I need your honest opinion ladies. Personality or looks

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
S

SoulSaver

Guest
#1
#1
Hi everyone. I am new here. I just wanted to know your opinions ladies. I am 19 and I have always been single. I am overweight but have lost 40 lbs and still going. I am just wondering do you judge a man by how they look or their personality. I feel like i have a great personality, a lot of people like me, but every time i get the courage to ask some one on a date they tell me no and they will come out and say I'm too fat. I just feel really defeated all the time. I would love some advice this is just hard to even try to begin a relationship. Because i feel like i already know what they are going to say. Everyone tells me to be patient and i am for the most part. I just feel really alone and want something new in my life.
 
R

Renee321

Guest
#2
#2
Aw, hun, I feel you all the way~ I'm about 7 or 8 pounds overweight, and am 13, and I know it isnt too noticable, but it makes me so incredibly self concious. I'm part of the more youthful generation, like you! So I hope I can give good advice.
For starters, I am so proud of you for striving to lose weight! Believe me, I know it's a hard thing to do.
Now, secondly, let me just say-Yes, girls most commonly look at the outward appearance first.
As wrong as that is, it is only human nature to do this. The first thing I notice, is whether or not a guy is handsome to me.
But you know what? If they turn you down because of outward appearance, then thats okay.
Want to know why?
It means they weren't right for you in the first place!
There is a Bible verse that goes like this.
'Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.'
I know there is a girl out there for you! Because the right person, a good person, will love you, for you~
I hope I helped! :)

Sincerely,
Renee~
 
A

arwen83

Guest
#3
#3
personality or looks? my answer: both

A guy can be good looking by societies standards (however, how we define 'good looking' varies from person to person), but if he is shallow, has a bad character, then I am not attracted to him. What you will find once you get older, (what i found too), people aren't as shallow as they were in hs, they mature and realize that we all define attractive in different ways. Self-improvement and maintaining a healthy weight are great things to strive for, but I don't know, it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

I noticed a few times where I'll began to become more attracted to someone when I get to know them for who they are, and my interactions with them, then I had initially when I met them. And vise versa, when I see something about his character or personality that raises a red flag, I become less attracted to him. That being said, there are certain physical traits that I find more attractive, but I don't think its so black and white.

I don't know if anything I said is helpful to you lol
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
I'm not a female, but this has come up so often in discussions, i know how most women answer. Most Christian women will say 'looks don't matter', but this is a load of bah bah sticky, from what i've seen.
But here's the key, and this concept is gender neutral, if a woman doesn't like you for who you are, then she's not the right woman for you anyways. If you want to lose weight because you want to be healthier, then i encourage you. But if you're losing weight to please women, then to me that is fake and shallow, and not you being yourself, but you trying to trick someone into liking you as something that you're not.
Also, if you are only getting thin for a chance with women, then its going to be harder to keep the weight off because its not what you really want inside, but its a facade you're putting up to make others happy. And since its not something internal, it will be harder to maintain.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#5
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#5
Im not skinny by any means but there are ways to make een a bit of extra weight look god. Now I am 6'3'' so that helps but also dressing right can help a lot. Layer things right is one technique so are vertical stripes and things like argyle. also good fitting pants make a huge diffference, really baggy clothes just make you look heavier. Not that this is what you were looking for but it is good overall advice.

Also being comfortable with who you are is a great bonus. Women will see that confidence and it is attractive all by itself.
 
R

rechem

Banned
#6
Jan 28, 2013
88
0
0
#6
Dude, I know loads of girls that like chubby lads. Maybe you should move to the UK.

Let me tell you, you need a girl who doesn't think in shallow terms. And you'll find her by not thinking that way yourself. You attract what you put out. If you seem unconfident about your weight then people will sense that.

Man, there is nothing wrong with having some meat on your bones. Some people are thin, some people aren't. Be comfortable in your own skin!

If it really bothers you, keep on losing. But when you stop defining yourself by what others think, and start loving yourself for who you are, it takes the stress out of everything man.
 
P

PrettyBelle

Guest
#7
#7
My ex hubby was 5 foot 9 and 350 and I loved him for who he was. I try to look at the whole person and if we connect then it doesn't matter to me. Just be yourself and love yourself first. Be happy in your present weight. I'm 5 foot 2.5 and 220 pounds and happy with how I look. If someone doesn't like me for my weight then it's on them. There is someone out there that will love me just as I am. Jesus already does so I'm not concerned about numbers on a scale. I like what I see. :)
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#8
#8
SoulSaver said:
Hi everyone. I am new here. I just wanted to know your opinions ladies. I am 19 and I have always been single. I am overweight but have lost 40 lbs and still going. I am just wondering do you judge a man by how they look or their personality. I feel like i have a great personality, a lot of people like me, but every time i get the courage to ask some one on a date they tell me no and they will come out and say I'm too fat. I just feel really defeated all the time. I would love some advice this is just hard to even try to begin a relationship. Because i feel like i already know what they are going to say. Everyone tells me to be patient and i am for the most part. I just feel really alone and want something new in my life.
Click to expand...
Honestly, I am attracted to both the way a man looks and his personality. I would want a guy I'm with to be healthy and confident in himself, and, as Ugly said, I hope that is your priority in losing the weight (especially at 19), not girls. Do it for YOU! :) If a girl says she won't date you because you are too fat, she's not a girl worth having...just saying. That is incredibly ill-mannered and hurtful. You don't deserve to be spoken to like that and I'm sorry you have been. If you want something new in your life, go for it. :) Have fun. Get healthy. Develop your interests. Grow in God. Live life. Focus on those things, not on getting a girl. If the focus is just on getting a girl, all too often that is all you may end up with...and usually the wrong one. One who will make you feel worse about yourself than you do now and who will treat you badly. Don't fall for that. You seem like a nice guy. God wants better for you than that. :)
 
