Proper Way for Christian Dating

[rejoice83]

Just wanted to share this thought from a brother in our Church...


Many young Christians ask the question, "How far should I go on a date?" The Bible actually don't give the precedence on dating at all, so in general it is best to minimize that. Look at the example of Isaac and Rebekah. Here are some Biblical principles that will help you to decide what is appropriate behavior on a date.:

I. Christians should only date other Christians.
Although it is fine for Christians to have non-Christian friends, those who are especially close to our heart should be mature believers who are seeking to follow Christ with their lives.

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor.6:14)

This is NOT a small matter as this was what brought about the great displeasure of God upon His people to where He judged them as shown in the picture of the O.T.! And this was what brought the downfall of God's people by Balaam's suggestion to Balak.

II. Guard your heart.
The Bible tells us to be very careful about giving our affections, because our heart influences everything else in our life.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov.4:23)
We need to be aware that sin is first committed in the heart; thus we should not even entertain the thought! "Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an action and you reap a destiny."
Matt 5:28 says , " But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

III. Avoid Situations of Temptations
I Cor.6:18 says to "flee from sexual immorality." 2 Tim 2:22 1 Thes 5:22. We cannot do this if we are tempting ourselves through carelessness.

IV. What kind of reputation does my potential date have?
When you accept a date you are essentially saying, "My values are the same as your values" That in itself can put you in a position you may regret later. Remember 1 Cor 15:33, " Bad company corrupts good character."

V. Are you going to the right kind of place and setting for a date?
Many good intentions have been forgotten because the temptation and opportunity were too great. Based on the principles of 1 Thes. 5:22, we need to practice the following:

1. Always go with a chaperon on a date.
2. Am I doing anything to encourage sexual desire?
Don't engage in any impure contact that is sexually motivated, such as petting. Best to avoid any physical contact at all.1 Cor.7:1"...It is good for a man NOT to touch a woman."


VI. What is True Love?
No such thing as love on 1st sight...that is lust on 1st sight. 1 Cor.13:4-7 defines real love.Ask yourself these questions:

* Are you patient?
* Are you kind to each other?
* Are you never envious of each other?
* Do you never boast to or about each other?
* Is your relationship characterized by humility? Opposite of which is pride. One manifestation of pride is asserting your ways regardless of consequences.
* Are you not self-seeking?
* Are you not easily angered with each other?
* Do you keep no record of wrongs?
* Are you truthful with each other?
* Do you protect each other? This includes protecting the virginity of each other till marriage.
* Are you self-sacrificial and self-denying?
* Love is unconditional


If you answered "yes" to the above questions, then 1 Corinthians 13 says that you truly have a loving relationship. If you answered "no" to any above questions, then it is not true love but lust.

True love is not instant but grows over time. People can even learn to love their pet dog or cat over time, all the more true love for a person is developed over time. That is also why 1st on the list above is "patient".

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hi Rejoice!! Sorry I don't have time to read all that right now. Just wanted to say hi.

 

[FAITHFULGILLIAN]

I will be permitted to date once I start college (hopefully) in a few months. The guidelines you have set out are pretty well those I will be expected to observe. I won't have a chaperone ,though with greatest respect that strikes me as not very practical and maybe a bit over-regimented. I will have a conservative curfew though which is maybe the next best thing.

 

[Tintin]

Those are very good rules but I do think the chaperone idea is a little much. I'm 29. I don't need a chaperone on a date (if every I had one).

 

[BananaPie]

* Is your relationship characterized by humility?

What does that mean?

* Do you protect each other?

Any relationship yielding to Christ is already protected by a myriad of Cherubim. Remember the song,

"In Christ Alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when striving cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ, I stand.
Hymn, In Christ Alone
By Stuart Townend & Keith Getty, 2001

* Love is unconditiona/

Well, not really. The so called "Unconditional Love" can quickly become a "Trophy Wife" as in the case of Tiger Woods and some TV Evangelist, for example. Some other "unconditional love triangles" have resulted in one angle being murdered by the other two sides. Yikes! For example, the TX cadet murder case in the 90's.

Love is really a state of mind; therefore, the more sound reason the couple invests into the relationship for the glory of God, then the better off love is Conditioned to welcome God to dwell in the relationship.

 

[FAITHFULGILLIAN]

Those are very good rules but I do think the chaperone idea is a little much. I'm 29. I don't need a chaperone on a date (if every I had one).

Your day will come!

 

[Tintin]

Thank you for the kind words, Faithful.

 

[Nautilus]

a bit strict on some but to each their own

 

[MidniteWelder]

I tend to agree with BananaPie as far as the unconditional love aspect goes.
Can anyone provide scripture with the words "unconditional love."
Or is that our own human understanding of what we hope it to be, because thats what we WANT it to mean.
we are told love endures all things, we are told love covers a multitude of sins.
But also to be sure these attributes of love arent taken for granted
Jesus also said himself "If you Love me you will Obey my commands."
That's a condition.

And as Miss Banana said, we are conditioned away from what we thought we knew when first called to understand and know Gods love.
Conditioned, taught, transformed to his image and likeness according to his love by letting go of our own worldly image of what we think love is.
Are we not told if we turn our ear to God he will also turn his ear to us?
Wasn't the rich man told that the one thing he still lacked even after keeping the commandments was to get rid of what he placed of higher importance than Christ and "follow him". An action of sacrifice within love.
As it appears showing our love is an action which requires following otherwise Christ wouldn't have said what the man still lacked.

If it was all unconditional, wouldn't everybody go to heaven?
Or is even our salvation conditional upon something.
But if it is true that love is suppose to be unconditional, shouldnt that mean that we give of ourselves unconditionally, instead of expect it unconditionally.

 

[Fighting4Him]

Everyone is like: That's too strict!
And I'm like: That's not nearly as strict as my parents rules for me.

My parents and I hope that I will only ever have to court one guy. Why? Because courtship is making sure you are right for each other. Before courtship is friendship. That is when you get to know each other. Dating is just preparation for divorce. You go out with them, give yourself away emotionally, and then dump them when you don't like them any more. That's what a divorce is like. You marry them, give yourself to them, and divorce them if you don't like them after a while.

Sorry if people think my view is offensive, but it's my view. Doesn't mean that I'm forcing you all to follow it. Follow what you believe God wants you to follow.

 

[FAITHFULGILLIAN]

Everyone is like: That's too strict!
And I'm like: That's not nearly as strict as my parents rules for me.

My parents and I hope that I will only ever have to court one guy. Why? Because courtship is making sure you are right for each other. Before courtship is friendship. That is when you get to know each other. Dating is just preparation for divorce. You go out with them, give yourself away emotionally, and then dump them when you don't like them any more. That's what a divorce is like. You marry them, give yourself to them, and divorce them if you don't like them after a while.

Sorry if people think my view is offensive, but it's my view. Doesn't mean that I'm forcing you all to follow it. Follow what you believe God wants you to follow.

I don't think everyone is saying those rules are too strict (except maybe regarding the chaperone idea). I fully respect your family's views and in fact I also think friendship should precede dating. It's also nice to see somebody else of my vintage who is willing to accept that parental rules are there to be followed.

 

[Fighting4Him]

I don't think everyone is saying those rules are too strict (except maybe regarding the chaperone idea). I fully respect your family's views and in fact I also think friendship should precede dating. It's also nice to see somebody else of my vintage who is willing to accept that parental rules are there to be followed.

Okay, maybe not everyone​.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

You just made dating sound so boring.

 

[rejoice83]

It seems old fashioned from the terminology of the world.... But we have to set the standard of God's principles. One of a good example is from The book of Song of Solomon where Shulamite woman go through the process of love until it grows deeper and deeper....Loving unconditionally is what Jesus did for us dying on the cross for the remission of our sins.

 

[jangel]

I don't think it's too much especially on chaperone since it says "young Christians". And if you think you're old enough ...duhhh... . I personally went out on my first, 2nd 3rd, 4th and I can't tell how many times really I went out with this guy and I bring a chaperone with me (a friend). Nobody give me rules or anything since I was 21 when I started dating, and already have a regular job and living in a different City without my parents so basically I'm free already at that time. I chose to have a chaperone because that was what I felt the right way to do.

Only until it came to a point where my chaperone wasn't able to come because of some emergency. Usually ,we just meet up in the place and I'm with my friend but at that time he picked me up cuz she wasn't there yet. We were waiting for her at the place but she wasn't able to make it. He said we can go home if I want but since we're there already I just said it's ok if it's just the two of us. Since then, I felt comfortable going out with him alone.

There was this other guy who asked me out. Same time I was dating the other guy but we've started knowing each other through phone cuz he is living in a different city. Someone I know just gave my number to him. He's from the City I'm in but is working in a different city. When he had a vacation for a few days, he dropped by in my place and had a short conversation outside. Before his vacation ends, he asked me out, I said okay but I'm going to bring somebody with me, and jokingly he said well, you could bring all the people in your town too if you want. He said again, C'mon it isn't I'm going to bite you, we are old enough already. I know he's a nice person and there's really nothing wrong with going with him alone but that's what I want so I really didn't go out with him.


Personally, I would encourage going out on a date with a chaperon for "young Christians". Nothing so serious yet, just hanging out like friends. And your chaperon will actually add fun. You will actually know the person better if it's not just the two of you, asking this and that boring questions about each other.

On my first date the guy waited for us for 2 1/2 long hours because my chaperon had an unexpected overtime at work. Regardless, we still had a good night after all.

 

[AmmiAmmiel]

Love is really a state of mind; therefore, the more sound reason the couple invests into the relationship for the glory of God, then the better off love is Conditioned to welcome God to dwell in the relationship.

You make it seem like God is unable to enter into relationship with us unless we say He can. Who are we to limit God in any way, shape or form? This is a grave mistake on the part of many so-called "believers", to reject the concept of God's unconditional love is to undermine His sovereignty,..

 

[SimpleFigment]

I. Christians should only date other Christians.
Although it is fine for Christians to have non-Christian friends, those who are especially close to our heart should be mature believers who are seeking to follow Christ with their lives.

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor.6:14)

(That was a quote, i am about a new as you can be with all these buttons and things so please be patient with me.)

I do not necessarily agree with this, because;
[h=3]1 Corinthians 7:12-14[/h] To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."

Now one could argue that you shouldn't even risk your children being unclean, but to me that says dating non-christians is still a possibility.

 

[nw2u]

I. Christians should only date other Christians.
Although it is fine for Christians to have non-Christian friends, those who are especially close to our heart should be mature believers who are seeking to follow Christ with their lives.

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor.6:14)

(That was a quote, i am about a new as you can be with all these buttons and things so please be patient with me.)

I do not necessarily agree with this, because;
1 Corinthians 7:12-14

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."

Now one could argue that you shouldn't even risk your children being unclean, but to me that says dating non-christians is still a possibility.

This Bible quote makes me question how and why they got together and fell in love enough to get married. Maybe it's me. I just don't see getting married only because you want to have children. That would go against sense. Something is wrong here. Like I said, maybe I don't understand something.

 

[SimpleFigment]

I'm not advocating marriage solely for children, allow me to elaborate.

The reason given to not date Chrstians, was "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor.6:14). For me this quote more talks about in general, not necessarily a lover, but friends, family, and crowd.

The quote i use, within context, has to do with marriage itself [Which is tied to the thread] whereas the one used to supplement his belief [in my opinion] speaks in general. The more direct quote to the issue [again, opinion] is the one that i supplied, which says plainly that if you marry an unbeliever you are made holy, it is not sacrilegious. Thus i come to the conclusion, if the Bible says you can marry a non-believer, than why wouldn't you be able to date one?

 

[nw2u]

I'm not advocating marriage solely for children, allow me to elaborate.

The reason given to not date Chrstians, was "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor.6:14). For me this quote more talks about in general, not necessarily a lover, but friends, family, and crowd.

The quote i use, within context, has to do with marriage itself [Which is tied to the thread] whereas the one used to supplement his belief [in my opinion] speaks in general. The more direct quote to the issue [again, opinion] is the one that i supplied, which says plainly that if you marry an unbeliever you are made holy, it is not sacrilegious. Thus i come to the conclusion, if the Bible says you can marry a non-believer, than why wouldn't you be able to date one?

Yes. I wasn't disagreeing as much as misunderstanding and hoping for an explanation like this. Seems to me the two are tied together, if you think about it. If we are not supposed to "hang out with" non-believers, how is it okay to marry them? How did they meet and get so close? Maybe Paul is actually talking about non-believers who, after marriage, one finds salvation in Christ while the other has not yet found salvation? Because if strictly following the word is what we are talking about, one doesn't make sense without the other. Well, to me anyway.

Again, I am not challenging you personally. I got this line of thinking after reading the posts and just started to question things a bit. No issues, but it is important for me to understand the word of God. I think it is healthy to question among folks who are mostly more knowledgeable than me about Scripture.