If I were a narcissistic dictator, I would...

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J

Jordache

Guest
#1
#1
So, I have a dark sense of humor. Sue me! If the world revolved around you and you had ultimate control, what would you do?
1. I would demand the birds sing me awake each morning.
2. I would have a full beauty team... For my pedicures, manicures, haircuts, facial, massages, bubble baths, etc.
3. I would have a personal gym fully stocked and everyone would be required to go.
4. I would determine when the lights go out.
5. There would never be complete darkness anywhere.
6. Picky eating would be punishable by force feeding.
7. All the baby animals would belong to me and then is give them away... Jk... Not ALL of them.
8. My kingdom would contain a very large fully sustainable garden maintained by my people.

This is harder than I thought. It's hard to be mean when it doesn't come naturally.
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#2
#2
1. All 'reality shows' on TV are hereby banned.

2. All shows that rely on audience participation/voting are banned.

3. All skinny clothing is banned. You are hereby directed to wear clothing that you actually fit into comfortably. If anything spills out, you need a bigger size.

4. If your arms and legs are the same diameter throughout their entire length, you will eat a double-pepperoni pizza. If you're a 'supermodel', you will eat two.

5. All subjects are hereby banned from giving me any grief about not 'watching the game last night'. I NEVER 'watch the game'. I hate the game. I just added this: All 'games' are not to be televised. You want to see sports? Go, in person, and watch them.

6. All restaurants will have nachos available on their menu. Good ones. No processed cheese whiz.

7. I will have my own lane on all interstates. On country roads, travelers will be notified ahead of time to take alternate routes. If you chase me and keep up, you will be pardoned...and given the supercar of your choice.
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#3
#3
Sorry nuke, can't eat pizza... One or two.
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#5
#5
That's correct.
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#6
#6
[h=2]If I were a narcissistic dictator, I would... issue executive orders to take everyone's Bill of Rights away from them like Obama is doing.[/h]
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#7
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
48
#7
Jimjimmerstan would have a national holiday for my birthday, but not on my actual birthday. The Queen of England does this, so her birthday can be on a day with nice weather. I, on the other hand, will pick a day where the weather is terrible, mid-January-ish, and make the people stand out in the cold clapping.

A public flogging for anyone who says "in your heart of hearts" is mandatory, after one warning. (I'm not a monster, just narcissistic)

I will punish people for legally entering my country. Oh wait, that one's been taken...

In keeping with pompous dictator tradition, I'll have a chestful of medals. However, upon closer inspection, they'll all have juvenile insults engraved on them.

Our National Anthem will be one long wet raspberry, and it'll be considered impardonably vulgar in our culture to snicker or smile during the playing of the anthem. We'll have an alternate version that is 59 hours long, composed specifically to hold up the Olympic Games, in the unlikely event that any Jimmerites win a gold medal.

Our Constitution will be written like a Marvel comic book, so the kids will actually read it during class. Or maybe it'll just be a Marvel comic book. If I'm dictator, what have I to do with a constitution anyway?

Our official state flower will be Toxicodendron Radicans, better known as poison ivy.

I'm considering a dual-reign with a small but evil female, PM me with your resume.
 
P

preachersaul

Guest
#8
#8
The Hunger games will be started, with the contestant pool consisting of Call of Duty players. They wanna be in a war so much they can have it.
Smooth peanut butter will be banned.
Ned Flanders would be our patron saint.
Spanish people would only be allowed to eat fish and chips. Ever.
The viceroy of North Korea would be required to wear a unicorn costume at all times.
Batman would be real.
Mr T would be my official spokesman. Upon his death a perfect robot replica would replace him. His state funeral will be narrated by Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones.
The first stage of trials for the X-factor, or any other talent finding show, would involve killing a cloned Tyrannosaurus with a spork. Simon Cowell, will go first to demonstrate. Entry is optional after this. The music used for the Spock vs Kirk fight will be played during every attempt at this stage.
Batman will be the ref in the Tyrannosaurus fights. Except the first one.
That is all (for now).
 
Descyple

Descyple

Senior Member
#10
Jun 7, 2010
3,023
48
48
#10
1. All the women on CC who flirt with me would stop (you all know who you are!!!)

2. All the women on CC who have yet to flirt with me would immediately begin to (hey, everybody deserves a chance!!!)

3. All people would be required to hang a portrait of me above their fireplace with a caption saying "If you could have only one wish................ I would be it!!!)

4. Justin Beiber would no longer be allowed to sing (I would only allow him to play Tiny Tim in the Broadway musical of Charles Dickens "A Christmas Carol" - it seems right for him!!!)

5. Everything would henceforth be made out of chocolate - (but I would be the only person with a spoon and a bib to enjoy it!!!)
 
dliz

dliz

Filipino Room/Forum Moderator
#11
Jun 13, 2012
1,004
8
38
#11
Descyple said:
1. All the women on CC who flirt with me would stop (you all know who you are!!!)

2. All the women on CC who have yet to flirt with me would immediately begin to (hey, everybody deserves a chance!!!)

3. All people would be required to hang a portrait of me above their fireplace with a caption saying "If you could have only one wish................ I would be it!!!)

