Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[Magenta]

I once wrote a piece on my notebook where I let all my anger out and I wrote down all the things I hated and all the people I hated. It was there where I felt comfortable pouring my heart and releasing anger knowing I wouldn't tell anyone that. I won't go into detail into what I wrote but it's basically a hug middle finger to everyone I've come to contact with and when I wrote it I realized that it's great I wrote everything down but what's the point? No one will see it and my life will continue the same. Life just sucks that way and I'll probably make a part 2 because that's all I have to do. Life is cruel

That is called step four, but it is only a small part of step four. Part two of step four is you looking to see where you are responsible for these intolerable situations, so you can learn a better way that does not include blaming and then majorly resenting other people... it makes room for a little forgiveness to happen

Maybe you looked too normal. No one's allowed to have a normal looking DL photo.

We are not even supposed to smile

 

[Magenta]

"Looking to see where you are responsible" does not mean the responsibility
all falls on you; I more meant to say, to look for your part in any of these
situations, so you can see the role you played in harming yourself

This will greatly reduce the load of resentment and blame you are carrying.
It will also reduce any guilt or shame you may be harboring in connection
with these situations that have been so harmful to you. This frees up room,
as it were, within yourself, allowing you to experience more acceptance and joy.

It really is an important step because resentments have the power to kill.

Alcoholics Anonymous is where the 12 steps were formulated, but before they became the 12 steps, there were about five steps that Bill Wilson borrowed and added to from an evangelical Christian group that was called the Oxford Group. That is why 12 steps can all be found as Biblically based principles. One thing that many people seem unaware of is the fact that the 12 steps are specifically geared to get God front and center in your life. It is true that people in addictions are often so lost it can take a while, and some may not even make it through the morass of their emotions and traumas and false beliefs etc, to reap the rewards. Asking for help is important. Asking for help from God is paramount.

Here is a bit I just found on the topic of resentment. Please note that any place it says alcohol or alcoholism, or talks about drinking, just replace with whatever your main problem, addiction, resentment, etc, is, and how it makes you feel, or how you act out as a result of feeling stuck there.

What Does The Big Book Say About Resentment?

I see resentment crop up in meetings and out in the "world" every now and again, as egos and personalities get to working before principles. The following is from my archives ... something to read again and think about.

The word resentment comes from the Latin word "sentire" which means, "to feel," and when you put "re" in front of any word, it means "again," so the word resent means "to feel again." It includes people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry, with whom we were hurt or threatened or interfered with, with whom we felt had wronged us, with whom we stayed sore at, with whom we felt "burned up" toward, and with whom we held a grudge.

I would like to add the following as well: People, institutions or principles which we are annoyed with, agitated by, or let down by; and I also like to suggest that this includes our regrets [from "gratan", to weep, i.e., to weep again] because regret is resentment toward our self.

I always thought that resentment was reasonable, acceptable, and almost fun at times. Resentment became a way of life for me because it seemed like I had problems with or was annoyed by most of the people, institutions or principles I knew,

But, if we want to recover from alcoholism, the Big Book says, "We saw that these resentments must be mastered," and here's why:

Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease. (Page 64)

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility. (Page 66)

To the precise extent that we permit these [deep resentment], do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. (Page 66)

But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. (Page 66)

We found that it [this business of resentment] is fatal. (Page 66)

For when harboring such feelings [resentment] we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. (Page 66)

[When we harbor resentment] the insanity of alcohol returns. (Page 66)

[When we harbor resentment] we drink (or act out) again. (Page 66)

For alcoholics these things [including resentments] are poison. (Page 66)

We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others [resentment], fancied or real, had power to actually kill. (Page 66)

We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility. (Page 70)

We have commenced to see their [resentment's] terrible destructiveness. (Page 70)

Never forget that resentment is a deadly hazard to an alcoholic. (Page 117)

The greatest enemies of us alcoholics are resentment, jealousy, frustration, and fear. (Page 145)

I can't afford resentments against anyone, because they are the build-up of another drunk. (Page 325)

I realized I had to get rid of it [a resentment toward his mother], for my reprieve was running out, and if I didn't get rid of it I was going to get drunk. (Page 552)

After all this, it can't be denied that the Big Book paints a really definite picture of the result of holding resentments. We must honestly ask our self if we are earnestly seeking to get rid of resentments in our life, or do we hold on to some, considering them unavoidable. AA History - What Does The BigBook Say About Resentment?

