C
Ive been reading a lot of 'should I?/shouldn't I?' questions regarding dates namely dates involving movies.
Maybe a lot of you who are opposed to the movie date idea are that way because you're terrified it will become the 'go to' date that lazy partners fall into when its their turn to plan a date and they can't be bothered. As a woman and a wife, I agree I would become disheartened if my husband only ever took me to the movies for a date, but he doesn't and neither should courting/dating couples. Of course over time we get comfortable in relationships and 'comfort dates' as I call them, where both parties are happy to do the tried and true is fine, so long as the effort to spice up the date is periodically planned. My rule of thumb for everyone is, when in doubt plan the date! Don't be the person who ALWAYS decides that dates will be spontaneous, that way is exhausting. Id say make 70-80% of all dates should be planned and 20-30% spontaneous
My husband and I go to the movies about once a month because we LOVE movies, mainly because we hate whats available on tv. But other dates we do and can be appropriate for courting couples include:
- Driving somewhere in the country, looking up maps and planning a trail hike, and packing a picnic. Lots of walking in nature= lots of talking. The BEST conversations Ive ever happened happened in the wilderness.
- My husband and I really love rollerblading (even though hes far better at it than me), so a few times a month we take our skates to a new small suburb development north of our city where theyve built fantastic smooth long streets but theres very few houses so we can skate for ages without annoying anyone or putting ourselves at risk. It doesn't necessarily have to be skating but something that one of you is good at and the other no so much. It pushes one person to learn humbly and one person to lead and teach humbly.
- Watching a sport. Doesn't matter what kind, My husband is Canadian and Im a New Zealander. I taught him rugby, he taught me hockey. We could buy cable but its expensive here, and even though my husband doesn't drink, we frequent sports bars because we love the atmosphere, high fiveing randoms and talking strategy with one another and getting our days frustration out and yelling together at a tv screen is very therapeutic.. This date is fantastic as a double date with another sports loving couple as well.. Could include live games as well... Hmm sports food...
- Hardware store. Believe it or not the Holy Spirit spoke to me as a new bride when my husband and I were in one looking for something he wanted and regrettably I was being very impatient, nagging, whiny type of person. We didn't have a lot of money and he wanted a power tool. I didn't see the point, I figured 'hes an IT nerd, not a professional tradesman, he'll make a mess..' And God said to me very loudly and with authority - "Let him have the power tool!" So I did, and ever since we regularly frequent the hardware store together talking and discussing mini projects we're doing together or seperately. I oversee his purchases, he oversees mine. Also, a lot of big hardware store chains offer free classes on really helpful DIY stuff. Even if you don't do a project its fun to learn and watch and get inspired..
- Scavenger hunt. Says it all really. Esp if the girls are the recipients and theres something pretty or yummy at the end..
- Park or beach. For the beach, wear an appropriately modest bathing suit ladies, you don't want to lead him into sin, your body is way more sexy than you think and give credit to so don't underestimate how easy it is for guys to get aroused with a bit of wet skin putting it bluntly. Trust me, we weren't virgins when we met and we became abstinent til our wedding night but we still struggled!! Don't focus on swimming but on reading. Bring a bible study or christian themed book or even the local newspaper you both would like to read and read it to each other. This was probably the most simple intimate thing we did while dating. No touching, cuddling or whatever, just reading. This sounds even more odd, but once you're relationship has developed I encourage you both to bring your own book and read together in silence. Sounds antisocial but it can actually encourage comfortable healthy silence.
- Attend community events together. Cheaper and sillier the better..
- As a couple take a parent or two out to dinner. Sounds archaic, but if we truly want to be biblical we need to involve our families, even if theyre not necessarily Christian. Doing this will impress them at no end and will develop a respect between the parent and their kid's boyfriend/girlfriend. As christians we shouldn't ignore or block out the other close people in our lives during dating but involve them (with healthy boundaries of course!) If your trying to hide your new girlfriend/boyfriend from your close support network, the typical explanation is you know they won't approve, and if you know your trusted persons wouldn't approve then you should rethink entering into that relationship.. If theres the potential for marriage, your support network (parents, christian substitutes) and theirs can influence the success or failure of the relationship..
- Host game/quiz nights together or with other friends.
- If you both love history/culture, attend the museum or gallery together. Most museums and galleries do special events every now and then which are worth visiting. We went on a museum visit when they were showing winning outfits from the "world of wearable art" comp and another time when they showed nothing but historical rugby photography..
