Personal Responsibility

[PopClick]

...or, how the innocent can become guilty if they aren't careful.



You looked at the chicken. I know you did. Everyone does.

Since chicken pictures are (usually) fairly amoral, I'll use a different example.

Random guy says something dirty to me out of the blue. My fault? No, not at all. But let's see how I can make it my fault!
Respond in kind.
Do some mental wallowing.
Come back to the comments later.
Hang around a guy who's a repeat offender.

It would be so easy to take his comments and run with them, then pin as much responsibility on him as I could. And what would my excuse be? "He messed me up!"

No. I messed myself up. If I convince myself that it's not my fault, what does that tell me?
That the blame is solely his. <--- lie.
That I couldn't have resisted. <--- lie.
That I can't do better next time. <--- lie.
That there won't be consequences. <--- lie.

The further I wander from blame, in my mind... the harder everything will be when the chickens come home to roost. And you'd better not look at them when they do.

 

[rachelsedge]

Hmm, I'm not quite sure I see what you're getting at. You're saying that it's not our fault how people choose to act towards us, but it is up to us how to respond (be it mentally, physically, etc.)?

I think it is important to self-examine and see if there are areas where we need to take more responsibility. If not, then we're unlikely to change or grow because we don't think we "need to" because we think we did nothing wrong.

This may be a bit off topic, but some females wear things that just invite crude comments. Granted, there are guys who are crude no matter what a girl is wearing. I've had that happen to me a time or two and I was fully covered, nothing tight. But I have met some females who get all huffy when a guy makes a lewd comment to them, and these girls are wearing a "shirt" the size of an index card and it's just all there for the world to see. That sounds like victim blaming, but almost all of the girls that I have encountered like that know exactly what they're doing and just want an ego boost and attention but want to act innocent about it. So, in that case, I do think it could be both of their faults and not just his. I guess your comment on a guy's lewd comment not being the woman's fault at all just made me think of it.

Edited to add: I feel the need to clarify that I am NOT saying that it is a woman's fault (because of what she was wearing) if she is sexually assaulted/abused. What I'm saying is that when girls wear clothing knowingly and solely for the attention and comments from guys, then they shouldn't get huffy when they receive those comments.

It's late and I don't know what I'm getting at. That's just a small venting from me.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I can't stop looking at the chicken.





(I don't mean Rachel )

 

[LightningClap0002]

...or, how the innocent can become guilty if they aren't careful.

View attachment 41813

You looked at the chicken. I know you did. Everyone does.

Since chicken pictures are (usually) fairly amoral, I'll use a different example.

Random guy says something dirty to me out of the blue. My fault? No, not at all. But let's see how I can make it my fault!
Respond in kind.
Do some mental wallowing.
Come back to the comments later.
Hang around a guy who's a repeat offender.

It would be so easy to take his comments and run with them, then pin as much responsibility on him as I could. And what would my excuse be? "He messed me up!"

No. I messed myself up. If I convince myself that it's not my fault, what does that tell me?
That the blame is solely his. <--- lie.
That I couldn't have resisted. <--- lie.
That I can't do better next time. <--- lie.
That there won't be consequences. <--- lie.

The further I wander from blame, in my mind... the harder everything will be when the chickens come home to roost. And you'd better not look at them when they do.

Since rachel wasn't sure what you were getting at, and I'm not exactly sure either, I'm going to try and rephrase what you've said. Feel free to blame me if I'm wrong.

Temptation knocks often. Being tempted isn't normally a bad thing. But when we accept temptation, by letting ourselves believe a lie, it becomes sin. Even worse, in the case of sexual things, we can lead others to sin.

That said, not everyone is affected by temptation the same. Repeat offenders may need to be dismissed by some, but not by all.

 

[Robbinette]

So your not asking if we like our chicken baked or fried? JK I get it though even if others do us wrongly or anything that may involve us individually, we could always step back and say what part did I play in this, what could I have done differently? Nobody is 100% innocent all of the time... except if your a baby

 

[rachelsedge]

Stuey! How did you double like my post?? :O

(^^ That's a picture but it looks so strange because it blends in...)

 

[PopClick]

Rachel:

Hmm, I'm not quite sure I see what you're getting at. You're saying that it's not our fault how people choose to act towards us, but it is up to us how to respond (be it mentally, physically, etc.)?
Yes. Yes. And yes. We aren't responsible for others' action, but we are responsible for our own. The problem I was referring to comes when we try to take our responsibility (our reaction) and pin it on the person who committed the initial offense.

I think it is important to self-examine and see if there are areas where we need to take more responsibility. If not, then we're unlikely to change or grow because we don't think we "need to" because we think we did nothing wrong.
Yes. Totally.

This may be a bit off topic, but some females wear things that just invite crude comments. Granted, there are guys who are crude no matter what a girl is wearing. I've had that happen to me a time or two and I was fully covered, nothing tight. But I have met some females who get all huffy when a guy makes a lewd comment to them, and these girls are wearing a "shirt" the size of an index card and it's just all there for the world to see. That sounds like victim blaming, but almost all of the girls that I have encountered like that know exactly what they're doing and just want an ego boost and attention but want to act innocent about it. So, in that case, I do think it could be both of their faults and not just his. I guess your comment on a guy's lewd comment not being the woman's fault at all just made me think of it.
I agree. I almost added a disclaimer to say that the person in this example doesn't wear clothes like that. I definitely agree that respect tends to come to those who invite it. But it's not true in every case.

 

[PopClick]

I can't stop looking at the chicken.

Okay, it's my fault that you looked at the chicken. It's your fault if you dwell on the chicken. Sinner.

 

[Relena7]

I tend to lean the other way more often than the first. As in, I tend to blame myself for other peoples actions toward me. Unless maybe it's terribly obvious that the other person is a jerk. Even still, I'll get mad at myself for being too trusting of them to not be a jerk.


P.S. I didn't look at the chicken right away because I hovered my arrow over the thread title and started reading the preview bubble before even clicking.

 

[rachelsedge]

I tend to lean the other way more often than the first. As in, I tend to blame myself for other peoples actions toward me. Unless maybe it's terribly obvious that the other person is a jerk. Even still, I'll get mad at myself for being too trusting of them to not be a jerk.

I was just about to say something along those lines. It's a balance. You have to examine yourself and the situation, but you also have to make sure you're not taking on too much. Not taking enough and taking too much can both stunt personal growth.