Singles and Sex: "Marriage is the Answer!" So Why So Many Heartbroken Marriages?
Hello Everyone!
I read a deeply disturbing article in the paper today and am trying to dissect all my thoughts into separate issues to write about individually.
As Christians who are human beings, most of us singles struggle with sexual feelings and what to do with them. I grew up in Christian schools and churches all my life, and the general consensus was, "DON'T!!! Don't think it, speak of it, or do it... and for God's sake, don't ask us about it!! Just WAIT, get married, and it will all be ok!!!"
Now let me say that I am NOT, let me repeat, NOT saying in any way, shape or form, that we should disobey God's command that sex should be reserved ONLY for marriage. But my question is, WHY doesn't that seem to work for so many people? And WHY does the Christian community keep telling us the same answers without honestly speaking about the struggles so many Christians are having? Is there a better way?
1. In the article I read today, a local, well-known police officer committed suicide days before he was to go to court over charges that he was using his authority to blackmail someone for sexual favors. He was married... and an ordained pastor at two different churches.
2. I knew a Christian couple once that struggled because the husband had a previous marriage to a woman who had been very "experimental", including with bisexuality. Even though he was a Christian, he was hooked on what he had been "allowed" in his former marriage, and was always trying to "convince" his current wife to "just try...." things she was not comfortable with at all.
3. Young Christian people have bravely told me they are afraid of Christian marriages... because they've seen, heard, or read things they want to "try"... and figure it could never happen in a Christian marriage. After talking with them, I hang my head with sorrow and pray, "God, I wasn't of much help to them at all, was I? I just told them all the same cookie-cutter answers people have given me all my life, and for some reason, it doesn't seem to work."
4. I knew a wonderful Christian about my age--a youth pastor--who had been sexually abused from early childhood to young adulthood. This person grew up in a household where porn and abuses were part of everyday life. As a result, this person had a time of experimenting with things of the world in order to try to cope. After becoming a Christian and entering into a Christian marriage, this person admitted that they struggled very often with thoughts of wanting to return to some of what the world had to offer. Although this person loved their spouse with all their heart, ties and pains from the past were still in place and a constant struggle.
Please understand that I guess the ONLY answer IS to wait until marriage, of course. But why are we always spoken to as if marriage will someone solve ALL our curiosities, wants, and desires, when for so many people, it does not? Are we to expect that we will somehow be the exception and if we're good and just wait it out, we can expect a wonderful, out-of-this world personal life with our spouse? If so... why are so many others so miserable?
I understand that some will point out that maybe some people are not strong in their faith, didn't marry for the right reasons, are not truly living out what they believe, etc.
But this is real life, not heaven. Why doesn't anyone ever talk about what seems to be a reality for so many people?
I realize this is a highly personal topic and perhaps no one will answer, which is fine. I write my threads with the hope that if it only inspires one person to bring their deepest troubles to God, then it was written for a reason.
I will also be including an anonymous poll for those who may want to answer but are not sure how. Thanks for your time, and God bless!!!
Hello Everyone!
I read a deeply disturbing article in the paper today and am trying to dissect all my thoughts into separate issues to write about individually.
As Christians who are human beings, most of us singles struggle with sexual feelings and what to do with them. I grew up in Christian schools and churches all my life, and the general consensus was, "DON'T!!! Don't think it, speak of it, or do it... and for God's sake, don't ask us about it!! Just WAIT, get married, and it will all be ok!!!"
Now let me say that I am NOT, let me repeat, NOT saying in any way, shape or form, that we should disobey God's command that sex should be reserved ONLY for marriage. But my question is, WHY doesn't that seem to work for so many people? And WHY does the Christian community keep telling us the same answers without honestly speaking about the struggles so many Christians are having? Is there a better way?
1. In the article I read today, a local, well-known police officer committed suicide days before he was to go to court over charges that he was using his authority to blackmail someone for sexual favors. He was married... and an ordained pastor at two different churches.
2. I knew a Christian couple once that struggled because the husband had a previous marriage to a woman who had been very "experimental", including with bisexuality. Even though he was a Christian, he was hooked on what he had been "allowed" in his former marriage, and was always trying to "convince" his current wife to "just try...." things she was not comfortable with at all.
3. Young Christian people have bravely told me they are afraid of Christian marriages... because they've seen, heard, or read things they want to "try"... and figure it could never happen in a Christian marriage. After talking with them, I hang my head with sorrow and pray, "God, I wasn't of much help to them at all, was I? I just told them all the same cookie-cutter answers people have given me all my life, and for some reason, it doesn't seem to work."
4. I knew a wonderful Christian about my age--a youth pastor--who had been sexually abused from early childhood to young adulthood. This person grew up in a household where porn and abuses were part of everyday life. As a result, this person had a time of experimenting with things of the world in order to try to cope. After becoming a Christian and entering into a Christian marriage, this person admitted that they struggled very often with thoughts of wanting to return to some of what the world had to offer. Although this person loved their spouse with all their heart, ties and pains from the past were still in place and a constant struggle.
Please understand that I guess the ONLY answer IS to wait until marriage, of course. But why are we always spoken to as if marriage will someone solve ALL our curiosities, wants, and desires, when for so many people, it does not? Are we to expect that we will somehow be the exception and if we're good and just wait it out, we can expect a wonderful, out-of-this world personal life with our spouse? If so... why are so many others so miserable?
I understand that some will point out that maybe some people are not strong in their faith, didn't marry for the right reasons, are not truly living out what they believe, etc.
But this is real life, not heaven. Why doesn't anyone ever talk about what seems to be a reality for so many people?
I realize this is a highly personal topic and perhaps no one will answer, which is fine. I write my threads with the hope that if it only inspires one person to bring their deepest troubles to God, then it was written for a reason.
I will also be including an anonymous poll for those who may want to answer but are not sure how. Thanks for your time, and God bless!!!
. A long time ago I made a poll regarding polls... the majority of people said they were a positive addition to the forum, and I've tried to include polls with the threads ever since. I got to thinking, "Maybe there are people out there who want to answer but aren't sure how... or maybe they're curious but don't want anyone to know." Polls are my way of reaching out to our "silent contributors". 
