"Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spouse?)

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#1
"Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spouse?)

Hey Everyone,

Our entire culture (here in America, at least) revolves around phrases such as, "Bigger, Better, Faster, More", "We Do It Your Way," and of course, the infamous, "The Customer Is Always Right." Here in America, we strongly believe in getting what we want--if something isn't to our liking, we simply persist until we get something else supposedly better. And if we don't like the way our politicians run things, we can (theoretically) vote them out of office. (I heard a cute quote once that God "tells it how it is because He doesn't have to worry about being re-elected.")

In a world where we insist on newer, better, faster, and OUR WAY when something no longer "serves our bests interest" or "meets our needs", how can we keep our hearts pure when it comes to a spouse? I personally think that with all our cultural programming, a significant other falls into the same category as anything else we "obtain."

"This cell phone is old, I need one with more memory, apps and options."

How can we separate that, from, let's say, "This person doesn't meet my needs anymore, and I deserve to be happy. If I'm not happy with this person, I need to look for someone else... with more memory, apps and options!"

How do we compartmentalize our thinking when it comes to marriage if everything else in life is "upgradable"? If we are constantly used to getting the brightest and the latest, what's to stop us from wanting to "trade in" our spouses in 10, 15, 40 years for a "newer, shinier version" that "better meets our needs"?

Unlike material things, God didn't create marriage with any rent-to-own, satisfaction guarantees, or return policies.

How do we keep our thinking straight regarding marriage in contrast from all the other areas of our life?
 

AAAPlus

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#2
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

How can we separate that, from, let's say, "This person doesn't meet my needs anymore, and I deserve to be happy. If I'm not happy with this person, I need to look for someone else...
Sadly most folks today go into marriage with this mentality. Of course, they wouldn't admit it, but they are getting married for what they can get out of it, not for how their spouse can benefit.

Even Christians justify their divorces by saying they're being "emotionally abused", which is just a clever way of saying they're living with someone that annoys them and doesn't make them happy anymore. The problem started when they went into the marriage with the mentality that this person was going to make them happy, not how they can please their spouse. They develop the sense that they're entitled to happiness, and that actually working at a marriage is too much of a burden.

The truth is, if people go into marriage following God's commands regarding it (i.e. no divorce, and if you do get divorced you can't be re-married to someone else) they would make the marriage work. People see it as more of an apartment than a house. In an apartment, if it starts to fall apart, you just leave and find a new place and leave someone else with the mess. If you own a house, you're stuck with it. If it is falling apart, you fix it up because that thing is yours. You make it work because you know the only out option means losing everything. You could try to sell it, but no one is going to buy a house that is falling apart.
 

AAAPlus

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#3
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

And for the record, I still love my iPhone 3G as much as I did the day I got it. It may be four generations out of date, but it's still pretty dang awesome and does 95% of the stuff the new 5's do. =)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#4
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

Sadly most folks today go into marriage with this mentality. Of course, they wouldn't admit it, but they are getting married for what they can get out of it, not for how their spouse can benefit.

Even Christians justify their divorces by saying they're being "emotionally abused", which is just a clever way of saying they're living with someone that annoys them and doesn't make them happy anymore. The problem started when they went into the marriage with the mentality that this person was going to make them happy, not how they can please their spouse. They develop the sense that they're entitled to happiness, and that actually working at a marriage is too much of a burden.

The truth is, if people go into marriage following God's commands regarding it (i.e. no divorce, and if you do get divorced you can't be re-married to someone else) they would make the marriage work. People see it as more of an apartment than a house. In an apartment, if it starts to fall apart, you just leave and find a new place and leave someone else with the mess. If you own a house, you're stuck with it. If it is falling apart, you fix it up because that thing is yours. You make it work because you know the only out option means losing everything. You could try to sell it, but no one is going to buy a house that is falling apart.
This is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *stands and applauds*
 
K

keep_on_smiling

Guest
#5
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

Great way to look at it AAAPlus!

Seoulsearch I really enjoy your posts, they get me thinking. :) As for a response my immediate thoughts were based on the scripture Romans 12:2.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Really that train of thought that you mention is worldly thinking and we aren't to conform to that (even for small things). It may be hard, but it is not impossible. If we train ourselves not to think that way for small things, then it will be less of a problem for the bigger situations in our life. There wouldn't be a need for separating the way we think.
 

