The Marriage Pact: I'm Single, You're Single, Let's Get Married!!!

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The Marriage Pact.

  • I have made a marraige pact with a friend before (tell us how it turned out.)

    Votes: 4 13.3%
  • I know others who have made marriage pacts (tell us what happened.)

    Votes: 2 6.7%
  • I would make a marriage pact with a friend.

    Votes: 6 20.0%
  • I would never make a marriage pact with a friend!

    Votes: 2 6.7%
  • I think a marriage between best friends who have never dated could work.

    Votes: 8 26.7%
  • I think a marriage pact would be a disaster!

    Votes: 3 10.0%
  • It would be enough in marriage to be friends and not feel romantically inclined towards each other.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I could never be "just friends" with someone in a marriage.

    Votes: 5 16.7%
  • A marriage needs more than friendship, such as (tell us in your post.)

    Votes: 6 20.0%
  • A marriage based on friendship could grow into romantic love after time.

    Votes: 8 26.7%
  • I would rather marry someone who was just a friend than never marry at all.

    Votes: 8 26.7%
  • I would rather never marry than marry just a friend.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • A marriage pact could be part of God's will for someone's life.

    Votes: 9 30.0%
  • Marriage pacts are totally against God's will.

    Votes: 3 10.0%
  • Jimmy Crack Corn--I have something else to share in my post.

    Votes: 7 23.3%

  • Total voters
    30
Status
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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,578
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

A recent post reminded me of something that happened in my church as a kid--someone very well-known in the church got married to their opposite gender best friend.

Rumor had it (NO! Say it isn't so!! Rumors in church!) that they two had been best friends for many years and had made an agreement that if neither one was married by age XX, they would marry each other.

Needless to say, the marriage didn't last long... not even a year, I remember correctly.

The two were strong Christians, raised in church, attended Bible colleges, both held positions in the church--they were obviously very Christ-centered--and were best friends... Now I can't say for sure, but I would guess they felt they were on the right path. After all, isn't this the "magical formula" people say will produce the Christian fairytale marriage everyone talks about? So what do you think went wrong?

Have any of you had similar agreements or ideas with a friend? Do you think it would work? Why or why not? Do you know anyone else who's had a "marriage pact", and how did the story turn out?

In high school I had a guy friend who once said that even if he and I never felt romantic love, "We'd be best friends and that's something a lot of people never have." We eventually went separate ways in life and you know how they always say hindsight is 20/20? I don't think we would have succeeded at marriage very well at all. Our friendship was awesome but we were very different people.

HOWEVER, as the years go by... I have a guy friend who knows me better than anyone else in my life and even though there's never had any romanticism involved, I can't say I haven't considered it!!

What makes our hearts so lonely and desperate that we are willing to grasp at what seems like the final straws?

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Of course, the poll is anonymous and multiple choice!
 
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#2
Sounds to me like it would work as well as the Warsaw Pact.

It could be an admission of reality too. Often people marry those they regard as their best friends though they take too long to consider such a wise option.
 

sanglina

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2012
857
4
0
#3
Hey Everyone,
Rumor had it (NO! Say it isn't so!! Rumors in church!) that they two had been best friends for many years and had made an agreement that if neither one was married by age XX, they would marry each other.

Needless to say, the marriage didn't last long... not even a year, I remember correctly.

The two were strong Christians, raised in church, attended Bible colleges, both held positions in the church--they were obviously very Christ-centered--and were best friends... Now I can't say for sure, but I would guess they felt they were on the right path. After all, isn't this the "magical formula" people say will produce the Christian fairytale marriage everyone talks about? So what do you think went wrong?

Have any of you had similar agreements or ideas with a friend? Do you think it would work? Why or why not? Do you know anyone else who's had a "marriage pact", and how did the story turn out?
At the risk of sounding judgmental, I just failed to understand how two people who were supposedly "strong Christians", entering into a Christian marriage covenant knowing full well its intended implications, could not work out their marriage and failed to bear "the fruit of the spirit". If one of the spouse was a lukewarm Christians and the break up is on his/her part, then, its understandable but...(??)

People keep saying "big or small, sin is sin" and tend to hide (sin) behind the facade "Christians are not perfect". Agree that Christians are not perfect as we are born sinners with sinful nature but that doesn't give us the license to go out and commit murder, robbery, divorce, adultery, fornication, etc. in broad daylight. I think Christian 'liberty' has been taken to a different level for a joyride (experimenting 'sins') by many 'professing Christians'. :(
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#4
I've made several marriage pacts with friends (mostly in jest) throughout the years that if we weren't both married by such and such age that we'd marry each other.




