If I were benevolent dictator of the world I would...?

[seoulsearch]

7. Anyone attempting to outlaw, poke fun at, or otherwise bash burlap sacks will be hung upside-down by their toenails and pummeled into unconsciousness with a dead carrot. Then placed in a burlap sack.

Well thank goodness!!! I can handle a beating with a dead carrot.

It's beating by LIVE carrots that I would have to STRONGLY PROTEST.

And apparently, you're saying that after you beat people with the dead carrot, you would then place the carrot in a burlap sack? Why? The carrot is already dead... You can just place it in a plastic bag. It doesn't need to "breathe".

 

[NukePooch]

Well thank goodness!!! I can handle a beating with a dead carrot.

It's beating by LIVE carrots that I would have to STRONGLY PROTEST.

And apparently, you're saying that after you beat people with the dead carrot, you would then place the carrot in a burlap sack? Why? The carrot is already dead... You can just place it in a plastic bag. It doesn't need to "breathe".

Actually, Missy, You will be placed in the burlap sack for being impertinent and presumptuous. Immediately. I'm waiting. GUARDS!

 

[violakat]

What would I do?

1. If you don't work, you don't eat. No handouts. If you are disabled enough to not be able to have a physical job, you can have a mental one. If you're incapacitated mentally, you can work doing whatever you can, however you can do it. Everyone needs a purpose. ​Yes

2. Parents get paid for actually parenting their children. If they don't parent, they don't get paids. Yes

3. Single parents work as parents and should get paid as such. No need for daycares and latch-key. Single parents stay home with their children. Where were you when I was a kid?

4. There will be no penalties for homeschooling. There will be penalties for trying to pass the raising of your children onto someone else. yes

4. Anyone caught in the left lane of a freeway when not actually passing any cars will be placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds. What if there are three lanes?

5. Anyone going slower than 5MPH under the posted speed limit without a verifiable reason will be placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds. Add in 10 mph over as well.

6. Anyone talking, texting, or making any noise whatsoever at the movie theater will be placed in a burlap sack and beaten with a steel crowbar. Please let me know when your coming so I can point out my friends. This irritates me to no end. Also, can we do this when someone is trying to read?

Nukepooch For Dictator.

 

[NukePooch]

Sure I've gotten the dark thoughts....but I can honestly say I've never fantasized placing anyone in a burlap (whatever that is) bag and beating them with anything.

At most I'd probably wanna beat them with something soft, like a giant stuffed unicorn, or an inflatable carnival mallet that squeaks when it hits.

Hmmmmmm actually............. *adds to Queen list*

jk

~whispers~
Actually, the burlap sack thing is from Dr. Evil's childhood...don't tell anyone.

 

[violakat]

Wonder's if Dr. Evil is kin to Dr. Horrible.

 

[Relena7]

All meanie-heads will be beaten senseless by stuffed unicorns, squeaky carnival mallets, and (if they have been really bad) french baguettes.

If they forget to address me as "your highness" or "my Queen" then they have to wear a chicken hat for 5 hours.

If somebody is a hero, they will be rewarded dinner with me, and also a free camel rides pass at my palace anytime. Yes there will be camels in Ohio for some reason.

 

[violakat]

All meanie-heads will be beaten senseless by stuffed unicorns, squeaky carnival mallets, and (if they have been really bad) french baguettes.

If they forget to address me as "your highness" or "my Queen" then they have to wear a chicken hat for 5 hours.

If somebody is a hero, they will be rewarded dinner with me, and also a free camel rides pass at my palace anytime. Yes there will be camels in Ohio for some reason.

You can come get the ones in South TX, if you they are still there.

 

[NukePooch]

Wonder's if Dr. Evil is kin to Dr. Horrible.

Wow...you don't know Dr Evil?
His nemesis, Austin Powers?
How about his son, Scott Evil?
His number two man, named Number Two?
Dr. Evil's clone, named Mini-Me, who is identical in every way, only one-eighth the size?

You didn't know that Dr. Evil hawked Macs for Apple? (I didn't either, actually.)

 

[seoulsearch]

Actually, Missy, You will be placed in the burlap sack for being impertinent and presumptuous. Immediately. I'm waiting. GUARDS!

My thoughts exactly!!! GUARDS!!! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!

I see your burlap sack and raise you... a slippery cardboard box (hint: the worst papercuts of your life!!) and the largest wet noodle you could ever imagine (about the size of an entire Slip'N'Slide)--you would, of course, be sentenced to UNLIMITED LASHES with the aforementioned wet noodle.

(Moi? Impertinent and presumptuous? Why, surely you mean, "Sweet" and "Enchanting"?)

And yes. I most certainly did just call you Shirley. (Nah nah nah!!)

(Adding "Unhealthy Obsession with Dr. Evil" to the long list of "observances" I've made about Nuke's mental state...)

 

[violakat]

Wow...you don't know Dr Evil?
His nemesis, Austin Powers?
How about his son, Scott Evil?
His number two man, named Number Two?
Dr. Evil's clone, named Mini-Me, who is identical in every way, only one-eighth the size?

