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1.) No because most of the time, they are obviously trying to get to the person they broke up with (just my experience).
2.) I think it really just depends on how intentional the people are. Then again, a person's heart is nothing to toy around with.
3.) It depends on what you consider a "test"
What's okay to do on a first date?
2.) I think it really just depends on how intentional the people are. Then again, a person's heart is nothing to toy around with.
3.) It depends on what you consider a "test"
What's okay to do on a first date?
S
I think it is inappropriate for one's friends to date one's ex. I realize this is an answer for a different question.
I think that getting involved with a friend's ex is a good way to ruin both relationships (the friendship & the dating). I think a friend would rebuff the advances of their friend's ex.
Definitely not. I am not inclined to tell people how to live their lives, therefor I should not encourage them to make such major life choices based on my opinions. I do hold out the exception of salvation. I feel Responsible to try to lead both my Christian and my unChristian friends towards the same kind of relationship with Christ that I myself aspire to have.
If I think I am being tested by anyone, it is my tendency to call them out on that. It's very Hawthorn Effect. If I know I am being tested, or think I am being tested, the outcome of the test is influenced. Depending on the nature of the test, or the frequency of the test, my response may very well be to turn on my heels and calmly walk away from the relationship all together. Another factor on that decision would be if I knew of something in their past that would cause them to have trust issues or if there was something from my past that they had cause to question me on. If I had a history of problem gambling (I don't gamble, I took too many stats classes, nuff said?) then I would think it reasonable to have to account to a spouse for my money in ways that prove I am not gambling.
I also think that there is a level of accountability that is acceptable for a spouse to expect that is over and above what a girlfriend should expect. I do think that this level should Grow over time and that BEFORE they are husband and wife, that the accountability level should already be in place - as well as an appropriate level of TRUST.
let me get back with you on that, k?
I think that getting involved with a friend's ex is a good way to ruin both relationships (the friendship & the dating). I think a friend would rebuff the advances of their friend's ex.
Definitely not. I am not inclined to tell people how to live their lives, therefor I should not encourage them to make such major life choices based on my opinions. I do hold out the exception of salvation. I feel Responsible to try to lead both my Christian and my unChristian friends towards the same kind of relationship with Christ that I myself aspire to have.
If I think I am being tested by anyone, it is my tendency to call them out on that. It's very Hawthorn Effect. If I know I am being tested, or think I am being tested, the outcome of the test is influenced. Depending on the nature of the test, or the frequency of the test, my response may very well be to turn on my heels and calmly walk away from the relationship all together. Another factor on that decision would be if I knew of something in their past that would cause them to have trust issues or if there was something from my past that they had cause to question me on. If I had a history of problem gambling (I don't gamble, I took too many stats classes, nuff said?) then I would think it reasonable to have to account to a spouse for my money in ways that prove I am not gambling.
I also think that there is a level of accountability that is acceptable for a spouse to expect that is over and above what a girlfriend should expect. I do think that this level should Grow over time and that BEFORE they are husband and wife, that the accountability level should already be in place - as well as an appropriate level of TRUST.
(feel free to ask questions of your own here )
)
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In general, no. However, for people who do "friends first" then date from a pool of said friends, I can see how this could happen. Dating someone right after they broke up with your friend is insensitive and tacky though. I guess, I'm saying that I don't have a black and white answer.
I was pushed into going out on a date before I was ready. We had fun, but the gal was wrong for me anyway. We are facebook friends, and I think she has a steady boyfriend now. Good for her. I think that as long as both parties don't feel pressured about the situation, it's as good a method as anything else.
This sounds like game playing to me. I don't really know what you mean by this.
OK - What is a good way to initiate that awkward conversation when you want to transition from "friends going out" to "dating?"
I was pushed into going out on a date before I was ready. We had fun, but the gal was wrong for me anyway. We are facebook friends, and I think she has a steady boyfriend now. Good for her. I think that as long as both parties don't feel pressured about the situation, it's as good a method as anything else.
This sounds like game playing to me. I don't really know what you mean by this.
(feel free to ask questions of your own here )
)
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Do you think it is appropriate for an ex-bf/gf to hit on your friends? Why/why not
Ask or inform before doing anything serious. They broke up with em... but we should keep feelings in mind.
