So fustrated with being single...

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May 4, 2009
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#1
Basically, waiting for God to provide me with a girlfriend is getting really hard. I'm trying to do my of part of looking by trusting in Jesus to give me the social skills, boldness, words to say to girls.(No, I'm not blaming this on God). But I'm still not really getting anywhere, It seemed like things where getting better for a little while, but now it just seems that it's going back to normal again. I'm not sure if I'm not getting anywhere by trying to hard, and just not letting Jesus work through me or something, or if I'm not doing enough.

I'm partly worried that if I'm not doing enough I'll end like some of those people on here that are in their 30's,40's,50's,60+ year old that never been married. Being old and alone. I don't want to end up like that, and I'm worried that's what I'm gonna end up being like.

Then there's another problem really wondering if a girl could really like me. I mean, I'm shy, my social skills suck, I don't really know how to make friends, or really to get close to people, I'm selfish. I can't find any Christian girls that are into video games or anime.

Basically, I'm not sitting in my room wishing for a girlfriend. I'm actually going out to church, but I'm just not finding any girls that are interested me. And probably the hardest thing about this that I keep coming to God about this exact same thing I'm coming to you guys about(Though it just seems a lot better worded when I'm coming to him, and more like rambling when I'm going to you guys.). But basically it just seems that like God isn't answering me about when this...
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
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#2
Dot, you have to stop thinking about how to get a girl. The more you think about how you're supposed to do it, the more complex you will make it in your mind. If you like a girl just be nice to her and if she seems to like your being nice, ask her out. That's all there is to it.
 

mystdancer50

Senior Member
Feb 26, 2012
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#3
Wow. :) Slightly hurtful. :)

Well, being 'old and alone' myself, the best advice I can offer you is to stop trying to rush it. What I noticed was the fact that you said "girlfriend" rather than wife. God isn't in the business of helping His children get boyfriends and girlfriends. What is the point of that? The world, I'm sure you know, invests their time in dating and having boyfriends and girlfriends and they end up heartbroken and miserable. So not worth it.

I do not regret a single moment that I've spent single. In fact, it is in these times that God is refining me in His fire. It is here, in the realm of singleness, that God shows you who you truly are and who He desires for you to be. The sad thing is that the culture shouts as loud as it can that being single bascially means there is something wrong with you. This isn't true. For everything there is a season.

What you must ask yourself is why you want a girlfriend? Why are you in such a hurry? Beware this mentality because this is often where morals are compromised, virginity is lost, and futures are marred. Wait on God. Seriously. You won't regret it. Trust an old and alone person who is still waiting on God, trusting in Him, and not the least bit disappointed.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
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#4
Not hurtful, helpful. I am telling him to loosen up...not telling him to forget about getting a girl. You have to read past the first few words of my post.
 

mystdancer50

Senior Member
Feb 26, 2012
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#5
Not hurtful, helpful. I am telling him to loosen up...not telling him to forget about getting a girl. You have to read past the first few words of my post.

Sorry..the 'hurtful' was directed at the 'old and alone' comment in the original post...not at you. :) It was meant to be humorous, since I'm not hurt at all if someone considers 30 old...I once felt that way, too. :)
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
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#6
Sorry..the 'hurtful' was directed at the 'old and alone' comment in the original post...not at you. :) It was meant to be humorous, since I'm not hurt at all if someone considers 30 old...I once felt that way, too. :)
Oh sorry. My bad. :) Wow I don't know how I didn't catch that.
 