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#6
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

Well, Seoul, you've done it again! You posted something interesting, relevant, and warranting several responses! ^^ Congrats, lol!

Honestly, the first thing I thought of when reading the title was...Daft Bodies - Harder Better Faster Stronger - YouTube **Warning, depending on your beliefs, could possibly be inappropriate, though I think it's pertinent...anyway**

I will say, however, that though you hit the nail on the head, I do believe there is benefit in trying our best to improve. You can take the mentality (sadly) of replacing things that break, upgrading, and just 'opting out'. Unfortunately, many do, but the flip side of that coin is to constantly improve yourself and all around you. Creativity, innovation, invention, improvement, progress, and all the means by which we can work toward better life for everyone, I believe, is a noble pursuit.

In any case, there are many different definitions what people believe is 'better' or not, but change is inevitable. It can also be (believe it or not) a GOOD thing! Lol. I will say in context of this thread, that we should work toward 'improving' our marriage instead of 'opting out' of them. Do you see? There's a positive mentality that also exists adjacent to this ill one.

Our problem is that so quickly we can be swayed, or sway something ourselves, that was originally good. That's all evil is, really. The corruption of what once was good. If you add, take away, abuse, or neglect...then we can easily make poison what was meant as pure. Then comes the cure...

So, I agree with you, but I certainly don't scorn progress. I believe, in life, relationships, and marriage, we should seek to better one another as lovingly and intentionally as possible.

'As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.' -Proverbs 12:17

'And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,' -Hebrews 10:24

There are several other verses, but I think you probably get the point. We can be a blessing to each other, instead of a curse. ^^
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#7
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

Great post. People definitely need to be thought of as more than just something to be kicked around and picked up as needed. Dropping a spouse because your tired of them shows tremendous disrespect. Thanks for posting.
 

Stuey

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#8
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

Sadly most folks today go into marriage with this mentality. Of course, they wouldn't admit it, but they are getting married for what they can get out of it, not for how their spouse can benefit.

May I ask, how practically are you meant to enter a marriage for your spouses benefits? Now I'm not referring to once you are being married (and even while dating) of putting your spouse first in everything. But I would say that almost everyone gets married to someone because they want to marry them because they will be happy with their spouse.

If someone thought they could help someone in a marriage but didn't think they would enjoy it, generally speaking, they wouldn't get married. They'd look for someone else or stay single.

Do you apply trying to look after the spouse into searching for a partner? How?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#9
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

Yes, I do think that of course, most people marry because at the time, they feel they are in love and happy.

But life changes, and circumstances change over time. If our car breaks down, we save to get a new one. If our phone or computer doesn't run as fast as we would like, we replace it.

Likewise, people break down. If your spouse gets cancer, has to have surgery, and loses all their looks, do you stand by him or her or do you look for "the latest model" instead? It's easy for us to sit back and judge--but put yourself in that situation. We all forget the "for richer or for poorer, for better our for worse." Think about these things--your spouse falls into alcoholism, stops going to church or having any interest in God, loses his or her job and can't find work/falls into depression and refuses to work, is diagnosed with a serious illness, no longer has any interest in sex. Will you faithfully stand by his or her side, 'til death do you part?

I recently read about a Christian man who gave up his very important prestigious position at a Christian university to care for his Alzheimer's-stricken wife. She has no idea who he is and sometimes screams when he tries to feed or care for her because she thinks he is a stranger who is attacking her.

AND SHE HAS BEEN LIKE THIS FOR TWENTY YEARS. When a fellow Christian asked how he gets through, he replied that he took a vow before God to love, care, and stand by this woman's side for the rest of their lives, and that he took this vow very seriously.

This man is an amazing exception in today's world. It seems that in many cases, most people opt for the newer, shinier, less problematic "update". I certainly can't judge anyone, because I know I would feel as if I were losing my mind as well in a situation like that. I read about or see people go through these things and I become afraid that I won't be able to handle all of life's challenges with someone.

