Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[rachelsedge]

Came face to face tonight with an internal demon I never thought I'd seriously face again. I could literally almost hear Satan in my head, "Just one cut. You know you'll feel better after. Just one, just do it." Thing is, I knew I would feel better if I did it. But, I knew, only temporarily. Such is sin.

By the grace of God, or by His strength IDK (or both), I overcame.

Not sure if I feel good about it or not. Kind of surprised and disappointed I even felt that way. It's been years and years. I've had fleeting thoughts, easily dismissed, here and there. Never a standing still, staring at my skin sort of contemplation.

Sorry if that's graphic. Just thought I'd share a small triumph.

(No one freak out, I'm fine. Obviously stressed and tired and emotional but I am okay.)

 

[Socreta93]

I once wrote a piece on my notebook where I let all my anger out and I wrote down all the things I hated and all the people I hated. It was there where I felt comfortable pouring my heart and releasing anger knowing I wouldn't tell anyone that. I won't go into detail into what I wrote but it's basically a hug middle finger to everyone I've come to contact with and when I wrote it I realized that it's great I wrote everything down but what's the point? No one will see it and my life will continue the same. Life just sucks that way and I'll probably make a part 2 because that's all I have to do. Life is cruel

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

I want to exercise, but I then, I don't want to. Can't my body just make itself look athletic without my intervention? And I thought I was the lazy one...

Glad to hear you managed to overcome that voice in your head, rachel. You're a beautiful woman. Hang in there.

 

[IDEAtor]

I get weird feelings before something happens, then they happen.
For instance, I had not seen someone for 2 months, then I thought:
I'll probably see them today. And they walked in 30 minutes later.
The entire family :S where I've never seen them before!
They did not know I was there, either-- until I surprised them.

I am not a prophetic person, but why does this happen?
I cannot do this on demand, and I know the Holy Spirit speaks to whomever whenever.
But some trivial things have happened after thinking about them, weird.

 

[Yahweh_is_gracious]

I had an exam today in Statistics. Wow. Glad it's over.

[inappropriate joke] I picked the wrong year to quit drinking. [/inappropriate joke]

 

[88]

I had an exam today in Statistics. Wow. Glad it's over.

[inappropriate joke] I picked the wrong year to quit drinking. [/inappropriate joke]

**** statistically the average joke has a 50% chance if being bad...

 

[wwjd_kilden]

Just dropping by to say hi

Hi!

In the process of moving, so a bit hectic.

Think I need some more time away from CC, just had to drop by and see y'all

*hugs*

 

[BruceWayne]

The last time I had mine done the guy told me I have small eyes and he needed me to open them more, he took my picture 3 times. I finally said, dude this isn't Vogue, my kid's are going nuts can we be done now? I look like someone stuck a stick up my butt because I was trying to open my eyes wide. I'm avoiding his line next time.

Wow, yeah, it's not that big of a deal. It's not gonna be seen that often and even if it is, who cares. The lady who took mine couldn't care less lol. She said, "have a seat, look at the camera, smile if you want to." That was it. XD

 

[zeroturbulence]

Came face to face tonight with an internal demon I never thought I'd seriously face again. I could literally almost hear Satan in my head, "Just one cut. You know you'll feel better after. Just one, just do it." Thing is, I knew I would feel better if I did it. But, I knew, only temporarily. Such is sin.

By the grace of God, or by His strength IDK (or both), I overcame.

Not sure if I feel good about it or not. Kind of surprised and disappointed I even felt that way. It's been years and years. I've had fleeting thoughts, easily dismissed, here and there. Never a standing still, staring at my skin sort of contemplation.

Sorry if that's graphic. Just thought I'd share a small triumph.

(No one freak out, I'm fine. Obviously stressed and tired and emotional but I am okay.)

I'm sorry you're going through so much stress, Rachel. I pray that things get better for you soon and that you continue to be strong in the Lord when it comes to resisting the evil one. I've always admired your sweet, bright spirit which I sense about you, and I pray that you will always have that.

God bless and when things get rough, remember to stay calm, be still and trust in the Lord.

Psalm 46:1-3, 10-11 KJV:

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.
Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

 

[melita916]

I want to exercise, but I then, I don't want to. Can't my body just make itself look athletic without my intervention? And I thought I was the lazy one...

this speaks to me. i know the struggle. and it is real.

 

[MollyConnor]

Haha

 

[zeroturbulence]

lol epic!

 

[Ugly]

Came face to face tonight with an internal demon I never thought I'd seriously face again. I could literally almost hear Satan in my head, "Just one cut. You know you'll feel better after. Just one, just do it." Thing is, I knew I would feel better if I did it. But, I knew, only temporarily. Such is sin.

By the grace of God, or by His strength IDK (or both), I overcame.

Not sure if I feel good about it or not. Kind of surprised and disappointed I even felt that way. It's been years and years. I've had fleeting thoughts, easily dismissed, here and there. Never a standing still, staring at my skin sort of contemplation.

