Should I give up?

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police750

Guest
#1
#1
So I'm 20 years old, and I met this girl a little while ago - about 6 weeks ago. And as I have gotten to know her, ive started to really like her, and i've never felt this way about anyone before, and i feel there must be a reason for that. I asked her out for lunch a couple of times, and i, at least, felt we strongly bonded. Lots of talking, laughing, it was really nice.

Well, a month or so later, I told this girl I liked her. And a week or so later she sends me this long email, telling me about everything she's been doing in asia, (she's gone over there with her church to help). but she also said that she's thought long and deeply about it, but that she's not ready for a boyfriend, and that one reason is because she feels that she is not unselfish enough to treat someone in the way that they should be treated in a relationship, and that she feels she'd let all her validation get tied up in that person, and she said that there are other reasons too but they're too long and complicated. and she said that she felt really honored that someone she thinks highly of likes her,

But she's not selfish in any way whatsoever, she's so nice, and i just enjoy so much being around her and talking with her. I'm not going to let this ruin our friendship or anything, but i guess there is a part of me which just wants to try again. I feel that there is a reason that i feel so strongly for her, and to be honest, i felt that she kind of liked me too to start with as well. But maybe i was just very wrong.

Although I know I probably should, I guess I'm asking is it time to give up? I'm asking because I'm wondering maybe if I came on too strong too soon (we had only been out to lunch twice, and I only met her about a month and a half ago), and if I gave it a bit of time I could try again. She's christian (I am too), and one of my friends was going out with a christian girl and he said that whenever he asked her if they could be official, she always said that she just wasn't ready for the relationship, but then 2 months later she finally agreed.

I guess i just have no idea because ive never had these feelings nor been in this situation before. Thanks for the help everybody
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#2
Jan 3, 2007
626
2
0
36
#2
Defiantly wait and tryagain! As her friend you are obligated to be there for her and help her regardless of how she feels for your otherwise. In time, however, she might feel like she is ready for a relationship, and in some time i think you should try again in a respectable way ( not like badgering her about it) The stronger your friendship grows, the more willing she'llbe to saying yesand taking the next step.

That;s my view on it!
 
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Groundwire123

Guest
#3
#3
If we give up in life we wont get any were. My pastor tells the congregation all the time, "Sticka and stay, and make it pay". In other words, try again. Stay friends. If you really like here, and she really likes you, she might come back. If not, its just not whom God had for you. The bible tells us God has just the right girl for us, and we just need to be patient and "keep Trying". Never be discuraged. I made a mistake with my first relationship. I became so attached to here that she got scared and.... well that relationship lasted two days and I found myself depressed for the next 4 months. Keep trying. Dont dwell on one girl. Keep looking and asking other girls. Try to stick with the girls from your church. I think it is very importiant for a christian to seek another christian. It is very easy for a non christian to pull you away from your christian relationship with Christ. And start a frendship before you just ask her out. And.... I'm sorry, I am not trying to make a rule book here just biblical guidlines and tips to be successfull in your search for your sole mate. I will keep you in prayer. I myself am looking to start a new relationship and could use the same prayer to (laugh out loud).
 
J0Y

J0Y

Senior Member
#4
Mar 7, 2009
509
6
18
#4
Again I agree with Kakashi! I would also add, commit EVERYTHING to the Lord in prayer. Give her and your feelings over to God and ask for his will to be worked out in each of your lives. Remain focused on God and RELAX. There is a verse in Proverbs which says 'we may cast the dice but it is the Lord who determines how they fall.' So seek him in ALL your ways and he will make your path straight!
God bless you :)
 
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pinkstix56

Guest
#5
#5
Police 750 - Ok first of all you need to slow down. I mean yeah you can't deny your feeling for her, but you also need to examine them. Is this really the person God wants for you? Or are you trying to rush into a relationship too early? Think about how this person is feeling. She might be trying to grow closer to God , and you ( not trying to be mean, but the truth hurts sometimes) are a distraction right now. I think that you should pray about this to God. This might not be the person you are suppose to marry anyway. And most importantly , have you been focusing on God? Have you been dying to your flesh so that you can be the husband you need to be for your potential partner? Listen to God , He will let you know when you need to date the person. But for right now don't come in between her and God. If she needs a breakthrough from something, or deliverance then give her time. And if she only wants to be friends with you, then don't worry because you are coming closer to finding that right person for you :].
 
