Adjusting to single life...

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Musique

Guest
#1
#1
Hi, I don't want to bore anyone with a drawn out sob story, so I'll spare the details, but I am curious how any of you have adjusted to becoming single; especially if you were in a long term marriage? I found myself jumping in to another relationship way to soon after my marriage, only to find myself in an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship which took me over a year to get out of.

I am so family oriented, and miss that union. My kids are grown and in college, so I realize I will never have the same kind of relationship again, but I guess I'm still mourning that loss.

With my crazy work schedule now and no real time for church, I'm finding it difficult to really interact with people; especially ones I have anything in common with. I am old enough to be the mother of nearly everyone I'm working with... (I don't mind, they're great people,) but I get so lonely. Everyone else has their own families. I feel like a fifth wheel, lol.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. :)
 
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Blooming_Violet

Guest
#2
#2
Dear Musique,

It is lonely. Work is good and keeps you busy, but you need to put God first. Try little changes in your day. Like listen to a bible reading plan while you get ready in the morning. If you have a nice cell phone, You Version app has some plans that you can play daily. Set your radio to praise music or a Christian station and listen on your way to work. Take a lunch break. On your break create a prayer list and pray for the ones you love. Find time to attend church and stop working on your rest day. Even God rested on the seventh day;) Fellowship with other Christians helps so much. Join a small group bible study that interests you. They will help hold you accountable. As for relationships, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Pray for God's guidance. Annie Kaszina has great email blasts and books on how to recover from abusive relationships and avoid them in the future. I am working on finding joy in the midst of difficult circumstances. God says we are to be joyful always. How do you do that? I just bought Angela Thomas's Choosing Joy - A 52 Week Devotional for Discovering True Happiness $10 on Amazon.com. I plan to start on Monday. If you are interested, I would love to have a buddy. I am really praying that I will be a different person after a whole year.

Blooming_Violet
 
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flight316

Guest
#3
#3
Single life is really a task, especially when you are built for family life. My forties have also been tough for me. Im divorced and single. I just take it day by day and make the best of it.
 
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kenisyes

Guest
#4
#4
I just lost my wife of 31 years. I got to hand her over to Jesus myself. I've faced somewhat the same problem. We were together almost constantly. I had a list of several things - hobbies that I did not pursue for a year or two to be with her as she got weaker. I spend maybe 6 hours a day on those. I needed about 2 hours more a day. This chatroom was it. Read the threads, help other people, and let the love of God pass through you. The inside of the hose always gets wet.

Thanks for the warning about rebounding. Give God time to redefine your next stage in ministry. Then you'll know who, if anyone, should join you in it.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
I've never been married, but as a result i can relate to the '5th wheel' concept. Especially when i lived in CA, and the area was very family oriented, more so in the churches. So going to church alone made it hard to relate to the people my age since they were raising familys and i was rolling solo. Its a tough situation for sure.
 
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Musique

Guest
#6
#6
Thank you all for posting... It means a lot that you took the time to respond. I appreciate the tips and suggestions. I work in the cell phone industry; retail, and we are not allowed to have much say in our schedules... I have gotten a couple of Sundays lately, so I will be looking for a church. For the time being, I'm just taking one day at a time, and yes,, giving each day to God. :)
 
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Musique

Guest
#7
#7
It seems as though my days off are the hardest, unless I'm away from home, and keeping busy.. It's the down times that get me... Too much time to think... I give it to God, but then I don't see or feel any relief.. I know God has his own timing for things, but in the mean time it would be nice to not feel so low... :)
 
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Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
One thing i've learned of being single is it only bothers you to the agree you choose to focus on it. Like many younger people i used to be so focused on marriage, i was miserable. I hated seeing other couples. I focused on feeling alone, on not having anyone. But the past few years, i've decided to stop putting so much thought and emphasis on being single, and just live my life. Just that one change in thinking has saved my so much stress, anxiety and depression. Many of us on here would love to be in a relationship and/or have a family, but most of us have learned the same trick. Just stop putting all your energy into that, and learn to enjoy where you're at, and in the mean time just keep praying and growing. Don't let these 'needs' (which aren't really needs at all, but desires) put a negative spin on your life or your walk.
 
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JerryJones

Guest
#9
#9
Being single is quite an awful experience, but much more so after the experience of marriage and such. All one can do is keep busy, ideally in the work of the Lord.
 
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abair

Guest
#10
#10
single life is heaven
do not live a single life
it is not a single life it is a life of freedom
try it
 
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KellieLady

Guest
#11
#11
Wow... This is EXACTLY what I needed to see tonight. I love how God orchestrates all of us to support each other and puts what we need to learn and what will comfort us in our field of vision at the exact moment we need it the most. 4 days ago, I got out of a very abusive relationship. Before that, I had been in a marriage with a man who neglected our child. I feel weak, like it's my fault, that I am alone, and am still believing the things he said about me. Thank God for seeing this and knowing now that I'm not the only person who has gone through this.
 
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Blooming_Violet

Guest
#12
#12
KellieLady said:
Wow... This is EXACTLY what I needed to see tonight. I love how God orchestrates all of us to support each other and puts what we need to learn and what will comfort us in our field of vision at the exact moment we need it the most. 4 days ago, I got out of a very abusive relationship. Before that, I had been in a marriage with a man who neglected our child. I feel weak, like it's my fault, that I am alone, and am still believing the things he said about me. Thank God for seeing this and knowing now that I'm not the only person who has gone through this.
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Kellie,

You are so young. Stay strong, you are so ahead of the game if you can stay out of that relationship. It takes time to relearn and actually see yourself through God's eyes. Good luck to you.

Blooming_Violet
 
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Jemuel

Guest
#13
#13
single life rocks. Although, I would ask myself of having someone with me for the rest of my life. In the mean time I enjoy each single moment. After all, everyone dies but not everyone truly lives! So let us grow more in faith......use the energy for the glory of God
 
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sweetspiritgirl

Guest
#14
#14
I must say it is hard to be single when you have been married so long..im thinking it as a new journey..one that*** bleeeep bleeeep*** arent allowed to go on ..I do get lonley at times but then i remember i was lonley even while married...I look foward in finding a man that suits me and that loves God as I love him...and if it nvr happens then im ok with that...my place isnt here anyways
 
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