What's your story?

[AsifinPassing]

(Romantically, at least)

Hey everyone! So, I've made this thread for all those that have a past relationship history which brought them to where they are now. If you feel comfortable sharing, than I for one (like others I'm sure...) would like to know!
___________________________

I'll go ahead and start things off.

To the best of my recollection, I've had literally a dozen relationships in my life so far. Eleven were ended by my partner, and one was ended by me. There are a lot to the last few, but I'll sum up most of the others as best and shortly as possible.

The first 10 were between about 7th grade through my Senior year of high school. (As a side note, I don't just date for fun. I'm fully committed to a life-long relationship, as God wills. I've also been told by different people that I seem to feel more deeply and intensly than most.)

They generally didn't last longer than two weeks or so. I lost one due to listening to foolish advise from a friend, and making even more foolish decisions by following it. The worst break-up was also during this period when a girl named Sarah told me she was leaving me for someone who looked better. (Not to mention later on finding out she had been seeing Him prior to this...)

A notable God moment also happened near the end of this time when I nearly slept with a girl I had known from choir. Long story short, the first words I audibly heard from God were, "Reece, what are you doing?!" He saved me from making a monumental mistake that early morning.

So, after this soup of mixed struggles and heart-breaks, I went into college. Unlike most (polls say 80%), I have not walked away from my faith in college, nor do I plan to. As part of this, I'm obviously not part of the sex and party scene.

Anyway, the last two relationships were the longest at around three weeks with a girl named Reagan, and six months with my last girlfriend named Hannah. These were both learning moments from God for me, again.

With Reagan, we had been friends nearly two years. I don't know when, but at some moment we started speaking more personally, frequently, and lengthily. I prayed to God about it. Everything seemed to fall into place. Her family loved me, and I them. My family loved her, and she them. We had a couple good dates and loved each other...or so I thought.

On Christmas eve, she decided that we should no longer be in a romantic relationship. As crushed as I had been prior, this took the precedent. I prayed and agonized with God over the next two weeks. Tears seemed endless, and I didn't understand where I had gone wrong.

That's when I learned. Not hearing a 'no' from God is not the same as hearing a 'yes'. After several months, I seemed to bounce back; however, the longing I'd always had for a partner grew all the stronger with each blow.

I went onto dating sites, chat communities, and various other social networks. That's when I met Hannah.

We spent six months talking every night, most of the night, on the phone. We were devising a way to move closer to each other, as we lived in different states, and had already spoken about marriage a time or two.

Well, during his time, God had been wrestling with me. I came to terms with Him one day while driving home. He showed me how I had gone completely apart from Him, found this girl, gotten into a committed relationship with her, and just shrugged Him out of the whole thing.

That was not His plan, and I had to make a choice. The hardest choice I've ever made...I chose God.

Many things came out of this. A great deal of pain, anger, confusion...at first, but also a deeper trust and love for Him. I realize this is hard for many people to swallow, but I believe it wholeheartedly, because I wanted to marry her, but God has different plans for me.


So how does all that translate to me now? Well, I used to have a laundry list of things I wanted in a woman. No longer.

Now I look only for three things:

1. A woman who loves God, and is earnestly trying her best to live with, for, and in Him.

2. A woman who will love me just for me, and more than any other person (except God of course, and our children...).

3. A woman whom God ordains to be with me, and I with her.


So, this is the super condensed version, but it is a part of my story. Now I'm waiting. Still a bit broken and sad, but hopeful.

So, would you please let me know yours?

[MrHonest]

I grew up distancing myself from everyone including God. Its hard to meet anyone like this. So the only relationships I've had were long distance computer, telephone, & mail. While I did that I failed to notice several girls who tried to get my attention in junior & high school. I didn't want to stay in contact with anyone I met face to face. My priorities were very wrong. The computer, the phone, & the mailbox cheered me up.

Anyway I learned plenty from all this...

And I'm trying to stop pushing everyone away but I think I'm too scared to stop?

