single vs marriage

"To be or not to be" that is the Q
It can either be a real struggle being single or one can soak it up and really love it but i think as you get older the desire to be married gets stronger unless its clear to you that god is calling you to a life of singleness-and if that is the case how and when does he make that clear?
A part of me would love to be a husband, father, leader, teacher and to join in a life long ministry with that special other, and even bigger part of me would love to be single and divert all my energy to serve him, go wherever he leads me without having to worry and be a spiritual father to many instead. I always thought god would reveal to you if you were meant to be single very early in life-well that is the experiance of people i know who are much older and remain single serving the lord and if i might add are stoked with their position.
If you want to be married does that desire always come from god?
Would god reveal much later in life that he wants you to be single?
I invite all singles old or young to share your thoughts
Peace out
dave mac

My desire to have a spouse is for purely selfish reasons, so I'm pretty sure that desire does not always come from God. At the moment the only reason I can think of getting married is so I can become a mother, and while I know in a few years my desire for marraige may grow to encompass other reasons that is the main reason right now. Perhaps if I took the time to pray about it God would reveal to me his thoughts on marriage in my life, but I haven't prayed about it.

I do think God is willing to tell us whether He wants us to remain single or not, but most times we never find out what he wants because we are too afraid to ask what he wants. scared the answer he gives us will be an answer we do not want.

Single or Married

Well, my story goes like this.....
I never asked God, just always thought my Life plan was to be married. So when I found someone that I deeply loved and could see myself spending forever with them, I got married.

And now after 7 years, he left, just felt unhappy and left. He gave me no warning or reason. So I am holding tight to God, I have an even closer relationship and fully trust my everyday in him.

I am not even sure now if I ever felt the Holy Spirit bless my marriage. So was I really ment to be married or to just be single?

But living in today, I am happy that God has lead me here, to the present even with the pain. I know that he has a plan and I pray daily that I listen and follow his path that he is leading me down.

This is one of the only things I actually see conflict in within Scripture. Most "contradictions" that people have are simply read out of context.

However, 1 corinthians 7:7-9 seems to be Paul saying those who are able to live like him, outside of marriage, should do so. Only if unable to keep the flesh under subjection should they go and find a wife. This seems to go against love between man and woman, and presents marriage as more of a life decision than a love between 2 people.

Then you have proverbs 18:22, whoever finds a wife finds a good thing.

So one hand it seems to say if you can handle it, live single... but that doesn't feel like the right way to read it. Unless Paul is referring only to those who have his specific spiritual mantle?

WhereToGo sees a conflict in the Bible's view on marriage vs. single. I do not see a conflict. It seems clear to me from the Bible and Christian history before the Reformation that celibacy and marriage are both esteemed highly, but celibacy is more so----provided the person is truly chaste in thought and deed and uses their single estate to serve God. Paul advises that if a person has the gift of celibacy they are better off remaining that way, and Jesus, while speaking to his disciples about celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of God said, "He who is able to receive it, let them receive it". It is no accident that Jesus himself was celibate. From my study of history I am convinced that this view of things persisted in the Christian world until the time of the Protestant movement when the tables got turned and marriage was exalted far over celibacy. This has been so much the case that I venture to say that there are very few Protestant communities which revere those who choose life long celibacy. Those who wind up single for life do so, not generally by choice, but because they simply were not able, for whatever reasons, to find someone to marry. And having removed monastic life and priestly orders from their churches Protestants simply do not have any place set apart for celibates to go and serve as integral members of the church. Consequently, single Protestants, if they have not got married by the onset of middle age might almost begin to feel defective and unwhole as a person. This is sad. It is time that every Christian everywhere take seriously what the word of God says with regards to the single estate which is used for the glory of God.

Excellent question. Answer not so easy. I married Mr. Wrong and divorced him eventually. I never felt that God wanted me in that hellish marriage and I truly felt that he led me out with the help of my pastor who knew I was being abused. I still want to get married and have a father for my children. Their dad is violent and dangerous and I have kept them safe from him after he abused them on his last visit three years ago. Translation he does not know where they are anymore to abuse. But to get back to the question I think a friend gave me a very simple answer. If this is what God is leading you to you will feel at peace with it. So do you feel at peace when you think of being married or single? I think our own desires and experiences and expectations mix that up and muddy things but God does led us if we follow.

Alot of people I know turned marriage into an idol, so they married the first person whom they "fell in love with", without really getting to know the person, to see if they were indeed the kind of person who could handle marriage or they married out of convenience for immoral reasons or to have kids. Marriage is so scary though, because you only get one real shot, so it's not worth risking if you aren't 100% sure if the person is the one. I hope to get married, but I hope I grow up alot before that time comes.

[1still_waters]

As I get older, the gravity and seriousness of marriage becomes more real to me. I don't know if that's good or bad. On one hand I feel like it will help me make a wise choice, but on the other it's not good to be over cautious. When I was younger I felt ready to just jump in headfirst. Right now singleness seems very nice, cozy and safe.

I like this thread. I have the same questions too..

I guess the desire to get married cruises to almost everyone if not all. I guess it's because man and woman complement each other.
God is not that cruel to let us in a status wherein our hearts would be troubled and torn to pieces. God's will is good, pleasing and perfect whether in marriage or being single, we'll always find peace and joy in that.

