unbeliever bf to be...

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Z

zyra

Guest
#1
#1
Help!! i do have childhood friend, we are kinda like admire each other since way back when.......
When i reach College and he is in Senior high school we kinda have a long distant relationship and lasted like about 3yrs. I do love him as my friend,brother and lover. But then hectic schedule and other school stuff it didnt turn out so well not to mention we are too far from each other.. And then again right now I am still too far from him, but he is still unbeliever and he wants me back..( I tried to preach God's word to him...but still he said NO) But the thing is i dont want to have any lovers unless he is Godly material and loves God as much as i do..


Will i say yes again?
 
G

Grimaldus

Banned
#2
Mar 26, 2009
249
0
0
#2
For my sake, please don't judge him on religious grounds. If he would make a good father of your children and is an overall good person, I would say be happy with him.
 
Z

zyra

Guest
#3
#3
Grimaldus said:
For my sake, please don't judge him on religious grounds. If he would make a good father of your children and is an overall good person, I would say be happy with him.
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actually im not judging him about he's religious grounds..Im concern about what he believes and he's faith to God. Im too scared to be in a relationship if it is not God centered!!!
 
Y

youngartist

Guest
#4
#4
Boy...I know I'm going through pretty much the same thing...If you feel it in your spirit the slightest bit that It is wrong thats a red flag.

advice given to me:

"Sometimes you have to set your feelings aside for something that you know is right"

proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding in all thy ways acknowlege him and he shall direct thy path .
 
G

Grimaldus

Banned
#5
Mar 26, 2009
249
0
0
#5
zyra said:
actually im not judging him about he's religious grounds..Im concern about what he believes and he's faith to God. Im too scared to be in a relationship if it is not God centered!!!
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Why be scared? I know my own personal morals would keep me from betraying my family.
 
Z

zyra

Guest
#6
#6
youngartist said:
Boy...I know I'm going through pretty much the same thing...If you feel it in your spirit the slightest bit that It is wrong thats a red flag.

advice given to me:

"Sometimes you have to set your feelings aside for something that you know is right"

proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding in all thy ways acknowlege him and he shall direct thy path .
Click to expand...

Thank you. I love that verse. I know him very well, but im to scared to commit something that at the end i might know its not God's will for me.
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#7
Jan 3, 2007
626
2
0
36
#7
zyra said:
actually im not judging him about he's religious grounds..Im concern about what he believes and he's faith to God. Im too scared to be in a relationship if it is not God centered!!!
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that's a good rational fear. "Do not be yoked with unbeilivers" as it says. For when you do, ya get dragged down to their unspiritual level. However, we are still to love unconditionally! As far as relationships go, like youngartist said, you have to put aside your feelings and do what is right.

BTW, I TOTALLY, know how ya feel. Been there done that in a way.
 
Y

youngartist

Guest
#8
#8
that sense of being scared is probably that red flag in your spirit saying something is wrong....thats what I'm deeling with...emotions get in the way of spirit sometimes...

Lest you fall into temptation; the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#9
Jan 3, 2007
626
2
0
36
#9
youngartist said:
that sense of being scared is probably that red flag in your spirit saying something is wrong....thats what I'm deeling with...emotions get in the way of spirit sometimes...

Lest you fall into temptation; the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
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Exactly. Our emotions let us make subjective decision,s but the spirit sees through all and makes decisions objectivly
 
Y

youngartist

Guest
#10
#10
Kakashi said:
that's a good rational fear. "Do not be yoked with unbeilivers" as it says. For when you do, ya get dragged down to their unspiritual level. However, we are still to love unconditionally! As far as relationships go, like youngartist said, you have to put aside your feelings and do what is right.