[AsifinPassing]

Originally Posted by MrHonest

I grew up distancing myself from everyone including God. Its hard to meet anyone like this. So the only relationships I've had were long distance computer, telephone, & mail. While I did that I failed to notice several girls who tried to get my attention in junior & high school. I didn't want to stay in contact with anyone I met face to face. My priorities were very wrong. The computer, the phone, & the mailbox cheered me up.

Anyway I learned plenty from all this...

And I'm trying to stop pushing everyone away but I think I'm too scared to stop?

I hear ya, bro. Thank you for sharing.

I would just like to share a scripture with you, if that's cool. Philippians 4:6 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Scripture also tells us that we are not alone, and not to be afraid. So, even though it may be hard, with God (so long as it's according to His will) all things are possible.

Take heart my friend! I believe in you, and God always has.

[chiclet01]

I'll give the Reader's Digest version. ;-)

I didn't really date in high school. I didn't fit because I was the city girl in a rural school (my father's a pastor and was moved just before my freshman year of high school), I didn't want to go drinking every night in the fields, and I was the "nerd" before making good grades was cool. LOL. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, so I dreamed of finding that perfect guy (like all high school girls do).

Then I got to college... and I found my "crew" and my home. My group of friends who were quirky and fun like me. I kinda blossomed at that point and was somewhat shocked to find that apparently guys wanted to date me. I dated a good Christian guy for a week or two, and he and I are just better as friends (we're still friends, actually). Theeeeeen I got involved with Mr. Snake-Oil-Salesman (we'll call him Mr. SOS).

Mr. SOS was charismatic, funny, clicked with me in terms of personality... and not Christian. I had that whole "he'll change" thing going on in my stupid little freshman brain, so we started dating. Long story short, he didn't AND he was apparently cheating on his long time girl friend with me. That ended when I went to her and we confronted him together (I am NOT the other woman, dangit).

Shortly after that I started crushing on Mr. Passive Nice Guy (Mr. PNG). He was, as stated, a really genuinely nice guy. But he was passive to the point of never getting anything done. He never made big decisions. Never really was willing to work out big problems. That kind of thing. I'm a very go-getter type of personality, so that eventually turned into me trying to do everything for him and for our relationship. We were together off and on for three years (he broke up with me 6 times... I broke up with him the 7th), which was a patchwork of me feeling ignored, trying to bring up an issue, him breaking it off, me trying to move on, and then him coming back with some grandiose sweeping gesture (he wrote me a song) to snag me again.

I had a few small (I'm ashamed to say) rebound dating relationships during some of the "break up" periods with Mr. PNG, but nothing more than a week or two before PNG would realize he was losing me and come sweeping back in (he added verses to the song).

The Ex (we'll call him... "The Ex") and I were best friends during the last part of my relationship with PNG. After I broke it off with PNG we eventually decided to try our hand at being together. It was really great, actually. The way I had always thought relationships should be. We got engaged after he went to a Christian conference and felt after praying that he had God's blessing. We were married for seven years.... and he self-combusted. Alcoholism, prescription drug abuse, mental illness, porn addiction, and at least seven affairs by the time I left in September with our son. The divorce was final in December.

Sooooooooo... yeah. My history is not exactly bright and shiny. ;-) BUT! God promises to WORK all things TOGETHER for good, and I can see that I am a stronger woman than I was before college. I know how to draw boundaries that I clearly did not before. And through all of those trials, I clung to God and saw that He was faithful to me.

So maybe my history isn't bright and shiny but...

[AsifinPassing]

Originally Posted by chiclet01

I'll give the Reader's Digest version. ;-)

I didn't really date in high school. I didn't fit because I was the city girl in a rural school (my father's a pastor and was moved just before my freshman year of high school), I didn't want to go drinking every night in the fields, and I was the "nerd" before making good grades was cool. LOL. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, so I dreamed of finding that perfect guy (like all high school girls do).

