Single Mothers in 20s Everywhere at My Church

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S

SocialArtist

Guest
#1
#1
I wait 4-5 weeks (which translates to 4-5 .. 1 night a week young adults services) before really beginning the getting to know a woman on a higher level process for a reason.. because in 4-5 weeks you're gonna either find dirt or not on a woman of interest. If I don't see any bare minimum reasons to not continue moving forward, I start finding things to do with them outside of church.

Well, most of the women I'm meeting.. are striking out with me off the first at bat.. let me say first: I've been seeing a lot of attractive women my age arrive at my church.. very good looking, very personable and great women in general. However, they're all shattering RULE #1: Being Single without Kids.

I'll be sitting there, talking and all of a sudden her kid arrives from care.. and then another who starts talking to me... the same thing. Met another girl last week: I won't shy away from admitting.. I decided to see if I could find her on facebook: I did.. read her profile: she's a single mother.. end of story. Time saved.

This is a huge disappointment really.. I don't like to judge people, especially single mother's but it's like all of these women were apart of some secret group within the church and all decided to join our young adults group in a herd.. reason for believing is that they all seem to know one another.. WELL.

What happened to the days where when I was 22-25.. the women 27-33 were single without kids.. I feel like I'm being robbed of dating opportunities in droves..
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
You're not being robbed... you're robbing yourself. There are many single mothers in that age range on CC as well. I don't know them all, but i know that a number of them recognize their mistake and have learned and grown from it. As a result they would still make potentially good spouses. How many of these women may be in the same boat, and be amazing spouses and be just right for you but you shoot them down over some list of rules. I've met enough awesome women with bad pasts to know I'm better off ignoring who they were and focusing on who they are. I wouldn't hesitate to be with a woman with a past, long as i was confident she had grown and moved on from it. In fact, i think i prefer women with some sort of past, as i have one of my own and feel they can better relate to me than someone who has no idea how it feels to have made some of these mistakes. I'm sorry you're short changing yourself.
 
K

KiwiCA

Guest
#3
#3
It takes a certain caliber of a man to pursue a woman with a past especially a woman with kids.

Take Boaz - he took a young poor widow who was from a country which started from incest. She also came with a bitter mother in law. He redeemed her and allowed his first son to legally have the last name of her original husband so that he would in turn redeem Naomi's family. God honoured that, and as a result King David and Jesus came from this wonderful man who stepped up.

Speaking of Jesus, was Joseph his biological father? No. Joseph could have easily ignored what the angel said to him and just divorce Mary and leave her as a single mom and with her reputation in tatters leaving Jesus growing up without a physical father. Did he do that? THANK GOD NO.

All throughout the bible God states over and over that widows and orphans are at the centre of his heart, I think single moms and fatherless children fall under that category as well.

I sure hope that as a start you aren't looking at these women and their children like theyre under you and dirt under your fingernails. Your sin is equal with theirs so you can't act like you deserve better grace from God in a spouse than them. You have the right to make your own judgement calls on who to date, but you do not have the right to whine like an overgrown baby at the amount of lost and abused and misguided women being saved in huge numbers at your church. Praise the Lord is what I say! These women are your sisters in Christ. Honour them, don't be terrified of them. Befriend them don't snub them. Secondly, they probably know each other because theyre all in the same boat and empathise and support each other for crying our loud! , stop being such a baby

Certainly don't date them, you don't sound like you can handle the responsibility and honour of being a father to someone elses child.
 
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Sevndust

Sevndust

Senior Member
#4
Jan 15, 2006
129
1
16
#4
Well said Ugly...
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#5
Aug 2, 2009
24,579
4,268
113
#5
[grabs popcorn] Oh yeah, this is gonna be good!!
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#6
#6
zeroturbulence said:
[grabs popcorn] Oh yeah, this is gonna be good!!
Click to expand...
Ooh! Can I have some too? XD

Hmm...I don't know if I have much more to add to what's already been stated. I'm a single mom. I hate that my daughter is a result of my selfishness but I wouldn't trade her for the world. I agree that it does take a certain man to come into an already established family but to complain about a bunch of single moms all of the sudden coming to church....kinda sickens me. I KNOW that they all need ridiculous amounts of love and support. I also know that my church family is where I get a lot of that from. Maybe just pray that God would change your heart about the matter and have you see them (us) through His eyes. Not saying go ask one of them out or anything, but it almost seems as if your dislike of single mothers goes beyond just relationship possibilities, but I could be reading too much into it. I do agree that single mothers and fatherless children fall under the "widows and orphans" category.
Anyways...I guess I did have something to say. lol
 
S

SocialArtist

Guest
#8
#8
Ugly said:
You're not being robbed... you're robbing yourself. There are many single mothers in that age range on CC as well. I don't know them all, but i know that a number of them recognize their mistake and have learned and grown from it. As a result they would still make potentially good spouses. How many of these women may be in the same boat, and be amazing spouses and be just right for you but you shoot them down over some list of rules. I've met enough awesome women with bad pasts to know I'm better off ignoring who they were and focusing on who they are. I wouldn't hesitate to be with a woman with a past, long as i was confident she had grown and moved on from it. In fact, i think i prefer women with some sort of past, as i have one of my own and feel they can better relate to me than someone who has no idea how it feels to have made some of these mistakes. I'm sorry you're short changing yourself.
Click to expand...