BTW, I TOTALLY, know how ya feel. Been there done that in a way.
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WOW this conversation helps me tremendously...maybe i'll be able to open up about my situation. I have spoken with two church friends about the situation and they both gave me that scipture about being equally yoked! I probably wont ever get tired of hearing it....its the truth and its revolution for me....THANKS
 
Z

zyra

Guest
#11
#11
Grimaldus said:
Why be scared? I know my own personal morals would keep me from betraying my family.
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Scared to decide if its really God's will or not. What if its not? its not easy to love again without true commitment to one another and argue with ur love one about ur belief .if it does would we be together? what will be my family in the future?if my husband or there dad is unbeliever...personal morals without God's guidance will surely be unsuccessful for me.
 
Z

zyra

Guest
#12
#12
Kakashi said:
that's a good rational fear. "Do not be yoked with unbeilivers" as it says. For when you do, ya get dragged down to their unspiritual level. However, we are still to love unconditionally! As far as relationships go, like youngartist said, you have to put aside your feelings and do what is right.

BTW, I TOTALLY, know how ya feel. Been there done that in a way.
Click to expand...

Thanks Kakashi...i really need to hold on what is God's will for me...and wait till everything will be ok.
 
Y

youngartist

Guest
#13
#13
I have really deep feelings for this guy I met online seven years ago....I Love everything about him...his voice, his laugh, his sense of humor, his understanding and most pple wouldnt think a guy like him is attractive and I do...isn't that what love is? There is this feeling in me that wants to be with him SO bad and there is this little voice saying, is this right by god and I thought this little voice was saying "am i afraid of love and commitment?" by seeking advice, I had truly been let known that I should wait...if there isn't peace in your thoughts and your emotions then its not gods will because God brings a peace and if it is right...things will just fall into place.
 
J0Y

J0Y

Senior Member
#14
Mar 7, 2009
509
6
18
#14
Zyra,
I would say, what/who are the most important people, values and goals in your life? Make a list. Is your number one priority your relationship with Christ? Is Christianity the foundation upon which you live your life? Does your faith in God influence your decision making through prayer and bible reading? If you are saying yes to these questions then you must also ask yourself...how will this in turn affect an intimate relationship with a non-believer?

I have got many friends who exist in relationships and marriages with unbelieving spouses and it is sooo difficult for them for the above reasons. One mentioned to me that it is like having this whole part of you which the other person cant or wont understand. I believe (for me anyway) it is vital that any relationship I enter into be one where he and I share the same spiritual foundation, where we can pray together and go before God in unison. It is way too easy to be dragged away from your faith when you enter a relationship with a non-believer.

Jesus talks in the bible about us being equally yoked. When God is at the centre of a relationship and you mutually share that faith in Christ, God becomes the focal point. You not only enjoy a relationship with someone, but you also grow in your wallk as you encourage one another in faith. That is worth holding out for!! Im still single...and yes, it can be hard especially for girls, but you also must be able to commit your future spouse to the Lord and ask him to work out his will in your life. This means laying down our own plans and seeking the Lord for what he would have us do.

My best advice, pray, pray, pray...ask for wisdom, discernment and confirmation on the decision you make.
God bless you girl!
 
Y

youngartist

Guest
#15
#15
J0Y said:
Zyra,
I would say, what/who are the most important people, values and goals in your life? Make a list. Is your number one priority your relationship with Christ? Is Christianity the foundation upon which you live your life? Does your faith in God influence your decision making through prayer and bible reading? If you are saying yes to these questions then you must also ask yourself...how will this in turn affect an intimate relationship with a non-believer?

I have got many friends who exist in relationships and marriages with unbelieving spouses and it is sooo difficult for them for the above reasons. One mentioned to me that it is like having this whole part of you which the other person cant or wont understand. I believe (for me anyway) it is vital that any relationship I enter into be one where he and I share the same spiritual foundation, where we can pray together and go before God in unison. It is way too easy to be dragged away from your faith when you enter a relationship with a non-believer.

Jesus talks in the bible about us being equally yoked. When God is at the centre of a relationship and you mutually share that faith in Christ, God becomes the focal point. You not only enjoy a relationship with someone, but you also grow in your wallk as you encourage one another in faith. That is worth holding out for!! Im still single...and yes, it can be hard especially for girls, but you also must be able to commit your future spouse to the Lord and ask him to work out his will in your life. This means laying down our own plans and seeking the Lord for what he would have us do.