Then I got to college... and I found my "crew" and my home. My group of friends who were quirky and fun like me. I kinda blossomed at that point and was somewhat shocked to find that apparently guys wanted to date me. I dated a good Christian guy for a week or two, and he and I are just better as friends (we're still friends, actually). Theeeeeen I got involved with Mr. Snake-Oil-Salesman (we'll call him Mr. SOS).

Mr. SOS was charismatic, funny, clicked with me in terms of personality... and not Christian. I had that whole "he'll change" thing going on in my stupid little freshman brain, so we started dating. Long story short, he didn't AND he was apparently cheating on his long time girl friend with me. That ended when I went to her and we confronted him together (I am NOT the other woman, dangit).

Shortly after that I started crushing on Mr. Passive Nice Guy (Mr. PNG). He was, as stated, a really genuinely nice guy. But he was passive to the point of never getting anything done. He never made big decisions. Never really was willing to work out big problems. That kind of thing. I'm a very go-getter type of personality, so that eventually turned into me trying to do everything for him and for our relationship. We were together off and on for three years (he broke up with me 6 times... I broke up with him the 7th), which was a patchwork of me feeling ignored, trying to bring up an issue, him breaking it off, me trying to move on, and then him coming back with some grandiose sweeping gesture (he wrote me a song) to snag me again.

I had a few small (I'm ashamed to say) rebound dating relationships during some of the "break up" periods with Mr. PNG, but nothing more than a week or two before PNG would realize he was losing me and come sweeping back in (he added verses to the song).

The Ex (we'll call him... "The Ex") and I were best friends during the last part of my relationship with PNG. After I broke it off with PNG we eventually decided to try our hand at being together. It was really great, actually. The way I had always thought relationships should be. We got engaged after he went to a Christian conference and felt after praying that he had God's blessing. We were married for seven years.... and he self-combusted. Alcoholism, prescription drug abuse, mental illness, porn addiction, and at least seven affairs by the time I left in September with our son. The divorce was final in December.

Sooooooooo... yeah. My history is not exactly bright and shiny. ;-) BUT! God promises to WORK all things TOGETHER for good, and I can see that I am a stronger woman than I was before college. I know how to draw boundaries that I clearly did not before. And through all of those trials, I clung to God and saw that He was faithful to me.

So maybe my history isn't bright and shiny but...

Thank you for sharing! I'm sorry that you had to go through all those things, but I'm glad you've grown from them!

God is faithful, and will complete the work He started in you. I'm thankful that you clung to Him, and encourage you never to let go!

There are definitely several lessons we can learn from each other, and it's nice just to get to know you (and you know me) better.

Thank you again! God Bless!

[clee356]

I know I'm not single but I thought I would share something with you guys as well.

One of the many things I've learned in my life...

is that you never know what God can do.

I know it can seem frustrating when you're single, it feels like you've been waiting forever and everyone else seems to be finding someone.

I also know it can get tiresome when people keep telling you, wait for God to do the work, be patient... which is true, but I know that it isn't easy. And I feel for single people who feel that way.

I wish all the best to you Reece and everyone here who's single. And again- you just never know what God will do. Don't give up. Your future lady/man might be just around the corner.

[AsifinPassing]

Thank you, Clee! You're awesome! I appreciate you sharing, and may God bless you and your future spouse. ^_^

[Daithi]

Hello there to everyone. Im new here and just finding my bearings.
I found this thread both interesting and apt - a failed long term relationship is the reason I found Jesus again, after a very long absence. I was with a girl for about 7 years, during which my life became more and more complicated. An ill family member meant I had less and less time to give her, and arguing ensued. She was not so understanding about things, and I think she had problems of her own. I had no patience at all for her because of this, and felt she was not being supportive at all.
I spent a lot of nights awake because I was looking after my father. One night, towards the end of the relationship, I sat in my room and experienced a very profound moment of clarity. It was surreal. Everything I questioned about my purpose became clear. I was needed to help with my dad. My mother simply could not manage. If the girl prevented me from doing this, she had to go.
These thoughts all came in a split second. Afterwards, I lay in bed and wondered where that amazing feeling came from and what the source of that clarity was. Instantly, I felt a very warm and loving feeling, and for some reason, I just knew it had come from above. There was and still is no doubt in my mind. It was God.
A man who had no real belief as such, in one instant became a loyal believer.
That girl might not have helped me much personally, but she inadvertently gave me the biggest present in the world.
Now, though I do get lonely of course, at least I know Im not on my own.

