The Intimidation Station

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M

MusicalMe

Guest
#1
#1
My mom sent me a magazine a year or so ago as a joke. It was one of those ultra-conservative Christian publications and there was an article in it about why the parents should choose the spouse for their children. Now, we've already got another thread going about arranged marriages, so I won't bring the topic up again here.. however, one part of the article suggested for girls to stop using big words because it might frighten someone of the opposite sex away. And in my own life, I've had several guys tell me that they are intimated by me after they find out I have a Master's degree.

So guys - what sort of education level do you look for in a girl? Do you think the guy should be the 'smart one' in the relationship? Do big words scare you away?

Ladies - have your success/education/talents/etc ever gotten in the way of a relationship or caused problems with meeting a guy?
 
J

Jennifleur

Guest
#2
#2
Well, considering I've only dated one guy, for about a month (and I broke it off), just a few months ago, I can't really offer much insight here.

Though, my mother has told me that I can be intimidating. Hmm.... :)
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#3
May 23, 2009
14,944
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#3
This is a really great topic. I've actually read this advice before in "women's" "advice" magazines (I especially hate seeing this piece of advice in young girls' magazines), and am very disappointed that a Christian magazine would advocate women "dumbing themselves down" to talk to a man.

For as much as I love communication, I have never been very good at mastering "big" (say, 12 letters or more?) or "complicated" words... To be honest, I don't think it takes that much today to be perceived as being intelligent because most people are so distracted that they come across as being more "out of it" than what they really are. As an example, I think the only reason people sometimes tell me they think I'm smart is because I try very hard to concentrate on what they are telling me and then try to say something at least half-meaningful back to prove I was actually listening (I come across so many people who are simply waiting for the other person to be quiet so they can go on their own tangent.)

I was on track to becoming a criminal psychologist--I was about a year away from earning my Master's and dreamed of getting a Ph.D., and someday, my own practice... but God took me in a different direction.

When I was younger, I probably might have fallen into a trap of trying to sound more "hip" or "street smart" in order to fit in... but as I get older, I just try my best to be me, while being sensitive to the person I'm talking with (I do believe it's important to tailor the conversation to a person's level of comprehension as a matter of being considerate, not lowering yourself--for example, I don't talk to the 17-year-old kids at work the exact same way as I do to someone, say, in their 70's.)

The compliments I treasure most are when someone says, "Kim, you're so down-to-earth and real." And if I know NOTHING about the subject at hand, I will either say very little (and let the other person or people do the talking) or ask questions so that I can at least learn.

I actually wonder now, since I never became the "big, impressive intelluctual" if most guys in the corporate world would look down at me--I don't think I'd be very impressive to say, a lawyer or doctor. We'll see what God has planned!
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#4
May 23, 2009
14,944
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#4
MusicalMe said:
And in my own life, I've had several guys tell me that they are intimated by me after they find out I have a Master's degree.
Click to expand...

Actually, Musical, I'M intimidated that you have a Master's degree (and think it's totally awesome that you do), so please... go easy on me and speak to me in itty-bitty, teensy-tiny words. :)

Oh, and no more musical instrument jokes. Obviously, I don't have enough intelligence to comprehend them. ;)
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#5
#5
seoulsearch said:
Actually, Musical, I'M intimidated that you have a Master's degree (and think it's totally awesome that you do), so please... go easy on me and speak to me in itty-bitty, teensy-tiny words. :)

Oh, and no more musical instrument jokes. Obviously, I don't have enough intelligence to comprehend them. ;)
Click to expand...
But seriously, it's a Master's in MUSIC... it's not like a Master's in aerospace engineering, or chemistry. It just means I'm very musical, which everyone already knows from my name.

So I'm guessing itty-bitty, teensy-tiny words doesn't include eharmonic modulation through the use of the German augmented sixth chord in late romantic piano sonatas and its role in prolonging cadences? ;)
 
J

Jennifleur

Guest
#6
#6
MusicalMe said:
So I'm guessing itty-bitty, teensy-tiny words doesn't include eharmonic modulation through the use of the German augmented sixth chord in late romantic piano sonatas and its role in prolonging cadences? ;)
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Say wha? Lol.

I think it is disappointing a Christian magazine would also tell women to hide their intelligence, or essentially fake being stupid, just to attract a guy. Eventually, the guy will find out you're not as dumb as you're pretending to be. And if a guy is going to be intimidated by me anyway and avoid dating me because I'm intelligent, then I don't really care to date such a guy anyway. I'd rather date someone who appreciates that I'm smart. Besides, I'm bad at faking dumb. I don't do ditzy well. :p Maybe I should practice a bit? ;)

Where are the guys? What's the male consensus on this topic? :)
 
N

nanabean

Guest
#7
#7
Did the article really say to "act stupid" "dumb themselves down" or "hide your intellegience"?? Or, possibly did it say just to not use huge, intimidating words?? Think about it, maybe it was just saying to relax and use everyday words and actions...in other words be yourselves, without trying to impress anyone with over and above knowledge. Just my thoughts......
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#8
Aug 2, 2009
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#8
Intelligent women are actually a big turn-on for me. I guess I'm not intimidated because I'm a deep thinker and have always kept myself interested in things going on in the world and have a strong philosophical and artistic side to me to.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#9
May 23, 2009
14,944
4,589
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#9
MusicalMe said:
But seriously, it's a Master's in MUSIC... it's not like a Master's in aerospace engineering, or chemistry. It just means I'm very musical, which everyone already knows from my name.