Do you think matchmaking among your friends is a good idea? Why/why not
Go for it, but be careful about the pressure you put on.
If you think you are deliberately being tested by a bf/gf, how do you respond to that?
Whatchoo mean?
(feel free to ask questions of your own here )
Ask or inform before doing anything serious. They broke up with em... but we should keep feelings in mind.
Do you think matchmaking among your friends is a good idea? Why/why not
Go for it, but be careful about the pressure you put on.
If you think you are deliberately being tested by a bf/gf, how do you respond to that?
Whatchoo mean?
(feel free to ask questions of your own here
)
J
Maybe it would be helpful if I answered some of these questions the way they went through my goofy brain.
Like this:
A bf or gf will have someone hit on you to test your response.
A bf or gf will be incredibly charming to suck you in, but once they feel they have you hooked, they play a sort of push/pull game to see how much you will take before you walk away. And when they sense that you are close to walking away, they turn on the charm again, only to repeat the process again and again until you catch on.
I'm sure there are others, but these immediately come to mind.
Do you think it is appropriate for an ex-bf/gf to hit on your friends? Why/why not?
I have been hit on by a friend's ex a time or two and I think it's terrible. I agree with the people who have said that you are putting a friendship at risk with this.
I also think sometimes an ex will hit on friends as a manipulative attempt to make someone jealous. Seems to me that this would really only serve as confirmation that the person was right to walk away from the ex.
Do you think matchmaking among your friends is a good idea? Why/why not?
I have friends who want me to try and set them up with someone from time to time and I hesitate because if it doesn't work out, I might not be able to be friends with both of them at some point. If they like someone, why can't they just tell THAT person?
If you think you are deliberately being tested by a bf/gf, how do you respond to that?
I have been hit on by a friend's ex a time or two and I think it's terrible. I agree with the people who have said that you are putting a friendship at risk with this.
I also think sometimes an ex will hit on friends as a manipulative attempt to make someone jealous. Seems to me that this would really only serve as confirmation that the person was right to walk away from the ex.
Do you think matchmaking among your friends is a good idea? Why/why not?
I have friends who want me to try and set them up with someone from time to time and I hesitate because if it doesn't work out, I might not be able to be friends with both of them at some point. If they like someone, why can't they just tell THAT person?
If you think you are deliberately being tested by a bf/gf, how do you respond to that?
A bf or gf will have someone hit on you to test your response.
A bf or gf will be incredibly charming to suck you in, but once they feel they have you hooked, they play a sort of push/pull game to see how much you will take before you walk away. And when they sense that you are close to walking away, they turn on the charm again, only to repeat the process again and again until you catch on.
I'm sure there are others, but these immediately come to mind.
S
re: testing...
A particular woman I know (not my ex) was quoted as having said with regards to her husband, "Oh, I've just decided to stop doing housework at all, just to see how much (her husband's name) will do. Once I figure out what his breaking point is, then I will start picking up the slack on the rest of it." This from a so-called Christian stay-at-home mom. This is NOT healthy for a relationship in any way. This is bad testing.
also
I've not always been the godly man that sits before you to be judged today. I have made my share of mistakes and have learned to let go of the guilt from that. God forgave me, and eventually I learned to forgive myself. I had become a man of conviction and principals who many women would have been happy to exchange their own husband for (and I was at the time - and still am today continuing to grow in that way!), when the following pattern of being tested really emerged:
There was a period my marriage went through in which my then wife appeared to seek to discover just how far she could take things and I still pursue her in hope for her to return home and become again a part of the family. She would later explain the ill behaviors as part of her mental illness, so I grew to realize that by chasing after her, I was feeding into that cycle of unhealthy self importance through acting out and being wooed. I was a pawn in her mental illness. I could not choose for her to stop doing progressively more detrimental things, but I could choose to stop trying to chase after her. I could chose to not be a pawn. The elders and deacons of my church had been involved in several of my attempts to intervene, so it was with their support that I, myself, made the eventual decision to let her know that she had gone too far and that if she wanted to come back, that she must do so without me meeting her where she was at - that is to say that this time, she must First display change if she wanted to come back home. Finally I took a stand. Finally I was being the leader of my home that I should have been. Finally I stood up for my children, who I pray have Forgotten the example of a travesty of marriage, and instead (oh please, dearest Father, God!) may be learning what marriage should be from the examples I expose them to by enriching their lives with healthy Christian families each week.
