Ahhhh... Coffee! (Is it a date?)

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S

shhhXsilence

Guest
#1
Okay, so I don't date. Ever. I get asked out, sure, but I'm really good at immediately placing guys into the "friend zone" and I make sure they know it. I feel like I've prayed about it enough that I'll just know when I finally meet the guy God has for me.

Well, here's my sickening dilemma. (I'll start from the beginning.) Last year I moved and began going to a new church. My first time at the church, my attention was drawn to this guy--for story purposes we will call him Brian. Now, I wasn't attracted to him in the least, there was just something about him. I felt almost like I knew him--or was supposed to know him--or something. I can't fully explain it. Over time, I began to feel attracted to him and I longed to get to know him better. Our paths crossed regularly as we shared friends, but we never became more than acquaintances. Through church we wound up in the same bible study and I learned more about him, but still no real friendship developed. I learned that Brian liked (maybe even loved?) a girl in another state and was going to visit her, hopeful that they'd develop a strong relationship in person and he'd move there to be with her. I felt strangely saddened by this--even though I didn't know him well--and was determined to disconnect any feelings for him.

I succeeded (or so I thought) in moving on from Brian. I learned that things hadn't worked out as he had planned with the other girl, but still I stayed neutral to him as he planned on moving away regardless. Even without the "crush" factor, something in me continued to feel a connection to him. I pray for him regularly (as I do a lot of my acquaintances), and creep his facebook on occasion to see what he's up to. (But I do this to a lot of people! Haha!)

Anyways, I don't recall ever having a conversation with Brian that lasted over five minutes. Just the general "Hey, how are you?" "Good, you?" "Great!" kind of deal... or random facebook comments. Recently, my connection towards him grew really strong again. Again, I felt like I was supposed to know him. This time, I just sent up a quick prayer to God that was along the lines of, "God, if you want me to get to know him... then make it clear."

Four days later I get online to find a message from him asking me to grab coffee soon. (Keep in mind I haven't actually spoke to Brian since July, other than a single facebook comment that complimented him on leading worship a few weeks ago.) I hadn't told anyone about my growing attraction towards the guy either. Literally, no one knew. I don't like to date so I'm not one to share my feelings even if I really like a guy. I want it to be all God, no outward influences.

The randomness of his invite makes me certain that it's from God. But I can't help but wonder... is this a date? I don't really know how coffee works. Haha! I'm excited and nervous at the same time, but do guys see coffee as a date or is a "testing the waters" type of friendship hang-out thing? Not gonna lie, I would love for this to be a date... but... I don't want to think it is when it's not? AHHHH. Why is coffee so complicated?!
 
Y

yaright

Guest
#2
breaking ice
 

Snackersmom

Senior Member
May 10, 2011
1,470
135
63
#3
Does it matter if it's officially a "date" or not? If you have prayed about it, and you feel that God wants you to go, then go, and don't stress out about it. A relationship will come if it's supposed to. Maybe God told him to share something with you, and he's just being obedient :). I actually made a close friendship with someone simply by contacting them out of the blue with a message I was led to share. Don't worry, God is in control, just submit the matter to Him and take what comes :).
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#4
The randomness of his invite makes me certain that it's from God. But I can't help but wonder... is this a date? I don't really know how coffee works. Haha! I'm excited and nervous at the same time, but do guys see coffee as a date or is a "testing the waters" type of friendship hang-out thing? Not gonna lie, I would love for this to be a date... but... I don't want to think it is when it's not? AHHHH. Why is coffee so complicated?!
I think each guy or girl would define meeting for coffee differently, breaking the ice is most likely.

Based on the description of your previous contact I think he is probably feeling the same about you, an attraction has probably developed and he's trying to have a casual get together to talk to you one to one a bit more in depth.

I wouldn't worry about what it is or isn't, right now you're just getting to know an aquaintance a little better, treat it as that, and see where it goes.
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#5
Okay, so I don't date. Ever. I get asked out, sure, but I'm really good at immediately placing guys into the "friend zone" and I make sure they know it. I feel like I've prayed about it enough that I'll just know when I finally meet the guy God has for me.

