Avoiding simple deception in online dating: Manti Te'o related.

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1still_waters

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#1
Disclaimer: I know real life relationships can have deceptions too. I know deception isn't exclusive to online relationships. I know many Godly truthful successful relationships have been started online. I know that what I'm about to say won't prevent EVERY highly nuanced form of deception one may encounter in an online or real life relationship. This thread isn't meant for a detailed back and forth over the specifics of the Manti Te'o situation. Manti Te'o's situation is simply a point of reference to share my advice. I'm not declaring Manti Te'o guilty or not guilty of anything. I know there are more nuanced details to the story than I will list below.

Manti Te'o reported to being in an online relationship for at least two years, and it's now reported the woman didn't even exist.

My tip.

If you're in an online relationship with anyone for an extended period of time, and you want to avoid this simple deception of whether or not the person actually exists, make sure you see them on webcam. Don't just see them on cam. Ask them to do a series of specific things, that way you know it's not a video feed.

Don't allow the person to emotionally manipulate you when you ask for this simple verification of their existence. Any running from proving of their existence should be a MAJOR red flag to you. Again, don't be naive and don't let them emotionally manipulate you.

NEVER and i mean NEVER get emotionally attached to someone who you can't at least verify they are who they say they are in their picture. You MUST be able to verify that they at least match up with the person they claim to be in their picture.

Disclaimer 2: By asking them to do specific things on cam, it's implied that these should be moral things. In no way do I condone asking them to do immoral things. By "things" I mean simple actions they can do such as drinking out of a cup, tapping their head, and such.

Disclaimer 3: By drinking out of a cup, in no way do I imply they should drink adult beverages, but i'm also not implying adult beverages in moderation are wrong. By tapping their head, I meant with their hand, not with a hammer. By and such, I mean general moral, non-violent things.
 
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Liamson

Senior Member
Feb 3, 2010
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#2
Yeah, but seriously, I would always suggest that people Meet in Person before they call themselves anything. :)
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#3
Wait i'm sorry, i don't understand. Did this man make the woman up or she didn't exist and he did not know it??

I had no idea people actually use video feeds... why though??
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#4
Wait i'm sorry, i don't understand. Did this man make the woman up or she didn't exist and he did not know it??

I had no idea people actually use video feeds... why though??
Some fakers will play a pre-recorded video and stream it in place of their cam. Giving the deception that it's really them. I'm not aware of that happening in the Manti Te'o situation. But the details of his situation isn't really what I'm aiming at talkin about.
 

Liamson

Senior Member
Feb 3, 2010
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#5
Yeah, he had an imaginary Girlfriend that died of Cancer on the same day as His Grandmother.

and... we are talking about Skype and Stickam and stuff right?
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#6
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1still_waters

Guest
#7
we are talking about Skype and Stickam and stuff right?
Any means of online video communication.

I can't think of an exhaustive laundry list of video mediums of communication online, but in general the idea is just to have the person show you in some form of online, live, non-prerecorded video communication that they are real, and are the person they claim to be in their picture.
 
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arwen83

Guest
#8
I can't believe someone would go to all the effort by using pre-recorded video, etc. just to deceive someone for years. You'd think they would have some sort of conscience telling them that 'hey enough is enough, maybe it's time to go outside and get a hobby'.
I've only talked to one person from cc outside of cc chat: on the phone, skype and was his fb friend for awhile. Unless he was THAT committed to deceiving me, I'm pretty sure it was him lol.
 
C

ChristianGuy0

Guest
#9
Excellent tip OP. People get "Catfished" very often. Catfishing is when someone starts a relationship online but they are using someone else's images and identity.. So you end up falling for someone who doesn't actually exist.

As the OP said, the only way to really confirm who they are is to get them to do something arbitrary on webcam, like write something specific on a piece of paper and hold it up.

This is because people can fake a webcam stream. They can get a pre-recorded video and feed it into a webcam feed so that when you "webcam" with them, what you are really seeing is simply a pre-recorded video stream that they got from somewhere else.

Be careful and seek God's lead when starting relationships online.. it's dangerous, dangerous territory. The best thing is never to sin.. Like the OP said, don't do inappropriate things on webcam or send sexual images... No one who truly cares for you (or fears God) will ask you or pressure you to do that. You don't know who you are sending things too and they might share them if things ever go bad between you. Also, many websites have data breaches and you might have thought your files were safe, but people find access to them, people upload "personal" pictures on what they assume are private accounts, but then other people get access to them. Also, some people who webcam with others record everything that's taking place, so don't think you can just quickly do it on webcam and get away with it, they could be recording you. Stories like this keep appearing in the news.

Just avoid sin at all costs. God warns us against sin cos He knows it's best for us to simply avoid it. Trust in Him.