Sorry if that's graphic. Just thought I'd share a small triumph.

(No one freak out, I'm fine. Obviously stressed and tired and emotional but I am okay.)

Don't be disappointed that it cane back. Be joyful God helped you fight it off. Things we did can come with back to us sometimes, it's normal. Maybe something triggered it. A smell. A song in the background. A feeling. Who knows.
But what's important is not whether or not you had to face it again but that you didn't give in. Focus on the victory, not the fight.

 

[melita916]

Focus on the victory, not the fight.

i like this very much!

 

[Yahweh_is_gracious]

My lack of actively protesting something or actively expressing my disagreement DOES NOT equate to my acceptance of that thing, nor does it mean that I am giving permission for a person to try to take advantage of me.

...this silly kind of black and white thinking - of it's not NO then it has to be YES...this kind of thinking that the simpletons do just drives me bonkers.

 

[rachelsedge]

I once wrote a piece on my notebook where I let all my anger out and I wrote down all the things I hated and all the people I hated. It was there where I felt comfortable pouring my heart and releasing anger knowing I wouldn't tell anyone that. I won't go into detail into what I wrote but it's basically a hug middle finger to everyone I've come to contact with and when I wrote it I realized that it's great I wrote everything down but what's the point? No one will see it and my life will continue the same. Life just sucks that way and I'll probably make a part 2 because that's all I have to do. Life is cruel

I think that's a good way to let anger out. I struggle with how to deal with that energy that comes from anger sometimes. What's the "Christian thing to do" when I feel like I could actually murder someone? Used to, in college, I would go play racquetball. Just by myself, and I would spend half an hour smacking the ball against the wall as hard as possible while killing my eardrums to heavy music. It was pretty cathartic, ha.

Writing it out, even if it doesn't change anything necessarily, is a good outlet and can help you process. It might also help see where you can make some changes. For a (small) example, I HATE traffic, and the drivers around here drive me (no pun intended) absolutely BONKERS. I am "least Christian" in my car. It's pretty bad. I need to 1) leave earlier so awful drivers don't make me as antsy and 2) learn patience. Way easier said than done, and it's harder when it's a situation you can't always help, but hopefully that makes sense.

I have given people a piece of my mind before (just two in the past year, long stories, but surprisingly neither one was my ex) and while it felt nice and I wouldn't say I necessarily regret it...I also don't think it was right. So, it's usually best to get it out in private even if it seems pointless that whoever it is you're righting "to" won't see it.

 

[cinder]

What's the "Christian thing to do" when I feel like I could actually murder someone? Used to, in college,

Best quote ever to take out of context. Just had to point that out.

 

[ChandlerFan]

Came face to face tonight with an internal demon I never thought I'd seriously face again. I could literally almost hear Satan in my head, "Just one cut. You know you'll feel better after. Just one, just do it." Thing is, I knew I would feel better if I did it. But, I knew, only temporarily. Such is sin.

By the grace of God, or by His strength IDK (or both), I overcame.

Not sure if I feel good about it or not. Kind of surprised and disappointed I even felt that way. It's been years and years. I've had fleeting thoughts, easily dismissed, here and there. Never a standing still, staring at my skin sort of contemplation.

Sorry if that's graphic. Just thought I'd share a small triumph.

(No one freak out, I'm fine. Obviously stressed and tired and emotional but I am okay.)

So I will be very honest as well and say that I am currently right in the middle of battling an addiction. As in, I go to multiple 12-step groups every week, a counselor every other week, and I have an accountability person that I talk to every single day and that I have to call if I break my sobriety. As part of my fight, one of the things I had to do was define my "three circles." The outer circle was healthy and constructive things I could make a part of my life, the inner circle was anything that violated my sobriety, and the middle circle was basically any behaviors that were me taking a step toward the inner circle. So like...if the inner circle were a deadly quarantine room, the middle circle things are me putting my hand on the doorknob.

At any rate, it's immensely harder not to actually open the door when your hand is on the door knob, and it sounds like that's where you were at. Anyone who knows you would say they are absolutely proud of you for overcoming that, and I'm glad you see it as a triumph. I hope you feel proud of yourself too. It's never wrong to struggle, and it's awesome that you were able to walk away from it. No need for disappointment at all

 

[Fenner]

Wow, yeah, it's not that big of a deal. It's not gonna be seen that often and even if it is, who cares. The lady who took mine couldn't care less lol. She said, "have a seat, look at the camera, smile if you want to." That was it. XD

It was strange, you're right that it doesn't get seen that often. I'm not fussy either, take the picture and let me leave.

 

[zeroturbulence]

It was strange, you're right that it doesn't get seen that often. I'm not fussy either, take the picture and let me leave.

Maybe you looked too normal. No one's allowed to have a normal looking DL photo.