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Christian Singles Forum

Christian and single? Seek (or give) advice and encouragement here.

Thread: Overcoming an attraction...

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Overcoming an attraction...

    I posted this in the prayer requests forum, but I thought it'll be cool if I posted here as well. Hope this doesn't break the rules I accepted when joining the site. I need advice in this particular relationship I'm in.

    Since I started my classes last year, I meet this certain girl that, overtime, I've grown attached to. We became good friends and eventually close to be considered a relationship beyond a friendship. I really like her. Texting each other, going on dates, holding hands. The good stuff...

    Then that's where problems arises. My mind was drawn away from God and I allowed my deceitful heart to lead. I began to constantly think about her to a point where my joy was based on her happiness. If she was feeling depressed, I would feel the same, etc. This was going on for almost 6 months.

    It wasn't until recently that the Holy Spirit reminded where my place was and who I am in Christ. I was able to redirect mind, but my heart is on the fence. The bible says that my heart and mind are suppose to one with the Holy Spirit, and yet, my heart has reminded me of my strong feelings I have for her.

    Lately, as much as it pains me, I've been treating her as a friend, hoping that my feelings can return back before the attachment started. However, I feel as though this cannot happen because of all that has happened. That my choices are to remain in this relationship and ignore God or lose her completely and deal with the loss. I also feel that she's starting to catch onto this as well.

    She's an awesome person and is definitely someone that doesn't deserve to be hurt. It was my fault that I let this get as far as it should.

    Before I end this thread with my question, I must add that she's Muslim...yeah. Talk about a big twist in the climax of a story. She's knows I'm Christian too and totally accepts that. How do you like them apples??

    What should I do here?

  2. #2
    Administrator Oncefallen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Overcoming an attraction...

    I hate to say it, but you need to distance yourself from her. As long as the feelings are there you are going to be tempted to "fall" back into this relationship that I'm sure you know isn't pleasing to God. She is Muslim, you are Christian, the two are not compatible because we do not serve the same God that they do.

    I know it isn't going to be easy, and I can relate to you not wanting to hurt her feelings, but drawing it out isn't going to make it hurt either one of you less, it will only hurt more. I've been there before myself and have stayed in a relationship longer than I should have because of not wanting to hurt her, and only ended up making myself miserable until I did what I knew I had to do. Yes, it hurt her and me, but it would have been better for both of us if I had ended it sooner.
    PopClick and rauleetoe like this.

  3. #3
    Beloved57
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    Default Re: Overcoming an attraction...

    Before ending the relationship, I would take it to God in prayer, and plead with Him to turn her heart to Jesus. After some serious prayer I would talk to her about your relationship with her and how important it is to you. But your relationship with God the Father through Jesus Christ, is the greatest relationship you have, which unless she is likeminded could be damaged. Tell her honestly, your feelings for her, but strongly how important your commitment to Christ is, and unless she would like to accept Christ; for unless she is likeminded you will be trying to please her and God throught Christ, which is not fair to either God or her; how you have to end the relationship.

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    Default Re: Overcoming an attraction...

    Oncefallen was right. Distance yourself.

    On the plus side, she can't be a very doctrinaire Muslim if she is in love with someone she knows to be an infidel.

    So, your other option could be missionary dating. Not the best option on planet earth. In fact I'm 60-40 against it, but were it not for my grandma being a missionary on a blind date in the 1950's, I would never have been born into the nice family she built.

    No way out is easy. Next time I would recommend that you find someone with a similar worldview, or at least the same opinion on religion. Hate to say it, friend, but you've set yourself up for a world of hurt.
    Jullianna likes this.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Overcoming an attraction...

    Oh and fyi, situations like this are perfect for the Singles Forum.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Overcoming an attraction...

    [quote=Oncefallen;739866]I hate to say it, but you need to distance yourself from her. As long as the feelings are there you are going to be tempted to "fall" back into this relationship that I'm sure you know isn't pleasing to God. She is Muslim, you are Christian, the two are not compatible because we do not serve the same God that they do.

    Very rightly said by Bro, that we do not serve the same God that they(Muslim) do.

    Its God's will for us to marry any Christian we choose.

    The whole Bible is against having relation with the ones who do not belong to our God.


  7. #7
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    Default Re: Overcoming an attraction...

    You must distance yourself not only in mind but also in spirit and I pray God gives you the strength to do that. I guess what makes it hard for you is that you feel you need to be cold towards her all of a sudden. But that doesn't need to be the case. You can still treat her as a friend. In any relationship it is good to be true to your feelings and I'm sure she would appreciate that rather than things progressing even more and than having to draw back in a more dramatic way. Depending on your level of communication, you could explain to her that you feel it is better to just be friends for the moment. And all the while take the opportunity to witness to her. With God, everything happens for a reason. God bless!
    "A moderated religion is as good for us as no religion at all—and more amusing."
    ( C.S.Lewis, The Screwtape Letters )



  8. #8
    Senior Member Jullianna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Overcoming an attraction...

    The Spirit that is in you is clearly showing you that this relationship is not one that God intends for you, huh?

    This is going to be very difficult for you, but you are headed in the right direction. As long as this young lady is not a christian, friends is the best it can ever be.


    Our days are happier when we give someone a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.



    Hope is the thing with feathers
    That perches on the soul
    And sings the tune without the words
    And never stops - at all
    ~Emily Dickinson






  9. #9
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    Default Re: Overcoming an attraction...

    I want to thank all of you for answering. It's obvious what needs to be done.

    God Bless you all.
    Ritter, Jullianna and PopClick like this.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Overcoming an attraction...

    btw, is there a way to delete this thread? I was able to google this thread and I don't want her to see this. Have a fear that she might come across this...God forbid...

  11. #11
    Senior Member PopClick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Overcoming an attraction...

    I bet she'll never see it... but you could take your pic down, and then she'd never know it was you who posted it.
    Jullianna likes this.
    ...He could not have know this, but the word he used so sweetly had once been used as a weapon by somebody else. And with that one simple utterance, he proved that it was not the word itself that was evil, but rather the motives behind it. For what was once used for evil, had now been used for good...


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