I heard this from one of my churchmate. It is a prayer she had when she was struggling in her late 20's. "God if it's Your will for me to remain single, take away this desire to have a spouse".

i dont understand why anyone would want to get married. People think ohh its just gonna be so great...... when its not. Its hard work.. You have to live with this person day in and day out for the rest of your life. You have to put up with their bad attitudes, their bad habits, and you have to compromise on things you most likely wont want to. For the first year or so yeah... your in that infatuation period and everything is great... but one day you wake up and BAM! there they are layin beside you... drool comin out the side of their mouth breath smellin really bad... snoring.... Its like a punch to the face, THIS is what im gonna be living with the rest of my life THIS is how i have to spend forever... with someone who snores so loud they constantly wake you up, someone who gets mad when a dresser drawer is left open. Then ya add kids and there and its like a nightmare. I cant see why anyone would wanna get married, and im not sure why god would call anyone to be married and live that kinda life. Sure you get to have sex when your married, but sex makes babies and baby's keep you up for days at a time. So really that parts not even worth it cause eventually your gonna be to tired to have sex cause you did it so much to begin with you have like 3 new born baby's or 4 kids under the age of four. I'm just not sure why anyone would wanna subject themselves to that.

Samuel you're such a hopeless romantic, that's so simply sweet!

Originally Posted by 1still_waters

As I get older, the gravity and seriousness of marriage becomes more real to me. I don't know if that's good or bad. On one hand I feel like it will help me make a wise choice, but on the other it's not good to be over cautious. When I was younger I felt ready to just jump in headfirst. Right now singleness seems very nice, cozy and safe.

yup...........

Originally Posted by SamIam

i dont understand why anyone would want to get married. People think ohh its just gonna be so great...... when its not. Its hard work.. You have to live with this person day in and day out for the rest of your life. You have to put up with their bad attitudes, their bad habits, and you have to compromise on things you most likely wont want to. For the first year or so yeah... your in that infatuation period and everything is great... but one day you wake up and BAM! there they are layin beside you... drool comin out the side of their mouth breath smellin really bad... snoring.... Its like a punch to the face, THIS is what im gonna be living with the rest of my life THIS is how i have to spend forever... with someone who snores so loud they constantly wake you up, someone who gets mad when a dresser drawer is left open. Then ya add kids and there and its like a nightmare. I cant see why anyone would wanna get married, and im not sure why god would call anyone to be married and live that kinda life. Sure you get to have sex when your married, but sex makes babies and baby's keep you up for days at a time. So really that parts not even worth it cause eventually your gonna be to tired to have sex cause you did it so much to begin with you have like 3 new born baby's or 4 kids under the age of four. I'm just not sure why anyone would wanna subject themselves to that.

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy you said you LOVED my bad breath!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha

hahahah uuummmm i did???? ohh yeah I DID!!!

Originally Posted by brigetteburk

Samuel you're such a hopeless romantic, that's so simply sweet!

lol i know right!!!!! i cant help myself

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by SamIam

i dont understand why anyone would want to get married. People think ohh its just gonna be so great...... when its not. Its hard work.. You have to live with this person day in and day out for the rest of your life. You have to put up with their bad attitudes, their bad habits, and you have to compromise on things you most likely wont want to. For the first year or so yeah... your in that infatuation period and everything is great... but one day you wake up and BAM! there they are layin beside you... drool comin out the side of their mouth breath smellin really bad... snoring.... Its like a punch to the face, THIS is what im gonna be living with the rest of my life THIS is how i have to spend forever... with someone who snores so loud they constantly wake you up, someone who gets mad when a dresser drawer is left open. Then ya add kids and there and its like a nightmare. I cant see why anyone would wanna get married, and im not sure why god would call anyone to be married and live that kinda life. Sure you get to have sex when your married, but sex makes babies and baby's keep you up for days at a time. So really that parts not even worth it cause eventually your gonna be to tired to have sex cause you did it so much to begin with you have like 3 new born baby's or 4 kids under the age of four. I'm just not sure why anyone would wanna subject themselves to that.

To me, I really feel like things like that( personal habits of other are something you learn to love about people that you might initially dislike. In other words, that drool you see coming out of their mouth in the morning might be " eww" at one point, but one day you'll say " aww" haha.

Bad attitudes are another thing though...those we have to take with patience....forever XD ( easier said than done)

Originally Posted by Kakashi

To me, I really feel like things like that( personal habits of other are something you learn to love about people that you might initially dislike. In other words, that drool you see coming out of their mouth in the morning might be " eww" at one point, but one day you'll say " aww" haha.

Bad attitudes are another thing though...those we have to take with patience....forever XD ( easier said than done)

hahahahah riiiiight.... trust me.... you will NOT be saying awww

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by SamIam

hahahahah riiiiight.... trust me.... you will NOT be saying awww

lol well we're all different! You'd be surprised

[southgal]

I'D LIKE TO BE MARRIED SOMEDAY, BUT THE PROBLEM IS FINDING SOMEONE WORTH MARRYING. TRUST ME, THERE ARE A LOT OF SCARY SINGLE GUYS OUT THERE!

Originally Posted by southgal

I'D LIKE TO BE MARRIED SOMEDAY, BUT THE PROBLEM IS FINDING SOMEONE WORTH MARRYING. TRUST ME, THERE ARE A LOT OF SCARY SINGLE GUYS OUT THERE!

amen sista