So I'm guessing itty-bitty, teensy-tiny words doesn't include eharmonic modulation through the use of the German augmented sixth chord in late romantic piano sonatas and its role in prolonging cadences? ;)
Click to expand...

ENGLISH, Musical... I at least need you to speak ENGLISH... :) big words or small.
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#10
#10
seoulsearch said:
ENGLISH, Musical... I at least need you to speak ENGLISH... :) big words or small.
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uhhh... 'I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request'... is that better?
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#11
May 23, 2009
14,944
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#11
MusicalMe said:
uhhh... 'I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request'... is that better?
Click to expand...
All right, Musical, I see your huge, honkin' half-the-time German-sounding words and I raise you this...

Judging from the frequency of your posts trumping my inferior intelligence :), I would have to conclude that you are being positively reinforced by the absence of my lack of perceived intellectual challenges to your discriminating stimuli... therefore, the positive reinforcement is increasing your behavior and can only be made less frequent through a carefully developed and rigorously implement schedule of possible punishment, lack of reinforcement, and extinction...

(I'm out of date but you pushed me to the limits!! ;) Am trying to pull out some tidbits from years of studying behavior analysis...)


And I agree with Jennifluer--it would be nice to see some additional male feedback here... though of course,
all are welcome. :)
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#12
#12
seoulsearch said:
All right, Musical, I see your huge, honkin' half-the-time German-sounding words and I raise you this...

Judging from the frequency of your posts trumping my inferior intelligence :), I would have to conclude that you are being positively reinforced by the absence of my lack of perceived intellectual challenges to your discriminating stimuli... therefore, the positive reinforcement is increasing your behavior and can only be made less frequent through a carefully developed and rigorously implement schedule of possible punishment, lack of reinforcement, and extinction...

(I'm out of date but you pushed me to the limits!! ;) Am trying to pull out some tidbits from years of studying behavior analysis...)


And I agree with Jennifluer--it would be nice to see some additional male feedback here... though of course,
all are welcome. :)
Click to expand...
oho! Someone found their Thesaurus! I see your psychological analysis and I raise you "Music to Their Ears: The Importance of Familiarity in Learning, and Incorporating Popular Music Styles into the College Teaching of Aural Skills" (my thesis title).

And now, back to topic...

Where are all you guys? I figured for sure Sam would have a snide remark by now... ;)
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#13
May 23, 2009
14,944
4,589
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#13
MusicalMe said:
oho! Someone found their Thesaurus! I see your psychological analysis and I raise you "Music to Their Ears: The Importance of Familiarity in Learning, and Incorporating Popular Music Styles into the College Teaching of Aural Skills" (my thesis title).

And now, back to topic...

Where are all you guys? I figured for sure Sam would have a snide remark by now... ;)
Click to expand...
OUCH!!! *waves white flag* You win, Musical. To be honest, I can't even remember the name of my thesis... but keep in mind... it was ten years ago that I was working on it :). (And hey, that's MS. THESAURUS to you! :))

It really IS funny how this thread is being dominated by... intelligent women (I understand if I don't count. ;))

But seriously... are you guys out there feeling too intimidated to post??? I hope not. Please don't tell us we need to "dumb down" this thread a bit to make some of you feel more comfortable... Just kidding!! Please feel free to join in!!
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#14
#14
Off topic - Seoulsearch, I'm about to go a-chatting, if you're still around and want to join me. Don't know which room...
 
C

christopher_redbird

Guest
#15
#15
Just checked this post out because the title was interesting.

I don't know why a guy would be intimidated by a girl with a Masters. The more education the better as far as I am concerned. I always want to meet and converse with people who are smart and know something of the world. That is how you learn.
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#16
#16
Yay, we got a male answer! And he doesn't want dumbed-down girls! Woo-hoo!

Thanks, Christopher!
 
C

christopher_redbird

Guest
#17
#17
My pleasure Musical me. I am surprised that most guys don't feel the same way. Why be intimidated by someone who is smart and offers stimulating ideas? I guess everyone is attracted to different things. I want to learn and explore new ideas when I meet someone. Life is boring otherwise.
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#18
#18
christopher_redbird said:
My pleasure Musical me. I am surprised that most guys don't feel the same way. Why be intimidated by someone who is smart and offers stimulating ideas? I guess everyone is attracted to different things. I want to learn and explore new ideas when I meet someone. Life is boring otherwise.
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I like your viewpoint on it. I love learning new things and I want someone that I can both learn new things from, and teach things to. Otherwise you'll run out of stuff to talk about very quickly. Haven't seen you in the chat rooms or forums before - so if you're new, welcome! If you're not new... well, then just ignore that.
 
C

christopher_redbird

Guest
#19
#19
Yes I am pretty new. I wrote you an email. About music no less!
 
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