.......they're all married now. ;)
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#5
I could marry my best friend, but i couldn't have sex with him.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,578
113
#6
At the risk of sounding judgmental, I just failed to understand how two people who were supposedly "strong Christians", entering into a Christian marriage covenant knowing full well its intended implications, could not work out their marriage and failed to bear "the fruit of the spirit". If one of the spouse was a lukewarm Christians and the break up is on his/her part, then, its understandable but...(??)
:(
I understand what you're saying, but yes, these two people had prominent positions in the church, and what I think it also boils down to is two lonely, very human people who made a mistake. I felt sorry for them because not only did they made a mistake, but they did it in front of an entire church that was whispering about and judging them. Matters of romantic love/attraction seem to be the ultimate test for many Christians, even the strongest. Look at how many ministries have been torn down due to attraction/feigned attraction to the wrong person.

Even the wisest and strongest make the same kind of mistakes. Solomon was the wisest person on earth, yet chose to have 300 wives and 700 concubines.

He made the same mistake not once, but at least 999 other times, even though he practically spoke to God personally. David still took Bathsheba as his own and killed her husband, despite being chosen by God to lead His people. If men like this can fall, how much more prone are the rest of us?


I could marry my best friend, but i couldn't have sex with him.
I can totally relate, Nod. I don't know... my mind categorizes a guy as "potential boyfriend" or "great friend" to me, the lines are set. Though as I get older... I can see how the lines between "great friend, someone who's always been there for you" and "love" might become blurred.
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#7
For us guys, the "friend zone" is where we end up after she dumps us... lol.
 
I

Indubitably

Guest
#9
A pact is a commitment, an agreement of honor. I see a lot of thought here has considerd the physical attraction and all the fleshly things. The greatest drawback to a pact is not the attracton beyond friendship. It's simply that in our culture, honor is scarce and fulfllment of such a pact would rarely be honored.
 

Stuey

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#11
I don't get girls.



Also Seoul do you know if these guys are still divorced and single? Still in church?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,939
4,578
113
#12
I don't get girls.



Also Seoul do you know if these guys are still divorced and single? Still in church?
This happened in my church when I was in grade school and the couple I mentioned were adults (for privacy sake, I won't give any other details.) As I said, they both held positions in the church so everyone knew who they were. Both left that church and general location while I was still a child. I don't know what happened to them. I myself left that church the day I left for college and have not been back since, except recently, for a relative's funeral.

I really did feel sorry for them. I could imagine making the same mistakes.

What I can't imagine is having an entire church and basically denomination judge me over it.
 
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pinkstix56

Guest
#14
Sometimes I feel what drives us to desperation is seeing our friends...getting into relationships...and having children.
We make that agreement with God that we'll wait. But when it comes to our flesh and what the flesh wants....it's to be with someone. To love and care for someone.
When we see our friends with someone...we then think ..." Oh no! When is it going to be my turn?"
This is the first time i've heard about this marriage pact idea.
 
Dec 17, 2012
135
2
0
43
#15
I could marry my best friend, but i couldn't have sex with him.
Burn!

I did a pact like that with a good friend of mine, back in the early aughts; if we were both single by 30, we'd tie the knot.
She's been married and living outside of Washington DC for 2, maybe 3 years, now.
 
A

agirlandherguitar

Guest
#16
My best friend and I said that if we were still single when we're 30 we'd go lesbian. We were JOKING, of course. I still have four years... 0___0
 
C

cloudia7

Guest
#17
i made that dumb pact with my best friend..
we said that we were become a couple if we were single at 25 yrs old..
now i'm 27 and he's 28 AND WE"RE STILL SINGLE!!.. :p
i could not get married with my brother!!..
cause i love him like one of my brothers..

instead of marriage he gives me options with his friends..
but he has not a very good taste.. XD
 
F

fireofpassion

Guest
#18
We should all just pray that who ever god has chosen for us
Comes strong,faithful and trust in our father 100percent
Until then its

BEN N JERRYS ice-cream :D:D:D:D
 
Oct 11, 2012
1,026
10
38
#19
There's not enough friendship in relationships and marriages, in my opinion. We could all use a little more time and effort to get to know our partner so when the looks fade, the kids are gone, and you're retired, you actually have things in common.

I made a marriage pact once. With my best friend, who was a girl, when I was ten. I don't think I fully understood the concept of marriage yet. I was like, "Hey, my best friend is awesome; not to mention the coolest person I know. She has the best toys and I love playing cats with her. We should get married!"

As you can see, my way of thinking wasn't exactly clear.
 

rachelsedge

Senior Member
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
79
48
33
#20
I don't have any single male friends to make a pact with, so I can say I haven't made one. :p

I do think they're silly though. When done in jest, sure, but when serious? I don't know. I'd just rather not be someone's last resort.
 
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