Cannot tell the difference between platonic affection and romantic attraction!

[Liamson]

Originally Posted by CC_Bride

Heres the question, if hes not romantically interested you, why on earth would you allow him to flirt with you like that? THAT is not a friend who cares about looking out for you. That is a self serving little boy who likes the benefits of tugging at a girls precious heart without ever meaning to give any commitment beyond an acquaintance.

Sounds like a pretty pathetic one sided friendship to me and that is no friendship, putting it bluntly. Don't be a fool. Confront him on what he is doing, and if he is genuinely a friend he will honourably stop what he is doing (or ask you to be his girlfriend), if not he will get defensive, sneakily lay the blame at your door and deliberately avoid you, which will instantly tell you that he is guilty and knows it.

Wow, thats really awkward.

What are the "benefits" of flirting?


When a relationship develops naturally, there is no awkward confrontation. Some people like to flirt and some people don't. I don't think there is a he/she is a turd cause they are single and flirty.

[Jullianna]

I'm not sure he sees it as flirty at all. He may just find it being playful and feels that comfortable with you.

Should we be concerned about friendships being one sided? Aren't we to consider others more important than ourselves? (Phil 2:3) Shouldn't friendships be about giving to others, not what we get out of them? I realize we aren't called to be doormats, but I don't see his behavior as being abusive in any way.

I think it's wonderful when we can remain friends with those we have more-than-friendly feelings for, but now that you know he is only interested in being friends, you do need to keep something in mind.... Will you be able to handle it down the road if/when he dates someone else? If so, that's cool. If not, you could find yourself hurt. You sound like someone who can handle this, but don't set yourself up to be hurt.
God bless!

[CC_Bride]

Originally Posted by Liamson

Wow, thats really awkward.

What are the "benefits" of flirting?

When a relationship develops naturally, there is no awkward confrontation. Some people like to flirt and some people don't. I don't think there is a he/she is a turd cause they are single and flirty.

Thats just the thing, there is never going to be a relationship. I think people who just flirt for the sake of their own pleasure with anyone any time anywhere is suspect. Flirting with someone should mean that you are attracted to them, which clearly this isnt the case here.
And the fact is, she emotionally bonded with his credentials before figuring out his intentions which should have been initiated by him in the first place! Think of all the depressing and upsetting posts we see here in CC day in day out, because an immature woman or man confused a member here over communicating their non intentions as something intentional.
The friendship always ends up in disaster, and the person who received all the flirting always ends up incredibly bitter and feeling used, which then makes them more suspicious whenever anyone genuine may flirt with them. A person shouldn't have to be wary and confused every time someone flirts with them.

And the benefits of flirting is getting their attention in an romantic way. Honorable guys can get platonic affectionate attention from a female friend without resorting to pulling on their heartstrings. If they want attention with romance, they should date them, not pull them around by an invisible leash.

[Pheonix]

Originally Posted by CC_Bride

Confront him on what he is doing, and if he is genuinely a friend he will honourably stop what he is doing (or ask you to be his girlfriend), if not he will get defensive, sneakily lay the blame at your door and deliberately avoid you, which will instantly tell you that he is guilty and knows it.

Or he's avoiding because he's embarrassed and ashamed he was jerking your chain. when it comes to sheltered people its a good idea not to tape the same thought patterns of the rest of the male community to them. The same with women. Home schooled people generally don't think the same way that people who went to public school do unless they've had a lot of contact with people their own age else where, such as sports or clubs. I speak as one of those sheltered guys who had very little actual contact with others growing up, despite being in public schools. I have always been an outsider, unwanted by anyone. I grew up basically on my own since my father wasn't interested and my mom tried to fill the gap but couldn't really. I found my own moral path and value set, and I'm still an outsider. Personally I've never had any interest in manipulating women and have a hard time doing small talk with them. I think I've had too much time with women growing up since I'm the one that has trouble figuring out what is interest and what is just being friendly. So I just assume every female is just being friendly and hold them at about the reach of a ten foot pole. Makes finding a partner difficult since the women I've met so haven't been interested in putting in the effort to reach me.

[Canadian36]

Be careful, he'll steal you're heart that way and he might not mean it. Then he'll break it because he isn't serious.

[Be_Evergreen]

Flirting should mean that you're attracted to someone, I agree. I had talking to him through his brother, who interfered in the situation. He asked me what he'd been doing that showed that he liked me, and I told him. I'm pretty sure he was telling his brother everything. Not exactly how I wanted the situation to go, but what happened happened.

In this situation, it wasn't really that I wanted to flirt with him in the first place. I had a feeling he didn't feel the same way, deep down. So I was just going to admit to having a little crush on him so that I could get over it, as the situation had me distracted all during school. It ended up being the right thing to do- even though said boy seems to be avoiding me right now. I'll be very cautious with him from now on, if he does seem to want to remain friends. If he doesn't.. *shrug* I've had a friendship survive this before- a guy told me that he liked me, but I had to let him know I didn't see him that way. We remained very good friends despite it. Although in this scenario, I would never flirt with him or anything, we were just friends.

But each situation IS different, yes?

You wouldn't believe how quickly the attraction waned when I found out, from his mouth, that he didn't have feelings for me. Rarely am I attracted to someone who I know doesn't like me that way. You could say it's a turn-off, just like if I find out someone is taken, I immediately seem to lose attraction to them o_O. Something just clicks that says Hey, that's not yours. And it makes sense to my brain.