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Groundwire123

Guest
#6
#6
Amen! May Gods will be done with situation for you Police750. Kakashi is right. Its like we both said, If God intends it to be, so be it. But God might have something else planned for you.
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#7
May 5, 2009
2,565
19
38
#7
Dude I reckon she's playing hard to get. She wants to make sure you're really into her before she agrees to a relationship. I think you need to make a strong case for yourself, but you'll need to convince her not only that she should get things happening with you, but of the benefits of a relationship in general. If she says that she's not able to treat someone the way they should be treated, make it clear that you're not asking to be treated like a husband, and you just want to move slowly to begin with...
 
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SamIam

Guest
#8
#8
Sharp said:
Dude I reckon she's playing hard to get. She wants to make sure you're really into her before she agrees to a relationship. I think you need to make a strong case for yourself, but you'll need to convince her not only that she should get things happening with you, but of the benefits of a relationship in general. If she says that she's not able to treat someone the way they should be treated, make it clear that you're not asking to be treated like a husband, and you just want to move slowly to begin with...
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I couldnt disagree more, doesnt sound as though shes playing hard to get. She probably honestly feels shes not ready for a boyfriend. Or she just doesnt like you that way and is tryin to let you down nicely and put the blame on her. You've only known her for a month and a half, gone out to lunch 2, she may be the most selfish person you've ever met. You dont know her well enough to make that call if she is or isnt. If you really really like this girl, i'd continue to be persistent but not in an obnixious way. Do things to let her know that you care for her, that you still like her. Its always best that you and her are friends first anyways, allows you to get to know someone better. If it was me, i wouldnt push at her, but if there came up an oppertunity to let her know (and not always with words) that i was still into her.... i'd take it..
 
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luke15chick

Guest
#9
#9
my first long relationship ( 1 year long) didn't start til I was 21, so if you're ready to give up at age 20 then I would consider you an impatient person and a defeatist. People who really want something are willing to wait for as long as it takes if they know its worth it.
 
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luke15chick

Guest
#10
#10
ignore that thought, i didn't read everything you wrote. you wrote a lot . sorry.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#11
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#11
police750 said:
So I'm 20 years old, and I met this girl a little while ago - about 6 weeks ago. And as I have gotten to know her, ive started to really like her, and i've never felt this way about anyone before, and i feel there must be a reason for that. I asked her out for lunch a couple of times, and i, at least, felt we strongly bonded. Lots of talking, laughing, it was really nice.

Well, a month or so later, I told this girl I liked her. And a week or so later she sends me this long email, telling me about everything she's been doing in asia, (she's gone over there with her church to help). but she also said that she's thought long and deeply about it, but that she's not ready for a boyfriend, and that one reason is because she feels that she is not unselfish enough to treat someone in the way that they should be treated in a relationship, and that she feels she'd let all her validation get tied up in that person, and she said that there are other reasons too but they're too long and complicated. and she said that she felt really honored that someone she thinks highly of likes her,

But she's not selfish in any way whatsoever, she's so nice, and i just enjoy so much being around her and talking with her. I'm not going to let this ruin our friendship or anything, but i guess there is a part of me which just wants to try again. I feel that there is a reason that i feel so strongly for her, and to be honest, i felt that she kind of liked me too to start with as well. But maybe i was just very wrong.

Although I know I probably should, I guess I'm asking is it time to give up? I'm asking because I'm wondering maybe if I came on too strong too soon (we had only been out to lunch twice, and I only met her about a month and a half ago), and if I gave it a bit of time I could try again. She's christian (I am too), and one of my friends was going out with a christian girl and he said that whenever he asked her if they could be official, she always said that she just wasn't ready for the relationship, but then 2 months later she finally agreed.

I guess i just have no idea because ive never had these feelings nor been in this situation before. Thanks for the help everybody
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She isn't interested in you. That explanation she sent guy ou is a load.
 
EarnestQ

EarnestQ

Senior Member
#12
Apr 28, 2016
2,588
310
83
#12
PSSST... Hey Tommy. This thread is nine years old. I expect it has been resolved one way or another by now. ;)
 
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toinena

Guest
#14
#14
You just continue your digging, Tommy. You will solve crimes and heartaches unsolved for centuries.
 
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