Is age important?

[MrHonest]

Of course its not going to be the defining factor but I was wondering:

If a man or woman is/are 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10 years, in age, apart or more does it matter in marriage or in a dating relationship?

Does it matter to you?

Does the Bible say anything of this because I just recently began reading/learning/studying?

I've only seen non-Christian couples where the age difference is great & they never seem to go well. My dad is 7 years older than my mom & they're fine & have a healthy marriage. So what do you ladies & gentleman think, believe, or know?

[Crossfire]

I don't think age is as important as maturity and having things in common. I really don't see the problem with someone considerably older dating someone somewhat younger if they both understand one another and enjoy one another's company. In my opinion, maturity is a huge factor though.

[Jilly81]

Randy, this is a good question . I do think that personality matters a lot, but more in the sense that Jesus wouldn't want two people to marry if their age difference would be too much of a problem in their relationship (some people would mind the age spread, others wouldn't). This is one of many reasons that we should pray about things like this, instead of dating everyone we can, or even everyone we feel attracted to. I've felt attracted to many men who obviously weren't the right one, and on more than one occasion I've been glad that I never let the guy know that I felt the way I did. We generally feel attracted to many people over our lifetime who aren't to be our spouse (or even bf/gf).
I have heard of Christians marrying when there was a large difference in age, and they were very happy together, though more often the right matches are fairly close in age. On a psychological note, as you've probably noticed, many females consider an older man (even slightly older) to be more attractive to them. Girls mature faster than boys. By the time they get to be adults, most women will consider a man who is at least a little bit younger, but they still usually don't want to think of them in a protective way; they usually want a hero, and guys have a need to be the hero. Most men seem fine with a lady who is a lot younger, but men are all different too. It's really neat how God sorta made each gender right for the other's needs....even just in a friend way, it seems like men and women make good platonic partners for each other. Most of my friends are male, and whenever it's mentioned in a thread, many (nearly all, if I'm remembering correctly) of the girls say that most of their friends are guys also. I'm generally most attracted to guys who are older than I am by up to 10 years or a little bit younger younger than I (perhaps up to 3 years younger? It's not a specific formula; it varies a bit). I like being friends with people, and I try to leave the attraction up to our glorious Lord, Who knows my heart, personality, devotion level, and future, and that of my possible matches also .
As far as the Bible goes, I know of no Bible verse that mentions a large age difference as being forbidden (other than the one about treating younger women as sisters and older women as mothers (1 Timothy 5:2), but I take that to mean the women who are MUCH older, and it doesn't specifically say that they can't marry a younger man). When a married man died before having children (in the Old Testament), his brother would marry the widow, and often the brother was younger and the widow would even have to wait until the brother was an adult before they could marry. Things are a bit different now that Jesus replaced the old law, but anyway, it certainly suggests that there was often a large age difference.
One more thing; the younger you are, the more your parents should be involved in these things. Since there are often minors reading the Single's Forum threads, I want to say to them not to go against their parents wishes. Even if you are an adult, if your parents think that it's a bad idea to date/become close to a specific person, it generally is. I'm not saying that it's an absolute thing, but God gave you parents for a reason, and if they think that the two of you aren't a good match, you should at the VERY least re-pray about the whole thing. There's safety in a multitude of counsel (Proverbs 11:14), and as you know, romance is pretty serious; it's so easy to get hurt.
Here is another thread about age differences in relationships: Half Your Age, Plus 7

[MrHonest]

Originally Posted by Jilly81

One more thing; the younger you are, the more your parents should be involved in these things. Since there are often minors reading the Single's Forum threads, I want to say to them not to go against their parents wishes. Even if you are an adult, if your parents think that it's a bad idea to date/become close to a specific person, it generally is. I'm not saying that it's an absolute thing, but God gave you parents for a reason, and if they think that the two of you aren't a good match, you should at the VERY least re-pray about the whole thing. There's safety in a multitude of counsel (Proverbs 11:14), and as you know, romance is pretty serious; it's so easy to get hurt.

Yesss I did not think of this, Jilly is very right, please listen to your parents & elders on these matters & pray, faithfully, for our Father's guidance, w/o want.

& Thank you Jilly for your thoughts.

[MrHonest]

Originally Posted by Crossfire

I don't think age is as important as maturity and having things in common. I really don't see the problem with someone considerably older dating someone somewhat younger if they both understand one another and enjoy one another's company. In my opinion, maturity is a huge factor though.

Absolutely maturity is important. I can imagine immature belittleing comments based on age to be very hurtful. Or I mean I felt them to be hurtful.

[Liz01]

i dont think there is a problem with age differences, I have know ppl married with a difference of ages more than 7 years too and they live good, i agree in that what its important is maturity and to have a commitment of making work and grow that marriage.

[MrHonest]

Originally Posted by Liz01

i dont think there is a problem with age differences, I have know ppl married with a difference of ages more than 7 years too and they live good, i agree in that what its important is maturity and to have a commitment of making work and grow that marriage.