You didn't know that Dr. Evil hawked Macs for Apple? (I didn't either, actually.)

Or more, it's you don't know who Dr. Horrible is.
As in "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog."

 

[NukePooch]

All meanie-heads will be beaten senseless by stuffed unicorns, squeaky carnival mallets, and (if they have been really bad) french baguettes.

If they forget to address me as "your highness" or "my Queen" then they have to wear a chicken hat for 5 hours.

If somebody is a hero, they will be rewarded dinner with me, and also a free camel rides pass at my palace anytime. Yes there will be camels in Ohio for some reason.

I'm sorry, I only said to beat people with crowbars...you want to beat them with French Baguettes? And yet you accused me of being scarier? You can't even chew a baguette without breaking a tooth...beating people with one makes being hit with a crowbar like getting hit with a Q-Tip. I could see the usage of a loaf of pumpernickel or perhaps a soft rye, but...

I'd love a camel ride, but not if I have to go to Ohio to get it. Can't you move someplace good, your highness?

 

[seoulsearch]

7. Anyone attempting to outlaw, poke fun at, or otherwise bash burlap sacks will be hung upside-down by their toenails and pummeled into unconsciousness with a dead carrot. Then placed in a burlap sack.

It also goes without saying that we are going to have to make an "anonymous" phone call to PETV (People for the Ethical Treatment of Vegetables)--I'm sure they'll launch a full investigation and therefore, end your cruel dic-ta-tor-(as, mashed po-taters?) ship. (Long live Wakko Warner... via Animaniacs!)

 

[NukePooch]

My thoughts exactly!!! GUARDS!!! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!

I see your burlap sack and raise you... a slippery cardboard box (hint: the worst papercuts of your life!!) and the largest wet noodle you could ever imagine (about the size of an entire Slip'N'Slide)--you would, of course, be sentenced to UNLIMITED LASHES with the aforementioned wet noodle.

(Moi? Impertinent and presumptuous? Why, surely you mean, "Sweet" and "Enchanting"?)

And yes. I most certainly did just call you Shirley. (Nah nah nah!!)

(Adding "Unhealthy Obsession with Dr. Evil" to the long list of "observances" I've made about Nuke's mental state...)

I have stepped on much wet cardboard whilest at work. Not sure about the papercuts, but I do know there is nothing on earth that is slipperier.

Bring on the noodle. I can take any punishment. I worked for six months as a cashier at Kroger. I can survive anything.

Obsession with Dr Evil? Yep. And Austin Powers.
Allow myself to tell a Fun Fact about myself. I once had this credit card.

 

[zaoman32]

I'll do the ladies a favor and provide a full size poster of myself to every female

hold a cage fighting championship to see who will be my first lady, cabinet members, and body guards.

sleep in a canopy bed with no less than 800 thread count sheets.

 

[NukePooch]

It also goes without saying that we are going to have to make an "anonymous" phone call to PETV (People for the Ethical Treatment of Vegetables)--I'm sure they'll launch a full investigation and therefore, end your cruel dic-ta-tor-(as, mashed po-taters?) ship. (Long live Wakko Warner... via Animaniacs!)

My favorite was Wakko and the Clown.
[video=youtube;s3Qy4K5zYKk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3Qy4K5zYKk[/video]

 

[PopClick]

Allow myself to tell a Fun Fact about myself. I once had this credit card.

I was totally about to write the number down and drain your account, until I noticed the expiration date.

Sigh... if I were dictator of the world, I'd demand your REAL credit card number.

 

[NukePooch]

Or more, it's you don't know who Dr. Horrible is.
As in "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog."

Actually, I didn't. Googled it. Glad I didn't know.

 

[NukePooch]

I was totally about to write the number down and drain your account, until I noticed the expiration date.

Sigh... if I were dictator of the world, I'd demand your REAL credit card number.

Don't have one. I'm trying to be better with my money. Credit cards make Dr. Evil look like the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie. Not evil enough.

 

[Relena7]

I'm sorry, I only said to beat people with crowbars...you want to beat them with French Baguettes? And yet you accused me of being scarier? You can't even chew a baguette without breaking a tooth...beating people with one makes being hit with a crowbar like getting hit with a Q-Tip. I could see the usage of a loaf of pumpernickel or perhaps a soft rye, but...

I'd love a camel ride, but not if I have to go to Ohio to get it. Can't you move someplace good, your highness?

lol!! I guess I have a bit of a Dr. Evil side to me too then. Anyway, it would only be reserved for criminals. Every place needs a justice system. Everyone would have a fair trial before being sentenced to a baguette beating. In most cases the loaf would probably break over their head anyway.

P.S. I'll send camels to all regions who want em.

 

[DuchessAimee]

We will spend our days as the cast of a real life musical... dancing and singing down the street. I realize some I you may not do either well. That's ok, God still loves you.

Hahaha! Search for something called Once More With Feeling on youtube. It's an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but the entire episode is about why they're all suddenly singing and dancing.