My best advice, pray, pray, pray...ask for wisdom, discernment and confirmation on the decision you make.
God bless you girl!
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even though I've pretty much recieved confirmation for my decision (not my first decision) I just want to say thank you so much for MORE confirmation.
when you talk about having an equally yoked spouse because god needs to be your focal point....this is the same situation with having friends. If you dont have any believer friends then you basically have no one to turn to when you get caught in a situation such as this....if you do seek advice from a non believer they will just try to give you logical advice on why what you want is right....when you seek advice from someone who is a believer they can relate way better and give you biblical reasoning behind it. Also god uses people to say what is right when you are seeking advice from a believer......THANKS
 
Z

zyra

Guest
#16
#16
J0Y said:
Zyra,
I would say, what/who are the most important people, values and goals in your life? Make a list. Is your number one priority your relationship with Christ? Is Christianity the foundation upon which you live your life? Does your faith in God influence your decision making through prayer and bible reading? If you are saying yes to these questions then you must also ask yourself...how will this in turn affect an intimate relationship with a non-believer?

I have got many friends who exist in relationships and marriages with unbelieving spouses and it is sooo difficult for them for the above reasons. One mentioned to me that it is like having this whole part of you which the other person cant or wont understand. I believe (for me anyway) it is vital that any relationship I enter into be one where he and I share the same spiritual foundation, where we can pray together and go before God in unison. It is way too easy to be dragged away from your faith when you enter a relationship with a non-believer.

Jesus talks in the bible about us being equally yoked. When God is at the centre of a relationship and you mutually share that faith in Christ, God becomes the focal point. You not only enjoy a relationship with someone, but you also grow in your wallk as you encourage one another in faith. That is worth holding out for!! Im still single...and yes, it can be hard especially for girls, but you also must be able to commit your future spouse to the Lord and ask him to work out his will in your life. This means laying down our own plans and seeking the Lord for what he would have us do.

My best advice, pray, pray, pray...ask for wisdom, discernment and confirmation on the decision you make.
God bless you girl!
Click to expand...
Thanks for the encouragement. I really need God's wisdom to help me with this situation, and that is my prayer. What is my desire is to have a Godly material person. I think i really need to wait for that person. Im still working on him, but i guess ill end this up being he's friend and not making to the extent on having special feelings for one another, so that it wont turn complicated....


Thank you and God bless you too.
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#17
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#17
Hi Zyra, I know this forum is for singles but I saw your thead and felt it was important to share. Although some marriages where one is christian and the other is not, have worked I would like to let you know that it is a very difficult path. My sister was married to an unbeliever who in the beginning respected her faith, it later turned into a weapon against her. He became jelous of her relationship with Jesus and fought against her in controll of their children. Her children were hurt terribly by all of this and one is now lost to drugs and other vices. The heartache has been unbearible. In my own marriage my husband believed but not at leval I did when we married. I figured in time he would. I did not realize that even just partially yoked could have its own difficultys. He did eventually comit his life more to Jesus and is working more every day now to do so but it has been a path of sorrow that did not have to be. You see all of my desisions were baced in my faith in Jesus over the years many of his were not. The sorrow I felt over many of his choices at times were a pain I would not want any to know. I wish I had heeded the advice of some christian friends before we married. Love is truelly blind sometimes. I am greatful to Jesus now that my hubby is learning to truelly love Jesus but how I wish we had back the years we lost to not being equally yoked.I wanted to share this with you not to instill fear, but wisdom. We will be married 28 yrs this year, and our love is now becoming so much more as his faith joins with my faith as one and becomes our faith. But I often wonder how much better it could have been and would be now if I had made sure of his faith to begin with. I hope you will heed this wisdom, I wish I had. Much love and grace to you through Jesus Christ. Godbless, pickles
 
