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Thread: dating while seperated

  1. #1
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    Default dating while seperated

    Just curious, dating while married even if you have been seperated for years, is it ok. Biblically or not????

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    Senior Member AAAPlus's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    Definitely not Biblical.
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    I agree! I'm not perfect but I do believe its something you should not do.
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    Senior Member SeatBelt's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    shouldn't be viewed any differently than dating when two people are still living under the same roof. If that's something a person is OK with, then...
    ...well, then this may not be the website they were looking for, but we'll love em and try to school em different!
    ...sometimes it's just cannibal sheep

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    Senior Member meggars's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    Dude...no!
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    I think meggars sums it up best.

    In the mind of a christian it should always be on the forefront of our hearts to keep marriage working until its bitter death (which is hopefully never). Whether the spouse you're separated from has given up or not, and even if they are seeing someone or not, it's not a liscence for you to do the same. Two sins don't make salvation.
    Feel your soul and let it travel all across this world
    It's the journey not the destination as we know
    Sometimes it feels like we can't breathe no more
    Have to find the hope, let the spirit overcome

    -soulfly-



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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    Quote Originally Posted by shae0104 View Post
    Just curious, dating while married even if you have been seperated for years, is it ok. Biblically or not????
    If there's really no chance of reconciliation and you're basically just waiting for the paperwork/court stuff to be completed then I think it would be ok to go on some "NON-dates" (just a cup of coffee or a meal with someone) just to get to know someone you seem interested in. I really hope no one sees having coffee with someone as adultery.


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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    I would think it's about the intention. Sins in the mind count as well.

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    Senior Member seoulsearch's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    I know this is an important topic but I think that, as with anything in life, it has to be handled on a case-by-case basis.

    When I was younger, I would have said, "It's absolutely never permissible to date a separated person, ever!!" and I'm not necessarily saying it's ever right.

    It's just that, as one gets older and talks to people about their lives, you come to realize that life is NEVER black and white like we wish it would be.

    After being single for so long and on Christian dating sites for several years, I've run into many people whose spouses simply refuse to grant them a divorce, even though the spouse that refuses has, in some cases, moved on to another person and even had children by them. It might have been 15+ years, but their spouse refuses to agree to a divorce.

    I don't know what all the absolute answers are. As I said, I would guess it depends on a case-by-case basis with a lot of prayer, counseling, and Christian accountability.

    But I would hate to think that someone in this type of situation will be held hostage by a prison of isolation for the rest of their life, all because of someone else's selfishness.
    "More often than not, we aren't judging someone for not being like Jesus (even when we think that's the reason.) Many times, when we judge someone... it's because they are not being like us." (Paraphrase of a quote I read in a devotional book.)

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    Senior Member BarlyGurl's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    Quote Originally Posted by seoulsearch View Post
    I know this is an important topic but I think that, as with anything in life, it has to be handled on a case-by-case basis.

    When I was younger, I would have said, "It's absolutely never permissible to date a separated person, ever!!" and I'm not necessarily saying it's ever right.

    It's just that, as one gets older and talks to people about their lives, you come to realize that life is NEVER black and white like we wish it would be.

    After being single for so long and on Christian dating sites for several years, I've run into many people whose spouses simply refuse to grant them a divorce, even though the spouse that refuses has, in some cases, moved on to another person and even had children by them. It might have been 15+ years, but their spouse refuses to agree to a divorce.

    I don't know what all the absolute answers are. As I said, I would guess it depends on a case-by-case basis with a lot of prayer, counseling, and Christian accountability.

    But I would hate to think that someone in this type of situation will be held hostage by a prison of isolation for the rest of their life, all because of someone else's selfishness.

    Sorry Seoul... while I do agree that life is never as black and white as we might like. the examples you give for why a person might be dating while 'separated" are excellent examples for why you shouldn't date someone separated. Bottom line... separated is still MARRIED... even if only by paper. All state have grounds for divorce... divorce, unlike marriage, is not a mutual consent matter. Who's name is on the Petitioner line of the divorce decree is of little consequence... GOd knows every detail... He knows who's been wronged and who is the guilty party. Dating a seperated person is dating an unavailble person... by their OWN choice... to leave the marriage/divorce unresolved. No one can be imprisoned by a dead marriage unless they refuse to take the steps to execute the divorce.

