Advice and Scripture about marriage?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
T

tybird

Guest
#1
Just to give you some background I am 20 years old and I prayed to God to find me a man that would make a good husband somebody that would love God and myself somebody to share my life with and in January I started dating my boyfriend. Being that its now May we have been dating about 4 months. I can honestly say I love this man and he loves me and better still he loves God. We make each other happy beyond anything that either of us have ever felt before, and recently he brought up marriage and possibly looking at moving in together. I know my feelings are right but I just feel like this has moved really fast from four months ago. We aren't talking about it like right now but more so like in august moving in together and then looking at getting engaged thereafter.
My goal from posting this is to get somebody's outside opinion, as well as if you have any knowledge of scripture that doesn't deal so much with the relationship structure of marriage after the fact , but more or less scripture to make sure this is Gods plan as much as it is mine and my bfs. Neither of us believe in divorce and we just want to make sure we get it right.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#2
What's the deal with moving in together before you're married? Is there a particular reason you want to do that?

Just curious.
 
D

dyingeveryday

Guest
#3
Slow down and seek your answer from God.
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#4
Ummm...well..neither of you should be living together before marriage,period..engaged or not.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#5
ummm.... normally people don't move in together until after marriage, but then the Bible says not to have sex until after marriage too.....so why would you move in together, then get engaged?

if you looking for scripture to say its ok for you to shack up with your bf, then you won't find any without twisting it.

probably not what you want to hear, but someone will come along who is less blunt soon.
 
T

tybird

Guest
#6
Actually as far as moving in together that was another question I had. Seems like in society thats just the order people move in together before getting married, however scripture says something about sharing beds before married and thats one of the things I have been thinking over. So there's really no reason other than I think hes just thinking thats the logical next step.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#7
Oh...

Well, moving in together isn't the next logical step if you're wanting to do this all God's way. You won't find many people here who will support living together before marriage as a right way to go about it.


 
Last edited by a moderator:
T

tybird

Guest
#8
And honestly that is something I know. I think I just wanted somebody else to confirm it. As far as getting engaged this soon does it sound like a childish mistake or do you think that God ever works that fast. That where I am really torn I am a very logical person and not emotionally guided where he is dead opposite. I think logically by august we will have been dating for about 7 months, that doesn't sound like very long to me but to him he says he loves me and thats what matters. Like I say I know my feelings are right to marry him as well but I have just seen too many marriages fail I am very skeptical of marriages as a whole.
 
T

tybird

Guest
#9
I honestly do feel like God is leading me to marry him though too thats why I dont just say no we need to put it off for a while yet.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#10
I honestly can't say how long is "right" to wait before marrying someone. 6 months? A year? It all depends on the couple, and where/how God is leading them. 7 months isn't a shockingly short time, though, so...

Wow, I'm so helpful.
 
S

SeatBelt

Guest
#11
My opinions, but not without something to base them on:
Short courtships make for short marriages.
Moving in together without the benefit of marriage makes for failed relationships even if it does progress to marriage before it falls apart.
Either of these or both in combination can lead to the kind of damage that, without healing from before embarking on another relationship, can befoul all subsequent relationships.

You're 20. The Duchess would probably find a kinder way to point this out to you but here's it from me:
you're frontal lobe is still developing. In 5 years you may not want what you want now, but by about 25 your brain will be what it is then for most of the rest of your life. If this feller really loves you, he can stick around till then and yall can know for sure you're doing what your doing because its what you're gonna do.