Z

zyra

Guest
#18
#18
pickles said:
Hi Zyra, I know this forum is for singles but I saw your thead and felt it was important to share. Although some marriages where one is christian and the other is not, have worked I would like to let you know that it is a very difficult path. My sister was married to an unbeliever who in the beginning respected her faith, it later turned into a weapon against her. He became jelous of her relationship with Jesus and fought against her in controll of their children. Her children were hurt terribly by all of this and one is now lost to drugs and other vices. The heartache has been unbearible. In my own marriage my husband believed but not at leval I did when we married. I figured in time he would. I did not realize that even just partially yoked could have its own difficultys. He did eventually comit his life more to Jesus and is working more every day now to do so but it has been a path of sorrow that did not have to be. You see all of my desisions were baced in my faith in Jesus over the years many of his were not. The sorrow I felt over many of his choices at times were a pain I would not want any to know. I wish I had heeded the advice of some christian friends before we married. Love is truelly blind sometimes. I am greatful to Jesus now that my hubby is learning to truelly love Jesus but how I wish we had back the years we lost to not being equally yoked.I wanted to share this with you not to instill fear, but wisdom. We will be married 28 yrs this year, and our love is now becoming so much more as his faith joins with my faith as one and becomes our faith. But I often wonder how much better it could have been and would be now if I had made sure of his faith to begin with. I hope you will heed this wisdom, I wish I had. Much love and grace to you through Jesus Christ. Godbless, pickles
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Thank you so much pickles. That is a great example and thank you for sharing it to me. I really can feel that it is really hard to be with someone you love who is unbeliever. My Mom and Dad has same thing on ur situation but i am happy to see them both share the same faith. Though sometimes they argue, but at the end they still manage to handle the toughness in marriage. And us, as there kids live peacefully with harmony cause we make God our strong foundation.

God Bless u too!
 
C

Chocolate

Banned
#19
May 30, 2009
63
1
0
#19
zyra said:
Help!! i do have childhood friend, we are kinda like admire each other since way back when.......
When i reach College and he is in Senior high school we kinda have a long distant relationship and lasted like about 3yrs. I do love him as my friend,brother and lover. But then hectic schedule and other school stuff it didnt turn out so well not to mention we are too far from each other.. And then again right now I am still too far from him, but he is still unbeliever and he wants me back..( I tried to preach God's word to him...but still he said NO) But the thing is i dont want to have any lovers unless he is Godly material and loves God as much as i do..


Will i say yes again?
Click to expand...
Marriage

In the process of time for maturity and becoming an adult is in bloom, prospective persons do not include the unsaved. The unsaved individual will bring you down to their level. Marriage should be between Christians. You will almost never convert the unsaved after marriage as a general rule. Exceptions or examples of it happening are great grace. They, the unsaved partner, more often then not will pull you down to their level of spirituality. 1 Corinthians 15:33, Deuteronomy 7:3, Joshua 23:12-13, Ezra 9:12, Nehemiah 13:25, 1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14, Numbers 25, Judges 13-16. For these reasons a Christian should not even consider non-Christians as prospective marriage partners. This principle follows down to differentiating between those who have the Spirit Filled Charismatic walk and those who don’t. The Spirit filled believer should not marry a non-Spirit filled believer. Remember husband or wife most often dictates their partner’s level of spirituality and if less then yours will drag you down to theirs or, at the very least, hinder your growth.
 
P

pinkstix56

Guest
#20
#20
What ever you do.... DO NOT SAY YES. If he's denied God several times, then he is not the one. I'm telling you , you don't want to be stuck with this person in marriage if they aren't christian, because you are going to regret it. God doesn't want us to date people who are not saved. Now sometimes when women do marry guys and they do convert to christianity then it works. But if you aren't that type of person that is strong enough to proclaim that you and your household will serve the Lord, then forget about it. I'm not saying never talk to him again, but you need to let him know... he needs to accept Christ into his life. It doesn't matter about being able to date you , it matters about the relationship with God. And that should be the main importance in a relationship. DON'T date him if he still doesn't have God as his personal savior.
 
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