I very much respect the self control you have had and I know you will continue to have. Its lonely I know I was seperated for a long time before my divorce was final. The benifit was that I worked on the most important relationships that needed the most work. The one with God and the one with my daughter. I can say I have forgiven all parties I hope and pray they come to Jesus. I think thats was the benifit and what I gained was redemption. God bless
dating while seperated
- Thread starter shae0104
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B
I am a Rabid advocate of marriage as God intended it and feel that you have insinuated otherwise. (my feelings, whether your intent or not, so don't bother trying to backpedal, and don't think that you have much room to do so since you Specifically called me out on your post.)
Probably could have edited the growl and snarl more aggressively. I was not insinuating anything... I was just speaking to you as your previous post prompted a response. I am not back pedaling as I have nothing to back-pedal from
. I am glad you are a maraige advocate and actually appreciate how you "spelled-out" your convictions and how you are practically applying them for everyone to read. however your terse accusation is a product of your imagination... and has no basis in reality... so you might want to double check your "feelings" in the future.
Probably could have edited the growl and snarl more aggressively. I was not insinuating anything... I was just speaking to you as your previous post prompted a response. I am not back pedaling as I have nothing to back-pedal from
. I am glad you are a maraige advocate and actually appreciate how you "spelled-out" your convictions and how you are practically applying them for everyone to read. however your terse accusation is a product of your imagination... and has no basis in reality... so you might want to double check your "feelings" in the future.
S
This is actually an area where there are "Biblical Loopholes." I feel that it is something best settled on an individual basis, but not without the exhaustive study of scripture that would be appropriate for an major life choice that could have direct effect upon the salvation of more than just yourself.
S
Barly,
I think it is fair to say that you and I have both shouldered burdens, concealed wounds, and re-aligned expectations to meet a shift in reality. We've both been hurt, have we not? I think it is very possible that at times you and I both speak out of that hurt. In looking back prayerfully on my comment to you this morning, I can see that I spoke out of a bad place, and for that I am sorry. It does not excuse the behavior for me to say that I did this because of my baggage, but explanations are different than excuses. I wish to first offer you this public apology.
Barly Girl, I am genuinely sorry for the way that I responded to you, and for my part in this mis-communication and the others we have had in the past.
You may stop reading there if you so choose. If you want to gain insight, you may continue:
As a single father it is my perception that many hold me to a higher standard ("Him? He's got to toe the line if he wants to pass as a parent around here.") and others hold me to a lower standard ("Yeah, he's just a dad, this is good enough, we can let him get by with this."). In short, real or perceived, I feel I am judged and my response is to be a high achieving parent. It was my perception that by way of your post you were attacking my parenting and my children. I immediately went on the defense. Excessively so, it sure seems.
I think it is fair to say that you and I have both shouldered burdens, concealed wounds, and re-aligned expectations to meet a shift in reality. We've both been hurt, have we not? I think it is very possible that at times you and I both speak out of that hurt. In looking back prayerfully on my comment to you this morning, I can see that I spoke out of a bad place, and for that I am sorry. It does not excuse the behavior for me to say that I did this because of my baggage, but explanations are different than excuses. I wish to first offer you this public apology.
Barly Girl, I am genuinely sorry for the way that I responded to you, and for my part in this mis-communication and the others we have had in the past.
You may stop reading there if you so choose. If you want to gain insight, you may continue:
As a single father it is my perception that many hold me to a higher standard ("Him? He's got to toe the line if he wants to pass as a parent around here.") and others hold me to a lower standard ("Yeah, he's just a dad, this is good enough, we can let him get by with this."). In short, real or perceived, I feel I am judged and my response is to be a high achieving parent. It was my perception that by way of your post you were attacking my parenting and my children. I immediately went on the defense. Excessively so, it sure seems.
A
Right now, I need good friends and singleness. I need to be in the word. I do not need to be "Skirt chasing." I do pursue friendships with people of both sexes though and who knows, maybe someday after it all works itself out they may be more. Only God knows what He has planned for my life.
I would like companionship and more kids if He sees fit for me to have them. But I am not doing unto her what she is doing unto me.
Aero
I would like companionship and more kids if He sees fit for me to have them. But I am not doing unto her what she is doing unto me.
Aero
S
Aero, I wouldn't worry about a thing, you have a good personality, and deserve to know someone who can make you happy - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference - it 's old school, but it applies! Take care and God bless - Allyson (salgirl)
- Allyson (salgirl)
R
Here is my take on it.....Married is married and God certainly doesnt approve of that. Not only from God's perspective it puts the couple in a very precarious position having been a victim of adultery I would not, will not, particpate in ruining lives, potentially hurting people for an extended period of time. So please use some wisdom pray about it and seek God in that decision.
J
In this day no one can stop a divorce so using the "my spouse just won't sign the papers" or any version of that first cut it. I was separated for almost 2 yrs and never even attempted to date or pursue another man. It wasn't because I held out any hope for my marriage or because I wasn't interested. I just knew it wasn't right. That being said, I was certainly not perfect and began dating a month before my divorce was finalized. Was I wrong? Certainly. I still do not condone it. However I do believe there are areas of grace which many fail to explore. Abortion is wrong no matter what the case, but one could certainly have much more grace for a rape victim who aborted a child conceived out of such circumstances. God looks at the heart and we need to learn how not to judge the world as black and white. Grace is a grey zone.
Sorry for all the posts LOL... So before I get kicked from the thread -- this is why I had written in my original post here that I felt there was a need to look at things "on a case-by-case basis". It was just from my own personal experience and opinion was all. I just didn't realize it would stir up so much controversy and that I'd have to elaborate my reasoning so much.
I do have to say though, that it's a very depressing world in which a person has to say, "Thank God my ex-husband found love with another woman so I have a Biblical reason for him leaving me!!!" And yes, this is something I ask God about. Often.
LOL... So before I get kicked from the thread -- this is why I had written in my original post here that I felt there was a need to look at things "on a case-by-case basis". It was just from my own personal experience and opinion was all. I just didn't realize it would stir up so much controversy and that I'd have to elaborate my reasoning so much. I do have to say though, that it's a very depressing world in which a person has to say, "Thank God my ex-husband found love with another woman so I have a Biblical reason for him leaving me!!!" And yes, this is something I ask God about. Often.
The husband could cheat on his wife, run off, have kids with the new woman, and never give his original wife a divorce.
In a case like that, does the first woman deserve to be free, and to get rid of the adulterous man?
Sure.
Does she deserve to have a chance at a new life, and happiness with a good man?
Sure.
But life is seldom fair.
No matter how unfair it is, if you date someone who is still legally married and can't get a divorce...
you are truly setting yourself up for heartache and trouble.
"Fair" doesn't even enter into it.
Sometimes we have to be pragmatic, and just protect ourselves.
Lawyers recommend this for 2 reasons:
1. if they don't want to give the other side any additional material to use against their client do
2. if they themselves believe it is wrong.
these 2 are entirely separate issues.
I would NEVER date anyone who is not legally divorced. If you are dating someone who is still married, you might as well call it an affair.
1. if they don't want to give the other side any additional material to use against their client do
2. if they themselves believe it is wrong.
these 2 are entirely separate issues.
I would NEVER date anyone who is not legally divorced. If you are dating someone who is still married, you might as well call it an affair.
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