that may make less sense to you than MissCris typically does when the snooty old man and the judgmental deer show up. Here, however, is a place where we don't have to make sense, where we typically do understand, and where even if we come off a little gruff the 1st time we have hearts full of love (& Cheetos, gummy bears, under-baked cookies, ad nauseaum) and will try to explain ourselves when asked. Here you are in good company. As for that boy and his intentions with you, well, I'm about 89% in defensive big brother mode.
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#12
Just to give you some background I am 20 years old and I prayed to God to find me a man that would make a good husband somebody that would love God and myself somebody to share my life with and in January I started dating my boyfriend. Being that its now May we have been dating about 4 months. I can honestly say I love this man and he loves me and better still he loves God. We make each other happy beyond anything that either of us have ever felt before, and recently he brought up marriage and possibly looking at moving in together. I know my feelings are right but I just feel like this has moved really fast from four months ago. We aren't talking about it like right now but more so like in august moving in together and then looking at getting engaged thereafter.
My goal from posting this is to get somebody's outside opinion, as well as if you have any knowledge of scripture that doesn't deal so much with the relationship structure of marriage after the fact , but more or less scripture to make sure this is Gods plan as much as it is mine and my bfs. Neither of us believe in divorce and we just want to make sure we get it right.
I'm happy to see you're taking the time to evaluate your options. I know you're looking for objective responses but I would actually recommend that you get together with local Christian couples who have been married for varying amounts of time (newlyweds to elderly retired couples) and pick their their brains on how they made their decisions as well as the challenges they face in maintaining successful marriages...I think there's a lot of wisdom to be shared there.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#13
I honestly do feel like God is leading me to marry him though too thats why I dont just say no we need to put it off for a while yet.
I can honestly say i hear this all the time. Its funny how often people swear that 'God' is the one leading them to marriage early on in the relationship. But yet still more than 50% of Christian marriages end in divorce.
Also, here you are, barely even know this guy, and are already considering behavior against what God teaches, but at the same time saying this is God's doing? Is it really God? Or is it you just want to be in a relationship and you have the new boyfriend, finally in a relationship goose bumps? And now, because 'the world' says you should move in so soon, you're going to do that. Look at how much bitterness & jealousy, anger, revenge etc.. takes place in the context of many worldly relationships. And you are taking your ques from the world on how to function in a Godly relationship?
And you think that, with all of this confusion and mistakes in your thinking God is leading you into a long term relationship, when neither one of you can even make a right decision on how to behave in a Godly relationship? The husband is the spiritual head, how can your boyfriend, that you barely know, be the head of your spiritual household when he doesn't know enough to know better than to try to move in with you after 4 months?
My opinion, this all sounds like a bad idea, and i'm not really seeing anything Godly in it.

Also, true love is nearly impossible to detect before a roughly 6 month period. Any long term plans you make before 9 months is likely based off of a chemical reaction in the brain that is released during the first 6 months of a relationship. This is what makes you feel 'in love' when barely knowing someone. But once that chemical wears off, you start seeing the real person, and they start seeing the real you. And if you both start realizing 'i don't like this person as much as i did before' and start questioning the relationship, oh well. Now you're in a committed long term relationship, living together, and there is no easy way out now. So you end up feeling stuck, then you begin to resent the person.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,261
2,386
113
#14
Just two thoughts:

1. Slowing things down never hurt anybody.

2. This would be a good time to get some counseling from your pastor.

I'm going to take a wild guess, and just imagine that when you tell the pastor your boyfriend wants to move in with you before marriage.... he's going to have more than a few reservations.

It works like this: the guy is supposed to be the spiritual leader in a marriage. If your guy thinks moving in together is the "next logical step", then he probably doesn't know hardly anything about the bible (because stuff about sex and marriage is pretty basic stuff). If he doesn't know hardly anything about the bible, then he isn't ready to be a spiritual leader for YOU.

He may be a really nice guy. He may be a truly wonderful guy... but it sounds like he still has some things to learn before he's ready to be a spiritual leader. And instead of taking my word for it, please go and talk with your pastor, and get some personal counseling. I think it will help a lot.
 

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#15
SeatBelt's explanation of the development of the frontal lobes is Duchess approved.


I heard a sermon a while back about getting hitched and having babies. The pastor said if you want a son or daughter that looks like them, talks like them, has all the same (good and bad) qualities as them, then get married. If not, then take a SERIOUS look at the relationship you're in. If you don't want to have a bundle of joy just like them, break up.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,261
2,386
113
#16
SeatBelt's explanation of the development of the frontal lobes is Duchess approved.


I heard a sermon a while back about getting hitched and having babies. The pastor said if you want a son or daughter that looks like them, talks like them, has all the same (good and bad) qualities as them, then get married. If not, then take a SERIOUS look at the relationship you're in. If you don't want to have a bundle of joy just like them, break up.
It's odd...
a lot of girls, after they date me, go out and buy a dog.
: )
 

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#17
It's odd...
a lot of girls, after they date me, go out and buy a dog.
: )

What kind of dog? Do you buy them the dog as part of the break up package? Are accessories included?
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,261
2,386
113
#18
What kind of dog? Do you buy them the dog as part of the break up package? Are accessories included?
You realize we're going to get kicked out of here, and have to go back to the "Derailers Anonymous" thread?
 

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#19
You realize we're going to get kicked out of here, and have to go back to the "Derailers Anonymous" thread?

You make a good point. But I'm terribly curious about the break up package you offer. It's so modern.
 
S

SeatBelt

Guest
#20
Hmmmm... my "ex"wife was the driving force behind both of the dogs I now have.

.....Do preemptive dogs count? I'm really not up for going out and getting a third.
One has taken to digging out all the gophers, and that actually makes mowing the back yard a little more exciting than it should be. The other thinks that the invisi-fence is designed to keep her Out after she gets out and goes beyond our neighborhood to swim in some stinky pond somewhere, and apparently eats something out there regularly since she is well fed but no longer interested in the food i put before her.