Anyone else got better date ideas?
Maybe a lot of you who are opposed to the movie date idea are that way because you're terrified it will become the 'go to' date that lazy partners fall into when its their turn to plan a date and they can't be bothered. As a woman and a wife, I agree I would become disheartened if my husband only ever took me to the movies for a date, but he doesn't and neither should courting/dating couples. Of course over time we get comfortable in relationships and 'comfort dates' as I call them, where both parties are happy to do the tried and true is fine, so long as the effort to spice up the date is periodically planned. My rule of thumb for everyone is, when in doubt plan the date! Don't be the person who ALWAYS decides that dates will be spontaneous, that way is exhausting. Id say make 70-80% of all dates should be planned and 20-30% spontaneous
My husband and I go to the movies about once a month because we LOVE movies, mainly because we hate whats available on tv. But other dates we do and can be appropriate for courting couples include:
- Driving somewhere in the country, looking up maps and planning a trail hike, and packing a picnic. Lots of walking in nature= lots of talking. The BEST conversations Ive ever happened happened in the wilderness.
- My husband and I really love rollerblading (even though hes far better at it than me), so a few times a month we take our skates to a new small suburb development north of our city where theyve built fantastic smooth long streets but theres very few houses so we can skate for ages without annoying anyone or putting ourselves at risk. It doesn't necessarily have to be skating but something that one of you is good at and the other no so much. It pushes one person to learn humbly and one person to lead and teach humbly.
- Watching a sport. Doesn't matter what kind, My husband is Canadian and Im a New Zealander. I taught him rugby, he taught me hockey. We could buy cable but its expensive here, and even though my husband doesn't drink, we frequent sports bars because we love the atmosphere, high fiveing randoms and talking strategy with one another and getting our days frustration out and yelling together at a tv screen is very therapeutic.. This date is fantastic as a double date with another sports loving couple as well.. Could include live games as well... Hmm sports food...
- Hardware store. Believe it or not the Holy Spirit spoke to me as a new bride when my husband and I were in one looking for something he wanted and regrettably I was being very impatient, nagging, whiny type of person. We didn't have a lot of money and he wanted a power tool. I didn't see the point, I figured 'hes an IT nerd, not a professional tradesman, he'll make a mess..' And God said to me very loudly and with authority - "Let him have the power tool!" So I did, and ever since we regularly frequent the hardware store together talking and discussing mini projects we're doing together or seperately. I oversee his purchases, he oversees mine. Also, a lot of big hardware store chains offer free classes on really helpful DIY stuff. Even if you don't do a project its fun to learn and watch and get inspired..
- Scavenger hunt. Says it all really. Esp if the girls are the recipients and theres something pretty or yummy at the end..
- Park or beach. For the beach, wear an appropriately modest bathing suit ladies, you don't want to lead him into sin, your body is way more sexy than you think and give credit to so don't underestimate how easy it is for guys to get aroused with a bit of wet skin putting it bluntly. Trust me, we weren't virgins when we met and we became abstinent til our wedding night but we still struggled!! Don't focus on swimming but on reading. Bring a bible study or christian themed book or even the local newspaper you both would like to read and read it to each other. This was probably the most simple intimate thing we did while dating. No touching, cuddling or whatever, just reading. This sounds even more odd, but once you're relationship has developed I encourage you both to bring your own book and read together in silence. Sounds antisocial but it can actually encourage comfortable healthy silence.
- Attend community events together. Cheaper and sillier the better..
- As a couple take a parent or two out to dinner. Sounds archaic, but if we truly want to be biblical we need to involve our families, even if theyre not necessarily Christian. Doing this will impress them at no end and will develop a respect between the parent and their kid's boyfriend/girlfriend. As christians we shouldn't ignore or block out the other close people in our lives during dating but involve them (with healthy boundaries of course!) If your trying to hide your new girlfriend/boyfriend from your close support network, the typical explanation is you know they won't approve, and if you know your trusted persons wouldn't approve then you should rethink entering into that relationship.. If theres the potential for marriage, your support network (parents, christian substitutes) and theirs can influence the success or failure of the relationship..
- Host game/quiz nights together or with other friends.
- If you both love history/culture, attend the museum or gallery together. Most museums and galleries do special events every now and then which are worth visiting. We went on a museum visit when they were showing winning outfits from the "world of wearable art" comp and another time when they showed nothing but historical rugby photography..
Anyone else got better date ideas?
But as Green would say...The Lord leads.