She chose to leave, I chose to let her do so, and explained that she Could in fact come home under realistic expectations of honoring our marriage the way she had ceased to. I extended grace and forgiveness that she chose to reject. She did file for divorce, and with the blessing of certain church leaders, I am not fighting the divorce, just fighting for the sake of the children and their status in this. The forgiveness & grace, was unconditional. The coming back was not. Some days I may wish to take it back, but I don't - I gave her forgiveness and it is hers. I do grieve for the way she continues to treat our children through all of this. But. I forgave her for what she did, and I forgive her for how she has continued to treat me. I had made the stand to lead my household, with or without her, and to be the father my children had failed to have. I have not looked back from that decision. As God is my witness, I fight for them. She happened to test me until she found herself fighting against me. The spiritual health and future of those two precious little ones is Not a fight I will back down from.
I must serve God's purpose.
She has long since taken reconciliation off the table.
All testing is not bad. Are we not called to test those who wish to lead and teach us to see if they are of God?
I will permit myself to be tested by another within reason.
I think you can see why I would be reluctant to be overly tested.
oh, and the first woman was my wife's sister, quoted to me by their sister in law. Draw your own conclusions on that detail.
A particular woman I know (not my ex) was quoted as having said with regards to her husband, "Oh, I've just decided to stop doing housework at all, just to see how much (her husband's name) will do. Once I figure out what his breaking point is, then I will start picking up the slack on the rest of it." This from a so-called Christian stay-at-home mom. This is NOT healthy for a relationship in any way. This is bad testing.
also
I've not always been the godly man that sits before you to be judged today. I have made my share of mistakes and have learned to let go of the guilt from that. God forgave me, and eventually I learned to forgive myself. I had become a man of conviction and principals who many women would have been happy to exchange their own husband for (and I was at the time - and still am today continuing to grow in that way!), when the following pattern of being tested really emerged:
There was a period my marriage went through in which my then wife appeared to seek to discover just how far she could take things and I still pursue her in hope for her to return home and become again a part of the family. She would later explain the ill behaviors as part of her mental illness, so I grew to realize that by chasing after her, I was feeding into that cycle of unhealthy self importance through acting out and being wooed. I was a pawn in her mental illness. I could not choose for her to stop doing progressively more detrimental things, but I could choose to stop trying to chase after her. I could chose to not be a pawn. The elders and deacons of my church had been involved in several of my attempts to intervene, so it was with their support that I, myself, made the eventual decision to let her know that she had gone too far and that if she wanted to come back, that she must do so without me meeting her where she was at - that is to say that this time, she must First display change if she wanted to come back home. Finally I took a stand. Finally I was being the leader of my home that I should have been. Finally I stood up for my children, who I pray have Forgotten the example of a travesty of marriage, and instead (oh please, dearest Father, God!) may be learning what marriage should be from the examples I expose them to by enriching their lives with healthy Christian families each week.
She chose to leave, I chose to let her do so, and explained that she Could in fact come home under realistic expectations of honoring our marriage the way she had ceased to. I extended grace and forgiveness that she chose to reject. She did file for divorce, and with the blessing of certain church leaders, I am not fighting the divorce, just fighting for the sake of the children and their status in this. The forgiveness & grace, was unconditional. The coming back was not. Some days I may wish to take it back, but I don't - I gave her forgiveness and it is hers. I do grieve for the way she continues to treat our children through all of this. But. I forgave her for what she did, and I forgive her for how she has continued to treat me. I had made the stand to lead my household, with or without her, and to be the father my children had failed to have. I have not looked back from that decision. As God is my witness, I fight for them. She happened to test me until she found herself fighting against me. The spiritual health and future of those two precious little ones is Not a fight I will back down from.
I must serve God's purpose.
She has long since taken reconciliation off the table.
All testing is not bad. Are we not called to test those who wish to lead and teach us to see if they are of God?
I will permit myself to be tested by another within reason.
I think you can see why I would be reluctant to be overly tested.
oh, and the first woman was my wife's sister, quoted to me by their sister in law. Draw your own conclusions on that detail.