Thank you for your words Liz Truely all relationships require commitment & growth because there will be trying days.

[Jullianna]

Originally Posted by MrHonest

Of course its not going to be the defining factor but I was wondering:

If a man or woman is/are 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10 years, in age, apart or more does it matter in marriage or in a dating relationship?

Does it matter to you?

Does the Bible say anything of this because I just recently began reading/learning/studying?

I've only seen non-Christian couples where the age difference is great & they never seem to go well. My dad is 7 years older than my mom & they're fine & have a healthy marriage. So what do you ladies & gentleman think, believe, or know?

According to scripture, age is not an issue that I can find. Tamar was a woman who was told to wait until the youngest brother was old enough to marry her, according to the law. Apparently, this was no big deal back in the day.:



GENESIS 38:1 And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah.
38:2 And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her.
38:3 And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er.
38:4 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan.
38:5 And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him.
38:6 And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.
38:7 And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.
38:8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
38:9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
38:10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also. 38:11 Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father's house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father's house.

[MrHonest]

Originally Posted by Jullianna

According to scripture, age is not an issue that I can find. Tamar was a woman who was told to wait until the youngest brother was old enough to marry her, according to the law. Apparently, this was no big deal back in the day.

Thank you Julianna, that was a main question in mind: whether or not the Bible says anything about age.

[Jilly81]

Thanks, Jullianna; that was actually the specific time in the Bible I was thinking of when I mentioned widows sometimes having to wait until their late husband's brother was old enough to marry.

And you're welcome, Randy .

[AAAPlus]

I think the trite thing to say is that "it's all about maturity", which is true to a certain degree. I've been discovering recently that an even bigger factor is whether or not you're both in the same place in life or not.

For example, take a 19 year old guy and a 23 year old girl. The guy could be more mature than the girl at first glance, but say the guy is in college and lives with his parents, while the girl lives on her own and works full time. They're not in the same place in life; the girl is independent and the guy probably won't have to worry about that for another three years. Or the girl could be 19, and the guy 23; it doesn't matter. They just aren't in the same place in life; one is in a position where they could get married, and the other really isn't. Two college students though; that could work out. Neither is waiting on the other to be at the same place they are.

Something my pastor once said about choosing a mate: look for someone who is running the same race, at the same pace, and are at about the same place in the race.

[zeroturbulence]

Originally Posted by Jullianna

According to scripture, age is not an issue that I can find. Tamar was a woman who was told to wait until the youngest brother was old enough to marry her, according to the law. Apparently, this was no big deal back in the day.:



GENESIS 38:1 And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah.
38:2 And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her.
38:3 And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er.
38:4 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan.
38:5 And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him.
38:6 And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.
38:7 And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.
38:8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
38:9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
38:10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also. 38:11 Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father's house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father's house.

All you really had to do was mention Demi and Ashton. ^_^

(kidding)

[Jullianna]

Originally Posted by Jilly81

Thanks, Jullianna; that was actually the specific time in the Bible I was thinking of when I mentioned widows sometimes having to wait until their late husband's brother was old enough to marry.

And you're welcome, Randy .

And that's just the women! I can't even begin to imagine how much older some of the men were than their wives, especially Solomon's army of brides. How about Abraham and Hagar??? Wow...

[GreenNnice]

This might sound dumb to some but the obvious things have been mentioned that can damper relationships of age, there are obviously limits but the Lord leads and judging a couple both Christian who are significant years in age different is not ours to do, but God's . And if God AGREED that it could work between a 18 year old and 35 year old so help you for discouraging their perfect love. And, I say this, literally, not taking His Name sarcastically. So help you God if you do something to hurt up a perfectly good working marriage because YOU believe it can't work , whether its sisters, brothers, brother from another mother, DON'T tear apart what God has sundered , for 'it' is good It is God.

[MrHonest]

Originally Posted by AAAPlus

I think the trite thing to say is that "it's all about maturity", which is true, to a certain degree. I've been discovering recently that an even bigger factor is whether or not you're both in the same place in life or not.

Of course there are a lot of important factors involved in a relationship. You point out another that isn't summed up by 1 word.(I think anyone know?) We aren't made so pliant for one another as to be unselfish about our lives. And to ignore our place & responsibility for a relationship would verify many negative aspects about one's self. I'm glad you brought this up AAAplus.

[MrHonest]

Originally Posted by zeroturbulence

All you really had to do was mention Demi and Ashton. ^_^

Hah, well its true that the any relationship, Christian & non, can teach us certain things by example but of course we, as you know, are to follow Christian example especially in this matter. Thanks

[MrHonest]

Originally Posted by GreenNnice

This might sound dumb to some but the obvious things have been mentioned that can damper relationships of age, there are obviously limits but the Lord leads and judging a couple both Christian who are significant years in age different is not ours to do, but God's.

I agree completely GreenNnice, a relationship & love between a man & a woman approved by God's teaching is untouchable by the world. Thank you for your knowledge