Is Being Single Tougher For Guys Than For Girls?

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,585
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

Just wanted to get some opinions on this... being single can be tough, no question about it. But is being single tougher for men than it is for women?

The reason why I ask this is because a friend of mine and I went to a botanical garden a few weeks ago. As she was taking pictures of me around various areas in the gardens, she would call out things like, "Hey, who's that beautiful girl?" and "Wow, what a beautiful woman!!"

I was just thinking about the fact that women often receive a lot of support from our female friends--our friends who are girls tell us our hair looks great, that dress looks fabulous, and that "the single guys out there just don't know what they're missing." Our female friends give us big hugs and a shoulder to cry on... They comfort us, remind us of God's help, and make us feel better about ourselves. For instance, I want to give a big shout of "thanks" out to my friend, NodYourHead, because she recently checked up on me and gave me a truly encouraging pep talk at a time when I I felt as if the world was caving in. (Thanks again, Nod!! You are a treasure!)

But who do single guys turn to for support? I can't really picture Allen and Rob on a day trip of sight-seeing in which Rob is telling Allen, "Don't worry about it, man. You look hot in those jeans and you're a REALLY understanding dude. Those girls don't know what they're passing up!!" Who can guys talk to when things are bothering them, or when they feel down and need someone to edify their spirit?

When my Grandma died (after 64 years of marriage), my Grandpa was trying to explain to me how lonely it was to be a man, because he said the only person a man could really confide in was his wife. A male friend in high school once told me that a guy almost always fall in love with his female best friend because he will see her as the only person in his life that he can be real with.

At the same time, I would be very intimidated at the thought of dating a man who was looking to me in order to fulfill all his needs for reassurance, companionship, etc.

What do you think? Do guys have it worse than we do? And how can we, as Christian women, be supportive, without catering to any unhealthy neediness? (Women love to be reassured... they do not, however, enjoy being stalked.)

Thanks in advance for your input!
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#2
#2
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

Just wanted to get some opinions on this... being single can be tough, no question about it. But is being single tougher for men than it is for women?

The reason why I ask this is because a friend of mine and I went to a botanical garden a few weeks ago. As she was taking pictures of me around various areas in the gardens, she would call out things like, "Hey, who's that beautiful girl?" and "Wow, what a beautiful woman!!"

I was just thinking about the fact that women often receive a lot of support from our female friends--our friends who are girls tell us our hair looks great, that dress looks fabulous, and that "the single guys out there just don't know what they're missing." Our female friends give us big hugs and a shoulder to cry on... They comfort us, remind us of God's help, and make us feel better about ourselves. For instance, I want to give a big shout of "thanks" out to my friend, NodYourHead, because she recently checked up on me and gave me a truly encouraging pep talk at a time when I I felt as if the world was caving in. (Thanks again, Nod!! You are a treasure!)
Click to expand...

Right back at you!! :D This has made my night...
 
I

IQ

Guest
#3
#3
seoulsearch said:
When my Grandma died (after 64 years of marriage), my Grandpa was trying to explain to me how lonely it was to be a man, because he said the only person a man could really confide in was his wife. A male friend in high school once told me that a guy almost always fall in love with his female best friend because he will see her as the only person in his life that he can be real with.

At the same time, I would be very intimidated at the thought of dating a man who was looking to me in order to fulfill all his needs for reassurance, companionship, etc.

What do you think? Do guys have it worse than we do? And how can we, as Christian women, be supportive, without catering to any unhealthy neediness? (Women love to be reassured... they do not, however, enjoy being stalked.)

Thanks in advance for your input!
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It is hard on both sides of the fence.
Harder for women because we so often define ourselves by our relationships and our perceived value within them.
Harder for men, especially in this day and age, because there is such an ongoing and downright brutal attack on their purity.
This might not be a bad thing to consider next time you put on those "totally hot" jeans - the basic courtesy of modesty and whether you are showing kindness to the men who are so driven by their eyes to lust.
Just a thought.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#4
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,585
113
#4
IQ said:
It is hard on both sides of the fence.
Harder for women because we so often define ourselves by our relationships and our perceived value within them.
Harder for men, especially in this day and age, because there is such an ongoing and downright brutal attack on their purity.
This might not be a bad thing to consider next time you put on those "totally hot" jeans - the basic courtesy of modesty and whether you are showing kindness to the men who are so driven by their eyes to lust.
Just a thought.
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Good thoughts, IQ :). Excellent point about the fact that women tend to define themselves by a relationship...