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J
Thank you for your post, Seatbelt. You clearly understand what I mean by "testing". It is a terribly unhealthy manipulative behavior. Scary stuff.
I respect and appreciate all you are doing for your children. I pray that God's hand will be upon them every step of the way, and with you. Your post is one of the reasons I'm glad this forum exists. It needs to be a place where people can dump all of the trauma that has happened/is happening in their lives so the rest of us can pray/encourage, and God can fill those hurtful places with His love, peace and healing. I hope this is that place for you. I hope you know that many of us are here for you.
Peace, brother.
I respect and appreciate all you are doing for your children. I pray that God's hand will be upon them every step of the way, and with you. Your post is one of the reasons I'm glad this forum exists. It needs to be a place where people can dump all of the trauma that has happened/is happening in their lives so the rest of us can pray/encourage, and God can fill those hurtful places with His love, peace and healing. I hope this is that place for you. I hope you know that many of us are here for you.
Peace, brother.
I
Appropriate x hit on friends
What kindof a hit ...snowwhite and huntsman type of hit...
It depends on how they go about it.
If they have concideration and respect for the party whom was broken up with and what the history was.
Sometimes one can not remain friends after such a thing.
One dentist I saw was telling me two couples were engaged and the best friend ran off with the groom and married eachother instead.The whole wedding was literally stolen.Other things went on also, malicious things to "get rid of her", illegal things.
If its been a while since they broke up and you feel all is ok and spoken about it then it may be "no dramas".
Matchmaking amoung friends:
I dont have friends.
Not in person and body anyway.
But im writing to you.
I dont like matchmaking.
Its very sensitive and even if someone wishes well, it can go very bad.
It can work maybe.
Depends how they go about it and that they are not hysterical and obsessed and become malicious to any other party of interest.
Being tested:
Tested in different situations, like mentioned with cleaning? lol
I heard of a man who tested his family before he made his will.
He tricked them cause he wanted to see the morals they had and if they cared for him or only for inhereting his money.
I have been seeing myself as a catholic buuut i do not attend church.
Theres reasons behind it.
I am afraid also.
Maybe i should pay some money to the church atleast and pray at home or in a forest until im more brave.
I have had contact with christians and drawn mass in another way.
I also confessed my sins to priest but not in church.
Some sins appeared to be mine were not.
Still room for a little improvement.
No mastrbtn ever, yrs.......
no alcohol
clean better
Im always alone and isolated and some bad things ahve been going on with me i cant explain or write of here.
I tried a date site.
Nothing came of it.
would be so nice affection, love etc
just hold hands.
If a partner gambles with their own money and not mine ok.
If they lose all their money and become in misery hopeless addict then i should care for them and try take action.
If they take $50 to races and gamble that and willing to lose it but if they become out of control with it betting houses and golly (that one owns together) and maybe they gambling with maffia....who knows...
Then it may become a problem o .
They say where does line for use and abuse go.
One man smoked while he was working intensely then quit and maybe lit one up for new year and then no more.
Or wife or husband who has spouse makes lot of money and is shoppaholic on their money and the spouse feel they married them for wrong reasons and want say stop.
A prenuptual agreement may be good.
If I ever marry I would like a prenuptual agreement that is mutual, respectful and clearly understood and both party happy with.
What kindof a hit
...snowwhite and huntsman type of hit...It depends on how they go about it.
If they have concideration and respect for the party whom was broken up with and what the history was.
Sometimes one can not remain friends after such a thing.
One dentist I saw was telling me two couples were engaged and the best friend ran off with the groom and married eachother instead.The whole wedding was literally stolen.Other things went on also, malicious things to "get rid of her", illegal things.
If its been a while since they broke up and you feel all is ok and spoken about it then it may be "no dramas".
Matchmaking amoung friends:
I dont have friends.
Not in person and body anyway.
But im writing to you.
I dont like matchmaking.
Its very sensitive and even if someone wishes well, it can go very bad.
It can work maybe.
Depends how they go about it and that they are not hysterical and obsessed and become malicious to any other party of interest.
Being tested:
Tested in different situations, like mentioned with cleaning? lol
I heard of a man who tested his family before he made his will.
He tricked them cause he wanted to see the morals they had and if they cared for him or only for inhereting his money.
I have been seeing myself as a catholic buuut i do not attend church.
Theres reasons behind it.
I am afraid also.
Maybe i should pay some money to the church atleast and pray at home or in a forest until im more brave.
I have had contact with christians and drawn mass in another way.
I also confessed my sins to priest but not in church.
Some sins appeared to be mine were not.
Still room for a little improvement.
No mastrbtn ever, yrs.......
no alcohol
clean better
Im always alone and isolated and some bad things ahve been going on with me i cant explain or write of here.
I tried a date site.
Nothing came of it.
would be so nice affection, love etc
just hold hands.
If a partner gambles with their own money and not mine ok.
If they lose all their money and become in misery hopeless addict then i should care for them and try take action.
If they take $50 to races and gamble that and willing to lose it but if they become out of control with it betting houses and golly (that one owns together) and maybe they gambling with maffia....who knows...
Then it may become a problem o .
They say where does line for use and abuse go.
One man smoked while he was working intensely then quit and maybe lit one up for new year and then no more.
Or wife or husband who has spouse makes lot of money and is shoppaholic on their money and the spouse feel they married them for wrong reasons and want say stop.
A prenuptual agreement may be good.
If I ever marry I would like a prenuptual agreement that is mutual, respectful and clearly understood and both party happy with.
Do you think it is appropriate for an ex-bf/gf to hit on your friends? Why/why not?
Do you think matchmaking among your friends is a good idea? Why/why not?
If you think you are deliberately being tested by a bf/gf, how do you respond to that?
(feel free to ask questions of your own here )
Do you think matchmaking among your friends is a good idea? Why/why not?
If you think you are deliberately being tested by a bf/gf, how do you respond to that?
(feel free to ask questions of your own here
)
2) Well, I dunno. I hate to say it but sometimes, I temper things with friends that I'm not interested in by suggesting people they would be interested in that aren't me.
3) If she has a good intention with testing me, then well. If not, then probably sarcastically.
In my own life, I tend not to live by a set of rules on when how and why to do a list of things. Rather I live by principals. What would love have me do? Is this selfish? When things are inconsistent with the nature and the values of what love is suppose to be, then I check and see what the real motivation is.
S
Another post directed at me that takes me 10 or so minutes to stop crying from?
That is OK. There is healing in tears and I am man enough to cry them unashamed.
I found much healing in the mere act of writing that post. I sat and re-read it many many times after the editing was done. I knew that I had My healing moment out of the writing, but as Green says, "The Lord leads." I sometimes feel lead to do so when I post these deeply personal posts, because as cliche as it has become to hear it (for it is often said at my 12-step program), 'God Never Wastes A Hurt.' I have been told by people who I've never met and by some who know me how one post or another of mine brought THEM a measure of healing over this issue or that... sometimes not in anyway related to why I wrote it, and sometimes it was a month or more before between my writing it and it being seen. I do not say this to glorify my writing, and please forgive me if that is how this sounds, but that is not my intent. I say this because it is a personal example to me of this scripture:
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)
9 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses..."
Openly baring my weaknesses on this site, which I do time and again, is for me like changing the dressings on a deep laceration, painfully cleaning out the necrosis each time, but it prevents the gangrene and helps me to heal... but in this admission of weakness, God has connected others to Himself and brought about some healing. Praise Indeed Be To God! I cannot help but see this as a living testament of 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Again, here I quote the NIV, "3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."
I never know what God will use out of my life to heal another one, neither the what, the when, the how, or the who. But if by my admission of failure, my admission of suffering, and my admission of Christ Jesus being my source for healing, If by my testifying to the holy healing which I receive, another can find comfort, or indeed, Healing... then tear that bandage back and let my wound be cleansed again. Some day I shall be re-writing my testimony to include events described in my post above. You better believe that the comfort and support, the encouragement and strength, the laughter and the tears, camaraderie, compassion, and kinmanship I find here in this collection of electrons is worthy of mention.
God bless you, Jullianna for starting this thread. God Bless Robo & the donors for this site. God bless each of your for the things said, the things left unsaid, and for your reading of my flawed and human words.
Sometimes it is less a matter of who you are related to by blood and more who you are related to by His blood.
I gots me some good Family up in heres.
ok, enough derailment. someone else respond to the questions so I don't feel like a thread killer!