One of the incidences I just wrote about is actually happening within my closest inner circle of loved ones.

We all ask, Why am I still alone?

Maybe it's because God is saying we're not ready to handle that kind of responsibility yet.
 

Stuey

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#10
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

Hmmm, dunno.

Bump.

I want an answer. :)
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#11
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

How do we keep our thinking straight regarding marriage in contrast from all the other areas of our life?
stop listening to the lies of the world that you need to upgrade anything be it spouse, cell phone, car, etc.

Instead listen to the Bible and God's voice that says He has provided enough and give Him thanks for the many blessing He gives.

Look beyond personal desires and see the bigger picture of who you can help with the money you spend on yourself.

Don't be double minded in ANY part of your life. Recognize that God blessed you with material wealth not to fulfill your own lust but as a stewardship to use in a manner that shows His love.

Instead of a new car, think of offering to drive the elderly to the grocery store or doctors appointments.

Instead of a new phone, think of downgrading or buying that new phone not for yourself but to a soldier who had no way to keep in contact with his family.

Instead of new clothes, think of buying coats for children living on the streets or in foster care who know too well what it means to be truly in need.

I admit I sometimes fall into the trap of I want I want I want this. I probably buy way more than I need and I ask God to forgive me and keep me from forgetting the importance of thinking and valuing others more highly than myself. because its what God told us to do.

Thank you for reminding me that I don't need that new smart cell phone that allows me to check my emails, even if I do go overseas, because God will provide a way to stay in touch with my love ones no matter what. We just have to have faith in Him.

Deuteronomy 15:11
For the poor will never cease from the land; therefore I command you, saying, ‘You shall open your hand wide to your brother, to your poor and your needy, in your land.’

1 John 3:16-18

New King James Version (NKJV)

16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. 17 But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?
18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.



hmmm can't seem to find the verses I'm looking for about valuing others higher than oneself....




oh I found it YAHHH!

Philippians 2:3-4



3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#12
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

by the way I love reading your posts seoulsearch. though I don't always respond (try to limit my post in the singles forum, being married an all ) :) anyway have to clean the house and get ready for church. God bless and keep you all :) It gives me hope that there are still decent people out there for my single friends :)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#13
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

Right back at you, Ariel :)! Thank YOU for all your insights... and, being married, for giving us single people sound advice. I wish more married people would write and post here, to tell us how it really is and share with us how they've dealt with the challenges of life as married Christians. :) Blessings to you!
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#14
Re: "Bigger, Better, Faster, More." (You Trade in Your Cell Phone, Why Not Your Spous

Hey Everyone,

Our entire culture (here in America, at least) revolves around phrases such as, "Bigger, Better, Faster, More", "We Do It Your Way," and of course, the infamous, "The Customer Is Always Right." Here in America, we strongly believe in getting what we want--if something isn't to our liking, we simply persist until we get something else supposedly better. And if we don't like the way our politicians run things, we can (theoretically) vote them out of office. (I heard a cute quote once that God "tells it how it is because He doesn't have to worry about being re-elected.")

In a world where we insist on newer, better, faster, and OUR WAY when something no longer "serves our bests interest" or "meets our needs", how can we keep our hearts pure when it comes to a spouse? I personally think that with all our cultural programming, a significant other falls into the same category as anything else we "obtain."

"This cell phone is old, I need one with more memory, apps and options."

How can we separate that, from, let's say, "This person doesn't meet my needs anymore, and I deserve to be happy. If I'm not happy with this person, I need to look for someone else... with more memory, apps and options!"

How do we compartmentalize our thinking when it comes to marriage if everything else in life is "upgradable"? If we are constantly used to getting the brightest and the latest, what's to stop us from wanting to "trade in" our spouses in 10, 15, 40 years for a "newer, shinier version" that "better meets our needs"?

Unlike material things, God didn't create marriage with any rent-to-own, satisfaction guarantees, or return policies.

How do we keep our thinking straight regarding marriage in contrast from all the other areas of our life?
This is what the marriage vows are for, and they're not just wedding vows, they're marriage vows... they are a sacred pact made between the bride, the groom and God.

" I, _______ take you, ________ to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."