So lets say there is a guy. We'll call him Joe. He reads this forum and listens to friends, family, etc. etc. He is told if he wants to attract a woman and keep her that he needs to do this and that etc. etc. yadda yadda so on and so forth. He's also told to avoid these other things, a whole list of things even.
Joe meets a girl and follows all the "rules". Everything is working out great but on into the relationship she starts to see the REAL Joe. She realizes he's just been pretending to be all these things but realizes he's not that guy she thought he was. He has simply been following the "rules" and sticking with the plan. It causes problems because the real Joe isn't what she is looking for. The relatioinship crashes and burns.
Let me give another example of one thing I'm trying to get at here:
The word "needy" has come up here a lot lately...
Lets say that everyone is needy to some extent. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most needy, 5 is the average person.
Joe in reality is a 9. He meets a girl and plays it cool so he only comes off as being a 5. Later in the relationship it finally becomes apparent that he's actually a 9. Girl can't handle a 9 so she takes off. If Joe were just himself in the beginning, he could've saved both a lot of trouble.
There's probably another girl out there who wants a 9. It fits her perfectly. If she meets Joe while he's pretending to be a 5, she's not going to have any interest in him, because she fits better with a 9.
If you don't present your true self, how on Earth are you going to find the right person?? Do you want someone who loves the role you're playing or someone that really loves you, the real you??
Isn't it better to just be yourself from the get go? Forget the "rules". There is no one size fits all. We're all individuals. If someone can't handle you exactly how you truly are, they aren't for you to begin with. Save yourself and the other person some trouble.
This is where I stand:
I try to just be myself, but I also analyze myself. I try to be self-aware, so I can grow and learn as much as possible. I can't play the games. I can't follow the rules. I don't even know all the rules. I don't want to know them. I will die single or I will be with a woman who gets me just as I am. There is no compromise or middle ground. If someone doesn't want me for me, it's not worth my time...whether it's a romantic relationship or friendship.
Thoughts??
One last thing:
I really like this forum. I feel like I've learned from you folks. You've made me think a lot, and even contributed to some growth for me. I appreciate that greatly. There are also times though, after reading in this forum, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say, "Forget this!! It's way too confusing." Does anyone else ever feel that way?
That confusion I see is one of the reasons I stick to what I said above. I just really don't think it should be so complicated. It's probably not. We just make it that way sometimes...
Joe meets a girl and follows all the "rules". Everything is working out great but on into the relationship she starts to see the REAL Joe. She realizes he's just been pretending to be all these things but realizes he's not that guy she thought he was. He has simply been following the "rules" and sticking with the plan. It causes problems because the real Joe isn't what she is looking for. The relatioinship crashes and burns.
Let me give another example of one thing I'm trying to get at here:
The word "needy" has come up here a lot lately...
Lets say that everyone is needy to some extent. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most needy, 5 is the average person.
Joe in reality is a 9. He meets a girl and plays it cool so he only comes off as being a 5. Later in the relationship it finally becomes apparent that he's actually a 9. Girl can't handle a 9 so she takes off. If Joe were just himself in the beginning, he could've saved both a lot of trouble.
There's probably another girl out there who wants a 9. It fits her perfectly. If she meets Joe while he's pretending to be a 5, she's not going to have any interest in him, because she fits better with a 9.
If you don't present your true self, how on Earth are you going to find the right person?? Do you want someone who loves the role you're playing or someone that really loves you, the real you??
Isn't it better to just be yourself from the get go? Forget the "rules". There is no one size fits all. We're all individuals. If someone can't handle you exactly how you truly are, they aren't for you to begin with. Save yourself and the other person some trouble.
This is where I stand:
I try to just be myself, but I also analyze myself. I try to be self-aware, so I can grow and learn as much as possible. I can't play the games. I can't follow the rules. I don't even know all the rules. I don't want to know them. I will die single or I will be with a woman who gets me just as I am. There is no compromise or middle ground. If someone doesn't want me for me, it's not worth my time...whether it's a romantic relationship or friendship.
Thoughts??
One last thing:
I really like this forum. I feel like I've learned from you folks. You've made me think a lot, and even contributed to some growth for me. I appreciate that greatly. There are also times though, after reading in this forum, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say, "Forget this!! It's way too confusing." Does anyone else ever feel that way?
That confusion I see is one of the reasons I stick to what I said above. I just really don't think it should be so complicated. It's probably not. We just make it that way sometimes...
