Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
24,555
13,320
113
Welcome back, Shineyourlight and MissCris!

And welcome to Rasputin... though I must note that your avatar looks a little, um, "Wild".
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,249
25,719
113
Good night :eek:



I have spent hours searching for a nice abstract image of a dove.
If anyone sees one during their net surfing, please let me know!
:D
 
U

Ugly

Guest
...it’s amazing to me that this thread is still alive.

Disclaimer: I don’t know what I’m doing here or for how long I’ll be doing whatever it is that I don’t know about. When I left, there were good people here, and I missed the interaction. Turns out there are still some of them around...yay! I’m positive that I’m not here to upset anyone’s apple cart. Or watermelon wagon. Or turkey tractor. Whatever. Anyway.

I raise chickens now, it turns out. Kids and chickens and cats. And build things, because I have power tools and an annoying need to do all the things. I think I’ve learned more skills in the last two years than I did in the thirty years prior to that, yet somehow I’ve gotten worse at social skills. I can’t tame the awkward. Last week at church, we met with the pastor, a few elders, and a couple of other new members to have lunch and share our testimonies...I went into it having no idea what to say, and I came out of it having no idea what I said. And trembling. For an hour. The pastor’s sweet wife took pity on me and hugged me and even kissed the top of my head because...I assume...I was clearly terrified. However! Because I can’t just have a nice moment where someone shows they truly care without making everyone involved extremely uncomfortable...I was sweating profusely due to, you know, terror at speaking in front of humans. All my stress sweat comes off my head. In fact, I’m certain that my head is the source of all of my problems, and would dearly like to trade it in for a more functional model.

I attended a women’s conference at my church at couple months ago, before it was “my” church and before anyone knew me. I had my ticket to get in tucked safely into the front pocket of my purse, easily accessible. I waited in line a few minutes, and as my turn came up to give the lady my ticket, I reached to unzip the purse pocket...and came away holding not just the fancy zipper pull, but the whole zipper mechanism. Meanwhile, the pocket remained zipped tight. And so, like any sane person, I just stood there staring at the zipper in my hand and laughing, because I took a leap of faith and trusted God that I would survive attending this conference alone like some kind of actual adult, and then...awkwardness. I never leave home without it. The ticket ladies just stared at me, and I couldn’t open the pocket, and there were several women waiting behind me, and I very nearly turned around and ran out the door. But that would have been silly, so instead I stepped out of line and proceeded to wrestle with the purse pocket while people watched. I can’t take me anywhere.

...I dunno, that’s all I got.
The problem is not the individual, but the individuals perception if themself. Is a zipper breaking really Your fault and evidence of your social failure? Or is it the fault of the people that created the purse and you were their hapless victim? That little story sounds more funny than awkward. Funny in a funny way, not funny in an unfunny way. Get it?
Insecurity plays a huge part in why you take normal events and make them into something bigger, and then turn that into some sort if reflection on you.
Fortunately for us your way of telling these stories makes them all the more amusing. But, sadly, that is counteracted by a genuine belief in the negativity you speak about yourself that you mask in humor.
That's $200 please.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
The problem is not the individual, but the individuals perception if themself. Is a zipper breaking really Your fault and evidence of your social failure? Or is it the fault of the people that created the purse and you were their hapless victim? That little story sounds more funny than awkward. Funny in a funny way, not funny in an unfunny way. Get it?
Insecurity plays a huge part in why you take normal events and make them into something bigger, and then turn that into some sort if reflection on you.
Fortunately for us your way of telling these stories makes them all the more amusing. But, sadly, that is counteracted by a genuine belief in the negativity you speak about yourself that you mask in humor.
That's $200 please.
$200 seems a little steep...

The broken zipper itself wasn’t really the trouble, true- annoying, though. On the bright side, it forced me to buy a new purse, which I hadn’t been planning to do for at least another five to eight years. Ha!

...I don’t know if it’s extreme shyness, social anxiety, or what. Most interactions with other people (ones I barely know or have never met) turn me into a quivering, useless ball of nerves. And yes, probably because I have a negative view of myself, though why, I have no idea- I’m fabulous.


 
U

Ugly

Guest
So. It seems yet again a woman has done unspeakable things to my heart. Spent the last few months in hopes that I would get back with my ex, and I had good reasons to think so. Legit reasons, not wishful thinking.
Come to find out she's spent the last few months lying to me and withholding huge information from me. Letting me believe things were a certain way when they Weren't.
I Have a huge list of devastating heartbreaks. Some were painful because of who they were. Some more because of the treatment. Some both. This may be the top of that list.
I'm not the kind of person that hates others, never have been, but if there was someone to push me over the edge it would be her. Not that I have been pushed. I'm still in shock and trying to process. Just found out minutes ago.

I could never trust anyone romantically again. Not now. All future relationships will be things that can't work anyways. Intended to be short lived and with no emotional depth or real trust required. But who knows if or when I'll ever even want that.

