionally unavailable, and the household is tense. With that yellow brick road laid, what comes of it? If the couple can last (and that's a HUGE if) past the 5 years, the kids grow up learning that an acceptable marriage is tense and unloving. The couple learns that the opposite sex is whiny, vindictive, etc. Let's say the family splits. The kids stay with the mother, and the father may or may not stay in the picture.


The psychological implications of a "forced" marriage are generations long. It's much better for her to raise the one child with the support of family and the interaction with the baby's father, than it is to get married and live in misery.
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#88
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#88
Shouryu said:
I'm just curious as to how one would require two parties to marry? I mean, are we talking legislation here? If not, how would you even enforce that? I don't know about other countries, but I would consider it to be a severe encroachment on a person's civil liberties if the the government decided to tell me who I was going to marry.
Click to expand...


Ahh, but people are often times more afraid of their church "friends" and the gossip mill than whether or not the marriage is a good idea. So they "force" the kids to get married.
 
K

kessy001

Guest
#89
#89
Like every other couple, they should marry only if they want to. But since they were a a couple before they became expectant, why can't they get married? #thinking aloud#
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#90
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#90
Does marry provide diapers, food and LOVE? Nurturing is much more than a civil act...
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#92
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#92
So, are people "cleaned" when having legal sex for a marriage certificate? The issue IS NOT the sins, the ligal state, BUT THE CHILD.
Sin is sin. Once It be done, it still the same. But what about the child. It needs a mother and a father TO RECEIVE loving nurturance and all the stuff a child needs: Roof, clothing, and parental attention.

Leave the sin out! The responsability of 2 parents is important and, by marriage, it does not come that easy (more sins and kids come faster, without the commitment of marriage).
 
C

Chrichris

Guest
#93
#93
I have to agree. I'm coming I to this about 3 years later. It is easier for people who have not been in situations of this nature to comment and pass judgement on those faced with this dilemma. I am a married woman based on a situation like this. I have contemplated several times to leave the marriage, because even though I wanted to try and make it work, my spouse always found something wrong with me, how we were raising our son, or our life in general, even though there was not much wrong. But every time our 2 year old son asks me where he daddy is, during one of his I'm leaving phases, it breaks my heart to know that if we both give up, we satisfy our feelings and grant ourselves peace, but we let the children take the fall for it. The children are the ones to go back and forth between parents and families. We have made this lifestyle so normal what is normal and right in the eyes of God is not acknowledged anymore. Sometimes God blessed us in ways we chose not to see, because we're stuck on HOW THINGS SHOULD BE. We have all become cowards giving into convenience. We don't know how to work for anything, if it's not on a silver platter then we think it's not right. My husband and I, We have the potential to be a great couple, but because he's so focused on that our family did not happen the 'right' way, that it won't work. The bible speaks about making declarations in our lives, I believe pessimism can be spoken into life. All I'm saying is, yes, it is situational. But if it can be worked out people have to try, but the key to success in any kind of marriage, anything we embark on, is confident determination and knowing that in all that happens to us, there is a purpose. The birth of a life is a gift we have to treasure and nurture. Our society is losing structure because we lack morals. I made a mistake, but I will not let my son take the fall for it. If his father will give up, let him, but I know I'll have done all I can to give my son life I know he'll look onto others and wish he had.
 
C

Chrichris

Guest
#94
#94
I'm with you in this one. To see our son around both of us melts your heart, because you know he's happy. But recently his father left, and he keeps asking where he is. Because of the guilt his father feels, he wanted me, us to continue living in the same home even when we're not a cookie anymore. Defeats the purpose right?!
 
A

Abster

Guest
#95
#95
Don't marry because you are pregnant. Worst. Mistake. Ever.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.