[Be_Evergreen]

Only had one relationship in my life, for a year + about 4 months.

I had crushes on and off, didn't date until I was 17. I was focusing on things besides finding a guy. Deep down though, I had always wanted someone that understood me- like every one else does, right? Nothing new.
____________________________

I was sort of lost and unfeeling after my father's funeral, but I was tired of being sad. He died on my first day of 12th grade. About a month later, one of my best guy friends asked me to the homecoming dance. Surprised, I accept. Our friends had previously teased him when it came to me. I didn't think much of it, but according to him, he had liked me years, and I didn't know.

The homecoming dance was great- at one point, his brothe pushed us closer than we had been all night and told him, "Look, this is the last slow dance of the night- Go! Now!". Awkward but not unpleasant.

After the dance, I was confused as to where we stood. For about a week, we both were unsure as to what we were- his brother, again, gave us the push to ask each other out (yes, we both tried to on the same night, and I was relieved when he got it out before me).

For about a year, we had a relationship that many of our friends loved to love and tease. Both nerds, both liked helping people, both very polite. We would have them taking pictures of us whenever we just tried to hold hands. After a while, it was just something to laugh at.

We went through going to different schools- he was in 12th grade now and I was in college. It was difficult to get together, but we did the best we could. Then one night, we had a miscommunication error, and that ended up being our downfall- but I feel like it just wasn't meant to last. For a year, I had some gentle coaxing, innocent care and genuine healing from someone that cared for me very much- at a time when I needed it the most. I experienced love, which hurts to lose, but if it didn't hurt it wouldn't be love. So I can't say that God didn't send him after me, to get me going in the right direction again, to get me feeling again.

Ended almost a year ago. Since then, I've figured out a lot of things about myself, and about the kind of person I need to be looking for. Looking for as in keeping an eye open, but it seems like it's when you're not searching around that you happen across the right person ...

[xXTroubleXx]

Wow! 12 relationships! I really hope you find someone that you feel you're supposed to be with... you're still young! It will happen eventually :P

I'll post my experience for what it may be worth.

I never dated in high school. I didn't drink, go to big parties, or sneak out in the middle of the night to go have sex behind a bowling ally or in the back of some guy's pickup (Idk why that was a trend in my school...). My freshman year of college was very similar in that I never drank or went to parties or had sex or even THOUGHT of having a relationship with anyone. The summer before sophomore year came and a friend of mine in my close circle told me he really liked me and wanted to date me. My first reaction was to laugh in his face like a complete moron because I thought he was joking, and then, after some thought, I agreed. He was sweet, caring, funny and cute, and it was still a complete failure.

It ended badly, unfortunately. Long story short, he was extremely clingy and suspicious when I hung out with other guys. We don't speak anymore because he went into a very severe depressed state when I told him things weren't working out. He is dating one of my friends who is really nice and sweet, and he is doing just fine now, but he still refuses to talk to me, and I acknowledge that's his choice.

Later on in the year, my shy/apathetic personality that I had donned during my awkward high school years sort of imploded and I discovered alcohol, parties, and extended my social circle by 80%. After the debacle w/ my first 'real' relationship, I was completely turned off to the idea of being joined at the hip or being "exclusive" w/ anyone any time soon, so I started seeking out only casual relationships every so often. More specifically, I started seeking out casual relationships with people who I knew had commitment issues to begin with so I wouldn't feel bad when things burnt out or if I was only going to be with them for one night. (For any concerned readers:I never would have the mentality to simply walk into an STD-ridden club and just grab the first guy I saw).