Fortunately, for the good of the public, male or otherwise, I don't wear "hot" jeans or "hot" anything... "Hot" clothes usually means tight and/or breezy (aka, skin-bearing) which is definitely not my style.

I wear what's comfy and keeps everything covered! :D
 
T

thimsrebma

Guest
#5
#5
This is all a theory but ...

We women can sit around with each other and talk about being lonely for hours.

But men tend to find other ways to not feel lonely. They do activities or hobbies or work alot so that they don't have time to think about their loneliness. They seek other things in order to ignore the fact that don't have their true companion. It's almost like a substitute for real love. Men, yes even Christian men, often chase money & power (especially the single ones.)

Nearly everyone desires some sort of possitive affirmations. Women need people to let them know that we are beautiful, smart, friendly, etc/ Men on the otherhand need women to assure them that they are good providers, strong, and respectable. For some reason if you don't have one good woman, chasing money, power ahnd respect makes you feel successful and you get the things you want from others, except the real love part.
 
A

allforfun

Guest
#6
#6
I think it depends on what your social groups standards are. For a lot of people, getting engaged, married and having children before 25 is the norm. So if either party were in that social group and still single, I can see it being lonely.

However in my my social setting, it is normal to hold off marriage until at least 30's. So there is not pressure on either side to be constantly looking, waiting and hoping this is the one.

I obviously can't say for men, but I think it is based on mindset. Sure, I would like to have someone to go out with more frequently, but I know my life is very busy. My friends and I have a lot of fun and that meets that social hole that we are created with. But if I had the mind set of, OMG I'm 35 and alone, almost 40...must.start.searching.for.mate.now? I can see loneliness creeping in.
 
Snackersmom

Snackersmom

Senior Member
#7
May 10, 2011
1,471
135
63
#7
But who do single guys turn to for support? I can't really picture Allen and Rob on a day trip of sight-seeing in which Rob is telling Allen, "Don't worry about it, man. You look hot in those jeans and you're a REALLY understanding dude. Those girls don't know what they're passing up!!" Who can guys talk to when things are bothering them, or when they feel down and need someone to edify their spirit?
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That's hilarious!! Sure brought up some funny mental pictures involving the guys I know......
It seems like girls have a harder time with singleness, largely due to validation and self-worth issues, but also because we feel reluctant to initiate things, so if no suitable guys are interested in us, we feel more hopeless. Guys, on the other hand, are harder to deter and like a challenge, so they don't mind risking some rejection to win a girl they like. In my experience, guys tend to confide in female relatives (Mom, sisters, aunts, even Grandma), or a trusted female platonic friend. But, yeah seldom other guys, lol! I guess since Eve was made to be a companion/helper for Adam, then females are just naturally better at consoling others. Still smiling about Allen and Rob...........:)
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
Its always really just going to come down to each individual, its not really a blanket question that can be answered so easily. Its a mix of the persons personal importance to marry, the general cultural stance, friends/family stance and their ability to be content single. The amount of support and friendship to keep their lives busy as well.
From what i've noticed on this site, more females are content, or even happy to be single than men.
 
P

persecuted

Banned
#9
Jun 15, 2011
308
0
0
#9
I think being single is much tougher for women than for men because most women can't live without a man. Lots of guys grow up geeks and nerds and are never used to having a woman around all of the time anyhow whereas everything about women is geared around sex and relationships.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#10
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,268
113
#10
Guys don't need support. Because they've got hobbies!

 
F

FireWire

Guest
#11
#11
persecuted said:
I think being single is much tougher for women than for men because most women can't live without a man. Lots of guys grow up geeks and nerds and are never used to having a woman around all of the time anyhow whereas everything about women is geared around sex and relationships.
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It's grrrrrreat being a guy!!!
 
J

Joshua175

Guest
#12
#12
This is looking at guys as a whole and girls as a whole but they aren't. Not all guys are the same and not all girls are the same. Some guys, really can't just ignore the fact that they're single because they have things to do, other guys can. Some guys are happy with being single. Some guys hate it more than anything. It's the same thing with girls. When it comes down to it, it's each individual and how they feel, it's not whether they're male or female that makes it harder/easier, it's how they feel as an individual about being alone.
 