 

[zeroturbulence]

Ok so I've been feeling like no one wants to talk to me lately. Not just online but in real life too. Not that I have friends or anything, but my neighbors usually bring up a subject when I see them. Now they just say hi how are you. And the 1 or 2 friends I have/had online don't message me anymore. I just feel like there's no one to talk to. Probably because there's no one to talk to.. I even tried the chat rooms just now and I just get ignored in there.

I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.
- Billy Joel

 

[zeroturbulence]

WOW I just opened my little scripture booklet for tough times to a random page and look what I saw....



I just had to take a picture!

 

[cinder]

Sounds like God wants to talk with you ZT. And if it makes you feel better I do admire the way you try to be involved with people around here and care about what's going on in their lives. You do that better than most of us. Just keep telling yourself that if it seems like people don't want to talk to you, it's probably because they're intimidated by your level of awesome. Not everyone can handle so much awesomeness you know.

 

[WineRose]

 

[Lynx]

Finally someone else who knows what this is like!

After a while my friends start asking, "Do you have a NORMAL laptop I can borrow?"

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Please pray for Blain he has a horrible flu right now

 

[Lighthearted]

I will live through this... I will live through this... I will live through this.

 

[Dino246]

I will live through this... I will live through this... I will live through this.

"I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength."

Praying for you, sister.

 

[EarnestQ]

I will live through this... I will live through this... I will live through this.

In a tough situation, I always try to ask, "What does God want me to learn through this?"

I hope that the sooner I learn it, the sooner the difficult time will end.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I will live through this... I will live through this... I will live through this.

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 KJV

 

[Yahweh_is_gracious]

My instructor sent an email a little bit ago telling us that the grades for our first exam had been posted. For all of my work and studying, I could only manage to get a 76/100 on the exam. [sarcasm] "yep, all that hard work and studying sure is paying off" [/sarcasm].

 

[rachelsedge]

I think I am going to go see a movie by myself this weekend. I have never been to a movie by myself before.

I can't remember the last time I went to a movie theater, actually. Probably because it costs $9+ just for a ticket these days.

 

[Desdichado]

Same. I'm going to see Kong this week. Because everybody else is urging me to see Logan and I am contrarian.

I think I am going to go see a movie by myself this weekend. I have never been to a movie by myself before.

I can't remember the last time I went to a movie theater, actually. Probably because it costs $9+ just for a ticket these days.

 

[seoulsearch]

On the topic of movies, I've been eyeing Ghost in the Shell.

The last GiS incarnation I was exposed to was the 1995 anime movie.

Scarlett Johansson looks like a total baddie in this flick!

Love! Let's get a group together and go!

 

[Galatea]

Watching Victoria on Masterpiece Theatre- a real life love story. It's very romantic, and I highly recommend it to any ladies who like love stories and historical dramas. Albert is a REAL prince in every way. I read portions of Victoria's diary, and they were madly in love with each other. I don't know how often royal marriages were really based on true love, but theirs was.

Anyway, check it out if this sounds like your cup of tea. It's clean, (so far).

 

[Desdichado]

I never say no to Scarlett Jo.

On the topic of movies, I've been eyeing Ghost in the Shell.

The last GiS incarnation I was exposed to was the 1995 anime movie.

Scarlett Johansson looks like a total baddie in this flick!

Love! Let's get a group together and go!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Watching Victoria on Masterpiece Theatre- a real life love story. It's very romantic, and I highly recommend it to any ladies who like love stories and historical dramas. Albert is a REAL prince in every way. I read portions of Victoria's diary, and they were madly in love with each other. I don't know how often royal marriages were really based on true love, but theirs was.

Anyway, check it out if this sounds like your cup of tea. It's clean, (so far).

Do you watch Downton Abbey? I'm just asking because its a really good period drama set in early 1900's England and is centered around an aristocratic family household. I watched the first few seasons, but haven't resumed watching it since 2013 (for various reasons which have nothing to do with the show...)

 

[Galatea]

Do you watch Downton Abbey? I'm just asking because its a really good period drama set in early 1900's England and is centered around an aristocratic family household. I watched the first few seasons, but haven't resumed watching it since 2013 (for various reasons which have nothing to do with the show...)

I did watch Downton Abbey for a while. I Stopped watching it after a few seasons, I don't really know why, now. I loved Bates and Anna, they were my favorites. There are some really good ones, Wives and Daughters is good and He Knew He Was Right. Cranford was great.

But, I don't know if you are that much into period dramas, they're not to everyone's taste.