This has been going on for about a year, but during the summer before senior year, I met this guy who I decided I wanted to actually go out with. We dated for 2 months, but things fizzled out due to our inability to maintain a long-distance relationship once I headed back to school up North. We are still friends who keep in touch and our feelings for the situation are completely mutual, so I don't feel a sense of loss whatsoever.

Present-day Senior year of college! Around october I decided to ask an older guy out for drinks at some trendy place (I thought he was only 25, turns out he's almost 30, not that that's relevant). I was reverting back to my old ways of just wanting to hook up, initially. This guy is a graduate from my school and just works there part time to pay the bills. He's a bangin' saxophone player and I had a crush on him for about 3 years prior, so I told myself I would go for it. We've been dating since october, and I haven't felt the need to sleep with anyone else. I feel very comfortable in this kind of 'exclusivity' because (like me) he's very laid back and doesn't demand anything of me or put any pressure on me so I feel no need to flee.

I don't know how long it will last, but so far things are going quite well and I no-longer have a weird phobia of relationships

[AsifinPassing]

Daithi, Be_Evergreen, Trouble, thank you all for sharing!

These things can be rough as we and others make choices, but the important thing is that we turn to God through it all.

It's encouraging to hear your stories, and please allow me to remind you of another scripture.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." -Matthew 6:33


See, God wants all of us, and if we give ourselves to Him, then there's nothing to worry about. He knows what we need and want before we even ask. Just cling to Him, and He will make your path straight.

Thank you again for sharing!

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

From 15 to 17 dated the same guy. He broke up with me because he said this other girl wore really tight pants

From 17 to 20 dated another guy. He dumped me because i wouldn't sleep with him

From 21 to 26 dated and married a guy who was a total boob.

[AsifinPassing]

Thank you for sharing, NodmyHeadLikeYeah.

I'm sorry things didn't turn out well in the past, but there is always hope for a brighter tomorrow.

I'm not sure where your heart is in view of these things, but a scripture which once spoke to me was Psalm 42 & also Psalm 43.

Both of these have a refrain in them which says, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

I really appreciate you sharing, and remember that God loves you and has been with you since day 1. He is with you still, and always will be.

Thank you again for sharing, and God bless!

[valerie]

maybe i'm the youngest to share so far..

I had my first SERIOUS relationship (or maybe it was just me) on my first year in high school. prior to that, there were a few of my "crushes" who courted me but i really didn't want to engage myself into those kinds of relationship yet because of the things i hear from adult like, "it will HURT". but then it came. so, this guy had been persistent in asking me out. and after a about 4 or 5 months, i said "yes". our realtionship lasted only 2 months and 25 days (i can still remember the time and all other details. that's how serious I was). it really hurt me. i counted the years. it took me 2 years and 3 months to be exact. that long to get over what happened.
after that, i've had few more GUY friends who courted, most of them were my ex-boyfriend's friends. but i never really wanted to go into a relationship again. now i'm in 2nd year college. i pray that things will work out.

[AsifinPassing]

Originally Posted by valerie

maybe i'm the youngest to share so far..

I had my first SERIOUS relationship (or maybe it was just me) on my first year in high school. prior to that, there were a few of my "crushes" who courted me but i really didn't want to engage myself into those kinds of relationship yet because of the things i hear from adult like, "it will HURT". but then it came. so, this guy had been persistent in asking me out. and after a about 4 or 5 months, i said "yes". our realtionship lasted only 2 months and 25 days (i can still remember the time and all other details. that's how serious I was). it really hurt me. i counted the years. it took me 2 years and 3 months to be exact. that long to get over what happened.
after that, i've had few more GUY friends who courted, most of them were my ex-boyfriend's friends. but i never really wanted to go into a relationship again. now i'm in 2nd year college. i pray that things will work out.

They will, Valerie. Just hang in there!