Well, here's my sickening dilemma. (I'll start from the beginning.) Last year I moved and began going to a new church. My first time at the church, my attention was drawn to this guy--for story purposes we will call him Brian. Now, I wasn't attracted to him in the least, there was just something about him. I felt almost like I knew him--or was supposed to know him--or something. I can't fully explain it. Over time, I began to feel attracted to him and I longed to get to know him better. Our paths crossed regularly as we shared friends, but we never became more than acquaintances. Through church we wound up in the same bible study and I learned more about him, but still no real friendship developed. I learned that Brian liked (maybe even loved?) a girl in another state and was going to visit her, hopeful that they'd develop a strong relationship in person and he'd move there to be with her. I felt strangely saddened by this--even though I didn't know him well--and was determined to disconnect any feelings for him.

I succeeded (or so I thought) in moving on from Brian. I learned that things hadn't worked out as he had planned with the other girl, but still I stayed neutral to him as he planned on moving away regardless. Even without the "crush" factor, something in me continued to feel a connection to him. I pray for him regularly (as I do a lot of my acquaintances), and creep his facebook on occasion to see what he's up to. (But I do this to a lot of people! Haha!)



Anyways, I don't recall ever having a conversation with Brian that lasted over five minutes. Just the general "Hey, how are you?" "Good, you?" "Great!" kind of deal... or random facebook comments. Recently, my connection towards him grew really strong again. Again, I felt like I was supposed to know him. This time, I just sent up a quick prayer to God that was along the lines of, "God, if you want me to get to know him... then make it clear."

Four days later I get online to find a message from him asking me to grab coffee soon. (Keep in mind I haven't actually spoke to Brian since July, other than a single facebook comment that complimented him on leading worship a few weeks ago.) I hadn't told anyone about my growing attraction towards the guy either. Literally, no one knew. I don't like to date so I'm not one to share my feelings even if I really like a guy. I want it to be all God, no outward influences.

The randomness of his invite makes me certain that it's from God. But I can't help but wonder... is this a date? I don't really know how coffee works. Haha! I'm excited and nervous at the same time, but do guys see coffee as a date or is a "testing the waters" type of friendship hang-out thing? Not gonna lie, I would love for this to be a date... but... I don't want to think it is when it's not? AHHHH. Why is coffee so complicated?!
----
Getting together with a guy you like is a date in your mind but maybe/maybe not his. Either way, the Lord leads, so, pray for the date to go God's way and go have a good time. :)

I do have one more thing to say, a story from my college days, many moons ago, that relates, kinda sorta, to what you just said....

I liked a girl in college and she didn't like me , at least I didn't handle things well, 'immature' guy fresh out of high school is I found out three years later why. But, anyhoo, so, this girl the springtime of our freshman years got serious with a sophomore . Ok, fine, I just went on, got over our many lunch talks we'd had and other 'friends' stuff, like running 13 miles with her at a really fast pace as she said she ran that distamce afadtest she ever had (training to run marathon) nd I had never ran over 3 miles straight in MY LIFE and did play soccer but, anyway, not to bore you tooo much. I went in to summer readying myself for soccer season in Fall and writing internship. Then came the Fall and this girl I USED to like was still seeing this guy...

So, time went on, and, in November I saw she had a ring on her right finger. She was engaged that meant, right? Right. Ok, well, I was back to conentrating on my Journalism degree and soccer since I was on scholarship it was important I did that. Right? Right. I feel so right right now :D

So, time went along and April of the next year came along and unbeknownst to my approval, my roommate apparently, no, check that, he did take things into his is own hands....

Taking things into his own mouth is more like it, he decided to tell this girl I USED to like that 'Green (protecting the innocent :D ) talks about you all the time.'

Well, that was great to have her hear , being sarcastic here, but next thing I know, within a few days, she broke off her engagement with this guy.

-----
Anyway, I truly had feelings for this girl my freshman year but then she started seeing this guy and so I just backed off . Sure, I was hacked off too but I never did ever go out with her on a true date and we never were boytriend/girlfriend so maybe it was her way of making me jealous. Idk. Dunno. Any. That is my story except to say this girl began to noticeably like me more and more our junior and senior years, telling me at lunch together my senior year, 'You changed.'

Well , that explains what I meant by immature, shhsilent. So, what I'm trying to say, and, did it EVER take my green (and nice) mind a long time to get to what I THINK happened and you can ask worship-leader Veían this but I BET your seemingly innocent comment 'complimenting him on leading worship,' had MUCH effect, maybe even, causing Brian to re-think his love for that other girl living somewhere else.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#6
Its just coffee.

But if you're coffee looks like this...



It might be something more!