You're right.. it's evident I'm the bad guy here.. shame on me.
 
S

SocialArtist

Guest
#9
#9
KiwiCA said:
I sure hope that as a start you aren't looking at these women and their children like theyre under you and dirt under your fingernails. Your sin is equal with theirs so you can't act like you deserve better grace from God in a spouse than them. You have the right to make your own judgement calls on who to date, but you do not have the right to whine like an overgrown baby at the amount of lost and abused and misguided women being saved in huge numbers at your church. Praise the Lord is what I say! These women are your sisters in Christ. Honour them, don't be terrified of them. Befriend them don't snub them. Secondly, they probably know each other because theyre all in the same boat and empathise and support each other for crying our loud! , stop being such a baby

Certainly don't date them, you don't sound like you can handle the responsibility and honour of being a father to someone elses child.
Click to expand...
I love how immediately I'm accused or assummed to be looking down on these people.. when I'm not.. they're just not ideal women and my church is crawling with them suddenly.

In bold: I explained that in my original post that they all know one another for that reason hahahaha
 
R

Relena7

Guest
#11
#11
From my casual perspective, the original post of this thread seems kind of harsh and judgmental. Maybe it wasn't what was intended, but I'm just calling it as I see it.
 
S

SocialArtist

Guest
#12
#12
Catlynn said:
but to complain about a bunch of single moms all of the sudden coming to church....kinda sickens me. I KNOW that they all need ridiculous amounts of love and support. I also know that my church family is where I get a lot of that from. Maybe just pray that God would change your heart about the matter and have you see them (us) through His eyes. Not saying go ask one of them out or anything, but it almost seems as if your dislike of single mothers goes beyond just relationship possibilities, but I could be reading too much into it. I do agree that single mothers and fatherless children fall under the "widows and orphans" category.
Anyways...I guess I did have something to say. lol
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To complain about single moms coming in droves to church isn't an issue, stop villainizing me.. everyone is entitled to coming to church.. I would just like to go to a church where women are my age without kids.. and I 100% reserve that right too.. I should've have to sacrifice my relationship boundaries so people on CC look at me as some good guy.. ya know my ex-buddy married a girl off eHarmony.. who had a major leg issue.. he sacrificed and settled for less.. and the marriage lasted all of about 16 months so..
 
S

SocialArtist

Guest
#13
#13
Relena7 said:
From my casual perspective, the OP of this thread seems kind of harsh and judgmental. Maybe it wasn't what was intended, but I'm just calling it as I see it.
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I happen to think most of the CC posters always draw the NEGATIVE out of most posters original posts and lack perspective and understanding about what the original poster was getting at..

instead of being looked at : as a guy looking to meet a single girl without kids.. it's look at him as some single mother bashing bad christian.. and it's this sort of condemnation that kills people's perspective's on Christianity.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#14
#14
SocialArtist said:
I happen to think most of the CC posters always draw the NEGATIVE out of most posters original posts and lack perspective and understanding about what the original poster was getting at..
Click to expand...
Perhaps true sometimes, but then the OP often puts up the walls and it's bad on both sides, as happened here.

I do understand what you are saying, Church is in a way a social activity, and one where we all meet like-minded people, so hoping to meet someone special is reasonable, although should never be the main reason for attending.

So I can see how it might have seemed like a tease to see a lot of new women show up only to find they aren't right for you, regardless of the reason why, I get it.

I will say that beyond your own personal dissapointment it's wonderful they have turned up, and maybe it pays a great compliment to your Church, and by association to you as well that they all feel so comfortable there, your Church is obviously a welcoming place, as they all should be.

Based on your mention of 'Rule #1' it does sound like maybe you consider single mothers as 'damaged goods', if that's wrong then consider maybe you didn't express yourslf clearly enough for everyone.

Try and see this influx of single mothers as an opportunity, to make friends with them, learn about their lives, how God has worked in them and maybe your heart will change, or at the very least you will learn and become wiser.
 
K

Kooper

Guest
#15
#15
What would Joseph do?
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#17
#17
djness said:
MAry did not go and get herself pregnant out of youthful lusts.
Not a good example.
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Maybe none of the women at this Church did either ;)
 
D

djness

Guest
#18
#18
SocialArtist said:
I wait 4-5 weeks (which translates to 4-5 .. 1 night a week young adults services) before really beginning the getting to know a woman on a higher level process for a reason.. because in 4-5 weeks you're gonna either find dirt or not on a woman of interest. If I don't see any bare minimum reasons to not continue moving forward, I start finding things to do with them outside of church.