May 4, 2009
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mystdancer50

Senior Member
Feb 26, 2012
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#9
Sorry, but yeah when I'm talking about a girlfriend I'm talking about a girl I can eventually marry. I am looking for a wife.
Good...because that is what courtship is all about. :) I know it can be hard to wait...but it is amazingly worth it. Sometimes, when adults say that (especially married ones), it can be hard to believe them, but you know, I look at my future with my husband, should God have that in His will for me, and I am so glad that I haven't dated and that I don't have a great deal of additional hurts to deal with when that day comes. Yes, waiting is worth it...even the lonely nights and movies alone and such are worth it...waiting refines us and changes us and brings God into clearer focus. Truly, I would never have fallen in love with Jesus Christ if I had a husband, and I wouldn't change my Song of Songs relationship with my wonderful Savior for anything. :)
 

mystdancer50

Senior Member
Feb 26, 2012
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#10
As for saying 30's is old. Let me just put it this way, I want to be married around 25.


***

So did I...originally...but God, being so much wiser than me and seeing farther than I can even guess at, didn't give me what I wanted. :)
 
Nov 10, 2011
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#11
I know a great way to stop hating being single.

Start dating someone...you will wish you were single again.
 
L

Liz01

Guest
#15
dothackzero, I suspect that you didnt want to offend or hurt anyone in this forum referring to them as ppl on their 30s 40s 50s being old and alone but i think that you still have a long way to learn about God.

As you can see too, there is ppl (of all ages) married, divorced, with children and without children in the forums too that are not happy or that are struggling with something or having pain being married or divorced too, and that is because a person cant fill what its inside you, we were borned with a big crave of God in our hearts and bodies and Jesus is the only one that can fill us, that can makes us happy, the only one that can put in our lives the ppl or things that we need.

So, we need to search God to be filled, try to learn about what His word say to us. And i mean by that, that in the bible God shows us that love is more than marriage, love is more than being ourselves satisfied in the things that we want, and as i can see it, love is more about giving without expecting anything from the other person.

Besides that, there are many others that i think God want us to learn like friendship, mercy, forgiveness that we have the time enough when we are single to learn and to put them in practice with the ppl we have around. I dont know why God is not answering your prayers about your social skills, but im thinking that you maybe ask yourself why you want to have social skills, do you want to glorify God with your social skills ? or do you want that only for your own satisfaction?

So, I encourage you to search God with all your forces, to ask Him how to honor Him.

And i can assure you that being old and not married is not as ugly as it sounds :D actually is nice
 
May 4, 2009
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#16
I am seeking God while waiting for my wife.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
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#17
I think I know now why your friends don't want to help you find a gf.
 
S

See_KING_Truth

Guest
#18
Just know that if you put finding a girlfriend/wife before finding your relationship with the LORD, then neither quest will work out as good as they could have if they were properly prioritized.

I see the majority of these threads you start, they are about: girls, women, finding a wife, or not being satisfied as a single man -- these things are all secondary to God and His only begotten Son. --

Seek first the kingdom of God and His will - not your own.
 
May 4, 2009
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#19
Anyway, it looks like I got my answer...

Matthew 6:33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Putting God first above looking for a girlfriend.

and

Keep doing what I'm doing to look for a wife. Basically trusting Jesus for the social skills, boldness, words to say the girls, and keep going to church events where the girls are.

Anyway, can I get any confirmation on this.
 

mystdancer50

Senior Member
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
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#20
Anyway, it looks like I got my answer...

Matthew 6:33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Putting God first above looking for a girlfriend.

and

Keep doing what I'm doing to look for a wife. Basically trusting Jesus for the social skills, boldness, words to say the girls, and keep going to church events where the girls are.

Anyway, can I get any confirmation on this.

:)

I am not looking. I think that gives me a great deal of peace. I trust that God will lead me to where I am to be and should it be His will that I marry, He will let me know. Must be sensitive to His voice and direction. I think it all boils down to trust. How much do you trust God?

How much do I trust God? Well, I trust Him enough to arrange my marriage, as my Father. This makes a great deal of Christians sputter in surprise, but truly, I wouldn't trust the decision to anyone else but God, including myself.

I think that you defintely heard from God regarding the verse and such. I'm glad that you've received revelation and, hopefully, peace. :)

I recommend purchasing Letting God Write Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy.