Depression and the Single Life

[Jullianna]

Depression is a horrible thing, isn't it? We've probably all met it face to face to one degree or another. Singleness only adds to the problem it seems, as a high rate of singles do suffer from severe depression for a multitude of reasons.

How about you? Have you ever dealt with bouts of depression? How did you deal with it? Are you in a battle with it now? How are you handling it?

People mean well when they offer platitudes and/or beat people down with scripture who are already hurting, but it is my hope that people who have been there can offer something life-changing to those who are wrestling with this issue.

As brothers and sisters in Christ, it is my hope and prayer that anyone and everyone participating in this discussion will be highly considerate and respectful of one another, as this is a very serious issue and you never know how your words may affect someone going through this. Be warned that ANY ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR WHATSOEVER will be reported immediately, as we want those participating in the conversation to know that this is a safe place to share their hearts and concerns regarding this very personal matter. Please pray before you post and consider your words carefully...and pray for those who are hurting here.

 

[aket]

hey there jullianna.i can relate to your post.im new here and its the depression that brings me here.

 

[OceanGrl]

Depression is a very horrible thing. I get depressed every now and then, it is only natural for that to happen from time to time. Sometimes I just get down on myself, but I'm the type of person that keeps that very internalized. I don't really talk to anyone about being depressed if that is how I am feeling and I am really good at masking it. For me, it comes in waves and the best way I deal with it is to just surround myself with things that keep me busy or hanging out with people I'm close with.

 

[Jullianna]

Hi aket. Welcome to CC!

What is bringing on your depression if I may ask? What steps are you taking? How are you dealing with it?

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

I don't know many people who haven't had serious issues with depression. I know I went through some terrible times in my teen years,and even now as an adult there are times I feel so hopeless about situations I am in that it's the grace of God I am even able to get out of bed & go to work or do whatever needs to get done.
I don't know as if I feel depressed about being single again,I guess it would be more just depressed as to the why of it. Feeling like a failure as a husband,or as a in the role a man should have.
It's far too easy to flippantly rattle off scripture to others or even myself when I feeling sad. It all just sounds like meaningless words. In one ear & out the other.
Even though I still have my moments where I just want to pack it all in...this is the thing that gets me through it. I am not joking when I share this. I try to recall in my mind the obvious about life...about people everywhere...I think about the Hattians I walked among & worked with,I think of the ones who suffered through the recent quake...I think of all the homeless...the sick - suffering right up till their death,the elderly who are alone & neglected,the abused children or abandoned left to make a way in this world alone...I think of all vile horrible things someone down the block might be going through right this very minute...I get my eyes focused off me & how badly I feel about myself & realize that even though I feel terrible inside,it will pass & that I've come this far...God has not forsaken me yet. I end up thanking God,asking him to help me not be so selfish by feeding my depression. The depression is real. But God is more REAL..that is not cliche! I will get sad. I will feel terrible. I will fall. But I have found that by being willing to have a thankful heart unto God,he has used that to help me get through some incredibly dark times.
I am going through some dark times now & have been consistently for over a year now. I have good & bad days,as I'm sure some of you have noticed on here by some of my posts...but for me thankfulness is the key in helping me realize things outside of my own self...to help me see God in a more real way & to be able to accept his love inside to heal my heart more & more each day.
I hope this was in keeping with your thread guidelines Jullianna ,as I tend to ramble & hopefully it may encourage someone else.

 

[Jullianna]

I don't know many people who haven't had serious issues with depression. I know I went through some terrible times in my teen years,and even now as an adult there are times I feel so hopeless about situations I am in that it's the grace of God I am even able to get out of bed & go to work or do whatever needs to get done.
I don't know as if I feel depressed about being single again,I guess it would be more just depressed as to the why of it. Feeling like a failure as a husband,or as a in the role a man should have.
It's far too easy to flippantly rattle off scripture to others or even myself when I feeling sad. It all just sounds like meaningless words. In one ear & out the other.
Even though I still have my moments where I just want to pack it all in...this is the thing that gets me through it. I am not joking when I share this. I try to recall in my mind the obvious about life...about people everywhere...I think about the Hattians I walked among & worked with,I think of the ones who suffered through the recent quake...I think of all the homeless...the sick - suffering right up till their death,the elderly who are alone & neglected,the abused children or abandoned left to make a way in this world alone...I think of all vile horrible things someone down the block might be going through right this very minute...I get my eyes focused off me & how badly I feel about myself & realize that even though I feel terrible inside,it will pass & that I've come this far...God has not forsaken me yet. I end up thanking God,asking him to help me not be so selfish by feeding my depression. The depression is real. But God is more REAL..that is not cliche! I will get sad. I will feel terrible. I will fall. But I have found that by being willing to have a thankful heart unto God,he has used that to help me get through some incredibly dark times.
I am going through some dark times now & have been consistently for over a year now. I have good & bad days,as I'm sure some of you have noticed on here by some of my posts...but for me thankfulness is the key in helping me realize things outside of my own self...to help me see God in a more real way & to be able to accept his love inside to heal my heart more & more each day.
I hope this was in keeping with your thread guidelines Jullianna ,as I tend to ramble & hopefully it may encourage someone else.

Thank you. YES! This is exactly what I'm talking about.

Thank you so much for sharing your heart. You will never know how many people will read your post and be helped. I hope too that in some small way we can be an encouragement to you too, friend.

 

[aket]

thanks jullianna.LDR is the reason of this depression.the only steps i take was to sign up here at CC.want some christians to talk to

 

[lil_christian]

Depression is a horrible thing, isn't it? We've probably all met it face to face to one degree or another. Singleness only adds to the problem it seems, as a high rate of singles do suffer from severe depression for a multitude of reasons.

How about you? Have you ever dealt with bouts of depression? How did you deal with it? Are you in a battle with it now? How are you handling it?

People mean well when they offer platitudes and/or beat people down with scripture who are already hurting, but it is my hope that people who have been there can offer something life-changing to those who are wrestling with this issue.

As brothers and sisters in Christ, it is my hope and prayer that anyone and everyone participating in this discussion will be highly considerate and respectful of one another, as this is a very serious issue and you never know how your words may affect someone going through this. Be warned that ANY ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR WHATSOEVER will be reported immediately, as we want those participating in the conversation to know that this is a safe place to share their hearts and concerns regarding this very personal matter. Please pray before you post and consider your words carefully...and pray for those who are hurting here.

Yup, I've had bouts of depression before. Never suicidal, but would definitely think my life wasn't worth it and would some days feel like if I did die it wouldn't have mattered. I didn't know who I was or where I was going in life. Honestly, for me to get out of that pit, God showed me what I was going to do later in life, and that helped me up the slippery slope. But it got easier to say no when depression started knocking at my door. I knew who I was. Who I belonged to.

I still do have to fight off those feelings at times. I mainly distract myself, or (don't take this the wrong way) eat a handful of almonds (I'm not an emotional eater, almonds are just natural mood boosters.) I'll also listen to uplifting Christian music or practice my piano or guitar. I also remind myself of what God has in store for me, and that this feeling won't last forever.

 

[Jullianna]

thanks jullianna.LDR is the reason of this depression.the only steps i take was to sign up here at CC.want some christians to talk to

We are right here for you. Just speak your heart.

 

[arwen83]

When I was in my teens, I was diagnosed with Dysthymia, which is a chronic, but mild form of depression. It lingers for years on end, can get worse or better at times. I don't know if I still have it or what. I get confused on what is a part of my personality, or what is depression. I know INFPs can get melancholic, and down on themselves easily, plus the introverted part probably makes them more vulnerable to depression/anxiety disorders. But I think either way, it could be used as a catalyst for creativity. Something that I have not explored until recently.

So I am not sure if I could say how I am handling it, or how I did, because I am confused. But I do know that I allow the feelings to rush over me like a wave knowing that they will pass, and I try to do things that give me pleasure. It helps to journal or talk things out too. Or just get out of my room, my mind and into the public. Sometimes too much introspection is bad. Good to focus on others. Which has been a challenge for me. Anyways, I've rambled enough.

 

[Jullianna]

Yup, I've had bouts of depression before. Never suicidal, but would definitely think my life wasn't worth it and would some days feel like if I did die it wouldn't have mattered. I didn't know who I was or where I was going in life. Honestly, for me to get out of that pit, God showed me what I was going to do later in life, and that helped me up the slippery slope. But it got easier to say no when depression started knocking at my door. I knew who I was. Who I belonged to.

I still do have to fight off those feelings at times. I mainly distract myself, or (don't take this the wrong way) eat a handful of almonds (I'm not an emotional eater, almonds are just natural mood boosters.) I'll also listen to uplifting Christian music or practice my piano or guitar. I also remind myself of what God has in store for me, and that this feeling won't last forever.

I agree, lil. It is very helpful to try to step out of yourself and see the bigger picture. Easier said than done for many people though. We can get tunnel vision to the point where all we see are our problems. We don't see God. We don't see other people. We just see a problem overwhelming us. That's what satan wants us to see. He wants to convince us that there is no other way, no hope.

 

[Jullianna]

When I was in my teens, I was diagnosed with Dysthymia, which is a chronic, but mild form of depression. It lingers for years on end, can get worse or better at times. I don't know if I still have it or what. I get confused on what is a part of my personality, or what is depression. I know INFPs can get melancholic, and down on themselves easily, plus the introverted part probably makes them more vulnerable to depression/anxiety disorders. But I think either way, it could be used as a catalyst for creativity. Something that I have not explored until recently.

So I am not sure if I could say how I am handling it, or how I did, because I am confused. But I do know that I allow the feelings to rush over me like a wave knowing that they will pass, and I try to do things that give me pleasure. It helps to journal or talk things out too. Or just get out of my room, my mind and into the public. Sometimes too much introspection is bad. Good to focus on others. Which has been a challenge for me. Anyways, I've rambled enough.

I agree wholeheartedly, arwen. Talking this out with someone or putting thoughts on paper is very helpful. That is the purpose of this thread. I'm hoping that people will feel comfortable pouring all of the pain and confusion out right here in an atmosphere of patience and concern. Thank you for your post.

 

[Markum1972]

I don't know many people who haven't had serious issues with depression. I know I went through some terrible times in my teen years,and even now as an adult there are times I feel so hopeless about situations I am in that it's the grace of God I am even able to get out of bed & go to work or do whatever needs to get done.
I don't know as if I feel depressed about being single again,I guess it would be more just depressed as to the why of it. Feeling like a failure as a husband,or as a in the role a man should have.
It's far too easy to flippantly rattle off scripture to others or even myself when I feeling sad. It all just sounds like meaningless words. In one ear & out the other.
Even though I still have my moments where I just want to pack it all in...this is the thing that gets me through it. I am not joking when I share this. I try to recall in my mind the obvious about life...about people everywhere...I think about the Hattians I walked among & worked with,I think of the ones who suffered through the recent quake...I think of all the homeless...the sick - suffering right up till their death,the elderly who are alone & neglected,the abused children or abandoned left to make a way in this world alone...I think of all vile horrible things someone down the block might be going through right this very minute...I get my eyes focused off me & how badly I feel about myself & realize that even though I feel terrible inside,it will pass & that I've come this far...God has not forsaken me yet. I end up thanking God,asking him to help me not be so selfish by feeding my depression. The depression is real. But God is more REAL..that is not cliche! I will get sad. I will feel terrible. I will fall. But I have found that by being willing to have a thankful heart unto God,he has used that to help me get through some incredibly dark times.
I am going through some dark times now & have been consistently for over a year now. I have good & bad days,as I'm sure some of you have noticed on here by some of my posts...but for me thankfulness is the key in helping me realize things outside of my own self...to help me see God in a more real way & to be able to accept his love inside to heal my heart more & more each day.
I hope this was in keeping with your thread guidelines Jullianna ,as I tend to ramble & hopefully it may encourage someone else.

I was literally in tears by the time I finished reading what you wrote. I don't even have anything to say. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and that you have helped me to not feel so alone either. I know that God is always with me but to know that I am not isolated in this struggle helps me to not feel so alone. Thank you.

 

[arwen83]

In terms of suicide. I have entertained the thought when I was a teen, but like a wave it just passes. I think it is my belief that existence is a gift, because I could very well of not existed. But I do. I think its my belief that I have a purpose, even though I don't know what that is.

Adolescent suicide has been long on my mind for years now. I am not sure why, but a fire builds up inside me when I hear of an teen killing themselves because they saw no other way out. Or didn't see worth in themselves. It's weird but from my very being, I want to scream, 'YOU HAVE WORTH, YOU HAVE PURPOSE!! FOR GOD'S SAKE HOLD THE F*** ON!'. I am actually tearing up right now. I don't know why lol. It just touches me somewhere deep that someone so young would take their existence. Their EXISTENCE! Wipe it all away, destroy the gift because they feel that they are not worthy of it. That it is too hard to continue. It enrages me. Okay I need to stop now lol.

 

[aket]

thanks again.i grew up in a christian family and i can tell i am matured when it comes to God words,but i admit im not that strong yet..the atmosphere of this site is very good,i feel a little bit better right now.thanks Jullianne for the comfort

 

[AmmiAmmiel]

*Sigh*,..

Ah yes, Depression,.. The most selfish state of mind a believer can be in. Typically, this is how it goes for me; I get depressed for whatever reason, my spirit is distraught at this depression and I realize my need for The Lord. I think of my need and what might be preventing me from getting it. I get sad, maybe to the point of weeping,.. I hurt for a while, I pray. I think and pray some more. Then God brings me the reassurance of His love. Though I still battle with myself, I recognize His continuous providence and the fact of there not being any true reason for me to be depressed. In my flesh, I find answers. In my spirit, the answers are brought to me. The confidence in The Lord God Almighty is overwhelming when He helps your overcome such feelings as this.

I hope for all who suffer from this time to time, to be strengthened in the Faith and to be diligent to endure through hardships with the confidence in our Lord, that He is able to keep us in His peace[:
May the grace of God our Father through His Son, Christ our Lord, be with you all.

 

[livingepistle]

I certainly have bouts with depression. My solution was to pin-point root causes. After deep personal soul searching, things that I believed were addressed were not. Serious, not lying to myself about any issue gave me a new perspective on who I am. Those issues that were beyond my control were turned over to Jesus in prayer. Those that I had control over I eliminated one by one.

I love the scripture Jullianna posted: Psalms 34:18; it just got added to my favorite scriptures list. Thanks for sharing that.

All of your comments are helping me understand I am not alone as one who love Christ. Bless you all.

 

[OceanGrl]

In terms of suicide. I have entertained the thought when I was a teen, but like a wave it just passes. I think it is my belief that existence is a gift, because I could very well of not existed. But I do. I think its my belief that I have a purpose, even though I don't know what that is.

There have been a few times where I got into a deep depression and thought about suicide, but like you say, it passes like a wave. One has to be careful as it is easy to fall into such thoughts if you get depressed enough. I would sometimes think that maybe I was a mistake or shouldn't have been born, but I knew deep down what a false assumption that was. It's pretty scary the thoughts that can come into play in desperation. But, the key is to remember that existence is a gift from God and he really wouldn't want us to harm ourselves and we are not a mistake but part of his divine plan. Everyone has a purpose and "God knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper us, and to give us a future and a hope."

 

[rachelsedge]

I have been depressed before. I have been suicidal before. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's something that God has been able to use in my life for His glory and my growth. This surprises me because back when I felt that way, and even for many years afterwards, I didn't think I'd ever tell anyone ever, much less think that God could use it.

I was suicidal for a couple of months my freshman year in high school. I think deep down that I knew I'd never actually do it, but I still thought about it. I remember specific instances in particular of thinking it; what my thoughts were exactly. What surrounded me at the time. It was about that time that I started to self-harm, as well. I thought that I was worthless, a waste of time and space, a disappointment. I felt inferior to my twin, I compared myself to other girls all the time and always fell short. I was angry at God.

I was (and still am) a preacher's kid. A Christian, grown up in a Christian home. I felt I had to be perfect, and so I masked everything well. No one knew anything that was going on. It was such a weight to carry. I journeled, which helped to an extent, but it didn't change anything so it didn't really help. I loved music, animals, and nature, and those things kept me going sometimes.

I eventually got a new group of friends which made things much better. And then after graduating high school and going to college, I made an awesome group of friends there and it was an act of God, really, who I became friends with, because a couple of them had also experienced suicidalness and depression when they were in high school as well. It was great to finally be able to start opening up about it, because though the suicidal thoughts and depression had stopped, some of the roots of my belief system (that I was worthless) had not really changed that much. They finally started to change, but that's another story.

My senior year in college, a couple of weeks before graduation, I started to feel depressed again. I knew what was coming after graduation: Moving 800 miles away from my family and friends. It killed me to think about it. I always felt tired, the light felt gone from me, I just felt "blah".

I wouldn't say that I get depressed now, but I do get into these funks where I just feel down. I usually let things build up until it gets to a point where I just lay on my bed and sob and cry out to God, and then afterwards I feel better, but it's a horrible cycle. It's not healthy for me or for my relationship with God. It's still a learning process for me to talk to God about everything, about every feeling, as they come and NOT when it gets worse or too much for me, if that makes sense. I learned early on that telling people what I really felt seemed to only backfire, so it's still a learning thing for me to realize that God would never use my feelings against me.

I finally told my family a couple of years ago what I had struggled with as a teen. Opening up that door has really helped me feel free. I hated telling them. Hated it. But I'm glad I did.

I had never told anyone really because I was afraid I'd be judged, that people would look at me differently, that they'd be afraid to ever let me be alone lest I do something stupid. I still haven't decided if I feel that way about the general Christian population. In many ways, that belief has been shattered by some awesome people I've met, on here and in real life, and then I encounter Christians that make me think "And THAT'S why I kept things in."

I feel like I just wrote a book, with nothing really conclusive. I guess my finalizing comment would be to just be open to what people tell you. Don't be quick to throw stones. Everyone has a story, and even when they tell you, it probably goes deeper than you know. Scripture is good, obviously. It's great for strength in our daily lives and to remind us just how precious we are to God. But don't beat people over the head with it, or make them feel that Christians must be peppy and on top of the world all of the time.

I could write a lot more, but I'll stop for now. /endbook

 

[OceanGrl]

I was suicidal for a couple of months my freshman year in high school. I think deep down that I knew I'd never actually do it, but I still thought about it. I remember specific instances in particular of thinking it; what my thoughts were exactly. What surrounded me at the time. It was about that time that I started to self-harm, as well. I thought that I was worthless, a waste of time and space, a disappointment. I felt inferior to my twin, I compared myself to other girls all the time and always fell short. I was angry at God.

It's very easy to compare ourselves to others, I went through quite a bit of that during my high school days. No matter who we are, there's always someone we can compare ourselves to and feel like we don't measure up. It's a horrible feeling and I know for myself that it really brought me down. We feel we aren't smart enough, or attractive enough, or good enough, etc. And it's not out of jealousy, but more out of just wanting to be recognized as someone special, if that makes sense.