4. Justin Beiber would no longer be allowed to sing (I would only allow him to play Tiny Tim in the Broadway musical of Charles Dickens "A Christmas Carol" - it seems right for him!!!)

5. Everything would henceforth be made out of chocolate - (but I would be the only person with a spoon and a bib to enjoy it!!!)
Click to expand...

lol i like number 5. that would be like paradise. :p
 
Descyple

Descyple

Senior Member
#12
Jun 7, 2010
3,023
48
48
#12
dliz said:
lol i like number 5. that would be like paradise. :p
Click to expand...
Dliz, my first job as Narcissistic Dictator is to appoint you "Queen of the Chocolate-Conversion Initiative"

Your job is to convert everything you see into chocolate. Make me proud, Dliz (and hungry!!!).
 
dliz

dliz

Filipino Room/Forum Moderator
#13
Jun 13, 2012
1,004
8
38
#13
Descyple said:
Dliz, my first job as Narcissistic Dictator is to appoint you "Queen of the Chocolate-Conversion Initiative"

Your job is to convert everything you see into chocolate. Make me proud, Dliz (and hungry!!!).
Click to expand...

HAHAHA! I will have to convert you into a chocolate so that ill be the one sitting on your throne ! :p
 
Descyple

Descyple

Senior Member
#14
Jun 7, 2010
3,023
48
48
#14
dliz said:
HAHAHA! I will have to convert you into a chocolate so that ill be the one sitting on your throne ! :p
Click to expand...
Dliz, my second job as Narcissistic Dictator is to renounce your Queenship over all chocolate, and "YOU" will now be converted into a TWIX bar! But don't worry, I will make sure no one eats you, I will place you on my fireplace mantlepiece right next to my foot-long Chunky Kit Kat bar and my fifty-pound bag of M&M's!!!
 
dliz

dliz

Filipino Room/Forum Moderator
#15
Jun 13, 2012
1,004
8
38
#15
Descyple said:
Dliz, my second job as Narcissistic Dictator is to renounce your Queenship over all chocolate, and "YOU" will now be converted into a TWIX bar! But don't worry, I will make sure no one eats you, I will place you on my fireplace mantlepiece right next to my foot-long Chunky Kit Kat bar and my fifty-pound bag of M&M's!!!
Click to expand...
hahahaha! noooo way! you cant do that. @_@
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#18
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#18
1) GOOD and REAL Mexican and Chinese food would always be available at any time of the day. And they would deliver.

2) Sarcasm will be considered a second language.

3) Israel is for the Jews. Palestinians have to leave.

4) Child Molesters do not get to live.

5) Health care would be free.

6) The military would be paid MUCH better!

7) On my birthday everyone would get free cake, pie, or ice cream.

8) There would be a Walking Dead video game for the Wii.

9) Firefly would go back into production!

10) I'm a fan of alternative power, blah, blah, blah, but we'd be drilling for more oil. We don't need OPEC! (probably)

11) Storm chasing would be a national past time.

12) Christianchat.com would be everyone's homepage.

13) There would be a ministry of names. See this post http://christianchat.com/christian-...were-benevolent-dictator-world-i-would-2.html #25

14) There would be aquariums in every state.

15) Gas would be cheap because we drill our own oil, and the profits don't need to be into the billions.

16) There would be drug treatment programs a plenty.

17) Lindsey Lohan would NEVER be able to drive again.

18) There would be ceiling fans in every house. Up to 3 will be paid for by my government.

19) The movie Pitch Perfect would be required watching for all high school sophomores.

20) We would migrate to the metric system. Because Jimmy Carter TOTALLY dropped the ball with this one.

21) Romeo and Juliet would be banished from my kingdom. It's a stupid play. They were CHILDREN! How could they think they were in love? It just fosters stupidity.

22) People who are famous for being famous would no longer get to be famous.

23) I wouldn't wear a crown, but I would have one for funsies.

24) The House and the Senate are stupid. They would be fired.

25) No stupid spending! The Mars Rover would be left on Mars, no one would get grant money to study cockroaches, etc.
 
A

arwen83

Guest
#19
#19
Theygaveutheirworst said:
A minimum of 12 years years in state prison for possessing bacon.
Click to expand...
Every grown man in America will cry the day that bill goes through. You're gonna cause an underground bacon movement, people will be sneaking it across the border. And will glue fur or white pompoms to the pig's skin to disguise it as a sheep.
 
R

Robbinette

Guest
#20
#20
If I were a narcissistic dictator I would...

1. Find all of the animals at the shelter appropriate homes immediately if your allergic to a cat get a dog and vice versa.
2. Each family would have to take responsibility for their elderly, they are not to be dropped off anywhere(no nursing homes) if you need nurses to help they will be sent to you. These are our elders they should be respected not dropped off to be forgotten.
3. If anyone wants to adopt a child you may pick one from our OWN country. If there are no orphans anywhere in our country that need a good home then you may go outside of the country.
4. There will be no more products bought from other countries. If we need something we will build our own companies and make them here in our country.
5. No more rudeness or mean-ness either. If any of these are reported the guilty party will then have to go and clean the local gas station bathrooms for as long as I decide the sentence needs to be.


I think this all I want at this time.
 
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