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I need friends. Tangible ones, not internet ones. Internet friends are great but, to be honest, they're all I have. I don't hang out with the people at my church. I don't have the ability to. Nobody's close enough to me.
I.
Am.
Alone.
That point was driven home today.
I'm not looking for advice right now.
I.
Am.
Alone.
That point was driven home today.
I'm not looking for advice right now.
My boss wanted to talk with me today. His bosses are wondering why I haven't turned in my mileage report for reimbursement. Answer: I don't have time.
He knows that our department (of 30) is short 6 people and that we have about 6 new hires.
He knows that with my immediate supervisor on vacation that some of the leads are doing more of the training than usual.
He knows that the office day I am supposed to get once a week hasn't happened in over a month because we are so short staffed and I am needed in the field.
So basically, he agreed with me that my daily and monthly reports regarding operations is a priority over filling in my mileage reimbursement. So is making sure that the newbies are trained correctly, since my sup has been complaining that several new people aren't being trained right and is only allowing certain of us to train the new hires.
So basically, I'm not in trouble with boss. He actually commended me and is going to tell his superiors on Monday that I have my priorities straight. Moreover, he promised me a paper day next week! My stress level went way down!
I still want my reimbursement money, though.
He knows that our department (of 30) is short 6 people and that we have about 6 new hires.
He knows that with my immediate supervisor on vacation that some of the leads are doing more of the training than usual.
He knows that the office day I am supposed to get once a week hasn't happened in over a month because we are so short staffed and I am needed in the field.
So basically, he agreed with me that my daily and monthly reports regarding operations is a priority over filling in my mileage reimbursement. So is making sure that the newbies are trained correctly, since my sup has been complaining that several new people aren't being trained right and is only allowing certain of us to train the new hires.
So basically, I'm not in trouble with boss. He actually commended me and is going to tell his superiors on Monday that I have my priorities straight. Moreover, he promised me a paper day next week! My stress level went way down!
I still want my reimbursement money, though.
M
I don't want to hear people's opinions of me, but I really want to hear them. I want to be someone who does and doesn't care what other people think of me. I want to be so confident that I'm going the right direction that I don't need anyone to confirm it, but I want to hear confirmation that I'm doing something, anything, right.
My brain is a confusing place to be tonight. It's kind of neat, to just let it go wandering off down paths I normally steer it away from, but at the same time I'm sort of terrified where it might go next. I don't think I fully realized until now how carefully I have to control my thoughts, to keep my emotions and my words in check. Or maybe I have that backwards, maybe I control my words and emotions to keep my thoughts in line? I'm not sure how it all works, I just know I am constantly asking God to help me with it. To keep me from thinking poisonous thoughts and stop me from saying things I'll regret.
The trouble is, I don't always regret the things I should. Or...the things most people would, maybe. I don't know. It's hard to feel properly ashamed of myself when I'm just proud that I said what was really on my mind instead of bottling it up.
I think a lot of people don't know how to respond to things I say, which is totally understandable, because I say a lot of weird things.
These are the times when I miss my dad...he had a lot of problems, but he would have understood this kind of weirdness...because I got it from him.
My brain is a confusing place to be tonight. It's kind of neat, to just let it go wandering off down paths I normally steer it away from, but at the same time I'm sort of terrified where it might go next. I don't think I fully realized until now how carefully I have to control my thoughts, to keep my emotions and my words in check. Or maybe I have that backwards, maybe I control my words and emotions to keep my thoughts in line? I'm not sure how it all works, I just know I am constantly asking God to help me with it. To keep me from thinking poisonous thoughts and stop me from saying things I'll regret.
The trouble is, I don't always regret the things I should. Or...the things most people would, maybe. I don't know. It's hard to feel properly ashamed of myself when I'm just proud that I said what was really on my mind instead of bottling it up.
I think a lot of people don't know how to respond to things I say, which is totally understandable, because I say a lot of weird things.
These are the times when I miss my dad...he had a lot of problems, but he would have understood this kind of weirdness...because I got it from him.
I want to be your friend Evie, but you live so far away and I'm probably older than your dad.. plus, I'm not a girl. 
But seriously, you are going to be a great friend to some lucky person out there. I bet if you pray for a friend, God will bring one to you. I've heard it happened to someone already. I know what its like to not have any real life friends, since I don't either, but I've had friends in the past and I feel bad that you don't have anyone right now. I will pray that you find a friend.
But seriously, you are going to be a great friend to some lucky person out there. I bet if you pray for a friend, God will bring one to you. I've heard it happened to someone already. I know what its like to not have any real life friends, since I don't either, but I've had friends in the past and I feel bad that you don't have anyone right now. I will pray that you find a friend.
C
Somedays just find you wrong footed... not many things can put me down... but there are somedays when you just need some time alone... just you and the Lord and that is just not possible cause there's just too much going on and you're needed everywhere...
Or maybe it's just the lack of sleep and too long runing on caffeine... but today I just needed "colo"... my mom's, the Lord's... I just needed it... but it's not meant to be...
So.. let's suck it up, smile and keep on going... all will be fine..
Or maybe it's just the lack of sleep and too long runing on caffeine... but today I just needed "colo"... my mom's, the Lord's... I just needed it... but it's not meant to be...
So.. let's suck it up, smile and keep on going... all will be fine..
