Ladies... your opinion please.

alienx7587 · #1 (**permalink**) December 13th, 2011

Background: I've always been very shy around girls. I'm not a 'smooth operator' by any means!

So, I met a very nice girl yesterday while working on a project. Apparently she goes to my church. She seemed quite friendly and equally as surprised as I was when we found out we go to the same service yet have never seen each other!

Well, I never did get her phone number. I did, however, manage to ask if she was on facebook. So now we are 'friends'. I would really enjoy asking this girl out to coffee or something, but asking a girl out over facebook is almost a guarantee fail.

I was thinking maybe just sending a message to her something like 'we should hang out after church. you should text me here is my number' or something like that.

Also, she is probably going back home after this weekend until January because of the break, so my goal is to be on texting terms with her until she returns.

I'm not really actively searching for a wife, but this girl seemed to stick out for some reason and I'm certainly not opposed to at least making new friends.

So, any suggestions?

alienx7587 · #2 (**permalink**) December 13th, 2011

I guess this kind of branches out from a different issue. It seems that phone numbers are so personal which makes it awkward to ask just when you first meet someone. Perhaps this is because our society has become increasingly reliant on cellular phones. It seems like everyone has facebook so it's easier to ask for that, but then what? So, questions #2: Which is better to ask for? Facebook or phone number? Why? How would you do it under time constraints without things getting awkward?

I realize it's all up to God and if things work out it's because He allows them to. I also realize there is no perfect equation to getting a womans phone number, but seriously, there has to be ways to make it less precarious!

P.S.- This is for both guys and girls to answer... bummer the thread should be renamed.

Jullianna · #3 (**permalink**) December 13th, 2011

Why not send her a friendly, but not pushy, Facebook message...something like, "Hey! It was great to see you the other day. See you at church!"

If she responds favorably to that, seek her out at church and politely invite yourself to sit with her. At some point you could casually ask if she'd like to go for coffee or approach the text topic.

Good luck!

P.S. - Don't leave us hanging. Let us know how it goes.

alienx7587 · #4 (**permalink**) December 13th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jullianna

Why not send her a friendly, but not pushy, Facebook message...something like, "Hey! It was great to see you the other day. See you at church!"

If she responds favorably to that, seek her out at church and politely invite yourself to sit with her. At some point you could casually ask if she'd like to go for coffee or approach the text topic.

Good luck!

P.S. - Don't leave us hanging. Let us know how it goes.

Thanks for the reply.

This sounds reasonable, but I won't see her again until the end of January, since she is going back home. What do you think of, at the end of the message, me offering my phone number and asking her to text me some time? Like you said, I don't want to sounds pushy or anything. Also, my church is enormous, so it would require texting in order for us to find each other before the service!

Her facebook profile says she is single, so I'm hoping that she will be a little more lenient toward socially awkward gents like myself.

EndlessGrace · #5 (**permalink**) December 13th, 2011

You could start a casual convo with her via facebook. See what her demeanor is when shes talking to you and after a few msgs back and forth you could offer her your number in a non pushy way. Remember, just be yourself!

alienx7587 · #6 (**permalink**) December 13th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by EndlessGrace

You could start a casual convo with her via facebook. See what her demeanor is when shes talking to you and after a few msgs back and forth you could offer her your number in a non pushy way. Remember, just be yourself!

Awesome suggestion! But I don't think she uses facebook instant messenger, and I don't really like using facebook so whenever I'm on it I'm only on for 10 minutes at a time max. lol

I was thinking the message I send would be sent through regular facebook message, not instant message. Though I guess maybe they are one in the same? I don't know, facebook messaging system has changed a million times!

Diana25 · #7 (**permalink**) December 14th, 2011

You know what you could do? Just tell her everything you've just told us

Send her a Facebook message and tell her that you don't want to appear pushy but that she seems like a really nice/interesting person, and you would like to keep in contact with her over the holidays until she returns in January. Would she mind giving you her cell phone number so you can text her sometime?

As cruel as this sounds, if she ends up thinking you're being 'too pushy' she probably didn't like you 'in that way' anyway...even though I'm sure you're a wonderful guy!!

Think about it...if someone that you like asks you for your phone number...you're not thinking they're being pushy!

Loads of girls like a guy who is forward about what he wants, as long as he's not creepy about it!

Best wishes...and please let us know how you go!! =)

zeroturbulence · #8 (**permalink**) December 14th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diana25

You know what you could do? Just tell her everything you've just told us

Send her a Facebook message and tell her that you don't want to appear pushy but that she seems like a really nice/interesting person, and you would like to keep in contact with her over the holidays until she returns in January. Would she mind giving you her cell phone number so you can text her sometime?

As cruel as this sounds, if she ends up thinking you're being 'too pushy' she probably didn't like you 'in that way' anyway...even though I'm sure you're a wonderful guy!!

Think about it...if someone that you like asks you for your phone number...you're not thinking they're being pushy!

Loads of girls like a guy who is forward about what he wants, as long as he's not creepy about it!