Heartbreak is never fun, but kind of like the song, God blesses our road, no matter how broken.

Be sure to cling to Him, Valerie, and if it's His will for you, then the right man will come along.

Thank you for sharing!

[valerie]

you're welcome

by this time, i pray to GOD that He will not allow me to give too much attention on those things. that i may have the patience to wait for His time..

[Jullianna]

I only dated one guy seriously in high school (the others were just friends), but he was quite a bit older and my folks put a stop to it. He was awesome, but my parents were right.

I met and married my husband at 18. He was quite a bit older. We had a son about a year and a half later. We were married for 15 amazing years before he passed away.

I have dated several guys and have been in 3 serious relationships since he passed away. I broke up with one of them when his live-in girlfriend answered his phone (seemed like a good reason to me ). One of them was long distance and we never really got a chance to see where it would go, but something tells me that's probably a good thing because the direction it was headed was not a godly one. One of them has been off and on for several years. I really thought he was the one. I will probably always love him, but he is no longer the man I fell in love with and I don't belong in his world.

BUT I have learned a lot and been changed by each of these relationships and it is the good things I want to take from them, and I pray God's best for them all.

[princeofpeace]

Hey im new here!!! I didn't date in high school and early in college due to me beng focused on other things and being a little shy. Finally dated a girl in college lasted about two weeks and ended because she wanted to sleep with me. Didn't date for a while because I couldn't seem to find the right girl. I met another girl at work. I knew she wasn't a Christian so I tried just to keep things as friends but things really started to click and thought that maybe i could get her to church and see what God can do. She went and we dated for about three weeks which went very well but she said in the end it just wouldn't work because she wasnt ready to be a Christian. We still are very close friends but that's where I am now. The whole relationship really taught me a lot though and I became soo much stronger as a Christian because of it. Now I'm just focusing on pleasing God and waiting for the woman that he will provide me with.

[violakat]

Originally Posted by AsifinPassing

(
Now I look only for three things:

1. A woman who loves God, and is earnestly trying her best to live with, for, and in Him.

2. A woman who will love me just for me, and more than any other person (except God of course, and our children...).

3. A woman whom God ordains to be with me, and I with her.

I know a lot of people are probably going to disagree with me on this, but your future wife should love you more then her children. And you should her love her more then them. Here's the thing, they will eventually leave the home, and form relationships and families of their own. However, with God's help, you and your wife will always be together. It's a bond that should be placed as the most important, after your bond with God.

[Nigella]

I am divorced from a man who completely deceived me (and a whole lot of others, too). He looked like a Christian, he acted like one (outwardly), he could talk the talk and appeared to be walking the walk. But, he is gay. He cheated on me our entire marriage, participating in ghastly, perverse activities I won't elaborate here. To hide his sins, he kept extreme control over me--emotionally and financially. He was a bully and manipulative. He NEVER showed these characteristics before we married. NEVER. He actually admitted that he hid his true self from me until we were married because then he knew I'd be "stuck."

When I found out what was going on, I found all sorts of resources to try to help him, but he loves what he's doing too much and we started a cycle of counseling->things get better->he'd get caught again->more counseling. After I found evidence of his meeting men he'd met on Craigslist in hotels, I threw him out and filed for divorce.

We have two kids, both of whom were devastated. He is "unioned" to another man (I refuse to call it marriage) and I'm single, raising my one child who's still at home (the other is an adult now).

Through it all, God has shown me His love and supernatural protection and provision and I'd never have gotten this close to the Lord had I not thoroughly needed to cling to Him. I never caught any diseases and I got sole custody of the kids. It was a horrible thing to go through, the humiliation, embarrassment, pain for myself and my kids, the uncertainty. But God hugged me close and kept me sane and sharp.

The fallout for me personally is that I have real issues trusting anyone. I'm working on it and there may even be a relationship for me on the horizon, but my heart is tender and it's staying behind the castle walls until God says it's ok to let it out, so to speak.

So that's my story.