S

SoulSaver

Guest
#9
#9
Hey everyone thank you for the words of encouragement and advice. I did forget to mention in my earlier post, that i am losing weight because i was diagnosed with high blood pressure and pre diabetes. Not for trying to find someone i am trying to get healthier and finding someone would be an added bonus, with me also loving myself as one. Thank you again everyone :)
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#10
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
79
48
33
#10
I'm not skinny either (I'm tall-ish at 5'7'' so it's a bit more evenly distributed) and I have physical scars from my past of self-harm, so sometimes I think "No one is gonna want this" so I understand your struggle. I'm at the point now, where that doesn't matter as much. Sometimes it crosses my mind, but God has slowly been working on it with me. Rather, I've been slow learning. :eek: It's a good thing God is patient!

Looks and physical attraction do play a part. That being said, I think it's more of a combination of both personality and looks. It also depends on how well you know the person. For example, there was this guy I used to think was super attractive. Then I got to know him more and, well, he became...not as attractive. On the flip side, I once met a guy who I thought was "Eh" but the more I got to know him, the more attractive he became to me.

Besides, even if I had the perfect body now, what am I going to look like when I'm 65? Far from perfect. If you (general you) are marrying for looks, those will not last long. Godly character and personality are longer lasting.

We are more than our earthly vessles. :) Congrats on the weight loss, by the way!
 
R

rechem

Banned
#11
Jan 28, 2013
88
0
0
#11
rachelsedge said:
I'm not skinny either (I'm tall-ish at 5'7'' so it's a bit more evenly distributed) and I have physical scars from my past of self-harm, so sometimes I think "No one is gonna want this" so I understand your struggle. I'm at the point now, where that doesn't matter as much. Sometimes it crosses my mind, but God has slowly been working on it with me. Rather, I've been slow learning. :eek: It's a good thing God is patient!

Looks and physical attraction do play a part. That being said, I think it's more of a combination of both personality and looks. It also depends on how well you know the person. For example, there was this guy I used to think was super attractive. Then I got to know him more and, well, he became...not as attractive. On the flip side, I once met a guy who I thought was "Eh" but the more I got to know him, the more attractive he became to me.

Besides, even if I had the perfect body now, what am I going to look like when I'm 65? Far from perfect. If you (general you) are marrying for looks, those will not last long. Godly character and personality are longer lasting.

We are more than our earthly vessles. :) Congrats on the weight loss, by the way!
Click to expand...
I tend to prefer women that are short. I'm 6'1' and slimmish.

As for your scars, I can think of no better trait than someone who has felt pain. It means you have sympathy for others in your position.

I myself have a big bodily scar so I can understand how you might feel. What I usually say to myself is that, if the shoe were on the other foot, I would date a girl who had such a 'flaw'. it isn't a flaw at all.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#12
#12
SoulSaver said:
Hey everyone thank you for the words of encouragement and advice. I did forget to mention in my earlier post, that i am losing weight because i was diagnosed with high blood pressure and pre diabetes. Not for trying to find someone i am trying to get healthier and finding someone would be an added bonus, with me also loving myself as one. Thank you again everyone :)
Click to expand...
Praying for your weight loss and that your health will improve. Please keep us posted on your progress. I'm sure many of us would like to be here for you. :)
 
H

helloIamRuthie

Guest
#13
#13
I like personality better. He can be ok looking. And weight isn't that big of an issue. You can always exersize and live a healthier lifestyle. Looks dimish but personality will somewhat always remain the same. :)
 
X

xXErraticEmilyXx

Guest
#14
#14
Both. Taking care of yourself and the importance of looking presentable are part of personality.
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#15
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
113
#15
One of the biggest misconceptions people have these days is that you have to be in a relationship to be happy. You are nineteen. Live life, get your education, a solid career then maybe start thinking about a woman, not a girl. Women have usually made enough relationship mistakes to see past the surface and have a greater appreciation for what's inside. Not to mention with a little success under your belt you will have the confidence to avoid the wrong woman.
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#16
#16
soulsaved, you might want to read my thread on 'attraction vs affection' too, an aside to your OP, God,bless ya, milady :)
 
M

meggars

Guest
#17
#17
Nautilus said:
Also being comfortable with who you are is a great bonus. Women will see that confidence and it is attractive all by itself.
Click to expand...
Amen to that brotha! Confidence and a nice easy smile will cover a multitude of ''flaws''....As for me I generally prefer a beefier fella because I'm not small myself and I don't want to feel like I dwarf the person I'm with...Personal preferences will vary quite a bit between individuals.
 
A

AmenChristian

Guest
#19
#19
Personality (Spirit) or Looks (Flesh) ... transformation comes from within, making the looks reformed...Amen Protector.jpg
 
P

Powemm

Guest
#20
#20
I can drink what overflows from "inside" a cup, rather than the cup itself
 
You must log in or register to reply here.