Still not feeling accepted around others...

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dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#1
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#1
Okay, I've been able to get out and being able to spend more time with my friends. My shyness and fears have gone by a lot especially the shyness. I still don't really have any normal social skills, so it like when I was in elementry school before I using being shy as a barrier from being reject(I'm guessing). So it's going been going down lately(Mostly through listening to a lot of pure grace messages about God), but I guess the confidence it's going up. I'm still basically acting like I was when I was little kid, only instead of making weird noises all the time, I'm just making perverted jokes(Though my friends are doing it too, but I just tend to not know when to stop), but I really don't know how to express myself to other people that well when talk gets more serious(Though in my own head, I'm probably as good or better than others in expressing my self.) I don't know maybe it's a fear of being wrong or something, or being rejected. So basically do the pervered type jokes to get noticed, or I'll just be the random creepy silent person that laughs at everything.

Anyways, basically I feeling like I'm being more of pain to my friends than anything else(Well the guys know me well enough that isn't much of a problem). But the girl in the group, I really don't feel close to at alll(This mostly where I'm depressed, and I'm not even looking at her as a potentional girlfriend/wife.) Even tonight when we were hanging and started to go, she gave me a hug, but it was one the extreme side hugs where it's just doing it to get me to leave her alone or something. I mean it like we're fine when were playing Magic and having fun, but I'm still really feeling accepted with her.
 
S

Stuey

Senior Member
#2
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#2
Sounds like you are making progress. :) Keep at it.

Magic huh? My friend and I have recently made the mistake of playing it, my goodness it is addictive.

As for being able to express yourself when things get serious, just practise man, just practise. Also best to keep your jokes clean, those things head downhill real quick and aren't helpful for anyone involved.
 
error

error

Senior Member
#3
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
#3
I hate dirty jokes.
 
S

SleepingLion

Guest
#4
#4
I hear ya, I hide my shyness and hurts behind lame humour as well, so I cant offer advice, will just lurk and borrow some thats posted for you lolol.
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#5
#5
You can't please everyone all the time, and you can't really force other people to accept you. You CAN, however, control your own actions....going too far with the joking can make things awkward and uncomfortable, (and maybe that's why the girl in your scenario is standoffish?).

Your post brought to mind "the mouth speaks what the heart is full of"

It's cliche but you should just be yourself and own who you are...people are more likely to gravitate towards someone who has that self assurance over someone who is constantly seeking external validation. Frankly, it can be quite draining to be around the latter. If you're bad with expressing yourself when a serious topic comes up, rather than throwing out the first inappropriate thing that comes to mind, or saying something insincere, it is sometimes more wise to be silent.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#6
#6
Enjoy the beat of your own drum.
God does.
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#7
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#7
Hellooo said:
You can't please everyone all the time, and you can't really force other people to accept you. You CAN, however, control your own actions....going too far with the joking can make things awkward and uncomfortable, (and maybe that's why the girl in your scenario is standoffish?).

Your post brought to mind "the mouth speaks what the heart is full of"

It's cliche but you should just be yourself and own who you are...people are more likely to gravitate towards someone who has that self assurance over someone who is constantly seeking external validation. Frankly, it can be quite draining to be around the latter. If you're bad with expressing yourself when a serious topic comes up, rather than throwing out the first inappropriate thing that comes to mind, or saying something insincere, it is sometimes more wise to be silent.
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Actually the girl was one of the people making those types of jokes, and she's a pretty out going person.
 
eugenius

eugenius

Senior Member
#8
Jul 17, 2009
491
9
18
#8
dothackzero said:
Actually the girl was one of the people making those types of jokes, and she's a pretty out going person.
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Glad to hear you are making progress man. I'm not actually too different from you which is why I keep following your posts. Im giving you advice on things I learned along the way.

But there is no reason to make those jokes. Especially around women. I don't like it when women do it. I'm not attracted to women who make dirty jokes. My potential wife would hate me for using profanity in front of her. And thats the way I want it.

99% of women don't like that kind of thing. I know exactly what you mean though. I was that way in high school. Alone, friendless, so I said and did stupid things to get noticed. Oh I got noticed allright. In the end people were laughing at me, not with me. High school was hell on earth for me.

Do you like books Dothack? Or movies? Or anything like that. Please don't say you only like video games. Come on man. Be a jack of all trades. Try new things. Learn Learn Learn.

