Oops, the best friend has crush on same person problem

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If you and a good friend both happened to like the same person, and he/she likes you,

  • Yes, afterall, that person expressed interest in you, not your best friend.

    Votes: 1 25.0%

  • No, friendship should always comes first.

    Votes: 1 25.0%

  • Maybe, it depends on how long you’ve known your friend, and how close you are.

    Votes: 1 25.0%

  • Other, will explain in post.

    Votes: 1 25.0%
  • Total voters
    4
V

violakat

Guest
#1
#1
On a recent post someone mentioned that they liked someone that their best friend also liked. Someone else told them that they should probably leave the "Liked" person alone, specifically because they both had a crush on the same person.

This got me to thinking a bit, when should we step aside and put friendships over potential relationships? I mean, it's highly possible that at some point, friends are going to end up liking the same man/woman. After all, a lot of us have certain friends because we share similar interests, such as hobbies or sports. I don't know about men, but too often, it seems that we women tend to shy away from certain men because our friends like them as well, even though they may prefer us, specifically because of the awkwardness, and not wanting to potentially destroy a friendship.

And this makes me wonder, are we doing each other a disservice? After all, in a perfect world, we would only marry one person. So, are we wrong to say no to someone just because are best friend has a crush too, or should we put are friendship above a potential mate first?
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I'll share my thoughts on this later.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#2
#2
If I was interested in a guy and then found out a friend was also interested, I would simply let the guy make up his mind and make his move, since I don't chase guys anyway.

But, if a friend was already dating/interested in a guy and there was something brewing between them beforehand, I would most definitely back as far off as possible.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Julianna basically beat me to it. Its funny that when you start to notice someone, even before anything happens, people develop a sense of ownership. Such as two friends liking the same person, debating who 'gets' them... when its not really either of their choices, but the person of interests choice. If it came down to it for me though... i wouldn't change how i act to the person of interest, and neither should my friend. They will pick whoever they want. But i won't fight over anyone.
 
S

Stuey

Senior Member
#4
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#4
Yeah... I agree with what has been said above. Best to stay away from things that are brewing, perhaps good to give your friend time but I don't think that you need to sacrifice a relationship for your friend, having said that I think it is best to keep them in mind and don't to anything that would cause unnecessary jealousy etc.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#5
Aug 2, 2009
24,577
4,268
113
#5
What you can do is tell the guy how your best friend has this huge crush on him so he will feel really awkward whenever she's around and he will do his best to avoid her, then he's all yours!!! :) You're welcome.
 
V

violakat

Guest
#6
#6
Jullianna said:
If I was interested in a guy and then found out a friend was also interested, I would simply let the guy make up his mind and make his move, since I don't chase guys anyway.

But, if a friend was already dating/interested in a guy and there was something brewing between them beforehand, I would most definitely back as far off as possible.
Click to expand...
Ugly said:
Julianna basically beat me to it. Its funny that when you start to notice someone, even before anything happens, people develop a sense of ownership. Such as two friends liking the same person, debating who 'gets' them... when its not really either of their choices, but the person of interests choice. If it came down to it for me though... i wouldn't change how i act to the person of interest, and neither should my friend. They will pick whoever they want. But i won't fight over anyone.
Click to expand...
You too basically said what I think. But I wanted to add on what Ugly said about ownership. I have noticed that some women think that all the men belong to them, and will make it very clear that they are dating all those men. I'm thinking of one particular person in specific.

zeroturbulence said:
What you can do is tell the guy how your best friend has this huge crush on him so he will feel really awkward whenever she's around and he will do his best to avoid her, then he's all yours!!! :) You're welcome.
Click to expand...
Hmm, that might work. ;)
 
Last edited:
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#7
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#7
Back the year of our Lord 2009 My best friend and I were both simultaneously introduced to this beautiful Brazilian woman who worked with us at Worl Relief. We were both clearly like "wow" So we flipped a coin and he won so I backed off. He asked her out they went on a couple of dates and she didn't like him. But she liked me...


I have a rule, I do not date anyone that my friends have dated. A year later she was married to this guy who clearly didn't wear the pants in the relationship.

Sometimes I think people like the idea of being married more than actually meeting and developing a relationship that will pass the test of time.
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#8
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#8
My best friend and I were interested in the same girl. We were pretty civil about it. I was interested in her for months and nothing really developed; he wanted a shot at her, so I said fine. Part of the reason I was cool with it, mind you, was the fact I predicted he wouldn't get past the first date. I was right.

Four months later our comparative intelligence has come into the forefront. He's moved on, I have tried to but never fully gotten over her. Hard to do with an angel like that.
 
MrHonest

MrHonest

Senior Member
#9
Jan 22, 2012
4,093
4
38
#9
Hm so no jousting or gauntlets?
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#10
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#10
No, just an understanding, lol.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#11
#11
Maybe I've been doing it wrong, but if I'm dating someone, that means that I'm only dating them. I don't really think I would want to date someone who was willing to date me AND my friend at the same time. I think that alone would make me want to walk away. Seems disrespectful, doesn't it? How do people juggle dating more than one person at a time anyway? Or do they even care?
 
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