There is a movie called "Catfish" which involves a guy who met a girl online and fell in love with her.. only to find out she isn't who he thought she was. It's a true story supposedly.. I won't give away the ending to the movie but it's worth watching.
 
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1still_waters

Guest
#10
I can't believe someone would go to all the effort by using pre-recorded video, etc. just to deceive someone for years. You'd think they would have some sort of conscience telling them that 'hey enough is enough, maybe it's time to go outside and get a hobby'.
I've only talked to one person from cc outside of cc chat: on the phone, skype and was his fb friend for awhile. Unless he was THAT committed to deceiving me, I'm pretty sure it was him lol.
People go to amazing lengths to deceive.
Folks can't be naive in this stuff and at least do the bare minimum, by at least seeing them on live webcam/video feed/you get the idea.
 

Nautilus

Senior Member
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
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#11
all the disclaimers were a riot, though also sad that they had to be included
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#12
Gotta say I love the disclaimers too! :)

SMH @ the two years thing though...woah...
 
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See_KING_Truth

Guest
#13
This thread reminds me of the documentary "Catfish".

People get tricked all the time into believing the person they are talking to online is really who they say they are. There are people out there who role play multiple people on Facebook. One girl on "Catfish" the tv show referred to it as an addiction.

Another thing a person can do before requesting to see a person on webcam would be using TinEye Reverse Image Search, it is a reverse search engine for images on the internet. This is a quick way to find out if a picture is being used in other locations on the web.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#14
There are more complex deceptions and, other than guarding your heart and taking your time to get to know someone, even if you do verify the above, I don't know how you would avoid them.

Two situations I ran into:

1. I had not been widowed very long and I met a guy I was crazy about. We always talked on cam. He was who he said he was. He was smart, a cop, a Christian, loved dogs, easy to get along with, loved kids.....blah, blah, blah. We made arrangements to meet. Two days before I was supposed to meet him I accidentally dialed his house phone instead of his office phone during the day and a woman answered. She was his live-in gf. She was planning to visit her family in another state the week he had invited me to visit.

2. A guy practically stalked me in chat. He was who he said he was as well. Made me feel guilty if I wanted to talk in main chat rather than giving him personal time and attention. He even went so far as to make friends with another male friend of mine in chat who encouraged me to get to know the guy. After what had happened the first time, I promised that I would not become seriously involved with anyone prior to meeting them in person, as Liamson said above. I made this very clear, so we arranged a date/time/neutral location to meet a couple of weeks later. The more I got to know the guy, the less I liked about him and I told him it just wasn't going to work out. A day or two later he posted photos of himself at that very location on vacation with his long time local gf.

So, do all of the above. Absolutely. But TAKE YOUR TIME and don't let anyone ever push you into a relationship you are not truly interested in. If you have hesitations and reservations, there are normally reasons for them.
 
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arwen83

Guest
#15
Great advice Julianna! Discernment is so important. Those are crazy situations that you went through!

There is an older fellow on thats always on cc chat that will follow me into any chatroom I go into, and try to get my attention. He only says hi to me and the other girls in the chatroom and ignore the other guys in the room. And I can see that he always visits my profile. One time I was AFK and I came back to see that he said some comment about me (I forget what exactly he said, but it creeped me out, he did call me beautiful quite a bit), and for the other guy to tell me what he told him, then to tell him what my reply was word for word. I got so creeped out, but I don't think I can really do much about it, because I don't think its enough for the MOD's to do anything about it. So I just don't bother going on chat anymore.

I have not given any cue that I have any interest in him, in fact I rarely engage in any conversation with him due to his behavior. It makes me question his character and if he is an actual christian.
 
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Liamson

Senior Member
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
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#16
Not to derail the Thread but...
The only difference between a Stalker and a Romantic is Success.

 

Liamson

Senior Member
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
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#17
I have no idea where I was going with that last post but here is a cool picture....


 
M

meggars

Guest
#18
Great advice Julianna! Discernment is so important. Those are crazy situations that you went through!

There is an older fellow on thats always on cc chat that will follow me into any chatroom I go into, and try to get my attention. He only says hi to me and the other girls in the chatroom and ignore the other guys in the room. And I can see that he always visits my profile. One time I was AFK and I came back to see that he said some comment about me (I forget what exactly he said, but it creeped me out, he did call me beautiful quite a bit), and for the other guy to tell me what he told him, then to tell him what my reply was word for word. I got so creeped out, but I don't think I can really do much about it, because I don't think its enough for the MOD's to do anything about it. So I just don't bother going on chat anymore.

I have not given any cue that I have any interest in him, in fact I rarely engage in any conversation with him due to his behavior. It makes me question his character and if he is an actual christian.
lamesauce! come on chat. I'll protect you...i'm good at calling out the creepers. lol
 
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