Well, most of the women I'm meeting.. are striking out with me off the first at bat.. let me say first: I've been seeing a lot of attractive women my age arrive at my church.. very good looking, very personable and great women in general. However, they're all shattering RULE #1: Being Single without Kids.

I'll be sitting there, talking and all of a sudden her kid arrives from care.. and then another who starts talking to me... the same thing. Met another girl last week: I won't shy away from admitting.. I decided to see if I could find her on facebook: I did.. read her profile: she's a single mother.. end of story. Time saved.

This is a huge disappointment really.. I don't like to judge people, especially single mother's but it's like all of these women were apart of some secret group within the church and all decided to join our young adults group in a herd.. reason for believing is that they all seem to know one another.. WELL.

What happened to the days where when I was 22-25.. the women 27-33 were single without kids.. I feel like I'm being robbed of dating opportunities in droves..
Click to expand...
Basically what you are saying is the same thing you would say to a guy "Why couldn't you keep it in your pants?".

Perfectly understandable You aren't the villain here. I know WAAAAYYY to many single moms where the father of the child is still somehow involved in their lives and NOT the least bit friendly to some new guy trying to come into both the woman and childs life. And as a guy dealing with that sort of thing just is NOT something I want to get involved with. I don't want my girlfriend to be constantly getting calls from some EX who is a total jerk and calls at all sorts of times or she has to hide from or whatever the case may be. And I don't want the dating relationship hindered by somone more special than me.
Kinda like the whole....if you don't like my dog we can't date. Cause you know...people are weird these days.

I'm the same way. Kid =not dating material. To much trouble. We must be bad guys, I know.

IF this was a post by a woman rallying women to the cry of where are the good virtous virginal men it would get the same replies. And the same defenses. You point out a people group you are going to raise some hackles.
 
D

djness

Guest
#19
#19
KiwiCA said:
It takes a certain caliber of a man to pursue a woman with a past especially a woman with kids.

Take Boaz - he took a young poor widow who was from a country which started from incest. She also came with a bitter mother in law. He redeemed her and allowed his first son to legally have the last name of her original husband so that he would in turn redeem Naomi's family. God honoured that, and as a result King David and Jesus came from this wonderful man who stepped up.

Speaking of Jesus, was Joseph his biological father? No. Joseph could have easily ignored what the angel said to him and just divorce Mary and leave her as a single mom and with her reputation in tatters leaving Jesus growing up without a physical father. Did he do that? THANK GOD NO.

All throughout the bible God states over and over that widows and orphans are at the centre of his heart, I think single moms and fatherless children fall under that category as well.

I sure hope that as a start you aren't looking at these women and their children like theyre under you and dirt under your fingernails. Your sin is equal with theirs so you can't act like you deserve better grace from God in a spouse than them. You have the right to make your own judgement calls on who to date, but you do not have the right to whine like an overgrown baby at the amount of lost and abused and misguided women being saved in huge numbers at your church. Praise the Lord is what I say! These women are your sisters in Christ. Honour them, don't be terrified of them. Befriend them don't snub them. Secondly, they probably know each other because theyre all in the same boat and empathise and support each other for crying our loud! , stop being such a baby

Certainly don't date them, you don't sound like you can handle the responsibility and honour of being a father to someone elses child.
Click to expand...
Both of those examples were under old testament law. Someone would have ended up outcast or dead.
Also are you telling all men that they need to rush out and marry single mothers before women without children. Because you seem to be firing with both barrels here......he didn't say he couldn't be friends witht hese women he said he didn't want to date them. Read the post with clarity before you chop the guy off at the knees.

Also most of these children probably don't have dead fathers....they just have deadbeat fathers or fathers that the women decided she liked to have sex with but he didn't make such a great father.
Why have the honor of being some kids father when they already HAVE one? He just didn't happen to be good enough.
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#20
#20
I apologize if *I* came across as condemning or judgmental. Not my intention. I think that maybe the way you came across in your original post may not have been intended. With the mention of "Rule #1" and "coming in DROVES" it made it sound like an infestation. I do understand the desire to have like-minded people that you can fellowship with, like Matthew said. I guess it just hit closer to home for me. I've been judged and snubbed on many many occasions because I'm a single mother. I understand that it's simply the way people feel and I can't change that.
I don't think that your desire to be with a woman WITHOUT kids is wrong at all, just the attitude that came across in your original post bothered me.
Again, not trying to make you the villain. Sorry. Maybe do like Matthew said and try simply befriending some of those women and getting to know them. And who knows? Maybe they'll have some friends without kids! ;)
 
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