That is OK. There is healing in tears and I am man enough to cry them unashamed.
I found much healing in the mere act of writing that post. I sat and re-read it many many times after the editing was done. I knew that I had My healing moment out of the writing, but as Green says, "The Lord leads." I sometimes feel lead to do so when I post these deeply personal posts, because as cliche as it has become to hear it (for it is often said at my 12-step program), 'God Never Wastes A Hurt.' I have been told by people who I've never met and by some who know me how one post or another of mine brought THEM a measure of healing over this issue or that... sometimes not in anyway related to why I wrote it, and sometimes it was a month or more before between my writing it and it being seen. I do not say this to glorify my writing, and please forgive me if that is how this sounds, but that is not my intent. I say this because it is a personal example to me of this scripture:
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)
9 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses..."
Openly baring my weaknesses on this site, which I do time and again, is for me like changing the dressings on a deep laceration, painfully cleaning out the necrosis each time, but it prevents the gangrene and helps me to heal... but in this admission of weakness, God has connected others to Himself and brought about some healing. Praise Indeed Be To God! I cannot help but see this as a living testament of 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Again, here I quote the NIV, "3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."
I never know what God will use out of my life to heal another one, neither the what, the when, the how, or the who. But if by my admission of failure, my admission of suffering, and my admission of Christ Jesus being my source for healing, If by my testifying to the holy healing which I receive, another can find comfort, or indeed, Healing... then tear that bandage back and let my wound be cleansed again. Some day I shall be re-writing my testimony to include events described in my post above. You better believe that the comfort and support, the encouragement and strength, the laughter and the tears, camaraderie, compassion, and kinmanship I find here in this collection of electrons is worthy of mention.
God bless you, Jullianna for starting this thread. God Bless Robo & the donors for this site. God bless each of your for the things said, the things left unsaid, and for your reading of my flawed and human words.
Sometimes it is less a matter of who you are related to by blood and more who you are related to by His blood.
I gots me some good Family up in heres.
ok, enough derailment. someone else respond to the questions so I don't feel like a thread killer!
Do you think it is appropriate for an ex-bf/gf to hit on your friends? Why/why not?
Do you think matchmaking among your friends is a good idea? Why/why not?
If you think you are deliberately being tested by a bf/gf, how do you respond to that?
(feel free to ask questions of your own here )
Do you think matchmaking among your friends is a good idea? Why/why not?
If you think you are deliberately being tested by a bf/gf, how do you respond to that?
(feel free to ask questions of your own here
)
P
To answer your questions jules ..
1. when I am genuinely done in my heart in something .. there is nothing that stands in my way of being happy for someone else's success ..I no longer covet what I have opened my hand to release ..any attempt at closing my hand around something , thinking for any moment it is mine ..sets me up for a painful experience when my hand is forced opened to release it to it's true state of being .. That position being where God wants it and not where I want it ..
2.I'm not real good at fitting square pegs into round holes.. Again, I keep my hands open .. sometimes people enjoy us for a moment , a while , or for life .. their presence and their commitment isnt up to me.. there are absolute values I have in respect for a mans position in a relationship .. and me chasing them isn't one of them..i believe they are the leaders.. That is my belief.. If He chooses to meet me through a friend .. Okay.. but coercion of a friend pushing him to? Im not Down with that ..
Testing ? I'm very sensitive to needs of a person ... I don't look to prolong their healing , I look to mend the wound ..
I believe absolute transparency is the best policy .. if I give my partner a clear window to look through ? Nothing clouds their view of their security, their trust , or what and who they are dealing with .. For example .. If I know someone has been hit deeply by computer issues ? I keep my computer on full view .. Hey use as much as you want look anywhere you wish .. Look at all email , photos etc .. it's not about my comfort level .. Its about my partners comfort level
1. when I am genuinely done in my heart in something .. there is nothing that stands in my way of being happy for someone else's success ..I no longer covet what I have opened my hand to release ..any attempt at closing my hand around something , thinking for any moment it is mine ..sets me up for a painful experience when my hand is forced opened to release it to it's true state of being .. That position being where God wants it and not where I want it ..