Are you interested in your profession? Computer Science I think right. Its a very cool profession. Go find some geeky girls and talk about the Turing test and artificial intelligence and its relation to Theology and God. Go learn some philosophy and science and such. Go read some science fiction books by Issac Assimov.
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#9
#9
dothackzero said:
Okay, I've been able to get out and being able to spend more time with my friends. My shyness and fears have gone by a lot especially the shyness. I still don't really have any normal social skills, so it like when I was in elementry school before I using being shy as a barrier from being reject(I'm guessing). So it's going been going down lately(Mostly through listening to a lot of pure grace messages about God), but I guess the confidence it's going up. I'm still basically acting like I was when I was little kid, only instead of making weird noises all the time, I'm just making perverted jokes(Though my friends are doing it too, but I just tend to not know when to stop), but I really don't know how to express myself to other people that well when talk gets more serious(Though in my own head, I'm probably as good or better than others in expressing my self.) I don't know maybe it's a fear of being wrong or something, or being rejected. So basically do the pervered type jokes to get noticed, or I'll just be the random creepy silent person that laughs at everything.

Anyways, basically I feeling like I'm being more of pain to my friends than anything else(Well the guys know me well enough that isn't much of a problem). But the girl in the group, I really don't feel close to at alll(This mostly where I'm depressed, and I'm not even looking at her as a potentional girlfriend/wife.) Even tonight when we were hanging and started to go, she gave me a hug, but it was one the extreme side hugs where it's just doing it to get me to leave her alone or something. I mean it like we're fine when were playing Magic and having fun, but I'm still really feeling accepted with her.
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What God allows and what God plans are different for every man, women, child, but make no mistake that His eye is upon you as it is, indeed, on you, 'sparrow.' He sees His plans for you but will you allow yourself to 'magically' do them, I think, is His biggest question to you, dothackingbuddy .

What are you gonna do?

Play with 'magic,' or, baptize with water and 'fire.'

The Lord leads, He's surely emboldened you socially. Now what?
Will.you step off His way for your own Or will you travel down His road for you to travel, one less travelled, narrow, not wide, not a gate of magical, 'red-horned' proportions that certainly only leads to lawlessness , to this one's wages you invest will be your recruitment , and, death.

So, what are you gonna listen to, who is going to be your sounding board. Israel complained, where did it get them in the wilderness? Paul was content, knew the understanding of having much and having little, and, He knew where his strength came from, Paul knew who, too. Do you?

Dothackdearbuddy, do YOU see how God's stepping you now, working on you as you bring your heart into an all-seeking position. You ARE a smart guy, you do threads that show so much giftedness from Him Him, inquisitive, searching, humbling you.

Now, what are you gonna do? Keep 'magically' hoping, praying that a right girl is going to come from the wrong practices? And, don't get me wrong, I've played D&D, I've drawn up campaigns, I've taken a low level character through campaigns and was 'addicted' (great word, Dry) and only got unaddicted by God, I feel,same way God UNaddicted me from horseracing, and, a few other things,--purging confession. Realizing my addiction to the horses dropped me 3 grand my freshman summer inbetween college years, and, for Dungeons I was invited to a friends to take my 16th level awesome loved character, Zambar, a fighter, through some campaign, with 7-8 other guys. Well...


The whole party was slaughtered. I was.... Ok, enough said, I NEVER touched D&D again, now did that stop some other sins going on on my life? No. I needed to have God SLOWLY purge me more and more, YOU, dothackprinnydisgaea, buddy, I feel are at an important point of you life.

Will you begin to live in His leading or continue in games 'practice' that COULD be delaying your deepest heart's desire? Not saying 'magic' is bad, just saying, it's potentially deceptively distraftive to your goals of being.....


....addicted to Jesus .


What are you gonna do :)
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#10
#10
<--- Extreme side hug
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#11
#11
bringing up this girl, if she's still talking to you and hanging out with you, it's obvious that she either doesn't mind having you around, or she has enough respect for you not to insist to never do anything with you again.

If people really didn't like you they wouldn't be hanging out with you. As for serious discussions, you just have to plug at it. Practice makes perfect, force yourself to do it when the occasion comes.