    Dating while separated honors neither marriage or the single person who is truly available
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    Senior Member seoulsearch's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    I don't have all the same views but respect what you have to say.

    God bless.
    Donkeyfish07 likes this.
    "More often than not, we aren't judging someone for not being like Jesus (even when we think that's the reason.) Many times, when we judge someone... it's because they are not being like us." (Paraphrase of a quote I read in a devotional book.)

  12. #12
    FireWire
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    As far as sin is concerned it IS black and white. According to the bible it is a sin.

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    Senior Member Jullianna's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    For me, there is only "married" or "not married" when it comes to dating.


    Our days are happier when we give someone a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.



    Hope is the thing with feathers
    That perches on the soul
    And sings the tune without the words
    And never stops - at all
    ~Emily Dickinson






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    Senior Member Jullianna's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    If you date someone who is "separated" you can very well find yourself in the middle of circumstances you don't want to be in and wind up getting hurt or hurting other people unintentionally.


    Our days are happier when we give someone a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.



    Hope is the thing with feathers
    That perches on the soul
    And sings the tune without the words
    And never stops - at all
    ~Emily Dickinson






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    Senior Member Elizabeth619's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    Don't lawyers usually encourage people not to date until the divorce is final? There is a reason for that.
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    he is one reason u shouldn't because say u meet the man/woman of ur dreams guess what u can't marry them Because u are still married. it ends up hurting the unmarried party. that's taking the non Biblical approach u truely can't give yourself to the person.
    Liamson likes this.

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    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    Quote Originally Posted by shae0104 View Post
    Just curious, dating while married even if you have been seperated for years, is it ok. Biblically or not????
    You answered your own question.. separated or not you're ''dating while married''. Its called an affair. Living in different homes doesn't make you divorced or free of your marriage.
    "I really loved being with her. I never got tired of it" - my dad talking about my mom 17 years after her death


    We know His path is narrow, to follow Him requires more than bumper stickers and apparel. They will know us by our love, not by our celebrities.


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    Senior Member meggars's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    Quote Originally Posted by seoulsearch View Post
    But I would hate to think that someone in this type of situation will be held hostage by a prison of isolation for the rest of their life, all because of someone else's selfishness.
    unfortunately like the song says, you can't always get what you want....sure it sucks that someone else is being selfish and not granting the divorce after so many years (although, are there actually still any states that don't have default divorce after a certain number of years? 15+ seems like someone was exaggerating to you but I'm canadian so what do I know?) However I think God is still a fan of using all things...including sucky situations to work together for the good of those who love him. I doubt the plan is for us to try to circumvent the issue with our own justifications as to why this, that or the other thing is ok "because...". If the purpose of dating while separated is to find yourself in a relationship with someone else, your non-ex-spouse's selfishness is now easily comparable to your own. Let's say you date someone and they fall in love with you. Now what? You're depriving them of the opportunity to find themselves in a fabulous God-filled marriage because you can't marry them. What's the alternative? To break up since you can't go anywhere with it anyway? Then what was the point of dating them?....To live ''in sin''? Do we go ahead and justify that because of our non-ex-spouse's selfishness too? There's only so much blame we can place on the other person before we have to start taking responsibility for our own actions.


    but hey....go ahead and date ''still technically married'' people!....oh. what's that over there!!??.......is that....Baby Jesus? ....is he.......crying?????
    SeatBelt likes this.

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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    again just gathering information i dont want this to get into a huge thing, this all started off as spin off of someones thread

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    Senior Member Tearose84's Avatar
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    Default Re: dating while seperated

    It must be different in other states. I think, though not sure, that where I live no one can keep the other from getting a divorce. I think there is a 6 month period that if there is no response from the other spouse the judge can grant the divorce and give the responding spouse whatever they want.
    Either way, I think it is unbibical to start an affair (and it IS an affair until you are divorced) when you are married.
    shae0104 and Chrissy77 like this.

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