2.I'm not real good at fitting square pegs into round holes.. Again, I keep my hands open .. sometimes people enjoy us for a moment , a while , or for life .. their presence and their commitment isnt up to me.. there are absolute values I have in respect for a mans position in a relationship .. and me chasing them isn't one of them..i believe they are the leaders.. That is my belief.. If He chooses to meet me through a friend .. Okay.. but coercion of a friend pushing him to? Im not Down with that ..
Testing ? I'm very sensitive to needs of a person ... I don't look to prolong their healing , I look to mend the wound ..
I believe absolute transparency is the best policy .. if I give my partner a clear window to look through ? Nothing clouds their view of their security, their trust , or what and who they are dealing with .. For example .. If I know someone has been hit deeply by computer issues ? I keep my computer on full view .. Hey use as much as you want look anywhere you wish .. Look at all email , photos etc .. it's not about my comfort level .. Its about my partners comfort level
Do you think it is appropriate for an ex-bf/gf to hit on your friends? Why/why not?
Doesn't matter whether I think it's appropriate or not. People can do as they like. Though I'd like to think my friends would understand the complications involved and refrain from doing it. If my ex and one of my close friends did get together, I'd probably stop actively being friends with them. Though it depends whether I'm seeing someone new or how the relationship ended and whether I have any feelings that might get tangled up in it all. It wouldn't be out of nastiness that I'd stop contact, it would be about whether I thought I could see them together.
Do you think matchmaking among your friends is a good idea? Why/why not?
I don't see why not. Life is for living and if two people get on well, or whatever, I see no issue with them getting together. Friendships often lead to the best romantic relationships.
If you think you are deliberately being tested by a bf/gf, how do you respond to that?
Thinking and knowing are two different things. I can suspect all day long but that's why communicating is important. I'd ask what the scenario was all about and see why things were the way they were. I detest games. If I found out someone was playing deliberate games I'd distance myself; people like that are manipulative and dangerous as far as relationships go.
Just my opinion.
Doesn't matter whether I think it's appropriate or not. People can do as they like. Though I'd like to think my friends would understand the complications involved and refrain from doing it. If my ex and one of my close friends did get together, I'd probably stop actively being friends with them. Though it depends whether I'm seeing someone new or how the relationship ended and whether I have any feelings that might get tangled up in it all. It wouldn't be out of nastiness that I'd stop contact, it would be about whether I thought I could see them together.
Do you think matchmaking among your friends is a good idea? Why/why not?
I don't see why not. Life is for living and if two people get on well, or whatever, I see no issue with them getting together. Friendships often lead to the best romantic relationships.
If you think you are deliberately being tested by a bf/gf, how do you respond to that?
Thinking and knowing are two different things. I can suspect all day long but that's why communicating is important. I'd ask what the scenario was all about and see why things were the way they were. I detest games. If I found out someone was playing deliberate games I'd distance myself; people like that are manipulative and dangerous as far as relationships go.
Just my opinion.
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H
1. A friend who dates an ex is not my friend. I don't play that.
I haven't dated a man who would try to engage one of my friends, so I'm thankful for that.
2. Matchmaking....I love my friends dearly, but I don't want any active responsibility in their love lives.
3. I don't like letting issues fester, and passive aggressive behavior is just unattractive. If I think I'm being tested, I'll call the behavior out and try to resolve whatever the conflict seems to be head-on.
I haven't dated a man who would try to engage one of my friends, so I'm thankful for that.
2. Matchmaking....I love my friends dearly, but I don't want any active responsibility in their love lives.
3. I don't like letting issues fester, and passive aggressive behavior is just unattractive. If I think I'm being tested, I'll call the behavior out and try to resolve whatever the conflict seems to be head-on.
D
Ha, Wish I had a dollar for every time I fell for that one. I still fall for it sometimes
As far as dating friends though, I say to each their own. Me personally, I don't do that anymore. Once your in the friends only zone you gotta stay there. I'll give my female friends compliments (especially if they're the type of girl that doesn't get them very often) and maybe a little light flirting in good fun but I've had too many really good friendships ruined by crossing that line you can never quite come back from.
As far as dating friends though, I say to each their own. Me personally, I don't do that anymore. Once your in the friends only zone you gotta stay there. I'll give my female friends compliments (especially if they're the type of girl that doesn't get them very often) and maybe a little light flirting in good fun but I've had too many really good friendships ruined by crossing that line you can never quite come back from.
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