I'm normally not one to blame God. A lot of things have been my fault. My choices. This time, though. I felt this was the right choice. I really went out of my way. I wanted to do things right. And everything fit perfectly. I'm way nothing else in my life ever has. Even found more peace than I ever had. And then, without warning, it's ripped from my heart violently. Where was God this time?
It seems that, for many, when it comes to matters of romance God just let's people hang.
My last two relationships seemed on track with God finally. Even felt encouraged by God l, and I don't say that lightly. And this last relationship, her, seemed to make all others pale in comparison. Yet still it ended the same. My heart can't handle another break.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
$200 seems a little steep...

The broken zipper itself wasn’t really the trouble, true- annoying, though. On the bright side, it forced me to buy a new purse, which I hadn’t been planning to do for at least another five to eight years. Ha!

...I don’t know if it’s extreme shyness, social anxiety, or what. Most interactions with other people (ones I barely know or have never met) turn me into a quivering, useless ball of nerves. And yes, probably because I have a negative view of myself, though why, I have no idea- I’m fabulous.


I know why. But have the sense to keep it to myself. =P
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
So. It seems yet again a woman has done unspeakable things to my heart. Spent the last few months in hopes that I would get back with my ex, and I had good reasons to think so. Legit reasons, not wishful thinking.
Come to find out she's spent the last few months lying to me and withholding huge information from me. Letting me believe things were a certain way when they Weren't.
I Have a huge list of devastating heartbreaks. Some were painful because of who they were. Some more because of the treatment. Some both. This may be the top of that list.
I'm not the kind of person that hates others, never have been, but if there was someone to push me over the edge it would be her. Not that I have been pushed. I'm still in shock and trying to process. Just found out minutes ago.

I could never trust anyone romantically again. Not now. All future relationships will be things that can't work anyways. Intended to be short lived and with no emotional depth or real trust required. But who knows if or when I'll ever even want that.

I'm normally not one to blame God. A lot of things have been my fault. My choices. This time, though. I felt this was the right choice. I really went out of my way. I wanted to do things right. And everything fit perfectly. I'm way nothing else in my life ever has. Even found more peace than I ever had. And then, without warning, it's ripped from my heart violently. Where was God this time?
It seems that, for many, when it comes to matters of romance God just let's people hang.
My last two relationships seemed on track with God finally. Even felt encouraged by God l, and I don't say that lightly. And this last relationship, her, seemed to make all others pale in comparison. Yet still it ended the same. My heart can't handle another break.
I'm sorry.
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
5,536
2,701
113
Georgia
So. It seems yet again a woman has done unspeakable things to my heart. Spent the last few months in hopes that I would get back with my ex, and I had good reasons to think so. Legit reasons, not wishful thinking.
Come to find out she's spent the last few months lying to me and withholding huge information from me. Letting me believe things were a certain way when they Weren't.
I Have a huge list of devastating heartbreaks. Some were painful because of who they were. Some more because of the treatment. Some both. This may be the top of that list.
I'm not the kind of person that hates others, never have been, but if there was someone to push me over the edge it would be her. Not that I have been pushed. I'm still in shock and trying to process. Just found out minutes ago.

I could never trust anyone romantically again. Not now. All future relationships will be things that can't work anyways. Intended to be short lived and with no emotional depth or real trust required. But who knows if or when I'll ever even want that.

I'm normally not one to blame God. A lot of things have been my fault. My choices. This time, though. I felt this was the right choice. I really went out of my way. I wanted to do things right. And everything fit perfectly. I'm way nothing else in my life ever has. Even found more peace than I ever had. And then, without warning, it's ripped from my heart violently. Where was God this time?
It seems that, for many, when it comes to matters of romance God just let's people hang.
My last two relationships seemed on track with God finally. Even felt encouraged by God l, and I don't say that lightly. And this last relationship, her, seemed to make all others pale in comparison. Yet still it ended the same. My heart can't handle another break.

:( I'm very sorry to hear that.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
Text a few people I know about what happened. Alerted them now so they wouldn't ask how things were going with her. One responded with "I'm dating now".
/sigh... I don't get people.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
Best green tea ever.

03F09D9B-D498-4A5F-BEA9-DBC266EA90FD.jpg

For as much as I feel like I’m falling apart lately, there are some things I know I’ve got a good grip on-

• driving in the snow (walking in it hasn’t improved much in the last 30 years)
• the delicious tea pictured above (I literally have a grip on it- I don’t share this stuff)
• God’s grace
• never failing to flip right past Philippians when I’m looking for it, but opening right to it when I’m not
• ending the lives of spiders who don’t pay rent
• failing miserably and trying again anyway (cooking...sewing...talking...)

It’s comforting, from my perspective, to see that my life is actually in some semblance of order, even when I personally am not. God has been generous in sorting out so many things, I know He’ll get to me soon.

...The waiting part kind of sucks, though.
 
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Ugly

Guest
Guys, LOTR is now on Netflix.

The inner nerd is rejoicing.
I saw that too, last night. Even better since i can't find my expanded edition DVD's currently. I may try watching it, could be a little bittersweet, though.