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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,584
113
#1
Hi Everyone,

I've heard many Christians sing the praises of arranged marriages (I usually hear this from people who did NOT have arranged marriages themselves) because they say there are so few instances of divorce in such cases.

I do know one couple from India who had an arranged marriage, and while they have managed to work it out, they did separate for a while.

What amazes me about some who seem to be all for arranged marriages because of the low divorce rate is that I'm not sure if they know the flip side--from the articles I have read, arranged marriages are often in countries where women have few or no rights, so if her in-laws don't like her--they often douse her in oil and set her on fire in the kitchen--telling authorities it was a "cooking accident", and usually getting away with it because of the corruption. (No, I'm not making this up--you can find articles about it on the Web and my friends from India are also very aware of these types of issues with arranged marriages.)

I am NOT trying to insult or put down arranged marriages AT ALL, nor am I trying to insult the countries or cultures in which they occur--I just think that these issues need be seen from all angles. I am NOT trying to make light of this subject at all, but yes, I do sometimes use humorous titles to get people's attention over an issue, so I hope I haven't offended anyone.

My purpose is simply to generate some discussion and shared knowledge.

As a single person, how do you feel about arranged marriages? Would you be open to having your parents choose someone for you?

I love my parents to pieces but... I think I would like to do the choosing (though I have heard of cases in which the parents choose but they wait for the approval of the potential couple and it's not as absolute as some arrangements.)

Please feel free to share your thoughts!
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#2
#2
hmmm an arranged marriage.... no... dont think i would do one... only because what if the person had bad body odor or their breath stunk! i wouldnt be able to live with it
 
Sharp

Sharp

Senior Member
#3
May 5, 2009
2,565
19
38
#3
Well. I know this egyptian fella, and he's getting an 'arranged' marriage. But, its not so strict as his parents having the final say. His parents pick a batch of 3 and present them to him, and he can choose 1, or he can choose none, and ask for a new batch to be prepared. So he picks the wife but his parents prepare the candidates. I like this method.
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#4
#4
If my parents arranged a marriage for me with their local weatherman (who I just saw on tv while I was home), I'd be ok with that...
 
W

William

Guest
#5
#5
LOL. And thats because your fascinated by the weather Music?
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#6
#6
Yes, William, the weather is very attractive... I mean, interesting... you know, scientifically and all that... LOL ;)
 
C

chelsers

Guest
#7
#7
Since my first plan of action, having suitors line up outside my door, isn't materializing, having my parents present me with options is a great idea. As long as I can say yea or nay I think this would be a great way to spend a Saturday night.
 
G

GodIsMightyToSave

Guest
#8
#8
I respect my parents' wishes and their efforts but if I cannot commit to somebody fairly as a wife to a husband and as Jesus teaches, I would not marry that person.
 
C

christiancollegegirl

Guest
#9
#9
My parents tried arranging marriages for us. They wanted us to marry the sons of some friends of the family. Lucky for me, the one they picked for me is married with a daughter.
 
taggerung

taggerung

Senior Member
#10
Apr 26, 2009
219
2
18
33
#10
chelsers said:
Since my first plan of action, having suitors line up outside my door, isn't materializing, having my parents present me with options is a great idea. As long as I can say yea or nay I think this would be a great way to spend a Saturday night.
Click to expand...
i am in the same position! if i get to 27 and still no prospects i might just have to ask my parents (or close friends) to arrange a marriage... i still have a few years left. but as ive heard it said... the biological clock is ticking
 
J

Jennifleur

Guest
#11
#11
Science is making great strides, though. You could always freeze your eggs, and buy yourself many years, taggerung. ;) Lol.

Well, as Kim pointed out, there's two sides to everything. I can see both good points and bad. You wouldn't have to worry about the searching for that one person. Also, because you're not trying to impress the other person to get them interested in the first place, you're free to be yourself and can get to know each other for who you really are and (hopefully) begin to care about each other on a deeper level than just romantic interest. But, on the other hand, as Kim said, arranged marriages tend to happen in countries where women have few to no rights and are mistreated, so I doubt that many arranged marriages turn out as ideally as what I mentioned above. I had a friend in college, whose family is from India, named Sunny (Sundeep). I went to study abroad, and when I came back I found out that she'd been sent back to India by her parents to finish her education there, because she'd been dating a guy and they found out about it. Her whole life was uprooted, for the sake of arranged marriages.