Best wishes...and please let us know how you go!! =)

That's PERFECT!

alienx7587 · #9 (**permalink**) December 14th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diana25

You know what you could do? Just tell her everything you've just told us

Send her a Facebook message and tell her that you don't want to appear pushy but that she seems like a really nice/interesting person, and you would like to keep in contact with her over the holidays until she returns in January. Would she mind giving you her cell phone number so you can text her sometime?

As cruel as this sounds, if she ends up thinking you're being 'too pushy' she probably didn't like you 'in that way' anyway...even though I'm sure you're a wonderful guy!!

Think about it...if someone that you like asks you for your phone number...you're not thinking they're being pushy!

Loads of girls like a guy who is forward about what he wants, as long as he's not creepy about it!

Best wishes...and please let us know how you go!! =)

Quote:

Originally Posted by zeroturbulence

That's PERFECT!

I agree! But, last time I did something simple like this (asking a girl out to coffee on facebook) things went awry and I got shunned for being 'weird'.

(And no, it wasn't a weirdo creepo message, it was just a simple message asking her to coffee). I didn't even get a response from her, I heard from a third person. lol

Jullianna · #10 (**permalink**) December 14th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by alienx7587

Thanks for the reply.

This sounds reasonable, but I won't see her again until the end of January, since she is going back home. What do you think of, at the end of the message, me offering my phone number and asking her to text me some time? Like you said, I don't want to sounds pushy or anything. Also, my church is enormous, so it would require texting in order for us to find each other before the service!

Her facebook profile says she is single, so I'm hoping that she will be a little more lenient toward socially awkward gents like myself.

You could do that..just say it was cool bumping into her, give her your number and ask her to text you and let you know how her Christmas is going

Seems casual and friendly enough.

Diana25 · #11 (**permalink**) December 14th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by alienx7587

I agree! But, last time I did something simple like this (asking a girl out to coffee on facebook) things went awry and I got shunned for being 'weird'.

(And no, it wasn't a weirdo creepo message, it was just a simple message asking her to coffee). I didn't even get a response from her, I heard from a third person. lol

Well that's just strange! But remember...you're not asking her out on Facebook (those things should really be done with a phone call), you're just telling her you want another way to keep in contact with her

You could even tell her that you hardly get on Facebook, like you told us.

Honestly...she should be flattered with any advances you make if she likes you...and she won't call you weird!

AAAPlus · #12 (**permalink**) December 14th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by alienx7587

I agree! But, last time I did something simple like this (asking a girl out to coffee on facebook) things went awry and I got shunned for being 'weird'.

(And no, it wasn't a weirdo creepo message, it was just a simple message asking her to coffee). I didn't even get a response from her, I heard from a third person. lol

Hey bro. After reading all these posts, I've got to chime in here. I know you asked for a girl's opinion, but I just hate to see it when guys get turned down because, even though the girl is interested, they just go about it the wrong way.

Telling her you "don't want to seem forward" makes it seem like you were thinking about it too much. It's normal to think about a new crush a lot, but letting her know that can be overwhelming for her, and it can make her think you're timid. Which you're not; a timid guy would ask her out over facebook.

Instead, leave the ball in her court. Make a pull, then let her make a push. Send her a little message just saying hi, remind her of something funny or interesting you talked about, and leave you number saying she can shoot you a text sometime. Don't look needy by asking for hers; if she's interested in you, she'll text you. The whole thing shouldn't be more than four sentences.

And when she does text you, don't text her back like a madman. Get back to her when you have time. Spend more time with God and less time thinking about your crush. And don't even hint at going out; that will kill the surprise. But when (or a little before) she gets back, call her and ask her to coffee. If you were texting back and forth just talking about random stuff, she will be really glad that you finally asked her out. Good luck bro!

alienx7587 · #13 (**permalink**) December 14th, 2011

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAAPlus

Hey bro. After reading all these posts, I've got to chime in here. I know you asked for a girl's opinion, but I just hate to see it when guys get turned down because, even though the girl is interested, they just go about it the wrong way.

Telling her you "don't want to seem forward" makes it seem like you were thinking about it too much. It's normal to think about a new crush a lot, but letting her know that can be overwhelming for her, and it can make her think you're timid. Which you're not; a timid guy would ask her out over facebook.

Instead, leave the ball in her court. Make a pull, then let her make a push. Send her a little message just saying hi, remind her of something funny or interesting you talked about, and leave you number saying she can shoot you a text sometime. Don't look needy by asking for hers; if she's interested in you, she'll text you. The whole thing shouldn't be more than four sentences.

And when she does text you, don't text her back like a madman. Get back to her when you have time. Spend more time with God and less time thinking about your crush. And don't even hint at going out; that will kill the surprise. But when (or a little before) she gets back, call her and ask her to coffee. If you were texting back and forth just talking about random stuff, she will be really glad that you finally asked her out. Good luck bro!

Thanks for the input bro. I ended up using a combination of everyone's advice. I didn't put my phone number in yet, but plan on putting it in there in the second message if she responds. I'll let y'all know what happens. Either way, God is in control.