A

Adrianv125

Senior Member
#13
Jan 17, 2011
567
12
18
#13
Every mind is a different reality. For some their reality may revolve around obtaining a mate, for some it may revolve around obtaining a mate to obtain something else, and for others there are just other things that drive them, man or woman. The universal reality that us human beings tend to forget is that our lives started in just a second, and will also end in the same manner; in just a second. Circumstances these days make that second to come even closer to us, so the way we manage the decisions, desires, thoughts and motives in between those two seconds must have a priority that is worthy to be put in first place. Another human being simply shouldn't be in our first priority because we obviously are time limited, and possessions aren't going to be taken to the next life with us. The only thing that we'll really take with us is what we did for Christ with a heart that was pure before Him, and rejoicing to do what He called us to do. The only works that He will accept are those that we did with a heart that desired for Him to be glorified.

So in conclusion, in an emotional/psychological way, it shouldn't be hard for anyone who truly follows God to be single, or married for that fact. Simply because if God is our first priority, we truly will find that we don't NEED anything or anyone, since the only thing we'll do when we leave this temporary life is to worship God and serve Him for all eternity. That is if we are truly His.
 
J

Joshua175

Guest
#14
#14
So in conclusion, in an emotional/psychological way, it shouldn't be hard for anyone who truly follows God to be single, or married for that fact. Simply because if God is our first priority, we truly will find that we don't NEED anything or anyone, since the only thing we'll do when we leave this temporary life is to worship God and serve Him for all eternity. That is if we are truly His.[/QUOTE]

I agree with most of what you said but this "It shouldn't be hard for anyone who truly follows God to be single"

Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

I know Jesus, I believe in him with all of my heart. But you know it's tough being single. It's a natural desire of our flesh to want to be with someone. It's hard to wait on God, it's never easy. There are things in our lives that are part of walking with God that are Really hard. Tribulation. This is one of those things, does it mean that I don't have enough faith? Maybe. Does it mean that I'm not saved? No. It Shouldn't be hard but it is and some people just can't understand that.
 
F

FireWire

Guest
#15
#15
It isn't my natural desire Joshua175. I feel quite at ease being single.
 
A

Adrianv125

Senior Member
#16
Jan 17, 2011
567
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#16
Galatians 5:16

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

Matthew 6:33

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you (He was talking about food and clothing)

I think that any Christian man or woman who lets themselves to be afflicted by their lack of a partner is mainly due to their lack of vision, lack of trust and lack of faith in God.

Sometimes we forget the attributes of God, which are the following: He is all powerful, all knowing, holy, just, and most of all eternal loving.

Ephesians 2:10
10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 1:3-6
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.

Romans 8:29-30
For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.

So from the verses above we can clearly see that God knows our future, in fact every detail of it because it also goes along with his attribute of being all knowing. If we believe this, and if we truly believe that He also sees us as glorified, meaning that He sees us with Him for eternity, then we should also trust that if He has planned for us to have a husband or wife, then we can be secure in that if it is His will and plan for us to have one, that He will do it for sure, that is if we are truly walking by His spirit, seeking to be conformed to the image of His son, and always praying that His will be done.
 
J

Joshua175

Guest
#17
#17
FireWire said:
It isn't my natural desire Joshua175. I feel quite at ease being single.
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Well, it's a natural desire for a man to want to be with a woman.
 
J

Joshua175

Guest
#18
#18
Adrianv125 said:
Galatians 5:16

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

I agree with you man. God is freaking powerful and good and we need to follow him in spirit and in truth but if I were to say it was easy I would be a liar. Dying to the flesh daily isn't an easy thing and I think it's a lie to say otherwise. We all have temptations and I think it's unkind to act like I'm not saved because I desire to be with someone. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." I'm not going to say that I follow God as I should but I'm saved by his Grace and by the blood of Jesus Christ which sustains me and cleanses me. But if I were going to say it was easy I'd be lying, it's not easy, a lot of things in life are hard and I know you need to have faith and walk by the spirit but not everyone can be as good a Christian as you are.
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A

Adrianv125

Senior Member
#19
Jan 17, 2011
567
12
18
#19
Joshua175 said:
Well, it's a natural desire for a man to want to be with a woman.
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Romans 8

1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. 8 So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
9 But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. 10 And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.

Not saying you are carnally minded, but if in your walk with God something as insignificant to God as this is making you struggle and be afflicted, then you should really seek help from God. Our promise is bigger than our struggles, pains, tribulations, and persecutions.

Hebrews 4:15

15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.
 
J

Joshua175

Guest
#20
#20
Look you may be trying to help me but you're not. I know scripture like you do. I have faith in God and I'm baptized into his Holy Spirit. Work out your own salvation in fear and trembling.
 
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