It sounds intriguing at first thought, but when you consider all of the ramifications, it's not so great after all. The only person I trust to arrange my marriage is my Heavenly Father, because He is the only one who I can be certain knows what He is doing. ;)
 
Silex

Silex

Member
#12
Jul 23, 2009
78
2
8
#12
seoulsearch said:
from the articles I have read, arranged marriages are often in countries where women have few or no rights, so if her in-laws don't like her--they often douse her in oil and set her on fire in the kitchen--telling authorities it was a "cooking accident", and usually getting away with it because of the corruption. !
Click to expand...
Such incidents are old and rare and usually in moveis. And really, this is not even an issue of female rights. For even in those rare cases where the in-laws try to kill the girl, you should consider that the mother-in-law is also a female. Which means, a female tries to kill another.

Here's why arranged marriages work:
People in those cultures grow up learning how to be obedient and submissive to their parents and elders. They also grow up being selfless. While the kids are growing up, the parents make sure they train them with the qualities that are necessary for a strong married life.

In addition, the kids stay under their parents until they get married. This way the parents knows their child well enough to find a suitable life-partner for him/her. And the child trusts his/her parents' decisions on this matter. (And by the way, most arranged marriages aren't forced. Parents give their kids options)

Here's why arranged marriages don't work out:
People are selfish and care more about themselves--what they can get out of their spouse.
Wives don't submit to their husbands. Or if they do, its conditional submission.
Husbands show conditional love to their wives.
Children have spent too much time away from parents and so the parents don't really "know" their kids enough to figure out who would be a good match for them.

What makes an arranged marriage work is the same thing that makes all marriages work. There's nothing magical about it.

Its interesting that non-christian cultures show lower divorce rates than christian cultures. Yes, there are cases where wives are abused by their husbands, but I'm sure that if every abused wife would divorce her husband, those countries would still show a lower divorce rate.
 
taggerung

taggerung

Senior Member
#13
Apr 26, 2009
219
2
18
33
#13
haha, good point jennifluer :) i believe that arranged marriages tend to have a lower divorce rate because the bride and groom dont expect to have a lovey dovey marriage, they go into the union knowing its going to be hard and lots of work will be requird to coexist aggreably. thats why i think its more a logical union, but not always better... guess it depends on who you are. may work for some people but not others.... i personaly have the abiltiy to learn to care for pretty much anyone which is one reason i would consider it as a plan b ps forgive my spelling please lol
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#14
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,584
113
#14
Silex said:
Such incidents are old and rare and usually in moveis. And really, this is not even an issue of female rights. For even in those rare cases where the in-laws try to kill the girl, you should consider that the mother-in-law is also a female. Which means, a female tries to kill another.

Here's why arranged marriages work:
People in those cultures grow up learning how to be obedient and submissive to their parents and elders. They also grow up being selfless. While the kids are growing up, the parents make sure they train them with the qualities that are necessary for a strong married life.

In addition, the kids stay under their parents until they get married. This way the parents knows their child well enough to find a suitable life-partner for him/her. And the child trusts his/her parents' decisions on this matter. (And by the way, most arranged marriages aren't forced. Parents give their kids options)

Here's why arranged marriages don't work out:
People are selfish and care more about themselves--what they can get out of their spouse.
Wives don't submit to their husbands. Or if they do, its conditional submission.
Husbands show conditional love to their wives.
Children have spent too much time away from parents and so the parents don't really "know" their kids enough to figure out who would be a good match for them.

What makes an arranged marriage work is the same thing that makes all marriages work. There's nothing magical about it.

Its interesting that non-christian cultures show lower divorce rates than christian cultures. Yes, there are cases where wives are abused by their husbands, but I'm sure that if every abused wife would divorce her husband, those countries would still show a lower divorce rate.
Click to expand...

I would have to disagree about instances of murder involving arranged marriages as being rare and in movies... (And the article I read about the "cooking accidents" was written in a magazine less than six months ago). I just plugged in "arranged marriage murder statistics" as a topic for a web search and the brief beginning of the long list of articles I skimmed through were from 2007-2009. One of the top articles was of a father who killed his 15-year-old daughter to prevent her from honoring her arranged marriage.

But I do agree that Silex makes excellent points as to why such unions work and don't work... and that marriage is work all-around, with no absolute answers.
 
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