My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Yet I know that you have not forsaken me even in my most troubling hour.
How could I have become so tricked and blinded to the truth? How could I have been so deceived and not seen past the many lies? What wisdom did I forsake that caused me to stumble into that pit?
Will it be only you, Lord, that I will ever trust all of the days of my life?
If so, then how am I ever able to establish relationships with others?
Did you not say that it is not good that the man be alone?
Is it then your Holy Spirit that is to be my only comforter and my only helper?
Am I not strong enough to serve no other before you? For this is my desire and if it be necessary that I walk only with you, then so be it. Not my will but your will be done. Yet I do not know if this is your will. Only that I am willing to sacrifice all for you, Lord.
Will you not stop me from making this sacrifice beforehand, like with Abraham? Even so, I know that you are able to even raise the very dead. So then, I will do as I see fit to give my whole self to you and put my full trust in you to keep me in your ways.
That is about as personal and transparent as I think I can get and is more than I was actually comfortable sharing. Not sure how many others can relate in some way. Maybe I should have posted to the "Being Different" thread (I have been wanting to post more there), but maybe I am not so alone in this as I think.