NodMyHeadLikeYeah-Really wish I could top that post, awesome!
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#12
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#12
You know I'm talking Magic: the gathering a trading card game right? I know a lot better than to play with real magic. :p But yeah, it's just a game I'm playing with my Christian friends. I really doubt it's gonna make it harder for me to find a girlfriend.
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#14
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#14
zaoman32 said:
bringing up this girl, if she's still talking to you and hanging out with you, it's obvious that she either doesn't mind having you around, or she has enough respect for you not to insist to never do anything with you again.

If people really didn't like you they wouldn't be hanging out with you. As for serious discussions, you just have to plug at it. Practice makes perfect, force yourself to do it when the occasion comes.

NodMyHeadLikeYeah-Really wish I could top that post, awesome!
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Maybe I should just wait for her to make a move next time? I mean I'm sure she relized that I like physical touch(Of course I'm talking about non-sexually), but then again when I don't make a move the girls ususally don't either. Like they are confusing my usual seriousness as I sign I don't like to be touched or something.
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#15
#15
dothackzero said:
Maybe I should just wait for her to make a move next time? I mean I'm sure she relized that I like physical touch(Of course I'm talking about non-sexually), but then again when I don't make a move the girls ususally don't either. Like they are confusing my usual seriousness as I sign I don't like to be touched or something.
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It's up to you how you handle it. You do what you do, like everyone else has been telling you, just chill out, relax, and be yourself. Eventually you'll stop being so concerned with what people think. If she's that repulsed by a hug, she will probably try avoid being hugged, in which case don't make a big deal out of it. Get over it, hold your head up, don't hold it against her, after all she may just be uncomfortable with hugging in general.
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#16
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#16
dothackzero said:
Maybe I should just wait for her to make a move next time? I mean I'm sure she relized that I like physical touch(Of course I'm talking about non-sexually), but then again when I don't make a move the girls ususally don't either. Like they are confusing my usual seriousness as I sign I don't like to be touched or something.
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Even though touch is probably my secendary love language(When it comes to girls, with guys it's probably around 4th)(This also works with friends, or atleast it works find when I turn into from a romantic relationship to a friendship one). Anyway my main one is quaility time.

But really I need both physical touch and quility time from to feel accepted by a girl.
and Just quility time and positive afframation from guys to feel accepted.

btw, this is what mean by physical touch...

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love Languages®
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#17
#17
zaoman32 said:
It's up to you how you handle it. You do what you do, like everyone else has been telling you, just chill out, relax, and be yourself. Eventually you'll stop being so concerned with what people think. If she's that repulsed by a hug, she will probably try avoid being hugged, in which case don't make a big deal out of it. Get over it, hold your head up, don't hold it against her, after all she may just be uncomfortable with hugging in general.
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Or she could be uncomfortable hugging you because you make nasty jokes in front of her.
That's a for sure way to repel a woman.
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#18
#18
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
Or she could be uncomfortable hugging you because you make nasty jokes in front of her.
That's a for sure way to repel a woman.
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I work with a girl who gets more vulgar and indecent with her jokes than most of the guys, so unfortunately I don't think about factoring that in.

Personally it's weird to me that she's like that, and very detracting, but it is what it is. I just speak Jesus to her when I can and hope she listens.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#19
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,585
113
#19
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
Or she could be uncomfortable hugging you because you make nasty jokes in front of her.
That's a for sure way to repel a woman.
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Oh man. Nod is SSSOOOO BACK!!! :D

Seriously. Hopefully you won't be known as just "the guy who tells dirty jokes"--I used to work with a guy like that and all the women were rather afraid of him. He certainly wasn't respected, let alone liked.

No woman wants to be caught alone with a guy who talks like that. If he talks it, he's thinking it. Women will automatically assume that he will try what he's thinking.

DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!!!

Honestly. I'm not trying to sound crude, but if a guy was hanging out around a guy who made gay jokes about men all the time, how would you feel about being around him? Women feel the same way about guys who constantly talk/joke about sex.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#20
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#20
dothackzero said:
You know I'm talking Magic: the gathering a trading card game right? I know a lot better than to play with real magic. :p But yeah, it's just a game I'm playing with my Christian friends. I really doubt it's gonna make it harder for me to find a girlfriend.
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It's a pretty sweet game. I've played it a it at the professional level going to various Grand Prix and such. Really fun at times, but Im currently a bit burnt out right now on it.
 
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